Daughter Walked in on Mom and Dad Doing the Deed!?

Hi . . . yes, it's always a frightening experience when our little ones catch us in the middle of . . . well, you know! My husband and I have thought about what we'd say if it ever happened (it's been close, but not quite). We've always said at 2, they just don't need to know about everything. Older kids, we think, can get the detailed, "real" answer . . . but at this tender age, maybe it's best to just give a brief, undetailed answer . . . with just a little bit of truth. Depending on your position, you could tell her that you were hugging or dancing laying down. At tht age, they can be diverted very easily.

I guess with her checking herself and her brother out, she may have seen more than just you guys moving under the covers. Self-exploration is natural . . . if she's still asking about what she saw you guys doing, you might not be able to side-step the question. I'd tell her that you were just loving each other like mommies and daddies do, and maybe that can be the end of it.

Good luck and God bless!

if you act like its no big deal and normal like it is she will soon get over her inquiries. at 2 they are busy finding out things and this will soon be old news. sense she seems to have found out that their are different parts to this game you were playing try not to say it was a game or that you were just playing because then she ill think its something she can play too. mayybe try that it was something mommies and daddies do or something you do whn you are married and leave it at that. good luck.

Hi S. -

I took at psychology of sexuality class last year. The advice in the book was this: if you child walks in on you just tell them you are cuddling and invite them to come cuddle with you the premise being that of course excitement would be killed instantly, and you just hug them and send them on their way. I'm personally not sure I could do this but I understand the point they were trying to make, if you get anxious and stressed about it the child will react and this unfortunately can have long term effects. The best and of course hardest thing to do is to try to just be calm and relaxed about it. It's completely natural at her age for her to check out her body and I would just explain to her that she's a girl and brother is a boy and their bodies are different. She's too young at the moment to be more than curious and if you and your husband are affectionate anyways around her she'll probably not read much more into it.

R. A.

For a 2yr old, any answer will suffice. Wrestling, tickling, paying bills, exercising, making dinner.......you get the point. :)
They are too young to get any of it. So unless you are big on being "politically correct" about everything in life and telling the truth always and all that jazzy nonsense, I would just give a simple answer. At that age you could even just say: "we are having sex." She wont think twice about it.
Definately dont make a big deal over it, she will forget it before you do. And by all means dont be embarrassed. As for her exploring her body now...that could just be coincidental. I wouldnt think its related to what she saw unless of course your child has never seen you or hubby naked. How long did she watch you all? Maybe she is just taking inventory and will soon forget about it. I find that if you make a big deal about things like this your child could become fixated on sexual behaviors at an early age (too young). This has happened to a friend of mine.
Next time: lock the door, lol.

I always make sure our door is locked first. I'm so paranoid of this happening to me too. Good luck.

This is not that unusual.

I wouldn't worry as I doubt she understood much of what she saw.

However, I would start setting boundaries about knocking before entering (assuming you were in your bedroom) and I would suggest locking your door.

Hi S.,

If your two year old asks what you are doing. Just say, "We are being close." Let it go at that.

Your daughter exploring her brother has nothing to do with her catching you two in the act.

There is a parenting group that you may want to check out to help you learn about parenting.

http://attachmentparenting.meetup.com

Good luck. D.

Quite a long time ago this happened to friends of ours. They sat down with the child, fixed hot chocolate, and explained that they were doing a special kind of loving that mommies and daddies do. It seemed to satisfy the child in this case. Don't remember if she became more aware of her body after that.

Hi S.
Children that age are naturally curious. If I may, don't make a big thing out of it. She will soon forget about the event. If you make a big fuss, she will either wonder if something is wrong, or if it is bad. She maight become even more facinated about it.

What you could say is that mommy and daddy were doing what other mommys and daddys do in private and leave it at that. If she asks more, then only volunteer a few words or a sentence like " mommy and daddy were being loving to each other". I do not know how open you and your husband paln to be with your children, but not making a big fuss of denying that anything is going on may not be the best solution.

I hope that this brings some thoughts and ideas to you both. Good luck.

C. C.
Life Coach

There was an article about this in the last parenting magazine. They told her they were looking for something and put her back to bed and then stayed up all night worrying about what to tell her the next day. They were amazed that she was happily watching cartoons without any questions at all. I would keep it light and not make a big deal about it and it should pass.2 yo are very curious about their bodies, so that could be happening regardless of what she did or didn't see.

dear red-faced S.
it's hard to say 'don't be embarrassed', i know. but it's really not a big deal, or at least not if you don't make it one! a simple 'daddy and mommy were loving each other in a grown up way.' should suffice. maybe 'you'll learn more about when you're a grown up' if she's persistent. you want to be honest, but you'd be surprised how little info toddlers really want or need. just be matter-of-fact and up front.
so to speak.
:)
helping her get to know her own body and simple explanations about the differences between boys and girls can be taken care of now too, but separate from the 'deed' issue.
when it happened to us, my son's exclamation was 'stop wrestling!!!'
:D khairete
S.

I agree with a few responses you got.

First, at that young age, if they know too much information, they will indeed become overly curious and want to know more about sex when they become a teenager... finding out the wrong way. They'll see that it is a good and pleasurable thing and want it.

However, please never make up an excuse like you are just playing. This can lead to her allowing the wrong person to "play". You may not really know how much she saw. Kids will peek for a while till they get bored.

The best thing to do is to stop what you are doing, cover up, bring her in to you and comfort her by telling her this is something mommies and daddies do when they are married... stressing "married"! Tell her "mommy and daddy love each other very much and love you too!" As hard as it may be, don't start up again till you know she is asleep. This way it does not reinforce what she just saw. And leave it at that. At that age, she will forget what she saw and remember what you said. Thats why you dont want to be specific about the act, and focus on the love behind the act.

S. L