7 Month Old Using the Breast as a Pacifier

One book that I read that really was helpful to me was The Sleep Lady because the approach was very loving and actually worked!!! Here is her website: http://www.sleeplady.com/

I am hardly an expert....still breastfeeding my 18 month old, and at night, but a great, nonjudgemental book on the subject is the No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley (do I have that last name correct?) My baby is napping and is in the room with the book, so I don't want to risk waking him. There's also a version for older kids and is FABULOUS at starting wherever you are with a plan and giving tips to how to get where you want to be on the whole subject of kids and sleep.

Hi J.,

My son also slept with me for the first 8 months or so, and used the breast as a pacifier. He's 14 months now, and I still BF him mostly to sleep, but we've mastered the latch-off and move to crib (where he'll stay asleep for approx. 5 hrs). Then, when he wakes up and I'm too tired to keep moving him to his crib, so we end up sleeping together at that point, but that's something we're going to work on this weekend!

The best book in my opinion (and I've read a bunch) is Elizabeth Pantley's No-Cry Sleep Solution. She's got a great web site with reviews, excerpts, advice, etc. http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/

Good luck, and keep us informed of how James does!

P.

I had to edit my response. First DON'T USE BABYWISE...See this link before you do (best link because it references all from the Medical, Lactation and even Religious communities)
www.rickross.com/reference/gfi/gfi5.html
Secondly, you should nurse your child for at least the first year if you can (3-4 months? Antigens?? And who is her source on that completely false information?? Even the AAP recommends 6 months which is still a little short)
See these links on breastfeeding
http://www.babycenter.com/subTopic/news.htm?cType=news&am...
http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-breastfeeding-benefits-yo...
While at 17 months my daughter is still nursing, I was afraid to fully co-sleep with her. So if she did fall asleep nursing while in bed with us, I'd get up and put her back in her crib after she fell asleep. Usually she'd stay there. She started sleeping through the night about 6 months after we introduced solids and for the most part she has maintained that (she started waking up again at 8 months for a few weeks when she was teething and subsequent times when she was teething and after a year old she got her first cold and she woke up then too)
To help her go back to sleep (after I knew she didn't need to nurse at night as much) my husband would go to her if she woke up and comfort her back to sleep. At first, if I did, she immediately expected to nurse. I nursed her all day whenever she wanted it though. After a while, I was able to go to her when she woke up at night and she didn't immediately go for the breast.
She's a good sleeper now and while I do nurse her and comfort her to sleep at night, she falls asleep on her own during the day for naps most times.

I have no need or desire to cut this time short with her. My son is 12 years old now and it really does go by so very quickly. I know that the things that I thought bothered me then, (he would not fall asleep unless he was laying on my chest. He was also bottle fed because I didn't know my breastfeeding difficulties could be overcome) I miss terribly and look back on with fondness. Enjoy how much he needs you now because it really is just a blink in time and then its gone.

Hi J.,
Congratulations on breastfeeding and sleeping with your baby! Consider the possibility of keeping him in your bed with you until he's done breastfeeding - the fussiness and pacifying will shift. My older son is 4, but slept with us until I was pregnant with my now 6 1/2 month old. Any time there was a shift (like starting solid food, for example) he would breastfeed more often - usually a two-steps-forward, one-step-back kind of thing. Then, when he got comfortable and secure again, he would shift back to normal breastfeeding patterns. When Connor teethed, started crawling, started walking, etc, breastfeeding (and Mama) became his safety net to try new things. Ultimately he has become a very independent, very confident boy, and proponants of attachment parenting say it's because we're not pushing him to independence outside his comfort zone. When Connor was three he wanted his own bed and hasn't looked back. I got through the rough nights by breastfeeding on my side, facing the baby, and flipping him over me to the full breast whenever he would start to stir (so my husband barely woke up). The lights never went on in the bedroom unless there was an emergency and unless there was poop, he stayed in the same diaper until morning - all in the interest of keeping him as asleep as possible during the night.

Dr. Jay Gordon (my kids' pediatrician) has an excellent website, and has written a couple of books that I give to my friends when they have kids. He's a huge advocate for breastfeeding as long as you possibly can, and for sleeping with your baby. His site is drjaygordon.com and well worth the visit.

My best advice is to trust your instincts. You know in your gut what's best for your son and if you're uncomfortable with something, it's probably for good reason. Your son has a great Mom and you'll know what works for him and for your family. Good luck and above all, enjoy him - everything is a stage and all of them pass quickly as he grows up.
-A.

J.,
Your baby needs more breast milk than just 3 times a day. You JUST started him on solids. That's a big transition when BM is all he's known. He needs more and the night feedings are his way of getting the calories (and fat and protein) deficient is solids. Solids are not meant to be a replacement for BM. He still needs milk or formula until 12 months old (at least). Solids are for experimentation, textures, flavors and to learn about eating. Try nursing him at least 6 times during the day and maybe he won't wake so much at night to nurse. A sample schedule (not that I believe in scheduling babies), but to give you an idea: nurse upon waking 6 - 7am generally, again at 9 or 10 follow with cereal and fruit (if he's doing that yet), nurse at noon, nurse again at around 2 or 3pm followed by veggies, nurse at 6pm followed by veggies (when he's doing a 3rd meal) and nurse before bed (8pm ish) Just a sample. Your hours will vary and his may vary from day to day, as my baby's does.
Please don't let him cry - he really needs more calories and is hungry. If he was just suckling and truly using you as a pacifier he wouldn't be taking in a lot of milk. If he is nursing and swallowing and his diaper is FULL in the morning - then he took milk and needed it!
Good luck. My 7 month old baby does the same thing b/c he gets distracted during the day. It is hard to get him to nurse 6 times, so he still wakes at least once, sometimes twice each night. Hang in there. The time goes by so fast that you'll miss it later. :-)
D.

Hi J.,
When I had to wean my daughter from the breast, I tried to cut the feedings to once in the morning and then once in the evening right before bed, and she was still sleeping with us. THen I took out the morning feeding and gave her breakfast as soon as she woke up. My daughter would never take a bottle so it was hard, but she got accustomed to a sippy cup. Then when I took out the nightly feedings, that was the hardest. She cried and cried, but I let my husband hold her, which seemed to make her more upset, so then when I held her, it calmed her down even though I didnt nurse her. This went on for a few nights, but it was well worth it. I hope this little routine helps/
M.
http://www.livetotalwellness.com/M.

