Family Birthday Gifts and Cards

In this day and age they can find ten SECONDS to text you if they're THAT busy to say THANK YOU for something. I'm so sick of lazy people.

I wouldn't think TWICE about being a "bad aunt" because YOU'RE NOT!

Hi K.,
Just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I posted a similar question about this same subject a while ago. What was surprising is that so many moms responded that they were in the same situation of sending gifts to family members, only to have no response whatsoever.

Short of having my family sign for the gift, I don't even know if the gift has arrived because I don't hear a thing. For the two youngest in this family, they get a pass. But the oldest child is a teenager who could certainly pick up the phone or send a short email to say thanks. (Just to note, the parents don't acknowledge gifts that I give them, either) Many moms advised me to stop sending presents. I'm not there yet due to the ages (so really, I blame the parents, my brother and SIL), but it's tempting.

I can tell you one thing, though; if they were adults, I definitely wouldn't be sending gifts that weren't appreciated. That may be cold, but why waste the effort if people don't have the common courtesy of an acknowledgement of thanks, or even letting me know that the gift was received.

I'm sure you'll have some responses that say "I don't buy gifts to get a thank you." I did on my post. That is NOT the point.

I think if the children are too young to thank you, then the parents should thank you on their behalf. When I was growing up we ALWAYS sent thank you notes. My mom would not let us cash check gifts or spend gift money until a thank you was given.

I think, a person spends their time and money to give you a gift you should thank them. It's just basic manners. Yes, we don't give gifts to get thank yous, but if they gift is not appreciated, then don't waste your time and money. I wouldn't.

Sorry to hear that. I have 14 nieces and nephews and have sort of stopped getting gifts. I say sort of because I am getting them all tiny gifts for X-mas but I haven't always and I don't do b-days. I also, 95% of the time, don't get a thank you note. I don't expect it. I know my sister doesn't have the time to send cards for all her 10 kids. Also, the older ones could do it but they are super busy with caring for the younger ones, sports, school. They are also financially in trouble so they can't even always afford the cards and stamps. They don't go to most of the b-days they are invited to because of the expectation of gifts.
I know everyone's situation is different. They should thank you verbally at least. Perhaps when they are older they will get you gifts. My great aunt got me and all my 4 sibling gifts until we were in high school. It wasn't until we all had jobs that we started getting her stuff. Sadly, she passed away shortly after my son was born. With my mortgage and 3 year old in preschool I don't know that I can get gifts for all the people in my life I'd like to.

My mom always told the kids she would give each of them a roll of coins for their birthday until the reached 18 then she would not be able to continue it. I think kids can have presents, adults? They know better and should always acknowledge the gift and cards with at least a phone call if nothing more than to say hello.

I think everyone's given you great responses so far.
I think part of the problem is that the expectation of a thank you (as with an RSVP) has sort of diminished in today's society. [I'm not saying this is a good thing, so please don't lambast me.]

My guess is that the kids never send a Thank You, because they weren't taught to. If you want to get the point across, I'm guessing that the Berenstein Bears probably have a book about manners and saying thank you for gifts (but it's only a guess... but they do have books on just about everything). So, if the youngest is the right age for that sort of book... I'd send that... sort of as a gentle reminder that we should say thank you for gifts.

But ultimately, you just have to not expect one. So if it bothers you that you don't get a thank you, then don't send anything. Or, you can just send a card (Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, etc) without anything inside of it.

Good Luck.

Yes, you are out of line....hear me out though: I am the aunt of three younger kids and sometimes I get a thank you verbally or in a card format. If I don't, I am certainly not questioning whether my ability to be a good Aunt is in question. I also know that I don't have a ton of money either and my sister and her family know that what we can give is more than enough and they appreciate that they were even thought of. Don't let their lack of courtesy lead to questions of your own self worth. Clearly you are caring by sending them a card at all but to also beat yourself up over not sending a card or gift ... that is where you are out of line (see, not as bad as you thought!).
Clearly they could have been better in their thanks. Why don't you send them a card only if it will make YOU feel better. They 'seemingly' don't care to let you know it was appreciated. You're doing great K.. If it doesn't bring you joy or hurts your feelings to do what you are or are not doing (sending a gift vs. not), then it's time for a change! Big Hugs!

Don't feel bad. My personal rule is that if I will end up feeling resentful then don't give anything. It's not worth it. Only give what you truly in your heart want to give freely and then you won't be hurt when it is not reciprocated. Their bad manners in not acknowledging your gifts is a reflection on them not on you. You know that you are there for them and always have been. Not sending a gift or card doesn't change that. Don't worry yourself about it any longer.