Feeling Drained

That 9 month wonder period is HELL. It will pass, you will get some sleep, and it won't seem to unbearable.

Hang in there! It will pass!

This may not be a popular suggestion-
wean your baby. BF takes a lot of energy. A few months of formula while not ideal, is probably better than a mom at wits end.

good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

Please get a book, on developmental aspects of babies and kids.
You will see, that your baby and son are normal.
And a tired Mommy, is also "normal."

'What To Expect- The First Year" is good.
And 'What To Expect- The Toddler Years" is good too.

Breastfeeding, is not easy.
It is hard work.
And a child does get attached to their Mommy. It is normal. 'Bonding" with a Mommy, also helps them develop properly and is essential.
There are many age phases, with children.
It never... stops.
And "separation anxiety" is also normal.
Each baby and child, has different needs. This is also normal.

Or, hire a babysitter or get someone to help you.
Since your Husband never seems to be home.

Also, your son is 3. This is a perfect age, to get them into Preschool. Even if for part-time half days.

Awe mama it will get better! I know you feel so drained but try hard to force yourself to exercise like 30 mins a day. It will make you feel so much better. I thought that was all BS but now I cannot skip more than a day or I get anxious and sad too. It has seriously saved my sanity. As your babies get older you will feel much less stressed... this is the hardest it is going to be right now. If you need a little break, it is OK let your baby cry for a little bit. Put her in a safe place, like her crib, and let her cry while you go take some deep breaths. If you feel like you just can't get through it on your own then maybe try some antidepressants but PLEASE try the exercise first. We are all here if you need to talk and many of us have been there. It gets easier, promise!!!!!!

ETA I second weaning your baby. You will get some relief and not feel like you are demanded all of the time. You have bf'd for 9 months and that is AMAZING and plenty.

Oh girl, breast feeding is exhausting! Raising a three yr old is exhausting! Hubby gone all the time just beyond difficult! You have gone nine months on bfing, that is great. You can wean, or just hang in a few more months and forget the messy house etc. Either choice is just fine ;). Lower your expectations of yourself right now. It is fine if your house is a mess and if your three yr old sees a bit more tv than you'd like. It's a season, trust me it will be better so soon!!! I do understand I thought I might go nuts by that point ith my third, but now it is all better :). Hang in here, sending you a cyber hug!!

I'm so sorry honey.
That's a lot & it's rough w/no help.
I think your only option right now might be to wean your baby & switch to
formula so you can get some semblance of a break!
If it were me, I would have to do right away!
This will give you a break. You need it because you don't have anyone
around the help.
Also, kick your feet up when they are both napping. Hopefully, your
oldest still naps!

Holy cow. No pun intended :) You poor thing. Go ahead and cry!! Of course kids that age are very attached but no husband and no help is too hard. It's hard to say if it's the breast feeding or not as some kids are just more needy than others. Any way you can hire a sitter? And sometimes jsut let her cry. You stay home. She has LOTS of mommy time. Nothing to feel guilty about. Think of the thousands of kids whose mothers work. I do. My kids are doing just fine. You have to set some limits. And preschool for your son if possible. You also likely need more adult interaction. Maybe a coop preschool if you can't afford to pay for one? And think of moms years ago working on the farm with 6 kids. Think they held their 9 month olds all the time? Of course not. I'm sure you feel very guilty when she cries but she needs to start to learn to play alone a little. I also second that you've breast fed plenty long enough.

I agree with Fanged Bunny. That would also give you the freedom to be away for a decent stretch. Treat yourself to a babysitter one day and go out and get a manicure and pedicure. Or just use the time to have a picnic lunch and read in the park. You'll come back so much more refreshed.

Having children is exhausting and can push you to your limits. Don't be afraid to take care of your needs, too.

That is a lot. I'm the mother to 3 young boys & we all get overwhelmed at times. If you feel this way a lot you may want to talk with your OB about postpartum depression (it is pretty common & there are a lot of resources to help with it). Also, maybe you can find a mom's group in your area-I use meetup.com. I BF all mine, but I don't feel like it makes a big difference in the long run. Your mental health is far more important than the benefit she may get from a few extra months of breast feeding. When you look back on this time years from now, I don't think that will matter as much as you feeling up to making happy memories with your kids : ).

Just keep reminding yourself things are going to get better. The 9 mo old will outgrow this...3 year olds can be just plain hard! It's all going to be uphill from here. Hang in there. Do you have any friends you can confide in? Maybe someone will step up and help you out a little. Are there any older kids in the neighborhood? I used to hire a 11 year old neighbor to come be a mother's helper for my toddler so I could get a break when my husband was away. You are just exhausted and need a break.

Really think about what you have available in terms of support. Has anyone offered to help, but you turned them down because "that is your job"? I've made that mistake many times myself. See if you have any resources locally. Here we have story time/puppet shows at the library, ikea has a free small land, etc. If I had a better budget there are some great resources at the YMCA, or other places. You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of your babies.
Things get easier, but don't overlook yourself!

Oh, you poor thing. That is hard. Do you have a mom, sister, aunt, great-aunt, or in-law of same, who could come and give you a break once in a while or come for a visit and help? There is nothing wrong with asking for a little help.

I don't think breastfeeding is the issue. It is just another one of the things that is overwhelming you right now. Your daughter has learned that it is a scary thing to have you out-of-sight. She has also learned that her hysterics work to either bring you back into the room or you come and give her loving, comforting attention. You need to retrain your daughter.

Using small chunks of time, walk out of the room, and then return. Do not make any issue positive or negative of her behavior. Just act like it is normal to go away for a short time. It will teach her that you return every single time and that she doesn't need comforting every single time you come back.

Gradually add the number of times you leave and come right back into the room. Each time, do not acknowledge any hysterical behavior. If she simply smiles when you return, then go praise her and hug her, etc.

Do not hold her all the time. She needed that security when she was younger. Now she needs to start learning how to comfort herself when she is uneasy about something. She also needs to learn how to entertain herself. Give her things to play with when you need to do something else like play with your son. Do not teach your son that the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

Times of holding and loving on each of your kids is important, but they also have to learn that it is not their only source of comfort and joy.

This is the hard one. Do not let her screaming get to you. If you need to put in some headphones to muffle the screaming, that's okay. You will still hear her if you need to. Play music out loud as well that you absolutely love. She may learn to soothe herself by listening to great music. She must learn that hysterical behavior gets her nowhere.

Sit down with your husband and let him know how difficult this is for you and if the new job is really worth it. Let him know that your idea of a marriage and family is for all of you to be together. Tell him that you are afraid that you might take it out on your children. Tell him you really need his help in trying to find a better solution. Most men like to fix things or find solutions.

Also, remind yourself that this is only for a time. Look how fast your son is growing up. Find ways to pamper yourself for a job well-done, even if it is just a dish of ice cream, etc.