Feeling Guilt Now.....

My mother worked the night shift in a factory, leaving everyday at 3 p.m. and coming home after 1 p.m. I saw her only on weekends. During the week, she made us responsible for getting dinner on the table (basically, taking it out of the freezer), cleaning the house and doing our homework. And, you know what happened? I grew up to be a capable person....someone who could actually do all those things because I had to. Your working makes a lot possible...not only for you to be independent, but your children to be independent as well. Tell your kids you are a team...and you're all going to pull together and each person will do their share so you CAN have time for them.

Someday your children will admire you for the choices you made to make their lives better. It's nonsense that you won't have time for them - kids just need to learn to adjust. Hit them with the "Many hands make light work" mantra and get them on board to help out, and let your standards slide where you can. (For example, nobody really has to make beds right now, do they?) We all make choices FOR our children, not IN SPITE of them. It's up to you to display the confidence to reassure her. Let them know this is training, that learning is a life-long pursuit, and that it won't always be this way.

And no one can make you feel guilty without your participation. You're actually raising more resilient children who can and should support you in this change.

I have been a single mom and know you do what you have to do.

My advice is to let your kids know that it is not the AMOUNT of time you spend together but the QUALITY of the time. And make sure you really do that with them. Really talk to them and give them your attention when you are with them.

Also tell them that this is not forever, it's just for now and for the betterment of the family. They will understand when they get older. Good luck.

Wow. It's so difficult to be a single parent. I imagine paying the bills alone can be hard. But unless you are in the position where you can't pay the bills without the second job, it doesn't sound like it's worth it. Your children, after all, are your first job and your joy. You don't want to miss their growing up if there's a way to help it. I don't mean to heap more guilt on you, just to offer another way to look at it. Perhaps after doing this a while your schedule will settle and you'll figure it out. But it sounds like you are worn out emotionally and physically from taking on too much. Don't invest in feeling bad about yourself. It sounds like you are a very loving mother who is trying her very hardest!

I'm not sure I understand your question.
Do you need the second job? Or is it to pursue something you are far more interested in, as a career that will hopefully lead to full time?

Just trying to figure out if you'd be working seven days a week full time - or is this weekend stuff just here and there?

I have a friend who's a single mom and taking on a second job. She's trying to find something that will work with her schedule and when she doesn't have her kids. It's really hard - she's having a hard time finding the right fit.

I think putting food on the table (if you need this second job) is pretty important. Kids get it. They adjust. So long as your time together is quality time - then what else can you do? Worrying about it just makes you more drained - so I'd let the guilt go and maybe plan some fun things so they're happy, and you can feel less guilt.

Well, I sit on the fence with this one. I think you're already spending time out of the home working and now you're taking away the only time they have you. They have every right to feel bad about this. They're right. You are choosing to make money instead of focusing on them. No, you're not doing this for them. If you were doing anything for them it would be to spend time with them.

So, you're too proud to apply for any sort of help so you don't have to work a second job? You don't think you deserve child support or support of any kind from his family or even yours? So that your kids can have you at home with them?

I also understand that you have a need to make money, to support your family. But at what cost?

Did I read this right? You will be working 7 days/week? For me, the term second job means there is still a first job. If you mean, a new job that means you working only the weekends should give you more time to be with the kids.

If it's a second job added to the first job, I wouldn't feel guilty. I would be too exhausted. How old is your daughter? My impression is that she's a teen.