J., it looks like you've gotten a tremendous response to your post so I'm not sure that you will even see mine, but I have a few suggestions. I am a mommy who breastfed and also a lactation educator. While I agree that he is probably teething, I also remind you that children experience several growth spurts throughout their first year of life. If you were accurate about the amount of times you are breastfeeding, then you are not nursing him enough. Children get the majority of their calories from liquid nutrition for the first year. Solids are more of a "supplement". He should still be nursing 4-6 times a day. I would also try nursing him more often during the day - like every three hours. If you "fill 'em up" during the day, he'll be fuller at night (we do the same thing, as adults - we don't eat in the middle of the night, right?) I fear that removing him during this time might traumatize him. Has he accomplished a new developmental milestone? That might be causing him distress, as well, and he is depending on you to get him through this time....as simple as sitting up for the first time can be extremely frightening to a baby. You can also try saturating a washcloth with water, place it in a bag, and freeze it. Give it to him (out of the bag) to suck on when he is extremely cranky. Does he nap in his crib? Start with that, if you're not doing that already.
Love him. He's going through a rough patch - there will be many - he'll pass if he's provided with a secure environment with which to get through it. He won't go to Harvard needing to be in bed with his parents!
Good luck. J.

Hi J.,

I'd say first thing you need to do is GET HIM OUT OF YOUR BED!!! He needs to get used to his own space and I really think it will help him become less dependent on the breast. If he's not in your bed you can start a routine of breastfeeding maybe once a night and then go to a bottle and he will eventaully stop breastfeeding at night altogether.
I hope this helps. Good luck!

get a peice of thick material between his matteress and sheet, warm it first with a heating pad (notice I said warm, not hot) between the sheet and a blanket

put his favourite toy in there and when it is bed time, put him in and let him cry for a bit. pat his tummy and his back until he stops crying

try some soft music and very soft light, even a small fish tank or fish tank noise might help

if you can't sleep with him in the bed you need to get him in his crib

wow, I have the exact same problem with my 4 month old. She sleeps in our bed and uses me as a pacifier and hates real pacifiers. I'm dreading her in her own crib because she will just scream and I won't any sleep.

I hope someone knows what to do...

I've started reading Dr. Sears' "The Sleep Book" because he is not as harsh on babies sleeping in parents bed :) After reading a bit, we decided to keep baby in the bed a bit longer. He says that although after 3 months babies probably don't need food during the night, they might need comfort and love, and that nursing is not just about eating. Babies need a certain amount of cuddling to feel secure and actually end up more independent in the long run. So, make sure your baby is getting enough touch during the day - maybe wear baby in a sling? Also, if baby is teething, has a cold, or is uncomfortable for any other reason, he will want to nurse more. good luck :-)

hi. i know you already have gotten a lot of feedback on this, but may i suggest that you contact la leche league and ask their opinion. i have had the exact same experience with my daughters. i think they all go through this stage. i tried it all, but for my 2 cents, babies only cry when they need something. the breast was invented before the pacifier lol.
my youngest would not take a pacifier at all no matter what time of the day or night. she just wanted me. i was freaked that i would never sleep again without a "remora" on my boob! LOL
eventually she grew out of it and started sucking on her thumb to sleep (she was 14 weeks approx when she found this great tool!!) and forgot about the boob.
she was able to sleep and so was i.
for me, what you want to teach your kid is that you will always be there for him. this is not always convenient..or easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is.
happy valentines day!

Hi J.

My daughter is now 8 1/2 months and breastfeeding about 4-6x a day. I agree your little guy is eating too much at night. Mine sometimes sleeps thru the nite but usually wakes once or twice cuz of being hungry, teething or growth spurts. I understand as they become more aware of things, it'll be harder to teach him to sleep in his crib. I sometimes let her CIO, altho I'm not an avid fan. If she isn't hungry, wet, teething, etc, and I'm on my last string, then I do lay her in her crib as its whats best for both our sanity. She usually will cry for 10 or so minutes and fall asleep, usually just overtired when it gets to that point and thats all that'll work. But when I first started putting her in her crib, I did NOT let her back in bed with us. At ALL. I'd nurse her then right when she was falling asleep, I'd gently lay her down. I'd walk out without looking at her and quietly shut the door. I watched the clock, hehe, religiously, and waited 10 FULL minutes! Then if she was still crying I'd go back in there and nurse her til she was falling asleep and lay her down again, and wait 10 FULL minutes again. I'd keep doing that and by the 3rd time she'd fall asleep. After about a week it would only takes once, maybe twice. I think this would be better than full-fledged CIO. If she woke up thru the night then I'd do the same routine. It's rough but all in all you'll get more sleep than you are now and it'll get better after a week or two. This is just my experience, good luck!

I suggest you go to www.kellymom.com. it is in my opinion the very best and most supportive place for nursing/cosleeping issues. good luck!

J.,
Im not a doctor, but if you're only breastfeeding him 3 times a day, he's probably trying to nurse through the night to get the milk he's missing during the day. The main and only real nutrition a 7 month old needs is breast milk or formula. Solid foods are just an extra at that age. Seven month old babies need close to 30oz of breast milk or formula each day. I would suggest talking to your doctor and or a nutritionist about his milk needs. I bet once you know he's getting fed enough during his waking hours, he'll sleep better at night.

It is hard to get those babies to sleep on thier own sometimes. Dana Obleman has a book. I forget the name, but i bet you could google her name and find her book.

Did you try different types of pacifiers. May be a stupid question, but I would try soothies. My little girl is super picky with hers. She only likes the Mams. Try getting one shaped closest to your nipple maybe that would help. Good luck.

Hi,
We have a 7 month old little girl (Celeste). We moved her out of our bed when she started using me as a pacifier - at around 4 months. My nipples were so sore! She never did go for the pacifier. Last week I finally read the Ferber sleep book - at the recommendation of a friend. Celeste initially responded really well to being her own bed, but about two weeks ago started keeping us up for hours to rock (or nurse) her to sleep. We started the Ferber method four nights ago - and it's been four beautiful nights of restful sleep for all. Last night she cried for about two minutes before falling asleep and staying asleep until morning. Ferber is my hero - I can highly recommend his book. Good luck - I hope you get some sleep soon!

