How Do I Tell Someone I Don't like Them Touching My Child.

Smoker or not, I find this to be inappropriate. Prepare what you will say next time you see this man, and be firm!

"Hey, this doesn't have to be a big deal but I'd feel better if you didn't kiss my daughter on the mouth." Smile.

He'll be apologetic or awkward and you'll nod and smile and ask him how his kids are doing to change the topic.

Then if he does it again: "I asked you very nicely and respectfully last time to not kiss my daughter on the mouth. You agreed so I let it go. Why are you doing it again?" NO SMILE.

Then he'll apologize and get awkward and you won't change the topic. Instead you will tell him you aren't comfortable with him and regardless of what he's SAYING he has disrespected both you and your daughter. Let him sit in the awkwardness and be prepared to also sit in the awkwardness. Don't let him off the hook. Maybe even tell him while you appreciate his words, you are going to have to see a change in his actions for you to feel comfortable again and that's going to take time. If you don't want to give this person time, END IT. Ask him to leave. You are the mama and protecting your daughter so even if it feels hard to do, the bigger picture has nothing to do with this mans feelings and everything to do with your instincts and daughters well-being.

Best wishes...you can do this!

I would start now, teaching your daughter that she doesn't HAVE to let anyone touch her,kiss her, hold her unless she wants them to!! My 3 year old grandson lets us know if he doesn't want us to kiss him hello or goodbye ( usually he doesn't want us to kiss him goodbye...I think he feels we might not leave if we can't kiss him...lol) and we don't get our feelings hurt or act upset at all about it. It is HIS body...HIS choice!!! I just make a point of giving his Mom ( my daughter) "a kiss for Kieran"!!! He can get it from her later...lol.
As to how to deal with this particular situation...I like the idea of "blaming" the doctor...tell him that the doctor urged you to limit kissing and hugging during the flu season. Or if your daughter has indicated to you that she doesn't like the kisses...tell him that it makes her uncomfortable...and stick to your guns...with a sweet smile on your face!!!

OH MY GOD, an adult kissing a child on the mouth, no way! Just tell him that you are teaching your child to not accept anyone doing anything inappropriate to her. Given the monstruous amount of child molestors, this is something that should concern him as well, since he's a parent too. Please, be very watchful, as they say that many abusers of children are in the family or are very close friends of the family. I sincerely hope this is not your case.

It has nothing to do with smoking. Just yell, "No kissing on the mouth!" with a big friendly smile. When he heads for her. Then say, you just got a notice from the ....doctor....whatever....that you shouldn't let your daughter get kissed on the mouth, there are lots of sicknesses going around. The explanation at that point won't really matter, he'll just feel bad he ever did it and won't do it again. If he dares make an issue of it....well that would be just too weird to not only kiss kids on the mouth but ALSO act disappointed if you can't, unless he's a looney bird, it won't come to that.

Doesn't sound like this guy is a perv or anything, maybe seeing your daughter just reminds him of his own kids. I would be very uncomfortable with anybody except for my hubby and I kissing our kids on the mouth even their grandparents in all honesty. And we are mouth kissers. I kiss other babies on top of the head. Just say "oh hey at her last doctors appointment the doctor was very clear on no mouth (or face if you choose) kisses to avoid viruses and cold sores." You can add that the doctor has been seeing more kids coming in with cold sores or the flu or whatever. I always use the doctor thing to not offend anybody. Like when my kids were babies I would say 'Oh the doctor said no kisses or to wash your hands before touching, or no large parties, etc.'

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"With all due respect please don't kiss my daughter on the mouth."
If his feelings are hurt or he gets upset or is offended, oh well. He is an adult and can deal with it. Don't worry about what other people think when it comes to someone doing something to your child that makes you uncomfortable.

Lisa

I think you'll have to ask him flat-out to stop the kisses and limit the hugs. And frankly, it doesn't matter so much the whys because it's YOUR kid and YOU are uncomfortable with it.

My daughter has curls and her sister's friend likes to "boing" them. I told her to please stop, you are annoying my child.

No...not overly critical. I would have freaked out if my husband's friend kissed my child on the mouth. He would not have been at my house ever again. You don't have to be nice, you have to be firm. Being firm is different then being rude. "I would appreciate, if you didn't kiss my daughter on the mouth. It is inappropriate." It's really important, he knows WHY he can't do that.

I find it really creep and strange. Not to be an alarmist, but please be very careful when he is in your home. He clearly has boundary issues, at the very least. Your daughter needs you to have the inappropriate touching conversation. She needs to know to say something. I would teach her to tell him not to kiss her on the mouth, also. She needs to understand this man is violating her physical space and is touching her inappropriately.

Totally passive agressive, but here goes...If you are uncomfortable telling him to stop for whatever reason...I say shock him out of it. Next time he goes in for a big wet sloppy one say very sweetly - "Wow, you are darn brave...cold sores run rampant in our family, and I would hate to see you sporting a big ol lip blister next week"...

