Explaining Sex

Don't make a big deal out of it. 3 year olds have short memories. If she brings it up just tell her the truth that that is private for mom and dad and it is not something we talk about with others. If she asks more questions just again tell her the truth that mom's and dad's should do this only after they are married and that they do it only because they love eachother.
S.

I wouldn't say too much - just that Mommy and Daddy love each other and that we always knock before entering. If she asks more, which she probably won't, you can say that there are things married people can do that no one else can, and leave it at that.

SAHM of seven

If she didn't bring anything up to you about it, don't volunteer information. If she does bring it up, listen to what she says, and read her cues. I wouldn't give much more than a simple answer, brief and to the point based on what she specifically asks. Leave the details and the birds and the bees stuff for later when she is much older, and better able to understand. Most kids this age will accept simple non-complicated answers and not press for more information. Chances are if she doesn't have too much detail that isn't confusing, she won't share it with others.

A couple of good books aimed at the very young on this topic you might want to keep on hand in case you need it in the future are:

"How and when to talk to your kids about sex" by Carolyn Nystrom.

"Where do babies come from?" by Ruth Hummel

I would bring it up--I wouldn't wait for her to bring it up. She might be too horrified or scared or confused to bring it up.

Take whatever you've told her about the birds and the bees so far and go from there. There are countless age-appropriate books out there.

Whatever you do, don't lie, and don't act ashamed! Be careful and be thoughtful--whatever you tell her and how you tell her will color her thoughts on sexuality for years to come.

Regarding her not telling anyone--good luck with that! ;-) Kids talk and giggle about that stuff all the time.

At three she probably is more worried that you were being hurt then anything. I don't know how much she saw or if she thinks anything about it, but if it happens again, treat it as matter of fact. You don't have to get into telling all "this is how mommy and daddy's make babies" or anything. I would just say that when people are married (or in love and committed)they show each other like mommy and daddy did. She will probably be ok with that, reinsured that you love each other and let it go. If she would question more on it, keep it simple and matter of fact. When my son was around 3 he burst in on my husband and me but we were covered with the blankets. We looked at him and I said "hi, do you need something?" He said "no, I was just wanting to know why daddy was bouncing up and down up and down on the bed" I gave a little laugh and said "ok, can you go out and shut the door now please?" He said "ok" and off he went. He was satisfied with that simple conversation.

What ever you do - be careful! There is a very fine line on what is considered to be OK and what is not.

I'm being brought up on criminal charges now for telling my (then 7 year old) daughter about her body. She was full of questions, so I answered them. When she still wanted to know more I showed her some black and white textbook diagrams and pictures of genitalia.

At that point she became weirded out so we stopped. Unfortunately she told her teachers at school about it and it somehow got twisted into I was "forcing her to look at pornographic pictures of naked boys and girls" They say that I was sexualizing her.

Now, I have to fight this with every bit of power that I have because I don't believe that I did anything wrong. I never would have showed my 2 or 4 year olds the same thing. I only responded to Torri's requests as she had them. But I believe that it's wrong to do as my parents did and teach her nothing at all.

Good luck!

We had a lot of interesting talks with my son (who was 3 1/2) when his baby brother was born--he thought the baby was going to be born from my stretch marks. :) I just keep reminding myself that I'd much, much rather explain these things to him (what he wants to know, not more) at 3 or 4 than at 14...and that it's really good to begin the dialog NOW so that it's not a taboo topic when he really needs me to be a parent and tell him the important things.

My son walked in on my boyfriend and i, he looked shocked then he just turned around and waled out. (he was 7) He asked me later what we were doing and i used the ol "we were wrestling" line....assuring him that my boyfriend was not hurting me. Now he is 9 and still remembers that situation and informs me that he knows about sex and that he knows that is what i was doing. SO....i think i am best telling him the truth about things from now on. Even thought i didn't know what to say back then....ive been preparing for another moment of questions and i know exactly what to say....of-course not going into to many details.
In second grade my son came home asking me what Transvestites are....and perverts......and many more terms they should not even be hearing at their age...and we live in a small town. I dont know what this world is coming to, but i better get prepared for anything. lol.
My sister has a problem...she has 3 girls and told them that their vagina is their other "butt" and now she dont know how to tell them the truth about their bodies. And her kids are coming home from school and crying cuz other kids were laughing at them cuz they think they have two "butts". So here is a lesson for all........Just tell them the TRUTH!!
I hope this info. helps in some way for future reference. I woudnt worry to much about a 3 year old....they forget things too....but at that age if she does ask......keep it simple...they dont understand alotta things at that age. It is a good idea to get comfortable with terms that will make ya blush, but will help your child understand more about their bodies. After all .... we shouldnt be afraid of what we all have. Good Luck! Parenting is always a learning experience!!