Hi J.,

My son did the same thing! I started waiting until he'd dose a little bit and then VERY quickly switch in the pacifier, but kept my breast in the same place close to his face so he didn't really notice the difference. After he'd settle again, I'd slowly move away. I used the gerber first and switched to the avent pacifier, maybe he doesn't like the one you're trying? When he turned eight months, I moved him to his crib in his room. He was taking over our bed!lol! The first night was pretty hard, I'll admit. My husband got upset, saying it wasn't normal to cry that much. I'm telling you- it is...I went through the usual routine, then instead of our bed, put him in his. He cried for almost an hour! I went in after the first 5 min., told him it was okay, put him back down. I did that again after 10 min., then about 15 min. (they recommend this in baby books and also from nanny's)After that, I let him cry until he fell asleep- about 20 min. It was very hard, but the 2nd night was better, and by the 3-4 night, he was fine. And we got our bed back!!! Quick tip- I put a bottle or sippy cup of water in the bed with him, so if he gets thirsty at night, he is satified with that instead of my boob! It's worked for several mom's I know too. And I still breastfed him during the day. I highly recommend NOT reading Babywise, I don't know what these doctors were thinking! The Other one mentioned- The No-Cry Sleep Solution gives some of the same tips about the time as I mentioned. It helped me a lot, when he got a bit older. I'm the oldest of 7 kids and have watched my mom go through this same routine over and over. It worked for me. I really hope it works for you too! Good luck!!! And Happy V-Day!

Cant say for sure how effective it will be as he is older, however, my friends son is 3 months old and has switched easily from breast to paci to bottle and back without any problems, we believe it is due to the use of a nipple gaurd while breastfeeding. They are about $6 each and they cover the nipple to reduce pain or to help with latching on issues. The reason we believe it to be the doing of the nipple gaurd is because it allows baby to become familiar with the feeling of plastic/ rubber type nipples rather than natural. you can find them at babiesrus.com or at their stores. as for the seprate room, try starting by slowly reducing the amount of contact you are willing to give at night. you can also try putting on a certain peice of music every time baby starts to fall asleep so baby gets used to the habbit of falling asleep when that music is played. this habbit can allow baby to switch their comfort item from the breast to the music, also try replacing breast with paci after feeding, baby wont be hungry so sucking my be all they really need, also shop around for pacifiers, many babys will reject them due to discomfort or the feeling thet its not the nipple. I have found a few pacis that are more straight forwad like a nipple and this may help. hope it works out for you.

I understand completely! I was very tired from nursing my son at night several times. We didn't want to use a pacifier but when we got desperate we tried it and he rejected it also. I don't think babies will take it once they're older. The book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth was recommended to me by several moms of older babies and it worked wonderfully for them and me. My son is a few days shy of 10 months old and I don't have to nurse him through the night every night anymore. I only nurse him 4-5 times during the day on a regular basis. This has been since he was about 6 months old. I am a much more rested mom. Of course nothing is ever perfect, so I do nurse him from time to time at night, I think he may have nightmares, but it is VERY rare. You have to be flexible, but at least I can recover since I'm not up all night with him every night. Once he's back to sleep I can put him back in his crib and he will sleep the rest of the night until about 6:30 or 7 am. He goes to sleep anywhere from 6:30 to 7 pm. He doesn't cry when I put him down anymore, he usually just babbles for a few minutes while he settles down and falls asleep on his own. The book also helps out to establish a good nap routine. My son takes 2 naps a day, ranging from 1-2 hours each. The naps really help to create a good nighttime routine because he is not overtired. Don't try to tire your baby out by keeping him awake, he needs to sleep. They can become so tired and overstimulated that they will have a hard time falling asleep. My son is very well rested, happy and has a great demeanor. I hope this helps and if you read the book, you will be very happy you did. My husband and I were!

Hi J.,

I also breastfed my first and only child. We had the same schedule as yourself and yes she slept in our bed. I do feel that she truely wanted me as a pacifier as well. I know how you are feeling.. Usually, the last feeding was right before she went to sleep for the night and I nursed her to sleep in a rocking chair. She never woke up at night to nurse, maybe once in awhile she would nurse early am. I was fortunate to be a stay home mom at the time, so little sleep could be caught up during the day. I know that is not always easy to do either. We introduced a sippy cup early on, so she could have pumped breast milk, juice, or water. What about having a cup near by at night? By the time my daughter was 18 months old she was only nursing before bed. One night, we talked to her about it and said NaNa is all gone and gave her a sippy cup of water in bed, read stories as always, and snuggled. Also getting your child in their own bed will be helpful. You may have to sleep near by and slowly move yourself out. This is something you definetly have to do at some point in the near future. It could get harder as time goes on to get them in their own bed. I am all about family bed to point, but the sooner you do it, the better for everyone. I hope this has helped at some point. Try to pushed the cup with breast milk first. Good luck. Take care.

I know its hard, but you need to let him cry it out a little bit. It may be hard the first night, but it will get easier. You are not abusing him or ignoring him. You know he is okay and safe, he just needs to learn to pacify himself. Nurse him until he is sleepy, but not fully asleep and then put him in his crib. Its rough, I know I had to do it, but its whats best for him, you, your breasts and your relationship with your man...

I am a mom of four who has nursed them all at least two years - that adds up to nursing for more than 8 years.

You sound like a caring concerned mom. I'm sorry you're tired but remember - he is a SMALL baby. He is still an infant. Babies know when they need to nurse and when they need to sleep. They aren't old enough to manipulate, so they can't "want" what they don't "need." The lactation consultant below was exactly right. Your baby needs to nurse MUCH more than he is doing. Nurse him every time he wants to. Babies don't belong on a schedule - their instincts are exactly what they need at this age - and I hope you are strong enough to ignore anyone who tells you to go against your instincts or his. He will want to nurse more when teething (watch for it again at 10 mths) and when he's growing. www.promom.org and www.kellymom.com are great resources.

