Extended Family Issues....Hellllllppppp

I read all the other answers and thought they were great. I agree that your child should never be left alone with this person in a room under any circumstances. Have you thought about going to other members of your family and asking gently but directly if anyone else has had problems with this family member. You could stand up not only for your child but for many others and maybe save them some pain too. Good luck. It's a difficult situation.
M.
PS. If he's not worried about hurting your child, you shouldn't be worried about offending him.

Confront the family member and tell him/her that your son is uncomfortable around them. Ask him/her to stop the teasing as it's not funny or enjoyable to your son. Bottom line.

I had a situation with my MIL a couple of weeks ago where she kept holding our son and he wanted to get down. She wouldn't let him down. My mom actually went over to them and he reached out to her to get away from MIL. MIL still wouldn't let go - my son was even crying. I went over and took him out of her arms and go, "He wants to get down." I put him on the gorund and he crawled away. I was very matter of fact with her and then turned away and left.

Seriously, sometimes adults don't realize that they make children uncomfortable. My MIL wasn't trying to upset Jake, she just wanted to hold him. When I was young I had an Uncle Dick (no kidding) that ALWAYS wanted kisses. WE HATED IT and he creeped us out. My mom finally told us we don't have to do that or anything else we don't want to with regard to kisses/hugs/whatever. That made me feel better, knowing that Mom was behind me. So, I would talk to your son and tell him that if someone is ever doing anything that he doesn't like he 100% has a right to simply say, "Please stop doing that. I don't like it." If they continue, he should tell you or Dad right away so you can step in. I think showing your son that you support him will give him even more confidence to speak up.

Good luck and please keep us updated!

T.

If you need support to face the family member and ask them to stop behavior that leaves your son unhappy, you have it from all of us.

It's not ok for any adult (family or otherwise) to do things that make a child uncomfortable or feel bullied, even if the behavior is not "inappropriate" sexual. The fact that it always happens when you or your husband don't see it is what would be concerning to me. If it's truly harmless play, why does it happen only when you are away from your son.

Is your son old enough to learn "stop, I don't like that". That may help him feel like he has more control than he does now. And don't put off that conversation, you may start loosing your son's trust if he thinks that you somehow support the behavior by not stopping it.

AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! Family, these are the people in your life that should be supportive and helpful, not make your life more stressfull. No matter the level of inappropriateness, it must stop. Whether, "the family member" stops at pinching your son's nose, or there is other inappropriate behavior, you absolutely must confront and stop "the family member" from continuing to upset your son. I don't want to sound over the top, and without more information I could be way out of line and I apologize, but behavior that seems somewhat harmless can lead to inapporpriate touching. Often pinching and tickling and wrestling are ways for a preditor to "test" a child to see what he may be able to get away with. I think you and your husband both should do 2 things:
1. Pat your son on the back and let him know that he did the right thing by telling. Give him the power to say NO to adults. Often we push "respect your elders" with our children and they don't know when and if they can say No to an adult, even when that adult is doing something that makes the child uneasy or uncomformtable.

2. Both you and your husband should approach the family member, and just lay it out. Don't mince words and don't be apologetic or back down. Be direct, tell this family member that your son is incredibly uncomfortable with his/her teasing. He does not like to be pinched. From now on, we would appreciate that you not touch my son, it is really upsetting him. Your family member maybe ofended, along with other people in your family. Don't feel bad, you and your husband are your child's only shield against the world. You can tell your family that your son's tears and fear occurred at every family function when this family member approached him and you simply could not tolerate it any more.

Best of Luck
You definately have all our support.

E.

That is ridiculous! I would definately say something to this family member. I don't think your son would be making something like this up. If it were me I would not wait. Ask your child if there was anything else going on, hopefully not any inappropriate touching or anything. That is my worst fear.

