Family Member Hit on Me. What Would You Do?

Oh, yuck. I'd do exactly what Denise (OneandDone) said. If it happens again, I'd make a big stink about it right then and there in front of everyone. Loudly. What a creep.

He propositioned you and then what happened?

Did you make a clear statement then? Hopefully you did, because that was your chance.

I might have said "You are being disgustingly disrespectful to my cousin--your wife--hopefully someday she realizes your lack of character and kick you to the curb."

Then I would act normally around him and forget about it.

I don't think you HAVE to tell her. I'd bet she's quite aware that he's a creep.

SO he propositioned you. I assume you told him under no circumstances you were interested and to never, ever think of doing that again. Let him know that you will stand up for yourself and not allow him to creep you out.

There is no reason to go tell your cousin. Why hurt her? You said in your note that she knows he has cheated, etc so she knows she is with a loser. Why pour salt into the wound?

Make your stance clear and if he crosses the line afterwards then take stronger action.... and leave your cousin out of it. This is between YOU and HIM and you can manage it without causing more hurt to your cousin you "love".

I realize it is not a great feeling if someone hits on you and you are not on the same page but it sounds like there is some emotional turmoil going on in your head. He didn't touch you, he just made a stupid suggestive remark.

To be honest I think the reason people were curious as to what exactly happened is because some things can be taken the wrong way. t can happen verbally, by text or e-mail. That isn't the case here after reading your "So What Happened".

I think your feelings are valid, if it made you feel uncomfortable. How you handle it was your question, it seems kind of important to establish the actual events & terminology to get honest/ real answers.

I have a friend who had a family member by marraige text her something and she felt it was innapropriate. She decided to tell everyone and it has made a mess, really divided their family. The person has never had any previous issues and unfortunately she never really gave him an opportunity to appologize or explain his intentions. I know both people well and it is just sad how it has played out. Think about the entire situation as a whole before you react.

Good luck.

Ugh, I'm so sorry, I know how awful you feel :(
My uncle (by marriage, not blood, not that it matters, right?) hit on me recently. It was disgusting. I had been helping him for over four months take care of my aunt who JUST recently died of leukemia!
At first I thought he was just confused, old, lonely, scared, etc. but when I told my family members about it I found out he had tried the same thing with two of them, YEARS AGO!
The worst part was that it brought up horrible memories and feelings as I was molested as a child by my stepfather. And this uncle was someone I looked to as a father figure (he's over thirty years older than me.)
So, YES, tell your cousin, she needs to know. Cheating is bad enough, but trying to do it within the family is unforgivable as far as I'm concerned.

What he did does matter in my opinion. It also matters what type of person he is and you are. My friends joke like that and dont mean it.

Also some people always think people are hitting on them with any suggestion of flirtation.

I think I would mention it in a joking way to her and let her decide what it meant. J. because he cheated before doesnt mean he would again. Also from the way you descibe yourself I'm sure he KNEW you would never go for that. So I don't thinkit was with much meaning behind it. Now if you always flirted back and he tried this then I would answer diferently.

This has not overtly happened to me. I've gotten suggestive remarks I can ignore, but......

I agree, it sort of matters what he did. If he propositioned you then that is despicable, but you said yourself that your cousin "probably knows that he tried." So if it were me, I would not tell her or say a thing. She is comfortably in la la land and cuz ringing the bell is unlikely to rattle her awake. She may just become hostile towards you. So, I'd keep avoiding him.

However, if he actually grabbed you.......or was disgustingly overt and you can't just ignore him... then I would tell the cousin. Let her know that you cannot socialize with him anymore. You just want to be with her alone....... when possible.

When anyone family or non hits on me when they know I'm married. I tell my husband and he handles it. Once he is finished with them they don't even want to look in my direction.

As for your situation, what is your reason for telling your cousin? If it is out of love then by all means tell her. I just believe in not keeping secrets and sheding light on sneaky behavior.

Again I think your husband should be having a man to man with the offender and you should have a word with your cousin but don't expect much from her. She knows who she is dealing with and is still choosing to put up with everything that comes with him.

