Ex's with Borderline Personality Disorder-or Rages

Hi K., I am not sure where it is you live at but if you are in the Washington State area, My dad has been in the burglar alarm business for GOSH 40 years now. He is a consultant and could probably help you out if you are interested in looking for a good way to get an alarm system installed in your home, or even how to get personal alarms for your kids and yourselves. He does not really do the video cameras, but I know that he could point you in the right direction. If you are interested I am more than happy to give you his number and let him know that you may be calling him to discuss further.

You can email me if you are interested at ____@____.com...Hope that things get better...I worked with security for awhile too and also grew up in the business and I know how frightening it must be to have to deal with all those issues....Hang in there.

Hugs

S.

My younger sister, (and she is my best friend) has borderline personality Disorder. It is not easy to live with, though she is a good person and not "crazy". She has had bouts with cutting, bulimia, and has tried to commit suicide about 6 times. I am always there for her of course, butit can be trying! I recommend that anyone who has someone (voluntarily or not) in their lives with this should read one or both of these books:
Don't walk on eggshells (or title very similar)
and
I hate you, Don't leave me!
And at the very least, do some reading about it online.
It will certainy help you to deal with her if you know how to talk to her, what to say or ot say, and how to say it, to get the best results from her. Eventually, as the kids get older, they should also be educated about it and read these books too.
Let me know if you need anything further regarding this.
-K.

I have had the same situation. I say do not have a man around your children who is that way no matter how much YOU love him. It awlays gets physical as the kids get older and speak out more. My ex is bi polar and takes our 4 yr old daughter alot, I just pray. He has got better tho, so if he is having a bad day he doesn't take her. I also am his friend and this seems to work on raising her and him trusting me. I do not even date much because of my luck with insane men. The price has been too high for my kids. I am all they got and they need to know they are safe here at home. yes, I do miss a socail life at times, but not as much as you would think.
D.

I know what you are dealing with. My husband's ex is a big problem for us. I have no perfect answer or easy solution, b/c I believe there isn't one that exists. My best piece of advice is DO NOT say anything bad about either ex in front of the children. Even if they ask questions, be very careful how you answer. Even if the other parent has severe issues and/or is a terrible parent, it is still that childs other parent. You don't want the children to blame you later for saying bad/mean things. (Even though they are true!!) The child will be able to make their minds up on their own. Children tend to be smarter than we give them credit for. However, sometimes you can be so careful and it can still backfire.

An example: My step-daughter asked me one time how come her mom is such a liar and makes up mean things about me. She told me she heard her mom on the phone mulitple times talking to her dad's relatives (her ex-relatives) and would tell them mean things about me. She believed her mom was trying to get her dad's family to hate me. I told her maybe she thought they true and therefore it wasn't a lie. Which I knew wasn't true...this women was telling some major crazy stories!! But I was trying not to say "yes I think your mom is telling terrible and hurtful lie's about me." Of course my line worked b/c at the time she was only 9.

Try to provide the most stable environment for the kids that you can. They need somewhere where they can always feel and secure and have trust that the enviroment will be pretty much the same from day to day.

I wish you the best of luck!!

K., my first husband, and father of my son is borderline schizophrenic. My husband's ex-wife is a control freak. However, we get along with her well enough that we are renting from her. I had to put my son in counseling because of some issues I'd rather not discuss at this time regarding his father. that was over 10 years ago. I at one point had a protection order against my ex, now he is an involved parent to our 14year old son. It was very hard, my husband now and I have been together for 9yrs, married for 2 1/2 & we have a beautiful 4 1/2 daughter together. I know it is frusterating, but it really just takes time. You just have to be patient & pray a lot. You can email me if you need to talk. K.

Hi! I gotta ex with Borderline Personality Disorder too. He is scary, and it's not because he has Borderline or because he's been diagnosed as mentally ill. He's scary because of the things he accusses me of, even though I've never done them. He probably will do this to our daughter too. The scarier things is that he retaliates against the things he claims I have done. It's this retaliation that is so harmful..He's scary because of the things he does. Well I got a restaining order, which the piece of paper was easy to get. To get him to stop calling me/contacting me through the net was a lot harder. Legal Council says call the cops every time he did a violation. Well doing that just made me fill out paper work all the time and get an earful of 'well if he does this, then we'll do something about it' It was really stressful. I was really stupid and attempted to take him to court to get full custody of my daughter. All that did was cost me so much stress it's unimaginable and cost a lot of money. It got so I was pretty much accepted as the main guardian, but all the stress got me so sick...I had to turn to parents for help. (which I didn't like doing) But there's a lot of 'crazy' people out there who are not really a problem and can still be a help....it's the rages and the actions people take that make them dangerous. Sorry I don't have any info on security or alarm systems.