Family Issues - Pachuta,MS

Let them know in no uncertain terms that you will NOT stand for their being disrespectful to your husband in your presence. In the words of Loretta Lynn, "Stand by Your Man". If they can't refrain, reprimand. If that doesn't work, withdraw from the family circle. Not forever, but definitely limit the times to holidays or something. They will get the message you are serious. Also, if they belittle your DH in the presence of your children, their opinion of their dad will be less. That would be a very serious situation; it should be addressed immediately!

I have a similar problem, and it took my family a while but they realize now that if they want to talk bad about my husband and our way of doing things that I am going to limit the amount of time I spend with them. The next time they say somthing within your hearing, you need to tell them that you are not going to tolerate this kind of disrespect towards your marriage. If you love him, and he loves you, that should be all that matters. You are both adults, and are in a committed relationship. If he treats you good, then they need to just stay out of it.

Everyone is on the right track. Make sure your family knows you won't tolerate this talk from them. Even if it means you won't be around them. Your husband and your kids are your first priority. Be sure to never bad mouth your husband in front of them either. I know we all get mad at our spouses and then we tell our families out of habit, but all that does is give our families the fuel to criticize. Just make sure you let your husband know how important he is to you and how you don't agree with your family's "talk." Always defend him when you are talking with your family and eventually they will get the clue.

A., your husband and children are now your number one priority. Once you decide to get married, you have a new family. Don't ever let your extended family downgrade or belittle your husband. Try talking with your family and let them know how their comments offend both you and your husband. Let them know that if they can't learn to respect the man you married, then you can no longer have a close relationship with them. Yes, it may hurt you to become distanced from your mom, dad, and sister, but you must remember that your husband is now first over any of them. If they can't respect that, then they are not respecting you. Hope this helps.

Hi A.,

I know how you feel, my family has talked down to my husband for years. It has caused us not to go to family functions because he feels uncomfortable. He finally said to heck with them, started going to functions and actually started up conversations with them that they would never have dreamed he would have known about. They still talked down a bit but he did show them that there was more to him than what they thought. Then he would say something that would be a rhetorical question to them and just walk away. He would be laughing at the thoughts that could possibly be going through their minds, ( what little minds they had.) I am sorry to say that my family is very small minded. They worry that decisions should be made in accordance with them and now how we feel. That could be the problem with yours. Maybe maybe not. It is up to your husband to show them what he is made of, that is if he wants to. Does it bother him the way they talk to him? If it doesn't then I wouldn't worry if I were you. You know what stuff your husband is made of and that is all that matters.

My husbad has been a mechanic for longer than I can remember. Then almost 3 years ago he had 3 strokes. He is now disabled and has short term memory loss. Luckily he is not paralized and still has his speech but he lost a lot of his strength and mechanical abilities. Well, now they really talk down to him. He is to the point that he no longer cares. We lost my mother a year and a half ago and it got worse. So we decided to move south to Chattanooga, not really to get away from them but because we wanted a better climate for our daughter and not the crime that is in Chicago. Now they don't talk to us at all. They are mad that we moved. I don't know your whole family situation, but your husband is the man YOU chose to spend YOUR life with. At the end of the day what do you care about, what you think of your husband or what your family thinks? Have you ever talked to the one person in your family that you are closest to about this? See what that person says and make your decision from there. You can let it go and ignore it, have your husband show him what he is made of, or you can have a show down with them and tell them what you think of how they are treating him. No matter which way you go they may never treat him the way you want him to be treated and you just may have to live with it. I hope everything turns out the way you want it to.

Good luck.

E.

A.,
I have had family issues with my hubby as well. My grandmother and aunt have said things like "he is just not one of us" and "he is trying to contol you" and "he is just not welcome".

This is how I handled the situation. I let them know that this is my husband. He is now my nuclear family. I left my family to cleave unto him. If the reject him, they reject me. What hurts him, hurts me. And if I feel like he is 'unwelcome' or 'belittled', then we will not put ourselves in that situation. Why be around people that make you feel like less than you are? We will not.. so, I demanded that, if they want a relationship with me, my husband, and/or our sons, then they need to talk and apologize to hubby directly, or we just won't come around.

I refuse to subject my husband to redicule (sp?) and humiliation just to spend time with them. He doesn't deserve it.

I know it sounds extreme, but 2 things have come out of it.. they respect that he is my husband and I will stand by HIM and they have kept their mouth shut.

HTH,
C.

Hey A. R

If it were my husband, I would tell my family if they can't say anything nice about him, than don't say anything at all. He is your husband and they need to learn to have some respect for you and also him. Regardless of what they might think of him, they need to keep it to themselves.

A.,
Hi, I know that it must be hard on you and your husband. I would talk to your family and let them know that the way they talk to him and about him is unacceptable to you and your husband. That it hurts the both of you. Ask them to stop and to treat him respectfully. They might not realize that it is effecting you the way it is. I’m sure they think it is funny and you think it is funny also. But if after you ask them to stop and they don’t, you will have to decide if you want to keep putting up with it or let them know that you will not have your husband treated like that. I would stay away for a while. He is your husband and the two of you have to make the boundaries and stick with them. It will be hard to do but it will be worth the pride your husband has in you and the family the two of you are making. So just let them know how you feel.
God Bless You,
J.