Who Gets the Nicer Bedroom?

Updated on July 31, 2012
A.C. asks from Atlanta, GA
29 answers

My husband and I are in the process of buying a new house that we LOVE, and we are so excited to move into it, but a silly problem has arisen. The problem is that one of the kids' rooms is considerably bigger than the other. It also has a walk-in closet, built-in shelves, and a door from the room directly to the bathroom without having to go out in the hall. The other bedroom is a lot smaller (although still not tiny) with no direct bathroom access. It has a small closet and a really odd layout that will make it a bit difficult to decorate, but a huge picture window that takes up one entire wall.

We have two children, a boy and a girl. The boy is older, but only by 18 months, and both kids are still toddlers. We are really struggling to decide who gets the bigger bedroom. On one hand, I thought it might be useful for my daughter, who is already a bit of a clothes horse at age two, to have a walk-in closet. On the other hand, our son is older, and the kids usually play together in his room. In our current house, his room is probably more than twice the size of hers, which could be why they tend to play there, though.

Neither kid is old enough to choose, or to care which room is whose at this age, but I suspect from experiences in my own childhood that they will notice the discrepency as they grow. Has anyone had an experience like this? How did you decide who got the nicer room?

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So What Happened?

Thanks to everyone for your advice so far! I wanted to add that the house actually has its own playroom and study in the basement, which we are so excited about because we don't really have anything like that in our current house (although the kids' stuff has basically taken over the family room). I also agree with Debra B. that putting them in the same room might cause problems when I split them and decide to give one child a bigger room. Plus, I'm kind of afraid they would wake each other, since my daughter is a very restless sleeper and my son is just like me - if he wakes up in the middle of the night, he's awake until morning.

After reading the replies, I am leaning toward giving my daughter the room for exactly the reasons everyone was stating (bathroom access, a bigger closet). My son actually has a lot more toys, but there is no doubt my daughter has more clothes. I am thinking we could give my son something fun like a loft bed when he moves up from his toddler bed, so that he can utilize more of the space in the room and also have something really cool in his room.

Thanks to everyone for your suggestions. I love hearing what other people have done, so keep the advice coming!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Angi C., I completely see your point, and it's true that my mother and I are the reason she has so many clothes, but my daughter definitely has a love for clothes that we did for foresee. We were caught completely off guard when, around 18 months, she began taking clothes out of her closet, trying them on, running to look at herself in the mirror, and then taking them off and trying the next outfit on. My son never did anything like that! I can't help but feel it is foreshadowing things to come. ^_^

Featured Answers

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

I went with eventually they will be teens, much easier to put the girl in the bigger room. My son never cared.

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J.M.

answers from Chattanooga on

Well, since they are both still so young, I would put them in the SAME (nicer) room to sleep, and use the extra as a play room. :)

By the time they are old enough to separate, you may have another kid, which will settle the issue. (whatever gender you have more of can have the room.) OR you can give the nicer room to whoever you feel needs it more at the time.

IF that's not something you would be willing to do, then I also vote that the girl gets the bigger room. Like Justwed said... girls have more stuff!

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K.P.

answers from Seattle on

I would put them in the same room. They are close enough in age, and young enough that they wont care, and they play together anyways. So put them both in the big room with the bathroom (which for potty training is beneficial for both) and then make the smaller room the play room.

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K.C.

answers from Washington DC on

When I was growing up, I got the nicer room. When my brother (18 mos younger) asked why, my dad responded "Girls have more stuff". It's kind of a running joke in our family now, but I do believe it's true. I vote DD gets the bigger room.

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A.B.

answers from Dallas on

I vote for the girl to get the room that has direct bathroom access.

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J.T.

answers from New York on

I'd be surprised if your son cares much later. If he does complain, I'd say it's bc girls have more stuff and use the bathroom all the time so having direct access is more impt for her. And then if he's still bummed, see if there's something to make it up to him. ie: computer or TV in HIS room only for awhile or some other part of the house that could be "his", something like that.