I'm so glad you don't want to cause him to cry all night. You will still be waking all night if he's in his room, only this time you'll be waking, getting up, walking into his room, dozing while he nurses, waking up, walking back to your bed, and hoping for a small respite until he wakes again. It is far easier to wake slightly, roll over, nurse, doze off. Just remember to keep the bed safe. I don't have the URL but have this safety list to share (I didn't write it but it's good):

1) Please know that the adult bed was not made to safely accommodate or designed for infants and any soft bedding is a known risk factor for SIDS and infant deaths. The decision to bedshare with your infant should not be made without a thorough self appraisal and careful examination of these risks.

2) Pillows, heavy blankets, or comforters should never be in an infant sleep environment. Many parents state that "we'll just keep them away." This may not be adequate. Mother, father and baby will all move in the night during sleep. A pillow or comforter pushed only a few inches could be too close to an infant's face. [I am so careful about it, and even I woke when my 1st son was an infant, to find my comforter entirely on his face. We were very lucky. When my youngest was an infant, I made the bed so the sheets and comforter didn't reach to that 12" of mattress. I tucked them in so they couldn't migrate.]

3) Always place your baby on its back on a FIRM, flat surface that has little to no ability to compress. This means no waterbeds, futons, duvets, cushions, or mattress pads. Replace an older mattress that has lost its firmness. Newer "pillow top" type and quilted mattresses are too soft to have under an infant. Never leave an infant on an adult bed unattended.

4) Do not sleep with your baby if you have consumed any substance, legal or illegal, which may impair your arousal. This includes a glass or two of wine or other alcohol, sedating herbal, sinus or allergy medications, pain or anti-depressant medications, marijuana or other illegal drugs.

5) Do not sleep with your baby if you are severely sleep deprived.

6) Never have an older child or toddler sleep on the same surface as an infant.

7) Be aware that your body generates additional heat. Do not dress your infant too warmly and make sure bedding is well away from the infant's upper body and that the baby's head remains uncovered.

8) Do not bedshare if you or your partner smoke, even if you don't around the baby. Smoking and bedsharing are two combined behaviors that repeatedly emerge in the research as a major risk factor for infant death.

9) Do not share a bed with your baby if you are obese.

10) Pay special attention to your sleep wear. Do not wear loose, thick pajamas and keep long hair tied.

11) Make sure you return the baby to back sleeping after nursing, and check to make sure all bedding is safely lower and removed away from the baby's upper body and head."

It's OK to wrap him up nice and snugly and put him in his own bed . The crying will last for 3 nights in a row unless he has an intestinal tract problem. Keep an eye on his stools for a few days. Are there other times of the day when you see this behavior as well? HE is not trying to manipulate you. He is responding to the routine you have encouraged and the comfort of the closeness, but you need to take care of yourself first. He will learn to sleep if you design the routine for yourself.

Hi J., We had the same problem with our son and it went on till he was two. It finaly stoped when my daughter was hospitalized with an asthma atack and I stayed 2 nights with her in the hospital away from my son. He had no choice but to go to bed with out me or my breast and after the two days away from that routine he was fine without it. So my suggestion to you and I know it will probably be kinda hard for you and your husband and maybe even your son, but just take two days and have your husband feed him and put him to bed every time. He will probably cryu the first and maybe even the second day but usually by day three they have forgotten and are totally fine. Good luck

i have 6 children, the last were a set of twins, just to qualify. anyway. put him in another room in his own bed. yes he will cry the first night, probably 3 hours, second night probably 1.5 and the third night, he will either be sleeping thru or one last hoorah. if you cant do this, hire someone to come in or ask a best friend. you are doing a disservice to him, by not allowing him to learn to self sooth. They must learn to self soothe to sleep through the night. i breastfed my children till they were a year, so im not telling you to stop feeding, just to put up some much needed, for him, boundaries. My third child was my first boy and much needier than my girls, we kept him our room also till he was seven months, the same scenario. i was up 2- 3 times a night breastfeeding. one night i just moved him into the other room, and that was that, he slept, we slept, life was good again. they wake up from our snoringand noises, just as much as their noises wake us up. good luck J.

I am pregnant with my sixth baby and have had some of your same problems. He will cry most the night for the first and maybe second night. But after that, he will learn that he can go to sleep without your bed, pacifier, or nursing. If you don't do this, it will only get harder and worse. It will not hurt him to cry. It is a good learning experience and milestone for your baby to have. Also, you never want to use nursing as a pacifier. You can develop a painful breast infection like I did. And you need your rest in order to take care of your baby. I hope this helps. Good luck! B..

I think it's pretty normal at that age. I believe teething is a design flaw in humans. And developmentally he has so much going on. If he's only nursing 3 times a day he's likely "reverse cycling" so he wants to nurse more at night. You can try to increase his daytime nursings. You could read Elizabeth Pantleys "No Cry Sleep Solution" She has some tips on getting rid of the nursing to sleep association. Our daugher stayed in our bed until she was 10 months old and became too wiggly and overstimulated to sleep with us. As to the sleep deprivation, I feel your pain, but honestly nightweening and or putting him in his own bed might not help. It never did here.

Is it possible he may be teething? He is within the window, and he might be in pain. Ask your dr. about using Oragel, or there are homeopathic teething tablets. It's worth a shot to give you some sleep. You did not say how long he has been crying at night. If it happened suddenly and he is very hard to calm, check him out at the dr. since that was sometimes a sign of an ear infection. Hope you find some rest soon!

Hi J.,
I have great sympathy for you. My first child had a strong sucking need too. After I would finish with a night feeding, my husband would get up and take her in another room--walking, singing, patting, etc. She too did not like a pacifier, but she liked to suck on his finger.
Since you say it's just lately that he has been nursing through the night, might it be that he has teeth coming? Very often a change in behavior like that is related to a developmental milestone. We went through many of those with teething, walking, etc. You don't say why you need to move him into his own bed. It's a personal decision that has to be the right time for the whole family. I will say one thing that struck a chord with me when we went through this the first time. "Your children need parenting just as much at night as they do in the day." Would you ignore a crying child for hours during the day? Another piece of advice I received was, "meet the need and the need goes away." You just have to figure out what he needs. Above all, try to take the long view. It's only a few weeks or months out of all your lives. Not a big investment for a secure happy person.
Mine are now 15 & 11 and I hope we can take credit for doing some things right. They are both terrific kids. And I remember when they were younger, I had people comment on both of them that they seemed very emotionally mature.
Best of luck to you,
M.

