Feeling Blue Self Excluding from Adult Friendships

you're not excluded, sweetie. you're choosing to exclude yourself. nothing wrong with that- hell, i do it all the time. but if it's bugging you, it's time to do something different. either accept more of those 'half-hearted invites' (they're probably lukewarm because they're perfectly aware that you don't want to be with them) and really work it- go intending to have fun, and HAVE fun- or decline and enjoy the solitude. it's not their responsibility to make sure you enjoy their company, it's about you having the right attitude. if it really doesn't click with them, that's fine too, but then your avoidance of the others is YOUR choice, and you can stop slapping a pejorative 'stick in the mud' label on yourself.
there's a streak of passive-aggressive in here- you want to hang out with someone, just not them, but you can't be with the people you want to be with, so have to be 'patient' until the situation changes. come on, lilly, we know you a little! you've been here a long time. you're way smarter than this- you would totally advise someone else posting this to get off their duff and make the change, not just sit around resentfully.
i know you can be pro-active and dynamic and positive. you've proved it over and over again. this is just a blah phase, hon. give yourself a hug, then a kick in the pants, and go on and have an adventure or three.
{{{}}}
:) khairete
S.

I always make pro & con lists. The positive of joining them is going out with people, the negative is that you do not like their company. The positive of staying home is saving money and doing what you want, the negative is that you get lonely. There are probably other activities you can put on your pro/con list. Perhaps you can ask for help to learn how to complete your work faster, or become more efficient at something else that is sucking up your time.
Instead of joining folks whose company you do not enjoy, I would find some local free clubs, either at your library or online, that do something you enjoy. A weekly book discussion group if you like reading at night? A free sewing class at the local fabric store if you enjoy or could use the skill of making clothes for yourself? A hiking or biking group? Volunteering to help elderly or walk dogs? A weekly church choir? There are so many things that need to get done or that you can join for free. In doing something you enjoy you may or may not "click" with the others but at least you are doing something you like with others that may only be "acquaintances" not "true friends" but you won't be lonely. If your grandmother lives far away, you can help some local elderly lady who is lonely because her family lives far away by joining meals on wheels. I often feel the blues feed on themselves: you feel lonely so you do nothing and feel lonelier, and when you are glum others do not enjoy YOUR company. It sounds silly but the more you do, the more you get done. When I am busy my day flies by, I am happy and feel useful and spend time with others. When I am on vacation and do very little after a few days it even feels hard to get up off the beach chair to go grocery shopping (which on non-vacation weeks I do after work before doing laundry, etc.etc).
It may even require some professional assistance if this blue mood is lasting a long time (more than a week or two). Again, there may be free assistance you can get (dial 211 to get free help to find the services you need) Your "slump" right now may be the experience you need to help others in the future after you figure out how to get out of this (hopefully temporary) depression. Consider yourself (((hugged)))

I can definitely relate. The people I hung out with my freshman year of college were nice, for the most part. We had fun together, but I just didn't click with them. Our friendships fizzled in the spring, and I was potty lonely.

I met some great friends my sophomore year, and I am still friends with one of them almost 20 years later. It was hard to be patient and lonely, but it was worth it to find my true friends.

Kind of going through that now. The friends I made when my 8 year old was a baby were just not meant to be my long term friends. I'm glad I had people to visit with, but I never clicked with them.

Starting to meet more of the moms in my oldest's class now that he's in Cub Scouts and playing baseball. Hoping to form some friendships with a couple of them. There are a couple I have really clicked with, so it really does get better.

Hang in there!

It'll get better! Sometimes you just want the chance to hang out more than to actually do it :-) I'm a pretty social person...most of the time but there are times when I withdraw & want to be completely, 100% alone. Even when I do want to be alone it's nice to know people would like to hang out! Hope the situation changes for you soon!

It's not that you're self excluding with ALL adult friendships.
You have other friends.
This one group just isn't your particular favorite - and that's alright.
I get the feeling you are a people pleaser - you want to be liked by everyone.
But that's a lot of stress to be putting yourself through.

If this is a work thing and the work they do is similar to yours, maybe you should ask them if they have a better way of handling certain tasks.
A little mentoring might help you speed up your work pace and then you'll have more time to go off and play with people you really want more time with.
If the work is not similar - take a look at your work flow (what tasks lead into other tasks) - see where you can make improvements.
If certain tasks depend on others to get data to you - see if you can have them get that info to you in a more timely fashion.
When I worked in an office - I liked to get there early as possible (an hour before most others) and the quiet was GREAT for getting things done more quickly (before the phones started ringing) and then I had enough done by lunch that I could enjoy taking a lunch break rather than working through it at my desk.
Since I arrived early I could leave early (flex time schedule) and that meant picking up at day care and enjoying family time at home in the evening.