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A.C.

answers from Washington DC on

First off ... the two year old isn't the clothes horse ... the person BUYING her the clothes is the clothes horse :)

and we actually had this issue a couple of years ago. The house we were renting had 4 bedrooms. The master of course had it's own bath. But one of the other bedrooms had it's own bathroom also. the other two bedrooms shared a hall bathroom. When we first started to move into the house my original thought was to give the separate bathroom to my daughter and have my two boys share the hall bath, since girls have that lovely monthly thing. The bedroom with the bathroom was also larger and my daughter has more/larger furniture.

In the end though the larger room with the separate bathroom went to my oldest son (and oldest child). He was the oldest, was given first pick of the rooms, AND had on more than one occasion had share a room with his brother who is 5 years younger. My daughter has NEVER had to share a room.

I'd give the bigger room to the older child for now.

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X.O.

answers from Chicago on

Do you envision being in this house for the long-haul? Will it be the house you are in when your daughter reaches puberty? It would be really nice for a girl to have direct access to the bathroom for when she starts menustrating.

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J.E.

answers from Minneapolis on

Girls have WAY more stuff - including little toys, clothes, accessories and just plain junk. Plus, she will eventually be spending more time in the bathroom getting ready, etc.
To even it out, do something extra special for your son in his room that she doesn't get.
Growing up, my brother had the bigger room, but I had the bigger closet b/c girls have more stuff. My daughter has the bigger room with the bigger closet and my son has no issue with that now.

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

As a mom of mostly boys, I have to disagree with most of the responses that say that the girl gets the bigger room just because she's a girl "has more stuff." Our daughter has no more "stuff" than her brothers do and even if she did, that doesn't give her the automatic right to take up more space. No princess rules here.

I think that the bigger room eventually goes to the older child, with them perhaps sharing while they're little, which will provide a dedicated playroom where they will feel comfortable playing with each other and each others' friends.

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K.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

I think I'd rather have my daughter going straight from the bathroom to her bedroom instead of having to go out into the hallway. It just seems like girls are more high maintenance when it comes to bathroom usage, so the bathroom issue would make me lean towards giving your daughter the nicer room.

They play together in your son's room now because it is bigger. But maybe in the new house, they'll play in your daughter's room because IT'S bigger.

Another option is this: for now, since they're so small, have them share one room to sleep and have the other as a true playroom (ALL the toys in that one room). I did this with my girls when they were young (and yeah, they're girls, but at that young age, a boy and a girl could easily sleep in the same room) and it worked out REALLY well. Now that they're older, they each have their own room. My oldest daughter chose the smallest room (it was more cozy, she said), even though she's technically entitled to the bigger room (being older).

Anyway, whatever you decide, you can always change it if it doesn't work out.

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

It's nice that they are young enough that YOU get to make the decision!
It really depends on their personalities and play habits.
My daughters have always needed more space simply because their collections are bigger: Barbies, dollhouses, dress up clothes, etc. Also they have both always been very crafty which takes up a lot of space (art supplies, fabric, etc.)
My son has never really had a lot of stuff. His biggest obsessions as a kid were books and Legos, neither of which took up a whole lot of room, and as he got older, video games, which again, do not require much space.
So I guess I'm not really giving you any advice, other than to think about who will actually need and utilize the space more. This is pretty hard since they are both still so young.
How about them sharing a room for the next few years and making the other room a playroom? We did that with our son and daughter during the preschool/early elementary years and it was great. They were best buddies during that time :)

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I would give the larger child the bigger room. Your daughter is NOT a clothes horse - you have chosen to purchase more clothing for her than you have for your son. If you give it to your son - your daughter will have it from the time she is 16-1/2 (assuming your son moves out at 18) until she goes on to college - she will likely have the most stuff at that age. If you give it to your daughter - your son will NEVER have the larger room

Girls have more stuff? Really? I did not have more stuff than my brother. Why would a Barbie collection (let's just go ahead and stereotype here) trump an action figure collection? Not in my world.