It is your job as the Mom to protect your son and your son is the only one that you should worry about upsetting. The other person is older and should know better. The sooner you say something the better. If this causes distance between your family and the rest of "them" then so be it. Your son is a child and you may even be lucky enough that he said anything at all about this. I would ask him if the other person ever told him not to tell anyone that he/she did this or anything else to him. Good luck and stay strong.

If you have any consistent problem with a family member you need to discuss it directly with them ASAP. Even if it is uncomfortable for you, you are already uncomfortable with the situation. If you limited contact with the family member, that would inevitably feel uncomfortable anyway. Get to the bottom of it for you and your son's sake.

I have to say as soon as I read your post I got a bad feeling. I would definately dig deeper if I were you. It sounds to me like your son is pretty scared and anxious around this person. Go with your gut and what your son says. Don't let anyone tell you that he is too young and doesn't know what he is talking about. I went through a similar situation with my daughter when she was 2 1/2 and in an inhome daycare. I pulled her out so fast. There are some things that kids don't just make up.

I don't mean to scare you but don't disregard the situation and your son's feelings.

P.

I am not trying to scare you but is there any chance this family member is being inappropriate with your son? It happens more than you think and in the best of families. I think you need to ask your son some serious questions about what exactly this family member (male or female?) is saying to him and where else he has touched him. You can find resources on-line about how to state these questins to small children. It is your job as parent to make sure that he is protected from inappropriate or even annoying behaviors by adults (pinching the nose is annoying so you can simply ask the adult to stop). Hopefully you will find out it is nothing sexually inappropriate but may get some information from your son about why he is uncomfortable with this family member. Don't ignore it. Your young daughter should also not be left alone with this person if you are still uncomfortable. She won't be able to verbalize her fears like your son.

How old is the family member? Male or female?

Hi,

I agree with the other member, just tell whomever this "family" member is to keep their hands to themselves. And when they tell you they are just kidding or playing tell them well you would rather they not.

An adult upsetting a child is totally uncalled for. We should know better then to purposly upset any child family or not.

J.

DO NOT EVER LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN ALONE AGAIN WITH THIS PERSON. THIS is INAPPROPRIATE IF IT IS UPSETTING TO YOUR SON. FOR WHATEVER REASON, HE IS TELLING YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN THAT HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE AROUND THIS PERSON. IT IS YOUR JOB AND YOUR HUSBAND'S JOB TO MAKE YOUR YOUNG CHILD FEEL SAFE. HE NEEDS YOUR PROTECTION, EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHY. ALSO, WHY ON EARTH WERE THEY ALONE IN A CAR? THAT IS NOT RIGHT.
AMY

You've got a lot of advice here but I hear you saying that you are certain this family memeber isn't being sexually innappropriate by any stretch so going on that I would say that this doesn't even have to be that awkward. The next time you are all together and the situtation arises that they may be alone again, go and get your son, shrug your shoulders and tell this family member "For some reason he's afraid of being alone with you". I would just keep telling the family member this the first few times they try to be alone with your son and eventually they will be trained that it's just not going to happen and will stop trying and your son will feel safer. Probably this is just a case of some people don't know how to act around kids and wind up scaring them inadvertantly, like social awkwardness. Obviously don't let them be alone whatever else you decide.
Why are some people so clueless? Good luck with this, I hope you work it out in a way your comfortable with.

L.

I am assuming the family member is another child. If this is the case you need to speak to that child's parent. No matter how close you are your child needs to come first. I as a parent would also like to know if my child is behaving in an inappropriate manner. If the parent does not believe you then you need to closely monitor the interactions between this child and other family members. Is this possibly happening to other children in the family? Act like you are not paying attention which is when this is happening(I am not blaming you I know you cannot be watching them 24/7) but really be watching the kids. If you can catch them in the act then you definitely deal with this up front. If this is an adult in the family then you need to call them on their behavior asap!!Good Luck!!

babies have more instincs than we do, keep your child away from them. He may see and fear something. It is your son do not let anybody to damage him. You can say them not to pinch him because he gets fussy in a funny way. If they really care they would understan.