Seeking Advice on How to Handle Delicate Situation.

I agree with the "downplay"er. He has no context yet, and by the time he gets more information the memory probably won't be clear. And get a lock. He'll be fine.

I wouldn't say another word about it unless he brings it up. You were stretching, that's it. Don't worry!

I think you handled it just fine, but make sure you put a lock on the bedroom door and use it!

I don't think he will ask or say anything about it again, and if he does stick with your original stretching story. He is too young to explain it to. Try not to be nervous, there isn't anything wrong with it, but you don't want your son recapping it for strangers by telling him about intamacy! If your child is like mine you never know what will come out of his mouth, but if he thinks its no big deal like stretches and excersizing, he probably won't give it another thought.

Hi S.,

Don't worry and don't make anything of it. For now, I'm sure he's satisfied with your explanation. When he gets older, he may remember the event and put the correct spin on it. I walked in on my parents at about that age and didn't understand but once I knew about sex I realized that's what I saw. It won't scar him.

V.

Don't say anymore about it. He will forget and if he asks you a question this is not the time to explain all the birds and the bees.Make up something, like we were wrestling. He can not understand. So don't dwell on it, you are not the first person who has been caught by their kids, (believe me) and it will not mare your son for life.

I guess the big question is did he see you naked?
Because then you need to explain why you were naked, keep things very simple, if he didn't see that you were naked and only that dad had his shirt off then you can easily say that you were having a tickle fight. If he saw you naked then all you need to say is that what he saw was a normal thing between moms and dads only. Then ask him if he has questions or concerns about what he saw, and if he does give him very basic answers. He doen't need the whole nine yards. simply that moms and dads sometimes cuddle and have tickle fights but that only moms and dads are allowed to be naked together because they are married. He will probable be fine with this info. But let him know that if he ever has questions or need to talk about it with someone he needs to come to you or daddy only, and not to tell his friends because that isn't something they need to know about yet. There parents need to explain it to them first.
I'm telling you this because our daughter was fine with knowing that the doctors had a key to your belly button to get the baby out, but the daycare persons daughter told my daughter that she was dump and that babies came out down there, and that babies are made by daddy putting his thing in there and so on. They were both 5 years old, when my daughter asked me if I was telling her the truth about the keys I was a little more open because I know someone had made her change her mind, so I asked her to tell me what she heard first then I told her the truth to only what she had heard and didn't add to it, but told her she should never tell anyone else what she knows because it's the parents job to tell them when they are ready to know all this grown up stuff. Then I called the sitter in discust that she had told her 5 yr old so much, she said that they wanted there daughter to understand what boys will do to girls and that's why she needed to dress modest. So that boys wouldn't get the wrong message. I told them that they were crazy for telling a 5 yr old this much, that they could have taught there daughter modesty without corupting her little mind, and that they needed to go back to her and tell her that she should never tell anyone this info because it needs to come from there own parents first. That, they did but for my child it was to late. Good luck to you. Remember he's only 5 and is ok with simple answers. You might want to ask him his thoughts on what he saw, and go from there. And if to much time has passed I wouldn't bring it up unless he does. All you are doing is reminding him of something he's already forgotten about. J.

If he took your explaination and was done with it, then move on. As he gets older, he will inevitably ask more detailed questions. It's awkward (boy is it awkward) but when my son asked direct questions, I gave him direct honest answers. We never used "pet names" for private body parts and always told him the truth. Sometimes he'd ask more, most times he was satisfied with the response and was done (for that moment). As he got a little older, (2nd, 3rd and 4th grade-they do SHARE in 4th grade) I talked to him more about it and would also instigate the conversation at times.
Now as he is hitting puberty, he is very open with discussing things with us and I'm grateful for the open conversation I began with him when he was little. I would hate for him to be getting misinformation at school like I did. (I learned the word "hump" when a couple of boys in 2nd grade had seen Porky's. My parents would not answer my questions but the neighborhood kids did. Honestly, it is much better to learn these things from your parents because kids don't always have it right. :)

Hi S., my son walked in on me and my husband one time, we just told him that mommy and daddy were doing grown up ecercises, he accepted that, after that we made sure our door was locked during intimacy. J.