Frankly, there is no other option than to let him learn to get through the night by himself. He may cry all night (highly unlikely he'll go ALL night, but if you're not getting sleep anyway, what's the difference? After a couple of nights, he'll learn and the crying will gradually diminish. Set up a bedtime ritual, (story, bath etc....) sing him a song and then lay him in his OWN crib. If he screams, go in at 5 minute intervals...do NOT take him out of his crib, but lay him back down if he's sitting up, tell him you love him and it's time for bed and then leave the room again. After the first 2 times at 5 minutes...lengthen the interval to 10 minutes, then 15 minutes. This may take a while...so be prepared emotionally! Usually however, within a week, your child can go to sleep and stay asleep on their own. DO NOT give in and take them out...otherwise they learn that screaming will get them the desired result. You are not a bad mom if he cries. He will eventually learn to soothe himself, and you will be a BETTER mother because you will have sleep. I've had 3 strong willed kids, and sooner or later (usually sooner) this worked for all 3. Bedtime is fun, it's not a chore.

J.!
Try reading Babywise. It is a wonderful book that really gives you some good ideas. There are several books depending on the age of your child, so make sure you get the right one!

Good luck!
D.

Are you nursing him to sleep? If so, I would suggest you start a new bedtime routine. Nurse your son in another room, before putting him to bed. Then, put him to bed in his usual place. Yes, he will probably fuss, but eventually, he will adjust and you will actually be able to sleep.

Is there another adult in the house at bedtime? My husband was able to be home at bedtime, so he took over putting our girls to bed when we had the same problem. For the first few nights, I slept on the sofa so they weren't tempted to nurse through the night. With one, I had to actually leave the house (I would go have a cup of coffee) at bedtime for the first few days.

Wow--we went through some transitions with our kids. Sometimes changes are unpleasant but necessary. I'm sure nursing on mommy is the ultimate in intimate soothers, but you're right--there comes a time to move on. We were never able to get through these transitions without a lot of screaming and crying. I can remember all the hysterics that used to take place whem I had to go to work. Although rotten for everyone at the time, I can't see any scars on their psyche from these experiences. Let me know what happens.
--J.

Probably a lot of people would disagreee with me, but I think that you're doing the right thing. My son was exactly like yours! So, I let him sleep with us----usually with a nipple in his mouth. I'm convinced that some babies just have a far greater need than average for close physical contact. Today Ivan is 23, successful and as happy as a 23-yr-old gets. When it was definitely time for him to have his own bed, I made a big,congratulatory, celebratory deal about how he is such a big guy now that he should have his own bed, and he accepted it quite willingly.

Hm. Have you had his ears checked? Sometimes babies have subclinical ear discomfort and want to nurse all the time to relieve it.

Hope that this helps!

Dear J.,
based on my own experience ... chances are he may be teething and like any other pain, it is more intense at night because there are no distractions. it seems he is nursing more for comfort than for eating at nights. if you could hang in there it may be just a passing event. Another thing to look at is to see if there has been any changes with the amount of time you are spending together in the day time - babies are SO smart - they make sure they make up for it at night time.
warmest wishes,
P.

Why is he in your bed in the first place ? Move him into his own bed.. And let him cry. He will stop when he gets tired thats what i did with mine. ...my third would not take a dodo (pacifier) either and i had a few sleepless nights. Theres no right or wrong way with rearing children,,,stop reading books on child rearing ..these authors dont know your child..you do and use common sense. A child knows when he has you where he wants you even at 7 months so make sure you are the boss and not him.

Hi J.

i have a 14 month old son and we had the same problem, although i didn't nurse - he just kept waking up to eat and he wouldn't go to sleep if he didn't get what he wanted and in this case was formula.. Anyways he kept sleeping in our bed also.... But now is the time for you to be extremally strong put him in his bed and let him cry it out - you have to or else its a never ending story (if you or your husband can't stand it - sleep in another room) nothing happens to them a couple of days later they are going to realize that noone is there or responding good luck

I totally remember what that was like. The funny thing is that nursing through the night is what's keeping him from sleeping through the night. I got a UTI when my son was 15 months old. He wasn't nursing through the day too much at that time but he would still wake up during night (after having fallen asleep at a normal bedtime in his own crib) and because I just wanted to go back to sleep, I would nurse him in my bed. Well after getting the UTI I needed to take antibiotics so I needed to wean him from the night nursing. I put off taking the RX for the first day but was prepared to try to put him back to sleep without nursing immediately. It was unbelievable. When he started to cry I got him out of his crib and took him to my bed but laid him down so I could lay next to him instead of nursing. He fussed for maybe a few seconds then went right back to sleep. That was it. From there on out he slept through the night--no more nursing. I don't expect it to be so easy for a 7-month old but my point is that the nursing is what's disrupting his sleep even though he's the one waking up for it. Once you stop that night nursings, he'll sleep better.

Hi J.~

I have the same issue with my 11 month old daughter. SHe liked the pacifier at first then just outgrew it but still continued to breastfeed through the night... This is still going on and she is almost 1 year old, which means, I haven't slept through the night in an entire year! We are now finally trying to move her out of our bed and into her own crib and take my advise do it sooner rather than later. Our pediatrician recommended the book 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child' which basically recommends the cry it out method. We have really only been working on it for the last two weeks. Whenever we first try it she screams and cries and it is really hard to let her cry but after the first two nights it was notably much easier, she cried less and less. Unfortunately she was sick last Sunday so her schedule got screwed up and it is like we are starting from scratch again. I reccommend taking a shower or washing dishes or doing something that will block out the crying at first.. it is horrible to have to listen to her crying but try to remember that it is good for them to learn how to sleep on thier own and to get the right amount of sleep, get on schedule, etc. Plus you need your rest - happy mommy = happy baby. Good luck!

Hello J.,
I read most of the responses and they are so right, however, a few more tips...
Yes, he will cry all night the first few times you insist that he sleep in his own bed. Unfortunately, it is a very unpleasant time for all, but the sooner the better, as the longer you put this off the more difficult it will be. The hardest part is being strong and not give in to the child. Maybe the best time to start this process would be on a friday night, continuing through the weekend, because you and your husband will be very tired but you will be able to devote the whole weekend to this accomplishment. It is important that you and your husband nap during the day while your child naps so you will be able to catch up on lost sleep from the difficult night. Most important, don't forget to take care of yourself and your husband, when you both are rested and feeling well, you are more able to handle the perplexing part of parenting.
Good luck, 50 year old Mother of 3 grown children.