That should be enough to scare him straight!

Another attempt would be "Whoa...what's up with the smootching? We aren't allowing her to date until she is at least 16?" Then laugh it off...

Oh wow! I would feel weird having a guy kiss and hug all over my daughter too. Specially if hes just a friend.

I've had to deal with this before too, because my sisters friends would kiss and hug on my daughter. I know, it's sometimes hard because they are just sooo darn cute. But please, keep your germs away from kids, specially if they aren't yours!!! It just seems kind of creepy to me.

I don't even like my family members kissing her on the mouth, however, it doesn't matter how many times I tell them not too, they still do it. And it's aggrivating, not to mention disgusting!

Stick to your guns, tell him over and over again if you have too, that you do not want him to kiss on your child!!!

I agree with you, and I like AllyJ's answer :)

Some people are "on-the-mouth" kissers and it grosses me out (other than immediate family). I simply say as I turn my head to the side "We don't kiss folks on the mouth. It's a "insert your last name here" family tradition." As others have said, be firm about that. Also, I would not let him be affectionate with my daughter. I would remind him that smoke permeates all clothing, so washing hands is not enough. So...(said with a smile.).."NO HOLDING OR TOUCHING except a brief hello or goodbye hug". I have found that people can say just about anything to set limits if they say it nicely and with humor.

Sounds like he is just being an enthusiastic father (you did say he has a 2 yr old and an infant at home) who has carried it over to your child of similiar age. Your husband or you need to tell him that you do not want anyone kissing your child on the mouth. Don't let it continue...you are not comfortable with it AND your daughter is sensitve to the smoking residue.

Go with Ally J's answer! You are your child's advocate! She cannot speak for herself, it is YOUR job as her mother! Do not ask him, tell him to stop!

It is SHOCKING sometimes how inappropriate others are. I am sure I would have freaked out or been so dumbfounded I didn't respond instantly.
I have never had anyone kiss my daughter on the mouth except us.

You have every reason to feel the way you do, no you are not being critical!
You simply say, we don't kiss on the mouth and don't like when others do it. We don't do these things and don't want it done! Also, you could say she is not breathing as easy, and it's not a good idea for him to be so close to her. The smoke smell messes with her breathing and it effects her. My husband is allergic to smoke and can't stand the smell or be around ppl that smell of it. It messes with his breathing, so it's legit!
Good luck,this is your daughter, take firm ground...lay down the law, or maybe you can get your hubby to say it...either way, one of you has to say something and ASAP!
God bless!

Such a tricky situation. You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but if your gut is telling you he shouldn't do it- listen.

I agree with making sure you are holding your daughter next time he would kiss her. Assertively say something like "she must be entering a new phase or something, because she's just not into kissing and hugging anymore, so I guess that's that!". Something that strongly says 'it's over', but you're not offending him. You could even turn the tables to ask if his son is affectionate with other people. If he says yes, then say how all kids are different. If he says no, then say you they have that in common now. Hopefully that will do the trick. If he persists, I would say something more, or like others said, limit his contact because that's just wrong. Since it's a friend and coworker, it's a little trickier than if it were a stranger. Start with the nicest approach, but stick to your guns and ramp it up as necessary.

Maybe you could make sure you're holding her the next few times he comes over and when he tries to kiss her, turn her away or offer a cheek or the top of her head. That might give you a segue to say you don't think it's a good idea to kiss on the mouth because of her sensitivity to smoking.

we have a friend who has a baby around six months of age and our DD is three years old. She like to give him hugs and a kiss when he leaves and he finds it weird lol! My DH has a cousin who likes to kiss on our ten month old and we are also grossed out by it. He is just....different for lack of a better word. We just keep the kids right with us when he is around. I don't know what to say either.

Updated

we have a friend who has a baby around six months of age and our DD is three years old. She like to give him hugs and a kiss when he leaves and he finds it weird lol! My DH has a cousin who likes to kiss on our ten month old and we are also grossed out by it. He is just....different for lack of a better word. We just keep the kids right with us when he is around. I don't know what to say either.

Just tell him! If you are uncomfortable then be straight forward and let him know that you are not a touchy feely person and you are not crazy about people being that way with your kids. Done!

Now another option is to not have him over anymore.

Good luck!

My first thought was why isn't a 2 year old old enough to turn her face or say "NO". I would still tell him no. But if he does that to everyone he may not understand what in the world you are talking about. I would not kiss some other person's children on the mouth. I hardly ever kiss my own on the mouth. Especially when they are older...ewe, germs.

If it makes you uncomfortable just tell him not to do it - to echo many of the other responses, it seems weird that he is so affectionate and if you are feeling something with your mama intuition, I would go with your gut. If he continues after you have told him to stop then your husband needs to limit his interaction to at the office or anywhere outside of YOUR home!