Wow that can ruin the mood! I have had that happen to us but with my son who was 10 years old! Luckily he was old enough to explain what happened and how two people who are MARRIED and LOVE eachother show their affection. I would definitly sit down with your son and in his terms explain that mommy and daddy love each other and sometimes when that happens they play games in bed that are different than playing games with him. And that only big people play thoses games when they get older. That it doesn't hurt but fun for the both of you. His attention span will probably not last if you explain to much, so keep it simple and light. Don't stress out about it, I really doubt it made any damage. If anything it will keep you and your hubby more aware of your surroundings! LOL

Hi S.. I have been in this situation as well. My son was about 3 or 4, and did the same thing, kind of flung open the door and ran in before we knew it (it was EARLY in the morning and we were trying to squeeze one in before the kids got up!). Anyway, I told him we were wrestling (he thought something was wrong because he heard a lot of noise) and just playing. I never knew if I handled the situation correctly or not, but I DO feel that at that age, mom and dad making love or loving each other or the birds and the bees type of thing is not appropriate. Even at the age your son is at. Their little minds can not fully comprehend that sort of thing, so I think it is ok, IF he bought it. You could always say something to the effect of "that's the way mommy's and daddy's show their love for each other, but I'm not even sure if that would go over well. You have to think of future repercussions, such as, when he is a little older and playing and wants to show his love to someone else. LOL He might forget that you said that's how mommy's and daddy's do it, and just remember the other portion of the statement. BEST of luck to you with this one. I'm curious to see what the other moms will say.

I'll bet this happens to a lot of couples. :-) Everything I've read about this says that young children of course have no idea what you're doing and they're usually just concerned that whoever is on the bottom isn't being hurt! One time my hubby and I heard our son on his way to our room just in time to pull the blankets up. We told him we were snuggling. He was totally OK with that and before he climbed into bed with us we managed to disentangle ourselves. You are smart not to make anything seem bad or taboo or shameful. But maybe from now on lock your bedroom door! Good luck, and have fun :-)

Read this article. It is about a 6 year old, but I think the same stuff applies.

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/r...

I worry about this all the time, my DS is the same age. My DH and I don't usually engange in this sort of activity until he and his sister are asleep, but I worry if by some chance he were to wake up and catch us. He's very interested in the body and is very affectionate so Lord only knows what the consequences would be! My DH and I are also affectionate (to one another) and he sees my DH touching my bottom and he thinks it's ok for him to do too, so I could only imagnine what he think if he caught us!

Locking the door isn't an option for us since we have a 14 mo. old DD who may wake up and need to be soothed back to sleep (we co-sleep in another room).

I appreciated your request and everyone's answers!

downplay, downplay, downplay - unless he brings it up or talks about it out of contex (while playing with toys, etc). He really is too young to understand and the 'excercise' explanation is probably just fine.

First of all, have a sense of humor about it. Don't freak out. Accept the fact that your son may bring this incident up in therapy one day and move on.
Just explain to him that mommies and daddys like to be close to each other.

I have a five year old daughter and I'm sure she wouldn't have given it a second thought. Unless he is asking you questions, I wouldn't worry about it right now. You may end up giving more info than is needed/required at this age. At the most, I'd probably just say we were playing around.
M.

That happened to us also - but my daughter was somewhere around 2 1/2 or 3 - we told her we were wrestling and playing. She didn't see everything because she was behind the couch. She seemed fine with that answer and went back to her nap. I'm sure your son will forget about it. I would be more worried if they saw it when they were a little older - I think they would be really confused and scared.

I'd ring a good chld psychologist and ask them for some guidance.

Hi i know this is a touching subject but, really how much do you think he saw. Were the lights off you really dont want to get into much detail since he is so young.

Hi S.
at that age, he thinks you were "wiggling" or "stretching".
However, it is time to get a lock on your bedroom door and to use it.................Better to have him have to knock than to walk in on you again...........