Facebook and My Inlaws

Why don't you just stop posting every little thing on FB? They won't know, if you don't post it. Besides it's rather annoying hearing every little thing everyone does on FB.

My mom asked me in person and I said "NO" and she went about her business. My sister won't let me or my sister see her page and now I know why. It's so dumb that you can't treat freinds and family the same.

I always laugh at the sign at my bank drive-thru. It says "we treat you like you're family." OMG, they would be OUT OF BUSINESS if that were TRUE! Funny thing is my sister works there...

Wow. Kinda edgy, Momma! I love having my family on facebook. Makes it easier to communicate with everybody, send pics, etc. Sounds like your FIL was just trying to help, why would you get offended by that?

It is his business when you post your lives online for all to see. And, have you replaced your bulb yet? I don't think it's weird at all he asked, just making conversation really and making sure everything is alright. If you don't want people to know every aspect of your life, then don't post it in a public place or tell people about it. Really, life would be so much less stressful if you took it in stride and stopped nitpicking. I know from experience.

IMO if you put it on facebook, it's open discussion for everyone. If you dont want them to comment on something you posted, either don't post it, or block them from your wall.

Just set up groups and put them in a group that doesn't see everything you post on your wall. If my parents were on FB, they would do the same thing as your ILs. You can't put stuff up there for all the world to see and then get upset when someone asks about it. Take a deep breath, replace your bulb, tweak your privacy settings, say a prayer of thanks that you have ILs who show care and concern (even if they're a little nosy) and move on with this.

I have many family members on FB but everyone on it is cool. I have one relative who posts stupid annoying stuff all day long so I block her posts on my newsfeed and I shut off all Farmville etc. so thankfully I know longer have to see how much time my relatives (and friends) spend on stupid games all day.

Stitches to the head is pretty serious -- sounds to me like something that should be shared with the grandparents. I would have wanted to know if I was the grandma, as well.

Like you said, we don't know your in-laws, and if they continually seem to be in your business, then the reminder of the light bulb would be annoying. Otherwise, it's very sweet of him to be concerned! He knew he could help & just wanted to make sure it was done so he didn't have to worry about it.

It seems like they are involved in your life, which is a good thing. But if they are overstepping their boundaries, then you & your husband need to decide what is ok and what isn't. Then you need to have an honest, loving conversation about your role as parents and their roles as grandparents. It'll be tough, but worth it in the long run.

Maybe you could post pictures on another site. I don't have much problem since my in laws aren't on FB and aren't the interfering sort. I do have friend who has relatives with very different views from her. She has 2 facebook pages, one for family and one where she can be herself. If you don't want to do anything that drastic then just be careful what you post. Posting on FB is like making a public announcement.

I'm with ya! MIL on Facebook to keep up with pictures of the kids... that turns into her recommending friends on Facebook so they can see pictures. Then it becomes her interrogating my husband about where we're spending holidays and rumors started from misreading posts..... HATE IT! At this point, though, i have so many of the in laws "friended" I don't really feel it's my Facebook anymore.

If youre gonna post stuff, just figure they are gonna ask questions. Maybe PM them after your post and explain stuff so they dont have to get all riled up. Or just be cavalier when they ask about things. They are old and fb is new to them, they are JUST now learning what social networking is about and dont understand the protocol really. Be patient with them. My mom is the same way about facebook posts.. she reacts to everything, it's just because they dont know how to act and what to ignore and what to take seriously.
I dont post personal stuff for the most part UNLESS I do want my whole family praying or giving me attention, otherwise I'd have all my family and friends calling me and stuff. I try to keep my wall fairly simple. "If you post it, they will come"

Hi,

I totally understand your frustration! I have similar issues with family getting involved all the time in our business. The only helpful advice I have is-- create your boundaries around what works for you and your family. If the MIL and FIL don't like it, too bad! You can set your settings on FB to have only specific people view it, for future reference. But I truely feel for you! Hang in there~

M

I am friends on FB with both my Mom & Dad, along with my Grandfather (age 80 uses FB) and everyone but two of my and my husband's Aunt's and/or uncles are a friend of mine too. I watch what I post. For example my daugther goes today to see if she has permant hearing damage and will need to have surgery. The grandparents know as do my brother and my DH sister's. However nothing has been posted on FB as I am not ready for the world to know because once it is out there ~ it is fair game.

Why dont you put a sensor on what they can and cannot see? I put one on for some people. Customize your settings and put that they can only view photos on your page, and not updates or posts etc. It works great.

I am sorry about your in laws, I think most of us here feel the same way and have stories to relate. I could go into many myself lol, but it would take too long.

I can understand that you dont want them in your buisness. Its different from them checking in and seeing how things are, but they arent. Its hard, and people with good in laws and families dont understand. Just limit what you tell them, and what they can see.

