Dang it! My 2 ex sister in laws friended me on fb, so I have the option of accepting or clicking on Not now. I don't have any problem with them, they are always invited to my son's birthday parties (invitation sent via snail mail). They are perfectly nice people, but they are my EX in laws. I just don't want to see what they are up to. I don't want them to see what I'm up to, not that I post overly personal information on my page, but still.... I don't want to see their pictures, etc. I just don't want that contact. My ex has a significant other who was my best friend before she hooked up with my ex. I know she is close with my ex sister in laws and I just don't want all that grapevine gossip.
It's kind of like the advice I got a long time ago... if you don't want to hear the answer to a question then don't ask it. It's the same thing. I just don't want that contact. I mean they are my Exs for a reason. I feel bad, but I just don't want to accept. What would you do? Any divorced Mamas with facebook etiquette problems?
E.S. you are SO right!!! Fb brings all kinds of problems! haha
I guess I should've mentioned that none of my family is really on there including my own 2 brothers, I only have about 50 fb friends. I think I am going to meet them halfway and continue to communicate via snail mail. I can appreciate they want to be in the loop and hear about what their nephew is up to. Half of me wants to be like that is their brother's responsibility to forge that bond, but the other half of me is the bigger person. I think I will take a combo of your advice and send them Christmas cards with pictures and a letter about all the things that my son is doing. I may also attempt to send them at other times in the year such as Christmas and Easter cards perhaps. I like the idea of keeping them in the loop without having to have them in my daily life. I know there are settings on fb etc, but I'd rather do it this way. Thanks for all your suggestions as it really helped me shape my solution. You Mamas rock!
Added: while we always got along, I wouldn't say we were friends before the divorce. Also, I would be very surprised if they did not attend functions for my son simply b/c I didn't accept their fb request. Those are valid concerns, so thanks for your thoughts mamas!
Actually, I am going through a divorce right now but still (and will continue to be) real-life and FB friends with my SIL. The problems between her brother and I have never come up between us...but my situation is more than likely rare!
Don't accept. Or, if you are worried about how that will look, accept and block them. Sort of feels passive aggressive to do that though.
Don't feel obligated to accept just because a person sent a friend request. You don't need that kind of stuff in your life.
Consider TWO accounts. One for exfam (pics, invitations, etc.) & one for everyone else.
Orjust don't accept the request
I have two of my ex sis in laws on my facebook. We are still friends 8 years after the divorce. None of us really go out of our way to see or talk to each other, but when we do we still talk and are friendly to one another... I also talk to my mil usually once a week about the kids ( the kids usually stay with her on thier dad's weekend). I don't hide anything from them and if they question a comment I will fill them in.
the way I look at... I was never married to them and only divorced my Ex. The friendship was there before and still remains now.
Another reason why I'm not on FB.
Make a restricted friends list. You can change your access to only give people on this list limited access. Block them from your wall, etc.
It works very nicely.
While I'm not a divorcee, when I get a request I'm not comfortable with, I just let it ride - don't click anything. They don't need to know when/if you're on FB. If you click "not now" I don't think anything shows up on their end, so same difference.
Just ignore the request. I think if you ignore it, and your profile is kept private, they will never know that you even use FB for anything. Keep your list of friends private, so they can't see that you have 394 friends (or whatever the case may be). And keep your wall private so they can't see that you post status updates regularly (if you do). I just ignored my son's teacher's request because I think that is unprofessional to be friends with parents on FB. That seems incredibly tacky that your ex in-laws would even think to do that. Good luck!
if they are nice people and not in your face - accept - especially since they are your kids AUNTS...they will ALWAYS be family because of the kids...
you can ignore.
you can make a separate page as well.
You need to do what's right for you.
I don't have problems with my ex-in-laws...they aren't friends on FB - but my daughter is grown....we exchange Christmas cards...you can do that as well.
GOOD LUCK in making your decision!!
I'm sure they simply want to remain "in the loop" as far as seeing pics of your son (their nephew). They probably thought nothing beyond "Oh, it'd be nice to see pictures of little Johnny when he is up to something"....
Just ignore the requests, or click the "not now" button. Then when you do have photos of your son that you think they would enjoy, send them directly via email. I'm not sure how old your son is, but if FB is still around when he is old enough, he might like to friend his aunts himself then. I know that I am friends with my nieces on there. They are high school/college age now. I have been enjoying the homecoming pictures from this past weekend....
I would say except them then fix the settings so you don't see their posts and they don't see yours. If you block them that would be seen as offensive.
If there is a post you occasionally want to share, i.e. about birthdays etc., you can do that and keep the peace.
I don't understand why you'd want them at your son's parties, if you don't want to even glace at their FB page. That is odd to me. But, I'm not in your situation, so I can't judge. But just remember, if you don't friend them, will they be mad, and turn down the invites to see their nephew? Maybe you can friend them, and only let them see certain things on your page? And maybe you can block their info from your page, so you don't have to see it? I know some people do that, but I also heard FB changed alot of their settings and can't do some of that stuff now.
Don't accept. I wouldn't. And don't feel bad about it. Good luck!
I have my four ex-sister-in-laws, an ex-brother-in-law, and several ex-nieces and ex-nephews in my FB friends list. Some of them, I still consider actual friends/family and some I don't. I don't have anything to hide from them and they want to see what is happening with my daughter.
hmm im not having problems with facebook except for my sister in law. she feels and thinks that my posts are directed to her all the time..
you can accept their invitation but you can restrict what they can see and you can just HIDE their posts so that you cant see them on your newsfeed.. you will only see updates about them when you check on their accounts... facebook has new security and privacy features...
this is the best thing you can do..
