Feeling Guilty About Sending My Lil One to Pre-school!!

Hi,
Every kid is diferent.. I had a similar experience when my daughter was almost 3 starting preschool full time.. I had another baby on the way at the time.. A good sign is that he is happy when you pick him up.. I think it is good for kids to have an outing and meet other kids.. Does he cry a long time after you leave or is this something he does just for you? My child wouldn't get dressed in the morning ect.. but as soon as I droped her off and was out of sight she stoped crying and was happy.. I even hid in the hallway one day to check.. Also for me the longer I stayed at drop off in the morning the more she made a scene. When she reached a little over three things changed for the better she was getting dressed in the morning and happy to be droped off at preschool.. It was nice then b/c preschool set a routine for our household with bed times ect.. and she became a much better listner and picks up daily.. This is my experice I had and every kid is different but after 3 weeks or so she realized that I was not going to stay b/c of her morning fit.. The preschool assured me they would call me if needed. I know it is hard but I think it will get easier and I am glad he is happy when you pick him up and it is a good sign he is excited with his work :) Also, ask the teachers their opinion on how your child is doing and let them know you are concerned and see if they have any sugestions.
Good luck,
Lenc

My youngest did the same thing all the way from 2 through age 5. She throw a fit and cry about going to school and then threw another fit when I picked her up because she wanted to stay at school. I think she just had a hard time with transitions. Maybe ask the teachers how long it takes or him to stop crying. If it's pretty short he's probably fine and just has a hard time at drop off.

Hi K.,

I wanted to start by saying that I HIGHLY disagree that it's a form of manipulation. Anyone who thinks that clearly doesn't understand children and how their (our) brains develop. Not to say that children aren't capable of manipulation of some sort, but A) when children do manipulate, it's not quite the same thing as what we think of as adults, and B) there is a big different between manipulation and learning to make the transition away from mommy and into an environment that isn't as secure and/or that is relatively unknown. Even though your children understand a lot more than you would think on one hand at such a young age, emotional learning is MUCH more complicated to figure out. It's very complicated still for us as adults, so you have to realize that they're even more so for someone who's only been experiencing this life for a few years.

To respond to your question though, I also had the same experience with my oldest son who went to a toddler school (for 2 year olds) for 8 hours a week (4 hours 2x a week). What worked for me was to actually stick around for about 15 minutes to help with the transition. He would often want me right next to him for the first few minutes when I would also be very attached to him (giving him kisses and playing with him to help make him feel comfortable in the environment), then he would slowly start to wander off and explore things on his own. Once the 15 (sometimes 20) minutes had past, I would give him a kiss and said "I'll see you soon" (instead of "good-bye"), then I would make the quick disconnect (for lack of a better term) from that point and leave. Often the teacher would get him working on a project or something to distract him while I walked out. He still cried sometimes, but because I allowed for him to transition a little more, it usually wasn't too bad. The teacher also told me that (when he did cry), he stopped crying as soon as I was out of site and would smile and have fun. To mention again, this isn't manipulation, this is a very normal and natural part of child psychology and development. I also showed up to pick him up just a few minutes early, so he didn't see other kids getting picked up while he was still there waiting. When I did pick him up, he was always excited to see me , but he was also excited to tell me about all the things he did that day, which reassured ME that he was ok. :o)

I suggest trying this approach for a month or so. If he's still reacting strongly, perhaps he is too young and you should wait another year.

No matter what anyone says though (even myself) you should do whatever you feel is the best for your child.

Good luck!

~W.~

Hi K.--

The same thing happened to me. My third-oldest son was excited as could be about going to preschool--until he started going. Then he would scream and scream, and the teacher said that even after he quieted down, he would not participate in anything. She and I decided together to give him another year before starting preschool. He simply wasn't ready. I was worried that he would "win" if we "gave in," but I think it was truly fear on his part, not manipulation. A year later, he started again, and after the first couple days has enjoyed it immensely. The teacher and I both think we did the right thing. After all, what's the downside? I was lucky enough to have the flexibility to keep him home, and we were both happier. If you don't have to, don't push him into a situation in which he's not comfortable.

Lots of kids do this. I know my son did when he was the exact same age as yours (also a Dec birthday). He went two days a week, 2 hours a day. Most of the time he cried or clung to me when he left. But he had a great time when he was there. And the teachers told me he was fine as soon as I left. (And he, like yours, was usually the only one crying.) I found that making a quick departure was best. Take him to the classroom, give him a big hug and kiss and tell him you love him, put him in the arms of the teacher and walk away. Don't go back. Don't let him see you again.

I will say that one difference is that my son was in a class with kids his age. It was designed to start with kids who are 2 1/2. Being with the older kids, especially 4 year olds, might be hard as they are in a pretty different place socially and emotionally. Perhaps there is another preschool that has a program for younger kids his age?

Make sure you don't push him into kindergarten when he's 4. Give him 2 years of preschool and then Pre/K. 4 year olds, especially boys, are rarely ready for kindergarten then, no matter how smart they seem. The important thing is their social emotional development at that age. And if they start young, they will also be young as they get to the really tough age - middle school. That can really set a boy up for challenges.

Sorry - I digressed there. Good luck! I know how hard it is to leave a crying child at school.

C.

Seems like his communication is pretty clear to me. Hello! Why should he be in preschool at the age of 3?! Have him stay home. There's absolutely no reason for him to be there developmentally, socially, or otherwise at this age. He'll get WAY more from being with you. Continuing to force him to go is torture.

K.,

Try not to feel so bad. It's a trick he's trying to use to manipulate you: If I cry long enough will Mommy stay/take me with her??

He's fine. Really, he's fine.

I put my son in a preschool type daycare at the community college I was going to when he was 2. He'd scream and cry everyday when I left. I'd walk out the door hearing his screams and crying "Mommeee!". By the time I was out the door, it was closed, and I was around the corner into the observation room he was happily playing with no tears anywhere in sight. Part of his problem was that he was too old for the room that the administrators had put him in.

It was absolutely heartbreaking to hear him screaming for me, but his teacher at the time told me that it's a manipulation on the part of the child to see if they can win the power struggle.

Something that might help him: When you drop him off give him a hug and a kiss, tell him you love him, then tell him that you will be back to get him at XX time/event. i.e. right before lunch, right after circle, whatever the preschool does for the closing of the day. Then, try to be the first Mom there to pick him up. That way he doesn't see all his friends going home while he's anxiously waiting for you.

Hope this helps,
Melissa