Could he be teething? Would you consider cry-it-out. He is the perfect age. He does not need food in the night at this age.

the greatest book about sleep and pacifiers etc.... healthy sleep habits happy child, by dr. mark weisblath (don't know if i spelled that right)-- he will cry- and he will be ok, and so will you, it just takes a few days-- i have a 5 1/2 year old and a 17 month old, and the techniques work great- they both sleep very well, and on their own-

Hi there J.. You need to let your baby cry it out. TRUST me, it's heart breaking but in the end it is the best thing for the both of you.

James is old enough to self-soothe. Put him in his own crib and let him cry it out. It will be hard the first few days, but hopefully it won't last long. Don't back down and go into the room after you've put him down! Let him work it out.

Hi! I am a mother of 3 and my second baby did the same thing, but he was sleeping in his own crib. I had to let him cry it out one night ( like all night long) and after that one horrible night, he has been sleeping through the night ever since and he's 19 months old now. Good luck!

Sounds like he's teething, early stages, being that uncomfortable all night. I would try some lavender oil on his little chest and yours, too, to relax you guys so you might have a deeper sleep. Those Hyland's teething tablets are awesome. Homeopathic, really gentle. It sounds like teething. Hang in there! This will pass. Letting him cry it out until exhaustion in another bed will most likely be way more exhausting and difficult for you all...Good for you to have him in your bed and also to admit you're tired and need help. (There was nothing like these blogs when I was raising my baby daughter 12 years ago) Try to get some naps in during this tough stage. Good luck and blessings to you! Megan from Prescott

I used the book Babywise and it worked great. The sooner you start the easier it is, so you really have to be strong at first and the advice to start the sleep training on a week/end is good.
You have to look at the end result: your sanity - and you need it because you are the adult that needs to be alert all the time and guide your kids; and your kid will get more sleep which he really needs to be healthy and grow.

I tried the 3 night rule with him at about that age. He did not want out of our bed but we had to grit our teeth and bear it. We took our son and placed him in his own bed after giving him lots of love and laid down for the night in our bed alone. He cried a lot the 1st night (we did not give in and go get him or soothe him) by the 3rd to 4th night he understood what was to espected of him. It is hard but the best. Those 3 nights of a little sleep saved us a lot of sleepless nights in the future.

I have two children who are 4 and 15 mths old and I nursed them both. I would highly recommend reading the book Babywise. We followed the principals in this book and it changed my life. I started to get the rest I needed as a working mother who was nursing exclusively (pumping at the office) and my children started sleeping through the night within a couple of weeks and adjusted to a regular schedule. You need to teach them good sleep habits now. I know too many other children who at the age of 3 and older are still waking up their parents throughout the night. Both of my children sleep 10-12 hours through the night (in their own beds) and are very well adjusted. Of course now, if they wake me during the night, I know that they need something because it is not a regular occurence and I can confidently tend to their needs. They go down for naps and at bedtime without a fuss, and have healthy eating habits. It can take some work and discipline on your part to break bad habits now, but it is so worth it and rewarding to see the results of having happy and healthy children and a family that gets rest!

Hey J., I have an 8 month old and he started solids at 6 mos also. Your solid feedings should always conclude with breastfeedings. So if he's eating solids 3 times a day you should also have an extra 2 of BF only (i use them as my wee morning feed and last bed-time feed.) My son has continued to sleep thru the night. You can verify this with your pediatrician, b/c your baby gets virtually no nutrition from solids yet. It's actually just teaching him patience while he eats, to swallow, and different tastes. This also keeps your milk supply up. In case he gets sick just switch to all breastfeeding until he feels better and is willing to sit and eat solids again. Good Luck & let me know if you have any questions! -D.-

When you are breastfeeding and it takes over your life, it is time to wean the child. The baby only needs breastfeeding for about the first 3-4 months to build the antigens. After that it is usually more of a issue of the mother to breast feed. I would attempt to give him a bottle. There are bottles that have the nipple shaped like a breast. The baby should not be sleeping in the same bed with you anyway. I would let the baby cry himself to sleep. I had twins (who are now 26) and I made the mistake of trying to wean them of the bottle at bedtime when they were 1 yr and did this by lying down with them til they went to sleep. It took over my life, I couldn't go anywhere without having to do this.

Hi J.;

My advise to you if don't be offended, let him breasfeed until one year old. I done it with my children. Then after one year, you can start separated him with your bedroom. He need to learn that he has his own bedroom. If he started eating some solid food already, maybe give him some milk in a zippy cup before going to bed or taking a nap. Giving him a pacified probably it will take some time because it is new to him. Just be patient and enjoy,love,care him so much because he grows so fast. Good luck.

A.

I've heard of a method that my husband's family has used in the past to convince a child to let go of the breast. Next time James asks you to be breast fed (which will likely be tonight) place a few corn silk (or hairs) on your breast and let him start sucking on it. Once he feels the "hair" sensation, he likely spit it out and not want to continue feeding as he will think he'll go through the same experience. Yes, he'll cry, but like all children he'll get over it and forget about it. After this, maybe you want to try the pacifier again, but if it doesn't work, he'll have to learn how to sleep on his own. It's also probably healthier to have him start sleeping in his own bed, but I don't know if it's a good a idea to take away both things at once. Hope this helps. :)

Go buy some good earplugs, put them in, shut his door, your door and get some sleep! You will know if he really needs anything, earplugs won't keep out all the racket! Be strong in your resolve, what good is a sick mom when she hasn't gotten enough sleep for so long she can't remember? You may continue to nurse if you wish, but not in your bed anymore, you need to break that cycle. Get a heating pad and plug it in next to his crib, when you pick him up to nurse at night, plop it into the crib, cover it up on high with the bankets over it until you finish with him. Then throw it out of the crib, lower him into the warm spot, cover him with warm covers and he should doze off easily, Best wishes, Evely H

Hey J.!
I have had a bit of this problem myself. I have a 6 and a half month old little girl, and I have found that feeding her right before her bath, before bed seems to help. Also, putting her to bed with a bottle of warm water helps, because it lets her suck, and fills the edges of her belly without her actually eating anything. hopefully this helps!