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H.M.

answers from Dallas on

Well since they are young and not that far apart then it really is a judgment call. If you plan on being in the house for a lot time I would say give the bigger one to the girl as she will have more things that hang up that your son. Most boys cloths don't require being hung up. Also I agree with the one that said once she get's older if you are still there the direct access to the bathroom would be nice for a girl to have.

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D.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

At first I was tempted to say "put them in the same room (larger room) and make the 2nd room a playroom." But, that could get dicey in a few years when you need to split them up. Then they'll also want to have a say on who gets what. Let's face it - they will NOT want to be rooming with their siblings come sleep over time or when middle school friends come for visits! That said, I'd give the girl the larger room. She's going to be hogging more closet space and bathroom time than the boy will. My son has a lot of toys, but they don't take up all the room my daugter's did, and he could care less if he had 5 shirts or 50 shirts. He could live in the space under the stairs like Harry Potter and not notice the difference. My daughter, on the other hand, needed lots of space to play house and serve tea parties. My son goes outside to the local mud puddle or dirt pile if he wants to play.

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T.K.

answers from Dallas on

My kids have thier own room, but both end up in one my girls room. That leaves the other room as wasted space. Even when we put our boy to bed in there, he ends up sleeping with his sister by morning. I wish we had put them in one room and made the other a den or office. By the time they are old enough to care, they will be old enough to voice a preferance, and state thier cases.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

Just to throw another wrench in the works: if the other bedroom shares a wall with the bathroom... It's usually pretty easy to cut a door.

Similarly, if part of the awkward layout is a nook type L thing... It's SUPER easy to make that a secret fort or room.

Point being... You can usually make both rooms pretty durn cool, just in different ways.

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N.W.

answers from Eugene on

Some options:
rotate every 2 years.

the larger room gets a queen sized bed and when company comes, that child gives up his/her room for guests and sleeps on floor in another room.

the larger room is the playroom, all the toys to in the big walk in closet.

children share one room while they are still toddlers, use the other room for a playroom.

do whatever is convenient for you now, and when the kids are old enough to care, draw straws, rotate or... by then there may be another sibling or you may have moved to a different house so the dynamics will have changed.

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J.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

For me, it's not so much about the size of the room but more about the placement in the house. I had absolutely no problem deciding which child was going to go where. When we learned our first was a boy, he got the room that was farther away from our bedroom. I told my husband that I wanted to save the close one for a girl if we had one because I know from experience that girls are sneakier than boys!

Of course, in our home, the two kids rooms are about the same size, so we didn't have the same dilemma as you. But just wanted to give you something else to consider. :)

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K.F.

answers from New York on

In my house we almost had that problem but hubby and I decided we would take the smallest bedroom and give the 3 boys the master bedroom.

Our boys are older. Two are on their way to college in the fall and the youngest one will have that room with the two dogs. It works for us.

I would say let the share a room for a time and cross that bridge later.

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A.S.

answers from Atlanta on

I have a 7 year old girl and 5 year old boy. When we moved to ATL two years ago, we had a very similar scenario (other than the closets being equal size.) We put my daughter in the larger bedroom b/c she seems to accumulate more "display" stuff...her horse collection, her dolls, etc. With the larger room, we can put a bookshelf in her room in addition to her regular furniture to put her items on. We have a playroom, so most of their toys go into that shared room. I don't think either of them notices the size difference. I also grew up with a larger bedroom than my older brother....I am guessing for the same reason, as I had more things displayed than my brother. And, the older I got, the worse it was, with my girl accessories also taking up space. :)

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A.S.

answers from Iowa City on

I would probably just draw straws. That way everything is fair and no one can complain when they are older.

When we moved into the house we are currently in we let the older child pick which room she wanted (they were comparable in size and closet space though). The little one doesn't care one way or the other and by the time she is older I doubt she will mind that her sister's room is larger because she'll just be used to "her" room.

