There is so much drama in my family right now. My brother and sister are fighting. My stepmom and I don't get along. My SIL and my stepmom don't get along either. My sister is mad at me for something, but won't tell me what it is. Ugh ugh ugh. I have no idea why my stepmom has decided to have a cookout for Father's Day. It has disaster written all over it. I feel obligated to go because, well, it's my dad. I know he would be upset if we didn't show up. We've already stated if there is drama of any kind, we're leaving. If people don't like it, oh well.
I know there are other's out there that have family drama. How do you deal with family get togethers?
LOL Dawn B!!!!!
I'd go, give dad his card and present then leave, maybe closer to the end of the cookout time. He knows what is going on, it will be hell for him too. Being on eggshells is not a comfortable place to be.
Drink... heavily. That way when they are fighting, you can just sit there and hum to yourself... better yet, start singing silly songs to your dad. You two can drink together...
Sorry honey!
Dawn
To quote the penguins of Madagascar, "Just smile and wave, boys. Just smile and wave."
Go and have a good time - it's your dad's day.
My husband is the most positive, silliest, outgoing and chatty man, so we usually just chat and laugh and have a good time and try to ignore stuff like that at parties. Just because there is drama does not mean they get to dominate your dad's party. Just take over with a happy attitude and hopefully it will be contagious. Be very polite and even if you want to explode or hit someone for being rude, just smile and suck it up and be the bigger person and say something like "let's focus on dad and have fun" instead of putting others in their place. You and your husband can be "in" on this act and agree up front on some signal that you need to be rescued by having the other step in with a new topic of conversation. Sports, the end of the school year, vacation plans, kids antics, there are many things to bring up. A VERY obvious segway, like "how about them Bruins!" yelled out loud might get the message across. Try to have fun. The booze may help if kept in check but could also loosen tongues that should be kept firmly in cheek. Cheers!
I just bring the beer and video camera, sit back and enjoy the show!
It's Father's Day. It's not for your sister in law, or your step mom, or anybody else. It's for your dad. Go. And yes, drink.
You may be there already, and I hope so. My Dad is in the hospital dying, has dementia and isn't even aware it's Father's Day, no more cookouts (which he loved) for us with him. He has been a hard man to be around most of my life, but I always put forth the effort because he is my dad and i love him, and now that we're losing him I'd give most anything for one last get together..
Hard as it may be, suck it up and take the higher ground. Who cares why your sister is mad at you, it's HER problem. Let your bro and sis fight amongst themselves and waste their own time. Steps frequently have difficulties getting along, and that may never change. But today is your dad's day, spend it with him, and make sure to tell him how special he is to you and how much you love him and have fun!
Ditto Dawn...go there to focus on your dad and your husband.
Completely zip your mouth towards everyone else except shallow pleasantries....just the weather and how cute those shoes are...
Check out mentally and watch the show.
Have a great day with your Daddy and ignore those biaotches! I agree with Dawn B, drinking would be fun, unless your an angry drunk. ;)
Ditto Dawn. Drink to your father ( a lot) I also take suckers and then cards or Banagrams.. so I can keep my mouth plugged and stay out of the drama in these situations..
Try to keep the focus on your dad. It' HIS day. Hopefully, the others will maturely do the same. Look at this situation as if it's a test of wills. Steer clear of the gossip or conversation that is going to lead to trouble. It's tough, but you have the right idea. If they drag you into the drama, just leave if it's not manageable. It's your choice at that point.
Just think about dad. And go with the attitude that maybe something will happen to fix some of the fighting.
If nothing else, show up for lunch, spend the time with your dad, and leave after just an hour or two.
Lol! Sounds pretty normal to me. Just make it all about your Dad since it's his day. I'm sure your Dad wants you to get along with stepmom so just swallow whatever problems you have with her and appreciate that she is trying to do something special for Dad. Whenever brothers and sisters "start drama" just avoid the bait, change the subject, remind them of funny family stories, ask Dad about his Dad or childhood memories. Tell sibs " I know that was really upsetting but this is Dad's Day maybe we can settle that later." It will only be a couple of hours you can do it!
Suck it up & go. Be nice. If the conversation gets catty, let them know that it isn't the time & place for drama & that you won't take part in it.
Next year, invite your dad over or out to eat for Father's Day BEFORE the family gathering is planned, so you can avoid drama & get some good one on one time with your dad.
My DH couldn't even take his mom out for Mother's Day, she was waiting to die & couldn't move, eat, or do anything or her own. She is now gone & even though they & his family had/have a complicated relationship, you know what? The drama & b.s. just doesn't matter when a loved one dies. Unfortunately, people don't usually realize this until it's too late.
After 15 years of marriage into a family that LOVES to make drama, I have learned to keep my mouth shut, nod my head in empathy, roll my eyes when they walk away, and have a couple of margaritas!!
Luckily, my husband feels the same way I do about his family and several of them have moved across country, so our get togethers have become far and few between!
I am TRULY sorry you are going through this...
Try to be nice and ignore the drama - if they can't do this - then kiss your dad tell him how much you love him and excuse yourself...oh heck - maybe even sneak your dad out of the party too and say "I need his help picking out a tool" or some other lame excuse - maybe he doesn't like what's going on either...
don't focus or give the others any credence to their drama or immaturity...go and be with your dad!!!
You don't have to stay for the party. Go a little early or late and spend as little time with everyone else as possible. If you go a bit early spend time with your dad and if the others get there and there's a lot of drama, leave. Or go a bit later, maybe after everyone else leaves and have some one on one time with your dad. Explain to him that you love him but can't be around the others. Plan to have him over to your house in a few days or take him out for lunch/dinner to celebrate Father's Day.
Think about the reason you're going and focus on that. It's about your Dad today, not the family drama. Celebrate Him.
There's been so much drama over the years, especially recently, with my family, I had to take a break for a bit (only a few months, although it was never truly a break, because they kept hounding me; long story). I just reconciled with them, and we're about to get together soon. However, we're taking it slow. My husband, kids, and I will be meeting my mom and dad at a restaurant in between our homes (we live two hours away from each other). It'll be awkward, but it'll be good to spend time with them without the drama that's normally caused by my siblings being around, too. You may have already had your get together. If not, maybe you can find a neutral location to meet your dad to celebrate without having to deal with the drama? Good luck to you!
