This goes deeper than your father not listening to you, he does not really respect you.
Yes he loves you, but he thinks his wishes and demands are more important than yours.
Even with your own children, when they REALLY ask you to do something or not to do it, you recognize the times to respect their wishes.
EX.. invited to a persons party they really do not want to attend. You do not make them? Do you? No, you know these are their true needs and wishes.
Your father sounds like he has never actually respected you as a person. He just thinks you are one of his possessions. Yeas, you will always love him, but you are now having your eyes, ears and brain opened to the truth.
Even though you should have done this years ago, it is now time to reset your relationship with your father. You love him, but, he will never again be allowed to Boss you, Shame you and wear you down for his wants, when you have a need.
You have your own family now. They are your priority because you are raising them.. You dad is who he is. He has made his choices.. He comes 4th in your life.
You are number 1. You must be your best to take care of the rest of the members in your life.
Your husband is number 2. He is your best friend, your soul mate, the love of your life. You will live and love him longer than anyone else for your whole life.
Then your children are 3.. You love them, they are part of you, but you are raising them so they can go forth and have their own lives.
Then you have your parents. You love them you are thankful for them, but they are in charge of themselves, you can help, but you cannot let them over ride your own family unit..
Be strong, you are the Mama! If you cannot handle your father, THEN take your husband up on his offer to step in for you, but make sure your father knows you ASKED your husband to do this for you.