Good luck!

if you click on the lock icon under where you post you can customize who can and cannot see your post, just click customize and block your inlaws and set it as the default. Then if you want them to see something it's a simple click of the icon to allow a post to go through, and you don't have to monitor what you post.

There's a simple solution to this. Facebook has privacy settings and friends lists so that you can set up who can see your status updates either by default or whenever you post a new status update. Set up your friends list and your default status updates so that they don't see them unless you choose to give them an update (say something congratulating your son on graduating from kindergarten or whatever). It's really not that hard.

I had a crazy uncle who complained that I made too many status updates. Wow, does he realize he can hide those if he's so unhappy about it? So now he doesn't see any of my status updates. I can't say that I'm heartbroken that he doesn't know that my son has a crush on a friend's child or that he might not know that I'm expecting again.

It is Facebook.
Anyone, related or not, and Employers or potential employers, or Weirdos or Pedophiles, can go and see whatever you post. If you friend them, visa versa etc.
So, there really is NO "privacy" about your private lives, or about your kids private lives. Kids, have no private lives, on FB or online. Since their parents post things about them, without their knowing. Especially if they are very young and don't go online yet.

What you post, is for all your followers to see.
It just so happens, that these 'followers' are your In-Laws.
So that is irritating.

You can, have an alternative to this.
Like Shutterfly etc., whereby you can post pics up for them to see your kids/your family etc.
Without it having to be 'social networking' at its worse.

yeah, i hear you. it's a fun place to vent, but i would be annoyed too. i have a relative like that on FB...

and i know what you mean about the inlaws-- sometimes parents try to parent their adult kids and that is not really their job anymore...

but if it were me, i would just live with it. they can say what they want, just ignore it and move on. they are just trying to be connected, right? they mean well. and you are right; you are an adult and you should be annoyed that they try to parent you, but you are also grown up enough not to hang onto the annoyance.

This is the reason I did not friend my mother on FB, nor any of her friends who know me. I also did not friend my MIL. I ONLY friend MY friends. FB is for MY social networking... not to keep up with my family. (I am friends with my sister and BIL... but we actually enjoy one another, KWIM?)

To keep family updated on the kids, I upload pictures to Kodakgallery and then email them out. You can also do this through sites like winkflash and shutterfly. There are others. It's a great way to mass email pictures and they are right there if you want to put together some sort of special gift. I typically do a calendar for my mom's birthday. She loves it.

You don't HAVE to friend family. There are other ways to keep them informed and up to date. If it really bothers you ... you could put up a quick post that you will be "weeding through my FB friend list". I would first set up another way to keep them supplied with pictures.

As far as telling them stuff.... IDK... sometimes I tell my parents and in-laws what is going on... sometimes I don't. I am also of the mind we keep them informed of what is necessary. Are stitches to the head necessary? Hmm.... that would probably be one that may or may not get told in our house. If there was a concussion along with it or something like that.... then I probably would have. A cut that needed stitches... maybe not.

Hang in there.

It doesn't bother me too much, our families usually find everything out anyway...

Get off facebook. Or don't put anything you don't want bothered about it. I don't use facebook but my dad started putting pics on flickr to his family that I would send him. So I copied him less and less, and it reduced my annoyance. The only thing you can control is your actions... The in laws don't change unfortunately.

You have to look at it in a different way, for your own sanity. (at least that's what I do).
"Have you replaced the light bulb yet? If not here's where you can get one and I can do it for you"
translates to
"Yeah, now I have a reason to call them and something to talk about. I want to be part of their lives. Usually they don't need me. Maybe I can be useful and helpful and do something to make their lives easier that doesn't impose on them. This lightbulb thing is perfect. I can do that and it's a way to be involved that isn't pushy" "I love Facebook, it's another way to feel like I'm part of their lives without pressing my face against the window of their house"

I could be wrong in my translation but it's what gets me through. My dad loves to help -it's his way of being needed and participating in my life. He likes to be needed and it took me a while to get zen with that.

Sounds like they feel they don't know enough of what is going on in your lives; I guess you guys don't share much w/ them? I know my parents and my husband's parents would be really upset if their grandchild had to get stitches in their head and we hadn't told them. They love and care for their grandchildren!! I would never defriend them on FB over issues such as this or you will create a whole world of hurt for yourself. Watch what you put on FB or change your settings so that only certain people are privy to certain stuff -- although I never trust that anyway. Good luck!

I tell everything on FB, my ex gets so embarrassed sometimes when I talk about my feelings. He tells me that diary's were invented for girl talk.

It seems to me that your hubby knows he is not supposed to be on the phone, It should be turned off. He's an adult and his life is at risk by talking on the phone. There should not be a section of your question that says he talked to them on the phone when he knew he wasn't supposed to. The phone should be off...period.

He can tell his parents off but you can't. Sucks but it will only hurt you in the long run if you tried to do it.