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K.M.

answers from Atlanta on

Hi. We went through this about 12 years ago. My son was a little over a year and my daughter was due in a few months. We put my son in the big room because it had a cloud mural that went with his name. The mural was part of why we loved the house so much. When they were little, we all played and read bedtime stories in his room. My daughter is a close horse. And three years later, we had an unplanned third child - another girl. By then we regreted not putting my 1st daughter in the bigger room. We couldn't then switch rooms for a number of reasons that I won't go into. My then 3 year old girl was soo territorial, we coudln't just squeeze the new baby in her room. So, our littlest had to sleep in a tiny room off of our room until she got old enough to have friends over and we didn't love them trapsing through our bedroom to get to hers. Anyway, as they got older, they stopped playing together in their rooms and my girls keep accumulating clothes. In hindsight, I might have put my son in the smaller room or maybe had them share the big room. If they shared as little kids, then when they got a bit older one of them might be enticed to move to the other room with the offer of a new coat of a paint or just the joy of having their own space. The other room could be a study or playroom until then. And if you did have an unplanned 3rd... that could decide which child should move to the smaller room. good luck!

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S.H.

answers from Salinas on

I had to make the decision (my son is 5 and my daughter is 2). We gave her the bigger room because I happen to have a lot more furniture. I got a good deal on the full size girl's bedroom set and my son still has a twin. Boys seem more relaxed about the injustices of life. I just heard a mom complaining that her older brother had more or bigger photos at her parents house while growing up. They had to explain to her that Sears was having a deal and the photos were purchased before she was born.

Maybe when he gets the car first you can point out her big room.

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Could you put the kids together and make the odd-shaped room the sleeping room and the other, larger room a playroom?

I like Nancy's suggestion of rotation. My sis does this with her three boys-- their rooms are small, large, largest. They rotate once a year. Works perfectly.

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

I say give it to the girl. The fact is that although it's not necessarily true that girls have more stuff, it is at least a little bit true that they are going to care more about how it's organized. If she already has a love for clothes, give the poor girl a big closet. The boy is not going to care about all that space, unless he wants to hide out and play in it.

I don't think it's wise to switch every couple of years, that sounds like an awful lot of work! I think it would also be nicer for the girl to have easier access to the bathroom.

I have a boy and a girl too and they are close in age, so although I understand your dilemma, go with the girl.

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A.C.

answers from Savannah on

I'm not sure why "girls have more stuff" would be an acceptable thing to tell a young boy. I'm thinking that would just open up another can of "that's not fair either".
We took a master room, kept the nicer 2nd master as a guest suite, and our boys get the "normal" rooms. I couldn't see giving one child a big room, walk in, and his own private bath and not the other. However, since my 5 year old's room is bigger, even though his room is nicely decorated we were more creative and did some different decorating techniques to make my 2 year old's smaller room special, and something he loves. I guess I take a little exception to the "girl gets everything good"; I hate all the princess type
mess. But, perhaps some neat out of the box decorating could make an awesome room in your son's smaller room.
You've already got an idea of what you want to do, and someone made an interesting point that later when girls get periods, it might be better for her to have easy access to the bath. But if that were the case, I'd make sure to paint and decorate my son's smaller room well and keep the bathroom a NEUTRAL bathroom, not all girly, if they're going to share.

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S.H.

answers from Huntsville on

Flip a coin :)

I'm sure no matter how you arrange them now, whoever has the smallest room will eventually want to try the bigger room. Either you can remodel the house by then, or they can switch rooms!

My sister & I switched rooms a couple times growing up!

ETA - I like the idea of putting them together at this age, and having the other room as a playroom!

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B.P.

answers from Cleveland on

i normally say give the oldest the larger room, what are yours and your husband room going to look like? because to me that room sounds A LOT like a master bedroom. and i would say you guys take that and give the kids the other two rooms

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