one thing i remember reading is dont bring it up unless she does.... i dont know however, how that relates to her telling everyone everything! i guess warn people who will be caring for her in your absense that she did walk in on you and your husband, and if anything is said by your daughter, this is how to handle it for me ... and tell them however it is you want them to handle it. otherwise, dont bring it up... she might just forget about it, young kids have a way to forget things LOL.
dont stress, and it will probably not even come up!

I would discuss this if she brings it up. I would not however lie about it. Sex is everywhere in this world. Our kids know a lot more than we think. I am not saying that a 3 year old understands sex but I don't think that lying and making it something it is not is the road to take. Maybe tell her something like "moms and dads do that to show love for each other" you would not be lying, yet you would not be getting into the specifics about sex either. I am explaining this all to my 9 year old daughter as they just had a movie and talk at school.

I'd explain to her that you guys were tickling and wrestling. It's not a big deal for my 4 yr old to see us naked so it wouldn't be a shock for her to see us wrestling or tickling naked. But, you coudl explain that you both had just gotten out of the shower.

If you were actively kissing and um...humping, you could say that it's called making love and that's what Mommies and Daddies do to show each other that they love each other. Short and simple. Then, drop it. If she asks questions, tell her the truth to the extent that it won't scare her, but my guess is that she won't even ask.

Isn't it funny that kids always wake up when we're having the most fun? In the wide world Nicole, entire families live in one room. In these places, kids are exposed to sexual intimacy in the same bed they are sleeping in.

Anyway, read aloud to her the book, "Where Did I Come From?" by Peter Mayle. It has great illustrations of a mom and dad in bed and explains the sex thing without calling it sex. She will become preoccupied with the more interesting part of the book ~ how babies grow and are born.

This will, effectively, change the subject for her and give her something else to think and talk about.

By the way, little kids DO talk to the world about what they see. If I were you and/or your husband, I would practice not turning red in the face. It is bound to come up sooner or later :o)

My boyfriend and I have 5 children.
About 6 months ago our 9 year old burst in the room during (ahem...) "fun time".
Although she looked confused, she never mentioned it to either of us or to any of her siblings. We decided not to mention it, and only discuss it if she brought it up. We were prepared to explain to her that daddy was giving mommy a "special hug" that daddies and mommies often share, should the subject ever come up.

We now lock our door when we go to bed :)

I have no advice but I am always worried about my daughter (who is only 2) hearing us or walking in on us (even though she can't open her door yet).

So far I have just decided to say that it is something that just mommies and daddies do... and praying that she does not have any more questions or bring it up with other people.

Good luck!

N.,

I wanted to let you know my daughters have both walked in on my husband and I. It is horrifying because my oldest tells the whole world everything also. When my oldest daughter was in preschool, she walked into parent night and sure enough she announced to everyone that her daddy and I did taxes every night. She came up with the taxes thing. Well the ladys at the school died laughing, and proceeded to say to my child, I guess your mommy and daddy should get a BIG return then........LOL I was horrified by her out burst but really at that age you can't be upset about it and believe me if she does talk the people she tells are going to think it is funny. I now lock my bedroom door. If you have a lock on your door I would lock it. Otherwise wait till you know for sure she is soundly sleeping. Or even better if you decide to do something while she is awake or around, make sure you infor m her that mommy and daddy have to talk and not to bother you. Hope this helps out.

I agree with the "say nothing unless she brings it up" advice. Children's minds are such that they ignore or quickly forget what they don't understand, expecially in the area of sex, it seems. If she brings it us, say exactly what you said in your post "mommy and daddy were doing something that all mommies and daddies do together". That should reassure her. I would never tell a child "don't talk about it" as that makes it sound bad.