Hi J.,

I know it is hard, but it's okay to let your precious one cry. This is the first lesson for you in how parenting isn't easy and sometimes feels like torture! The good news is that doing the hard things right away makes the process quicker, if not easier. I think you'll find that in less than a week, your baby will adjust to being in his own bed and sleeping better than ever. If he cries, tell him you love him, pat or rub his back for a minute, then leave the room. Repeat the process in 15 minutes if he's still crying. I found that my kids were almost like clockwork...it took 15 minutes! Other babys are more strong willed and will keep it up longer. Just do the pattern of 1-2 minutes comfort (don't pick him up!), then 15 minutes alone. It might take a few times but they learn quickly! You also need to remember to protect and nurture your relationship with your husband. That means you two need alone time and sleep. The more sleep deprived you both are, the harder it is to be patient and kind with each other and a frustrated baby. I have three kids, ages 15, 12 and 7. All three are happy and healthy and know they are deeply loved. Setting boundaries early and letting your child know that they are loved but that they can't rule the roost will make your life MUCH more pleasant in the toddler and teen years when they REALLY start trying you! Congratulations on your baby and remember...YOU are the decision maker...not your baby :)

J., I read a few response, many of which say you should let your baby cry it out (CIO). This is your personal decision to make, but for me CIO was not an option. Babies cry for a reason, not just to annoy us. There might be other things going on that you aren't realizing, like teething, another developmental milestone (crawling, learning to stand, etc) or a stresser in his life.
Do you side-nurse him while sleeping? That's what I did with my son, who was a high-needs baby, and my sleep was barely disturbed, even if he was attached most of the night. He grew out of his needy nursing habits and weaned himself by 19 months...all on his own. If you take care of your baby's needs now, it will create a relationship of love, trust, and service you will both benefit from for the rest of your lives. Parenting is a selfless and difficult role. You will have hard times, but if you can endure those rough spots (venting to others, like here, is a good way to get through it), you'll feel so much better in the end when you followed your instincts and desires and come out with an independent confident child who doesn't question your love and commitment to him.

Here's an article on night weaning, in a gentle way. You may need to wait until he's a little older, though.

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

I wish you the very best,
N.

He probably will cry. Most babies do when they are moved to their own rooms. Try using his room for naps during the day. That way he gets used to before having to be in there all night by himself. Most babies will take approximately a week to overcome this problem. He night he will cry a little less and learn to comfort himself. I know its hard. Trust me! It was heart breaking for me. But the younger they are, the easier it is for them to adapt to things.

Hello I have a 12 year old and a 21 month old and with my first one I had the same problem. So this time around I read Baby Wise I am not sure of the auther but it helped. I had a ton of people suggest it to me, so with this baby she has always slept in her own bed and through the night. It has all the info on feeding and sleeping. Good luck I know your pain but it gets better.

J.-

I know how frustrated you must feel. My baby just turned 7 mos and had been refusing to take a pacifier since birth. He would actually get really mad whenever I tried to give it to him (like, "how dare you put something like a nipple in my mouth and it not dispense milk!"). It was so frustrating because he never seemed totally soothed or comfortable. I had basically given up. However, he just started cutting his first tooth and I noticed that he was chewing on everything. Thursday night, after his belly was full with milk and he was very content, I showed him the pacifier (so he knew what I was about to give him) and put it in his mouth. He FINALLY took it. He has been sleeping pretty soundly through the night ever since!

I know some people will advise don't give your baby one, but they're not in your shoes. My first baby stopped taking his pacifier after 2 months and never really needed it after that point in his life. My 2nd baby refused it from birth and has just never been able to be truly soothed or content. He has never been happier than in this last week (& he's cutting teeth).

Good luck to you!

Dear J.,

No, he will not cry all night, but it will seem like it. Do it and do it now, later it will be harder. The other mommies will probably have a very good plan for the big move. My suggestion is to just do it.

You and your husband need to have a strategy meeting so that you both are on the same page, then go for it. Night times are for Moms and Dads.

C. N.

Hi J.,

Please buy the book called, "Babywise". I have a five month old who still slept with me until I read this book. This book gives a clear and cut plan for baby which will help have more control over your baby's schedule and both you and baby which be much happier. It's a must read. I wish I would've read it a long time ago. Good luck, let me know how it goes. M. from California

Hi J.,
I had the same situation with my firstborn, my son, who I nursed till he was 2 1/2! I also nursed my daughter till she was 2 1/2. I nursed on demand, and quite frankly, my son (the first) never seemed to want off! But your health and rest are very important, too. I would highly recommend reading anything by Penelope Leach. Her first book, "The First Six Months" was my most favorite, but it's been out of print for years. But she has many more. I think there might even be a way of getting answers from her online. She's an amazing, wise mother. One thing she points out, is that in most other cultures, babies are never put down, they're worn. We've invented all kinds of seats and swings, and pacifiers, for our own convenience. We ARE their natural pacifiers. It's not a bad thing that your baby is using you as his pacifier. That's what we're meant to do. It's natural. You'll figure out how to get him down to sleep in your own way. But I don't recommend letting him cry. Good luck.

Hi J.,
you need to put him in his own bed and let him cry it out. My son slept with us till he was almost 5. It will only get harder for you if you don't change it now. He's still young enough.

I had the EXACT same problem with my son (never a problem with my daughter--girls really are different) though he was a little older. It would keep me up all night, I couldn't sleep, and my nipples would be sore the next morning. He also didn't want the pacifier and just cried if I didn't feed him, though I knew he wasn't hungry. The only way we managed to change the problem was difficult, but successful. I had to sleep in a completely separate room so that my son couldn't see or "smell" me (even though it was dark, he knew I was there). My very supportive husband held him and rocked him back to sleep every time he woke up. Sometimes it would take an hour to get him back to sleep, but eventually it worked. After sleeping this way for about a week, he was sleeping through the night for the first time in his life. It was difficult hearing him cry, but I knew there was no other way. Now he still sleeps in bed with us, and I still breastfeed him once or twice during the day, but he doesn't nurse during the night at all, and if he wakes up, all I have to do is cuddle with him and he goes right back to sleep. Life is much saner and I get a lot more sleep. It's tough, but it's worth it in the long run. Good luck!

