Explaining My Sister's Divorce to 3-Year Old

I am also very sorry to hear that your family is going through such a difficult time. I just wanted to reply to please ask that you do not tell your daughters that their Uncle is on a trip, vacation, etc. It can be very confusing and damaging to lie to children even in the interest of it being "easier" for you and them at the time. It is better to explain that they do not live together anymore and as the children ask more questions, and get older, you can provide more age-appropriate answers to their questions. I provide outpatient mental health counseling to children and families and have found that being truthful in an age-appropriate manner is the most beneficial. It sounds to me like this is what you are planning on doing and just wondering how to go about it. So when your 3 year old asks, I would tell her that her Uncle and his dog do not live with her Aunt anymore because sometimes people do not get along with each other and so they decide to live apart. I would also reassure your daughters that your (immediate) family is not changing and both their Aunt and Uncle love them no matter where they live. I hope this helps and kudos to you for wanting to do tell them in the right manner.

Hi L.,

first off I am sorry to hear that your family is going through such a tough time. I think that you explain it to her as it is... you let her know that Auntie & Uncle are going to live seperately and let her know that it's because sometimes people just do better aprat than together...but make sure you let her know that it doesn't happen to everyone and there is no intent for it to happen with you and your husband...she may start to fear that. I woudl keep it light, and let her know that if she wants to see either of them, she can, don't distance her from her Uncle due to this... keep open lines of communication. Hopefully their split is an amicable one and they are open to visits from you guys. Your little one will be confused, it's just the age, but if you just try to explain it to her on kids terms, she'll get all that she needs too. She'll ask many times until it she does get it, just be patient and kind with it so it's not so traumatizing for her or you also.

Good luck.

i would suggest keeping your explanation simple and on a need to know basis. you might try saying something like he's on a trip, he had to move away for work, etc. i've found elaborative explanations are more for the parents rather than the child.

I don't know, but when I was 3 my parents separated and we were just told that daddy was getting a new house. The concept that they weren't together really didn't set in until I was in gradeschool. I think they just kept us busy and for all I knew dad was working and lived in a different house which we got to see every weekend. So you don't have to say too much. Just something like they live in separate houses now might work. I hope that your brother-in-law is still able to have a relationship with the kids.

I saw a guy on Oprah talking about how to talk to kids about divorce and he was AMAZING!! His name is M. Gary Neuman. Try going to Oprah.com and see if you can find the show about children of divorce revealing their secret thoughts. It aired at the end of June. I'm pretty sure he has a book. Seriously, the guy was incredible. I'm going to send this same response to someone else who asked a similar question this week on Mamasource but wanted to tell you about him too. Best of luck!

We had a similar situation where my brother-in-law got divorced and it was shocking to everyone. We were lucky in some ways that they live across the country from us, so we had some time to figure out what to say. We told my 5 year old that Uncle and Aunt were no longer "friends", since we felt the concept of divorce was too advanced for him. He accepted it fairly easily although I'm sure he misses her.

Good luck!