It depends on what he did????? Did he grab your butt? or did he say something? was it just a look?

what a miserable situation. there's just no good answer. blech. i'm mad at the creep, not just for propositioning you but putting you in this no-win situation.
yes, i do think you have to tell her. i guess i'd do it as low-key as possible. get her out for a cup of coffee, and then as blandly as possible (no handwringing beforehand, no 'i've got to tell you something but don't know how' and making her drag it out of you, just do it) say 'last week your husband asked me to leave and go with him so he could make me a 'happy woman.' it made me very uncomfortable. i'm really sorry to tell you this but i thought it important that you know.'
she will be hurt, i'm sure, and if she really has no clue that he's a creep, surprised as well. she may blame you at first. but chances are that if you have a good relationship with her, she'll be glad that you were honest with her, down the road if not right away.
take your cue from her. if she wants to talk about it, do so, but try to stay honest yet cool. don't indulge in an outrage-fest. if she's disbelieving, be strong and loving and understanding. if she needs space, give it to her but let her know you're there for her.
good luck, hon. it sucks to be stuck in this place.
khairete
S.

I would bring it up to her.
I would start out by telling her this has been eating at you and you have to let her know, what she does with it is her choice.

Yes, she knows he is a creep and a cheating slime ball but still imo it puts it in a whole new ball field if he is going say that to a family member of mine and one that he knows your close to!

I understand you dont' want to hurt her... but if the shoe was on the other foot.. would you want to know? How ever you answer that question is how you should follow up with what you do with this info.

"It was a flat out "let's get out of here, go back to my place and I can make you a happy woman". "

Ugh, what a jerk. A slap may have been in order. I've never had a family member hit on me so blatantly, but I've have my fair share of flirtatious banter. What did your cousin say when you told her?

I have dealt with this and the BEST thing is to go directly to the wife and just say in a confused voice that this is what happened and you are not sure what is going on but you found it strange and uncomfortable. Of course he will deny it but every single time they or anyone else does anything it is the best and most honest method. Do not sweat it just go straight to the wife every time and say ya know this has happened again and it is just so strange.
If you just talk to them then they just hide it and either hit on you again or hit on someone else. If everyone went straight to the spouse each time they would finally know because all these people are telling them the same thing.
Because people enable them by keeping it a secret they can go on doing it forever.
I do not believe in secrets.

I had a similar situation happen at my home but it was my mother's husband, and he hit on my friend at a holiday dinner I had thrown, and then had offered to take her home, she pulled me aside and told me what happened and asked me to not let him take her home, and so I had my husband take her, then before he left I pulled him to the side he tried to play dumb like he didn't know what I was talking about, but I made it very clear to him that I didn't buy that act and that if ever he did anything like that again I would go straight to my mother and let her know and he would never be allowed in my home again. I considered telling her then but don't know that she would have believed it, or done anything about it and preferred to not hurt her in that way. He has never been inappropriate around us again!

I agree, how did he flirt with you. If it were a look, you could assume you misinterpreted it and blow it off. If he grabbed you inappropriately, or made a sexual comment, then I would say call your cousin and just tell her exactly what happened and that he is not welcome in your home again. Also let her know that you'll be avoiding him at any future family functions.

Make sure she understands that you still love her and want to continue a relationship with her, but you want to do it outside of her husband.

Good luck!

Tell him to stay a way from you. If he don't you will tell and mean it. Don't go to anything he goes to. Have something at your house. Don't invite them. If they ask why. TALK! If they come uninvited. Don't let them in. That's your house.

totally depends on what he did.. if he grabbed ur butt or said something like we should go out somewhere.. right then and there i wouldve been like uhm how creepy are u u perv ur married to my cousin waht the f was wrong with u .. honestly if it wasnt anything bad enough that u didnt say anything to him at the time is it really worth calling your cousin.. like u said she already knows hes a douche

Your husband needs to talk to him and tell him, in no uncertain terms, that he should never speak to you ever again and that a real man would never talk to a married woman like that. He needs to know that it was an insult and it makes him less of a man.

What a pig. But I would NOT say anything to your cousin. I'm sure she already knows she's married to a pig and for whatever reason, she is still with him. I would just let it go and next time you see him, stick close to hubby. Good luck.

I think a lot depends on what he did. I need more details before I can give my opinion. Did he do something unmistakably blatant? Or could you be taking his actions for something they weren't? Maybe he didn't mean to give that impression?

ETA after your SWH: I agree that any level of suggestive actions is inappropriate, but it does matter what he did because my response to his action is what would change. If it was a dirty joke, then I can laugh it off. If someone suggests with words, I would tell him off with only words. If he grabbed me inappropriately, I would have replied by punching him in the d!ck.

Anyway, for your situation, what did you say to him after? I would have taken the opportunity to tell him off, how disgusting he is, and that he is disrespecting his wife and family by acting this way. Then I'd drop it. I would tell my husband, and depending on the relationship with the cousin, I would probably tell her too..even though she probably already knows that her husband is a creep.