It will take some time for your 7 month old to adjust to a new schedule and surrounding. But just like he adjusted to your breast 24-7 and your bed he will adapt to what you allow him to. It may take a few days of crying. But, crying it out is not painful to the baby, just to the parents ears and hearts. But in the long run to have your child learn how to soothe themselves is the first step to a happy baby. Remember your goal in parenting is to guide and care in a loving manner that will eventually produce a happy independent adult. You are not a bad parent for letting your child cry when they are learning how to calm themselves down. 7 months is plenty old to let them cry it out. I am a mother of 3 with one on the way. Its hard the first time around but be proud of yourself for seeking and asking for advice. You will be doing this for the rest of your childs life. Good Luck.

He may be going through a growth spurt and building up the milk supply. At bedtime nurse him then place him in his bed. He may cry but you know its not because he was hungry. A little crying won't hurt. Check on him after 10 minutes if he is still crying. Babies usually find a way to comfort themselves. You can also try a different type of pacifier. Good Luck!

Though it's hard to, they say by 6 months your baby knows his crib from your room. If you're going to transition, now's the time. I nursed my daughter in bed up to that point. I slept by her crib for two nights on the floor when she transitioned into the crib at 6 months. To my amazement, she didn't cry for too long. If you can't stand it, go take a long shower and chances are the baby will fall asleep. The crying kills us, but they aren't going to die. She nursed for 10 months. My daughter is almost 5 and she still sneaks into my bed. We moved when she was 1.5. She began waking up at 2 am screaming. We lived in a condo with thin walls and I was afraid to disturb the neighbors. I started the habit of letting her in bed with us. She had been sleeping since 6 months from 7pm to 7am.

My second daughter who just turned two sleeps in her crib. I never gave her a chance to sleep with us. Last night she woke up screaming. I assessed that she was ok and put her back down. She cried and cried. I gave in and let her in bed. She fell asleep, but was woke up when my husband got home from work late. She had a "Ha! Ha! Look at me I made it in your bed" look on her face. I took her out and thought to myself, "No way am I going to do this again." She went back into her crib and I went into the shower. I can't stand to hear her cry, it breaks my heart. My husband said she cried for an hour. I had to be strong. She woke up happy as a lark.
She won't be joining us.

I heard too when putting your baby in the crib it's ok to pat them and sooth them, but don't pick them up. They need to destress from the day and crying is the way that they do it. If your baby won't take the pacifier, then that's ok. I think they would suck forever if you let them. Try letting the baby cry. Or, if you're comfortable with it, let the baby sleep with you? I think humans, like other animals were meant to sleep with their young. It's a natural thing, but we get so much slack for it. I think parents reach a point though where they just want a good night of sleep!

Perhaps you can try feeding him more during the day, and then he won't nurse as much at night? That sometimes works. Maybe he's going through a growth-spurt or something right now, which would explain his all-night nursing. I hear good things about "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. I think in that book she talks about nursing the baby until he's practically asleep, then breaking the seal of his mouth to your breast (though I don't know what she has to say after that). Good luck, and remember that this, too, shall pass!

Hi J., my 9 month old was right there too when he was 7 months. I was so exhausted. I bought this program online called the 3 day sleep program. Basically it was not what I wanted to hear, but that I needed to set a schedule for him and get him through the night so he could benefit from a good night of sleep. I did the whole attachment parenting thing, I had a really hard time putting him in his own bed, and relapsed a couple times. But anyway, he goes down now, after our routine that starts at 7pm and is sleeping on his own, pretty much through the night by 8pm. When he wakes, i do go to him, hold him, rock him, let him fall into a calm state, put him back down, he cries a little, but then after a couple minutes he is asleep again. We have a large closet and turned it into his sleepign area,his play pen is his bed right now, so he has a night light in there and is right there in the room not far from the bed.He seems cozy in there. It's hard, but I think it is better for them. He is a much happier little guy, plus nursing all night is pacifiying, and he was doing that too, and when it stops there will be tears, but that's how they process something new. Soon, like in 3 days, what's new becomes what is expected. If that makes sense.

Good luck, it's hard I know! Nina

You and he need to bite the bullet and put him in his crib in his room with musical toys above his head to look at. He may cry but eventually he'll get too tired and fall asleep. It may take a up to ten nights for him to get used to the idea but you need your sleep and he needs to become an independent sleeper. Try the pacifier each night as you put him down but if he doesn't like it, he'll have to cry. If you don't like hearing him cry, a good idea is to go into the kitchen and turn up the radio loud enough to drown him out, and then sing with the radio as you're cleaning up the kitchen. You need to break him of this habit. Don't wait until he's two years old and can get up from his bed to come into your room.

Hi J., I breast fed both of my children and I can tell you from experience that you need to put him in his own bed in a different room for your sanity. He will cry and the first few nights will be very hard on you and him. He will change his behavior over time. What you need to do is feed him and place him in his own bed. Say good night and re assure him that he is okay. Go to bed and when he cry's in the night let him cry for 10-15 minutes then go in the room re assure him again pat his back but do not pick him up. Keep doing this and he will stop but it takes patience on your part.

Dear J.,

I have a 23 years old son, and a 14 years old daughter.
You should put your baby in his own bed, and in his own bedroom. Im sure he will cry all night the first night. give him some tea or milk or a pacifier. If you bring him back to your bed, he will win the battle. You need a rest, and you need to sleep a complete night.
My son used to wake me up every night until he was six months, the doctor told me to give him tea instead of milk, and that was the solution, he never woke me up again.
Both your baby and you need your own space and need to rest!
Enjoy your baby!
sorry for my english.
Emma

My baby boy is now 13 months old and he too was nursing all night long for a while - usually when he was in pain from teething. He never took a pacifier either. I just stopped nursing him during the night about 2-3 weeks ago and he's sleeping so much better. I just pat his back so he can fall back asleep & give him a drink of water sometimes. I do not believe in letting him "cry it out," it's not for me. You do not have to do that. It's a process, but things are going well for us. At 7 months old your baby should be nursing 4-6 times a day (if he has no formula)- that is what both my lactation consultant and his pediatrician said for a 9-12 month old baby. Load him up more during the day and he should be less inclined to nurse at night. Your baby's behavior is normal for a b-fed baby. You will have a couple tough nights as you feed him less during the night, but things will improve - I promise! You do not have to let him cry alone in his own room without going to him!