First of all, I do have an attorney. I would like some advice from others that my have been in a situation as I am and would like to know your outcome. My ex and I divorced in 2005. We share joint custody of our 9 year old, although I was awarded primary custody. I was awarded $750 in child support and he was given less than standard visitation. After nine months he took me back to court and lowered my child support to $358. He lost his job by having an affair with his bosses wife. Anyway, he did get another job soon after that as a furniture traveling salesman. He has had that job for about the last 5-6 years. Since he was a traveling salesman I tried to work around his schedule so that he could build a relationship with our daughter so we did not go by the papers. Anyways, this past year he would get to where he would not bring my daughter back when he was supposed to and was busted for his 2nd dwi. I had been wanting to take him back to raise his child support but he has always threatened that if I did he would sue me for custody. Well, I finally put enough money together to take him back to court this past year. Now that I did, sure enough he is suing me for sole custody of my daughter. This has called my daughter and I so much stress. I have her in couseling right now. She says she wants to live with both of us., but her father is no way, shape or form capable of taking care of her on a regular basis. She has stability with me. She makes the honor roll and never misses school and alway's gets the citizenship award from school and most friendly. I take her to church, he doesn't. He lives in a one bedroom apt and still sleeps with her. She tells me he is still washing her hair for her while she showers. I am not comfortable with that at all. We did go to our temporary hearing for child support to be raised and it was raised to $750. While we were there he wanting me to agree to standard visitation and I said I would if he would not sue for custody. Well, I received a call from my attorney and he is suing for full custody when we go to trial. My question is... Will a judge see that this is just an attemp for him to not pay child support? Will a judge remove a child from a safe stable home to a father with 2 dwis a wreckless driving all on his record? And he recently found out he has Tuberculosis and didn't tell me about it. He didn't know if he was contagious at the time and would still pick up my daughter. I am scared to death to lose my child. I want her to have a relationship with him but he is not a responsible parent. Please help
Thank you all for your answers. The only thing I am guilty of is not going by the court order visitation. I worked around his schedule. Yes, he is still a traveling salesman. I think he is just trying to bluff me. he knows his family has more money than I.
he cant get full custody without you doing something incredibly wrong.
Be proactive. get letters from her school and activties on how positive she;s doing now and ask the therpist to doncument anything they can that will help you
Unless you have some major issues that would prevent you from being a fit parent that you are not telling us about there is now way he will get sole custody.
I would not even stress about it...easier said than done. I was threatened by my daughter's grandmother (HA!) that she would take her from me and then in the same breath she said she would just add her to her insurance if I gave her custody. Sly, right! I laughed at this. I reminded her that they had to prove I was an unfit parent, so start searching for something I am doing wrong. That never even made it to a petition.
It is so obvious he is doing this to avoid support. Does he still travel? What will he do homeschool? There are so many reasons this should be shot down.
I am hoping your attorney is laughing at this, otherwise, I might look into a new attorney.
I will pray for you and your daughter. Were I a judge I would not let your daughter have anything other than supervised visitation with her father-at the most, based on the creepy showering thing alone-and sleeping together-yuck-can't he couch it for a few nights a month? DWI's and TB?? He slept with his bosses wife? Why should he be in your daughter's life? I'm not getting the vision. All the best-I hope you get a good judge.
It's scary, I know, but NO he won't get custody. Not only would he have to prove he could do significantly better for her than you are doing, he pretty much has to prove you are doing something detrimental to her. They aren't going to give Mr. TB/DWI full custody of your child, and given his issues they probably won't extend his child support beyond what it is now.
I think it is now his burden to prove that he's better than you, and you have incidents like him not bringing the child home and the DUIs and exposing you and her to tuberculosis. If your child has done well in your primary care, it will be hard for him to prove that it's in her best interest, especially at her age. I think the judge will probably see it as retaliatory for the CS modification if there are no other circumstances that warrant the change. The judge may change his visitation, but I would be surprised if you lost and he got SOLE custody. If you think the showering thing is creepy, then that needs to be addressed separately, perhaps start with her pediatrician about what is concerning at her age. The pediatrician is a mandatory reporter.
As far as the CO, I would go back and find evidence of how you tried to make it work, for HIS benefit. Any emails, letters, or any other documentation you have.
I would def consider calling CPS on him. She has to have her own bed if she is going to stay overnight with him. No judge is going to give custody to someone that doesnt even have a bed for the child, and be sure to let your lawyer know about this.
I would also stop playing ball with this jerk. Stick to the paperwork. If its his weekend and he is busy, then he misses his visit. For your daughter, you really need to do this to make things more stable for her. He cant just pick her up anytime and keep her for as long as he wants. Also, I would request supervised visits, and mandatory AA as part of his visitation, he'll really like that. With 2 DUIs on his record, and if you can prove the tuberculosis thing, you may get it. What a jerk. Good luck.
the tb thing is scary but to me it is more scary that he is sleeping with her in the same bed and doing her hair int he shower. at 9 she should be able to to that herself. sorry i am just paranoid but ithink both of those things are weird. and i would bring them up also.
In my experience he will not get full custody but he can get 50/50. The courts just aren't buying into the whole mom is the only one who can raise kids thing.
Kids need both parents, your daughter wants both parents, try to work something out.
This is so typical anytime the custodial parent wants to file a modification. There is no way he's going to get custody - he travels, first of all. Secondly, there's no reason to disrupt her life/schedule. So you modified the visitation around his travels - so what? That works in your favor actually.
Now, if he is sleeping with a 9 year old and looking at her in the shower while he washes her hair, you need to stop visitation immediately. Completely and totally inappropriate behavior. He MIGHT be able to have supervised visitation, but that's all. He might only have a 1 bedroom, but she needs her own bed or a cot or a futon or SOMETHING - and he has to be able to prove that she is not sharing his bed. And he has DWIs? That's more specific than "he's a reckless driver" but if he has other driving infractions, that's a no no too. She cannot ride in his car. Period. And he has TB? You were not informed?
Gather all the info you can, either from his emails or public records, so you have info on the dates of his illnesses, arrests, and as many visits as you can find. What he told you, what he didn't, etc. Also write down anything you recall (with accuracy and dates if possible) about what your daughter told you. A 9 year old is old enough to speak to the judge and say that she is sleeping in Daddy's bed and he is in the shower with her ("helping" or otherwise). Don't tell her that now, but just know that it's going to be more than your word against your husband's.
Be sure you have an excellent attorney. Do not back down to his threats. Do not ask your daughter where she wants to live. Don't make her choose. If he tries to do that, tell her not to worry about it and you will watch out for her.
I would call the local health department and ask about the TB. As far as I know it is a bad illness that is highly contagious. I know we always had to have TB skin tests to work in child care several years ago. It was the only disease that you had to prove you didn't have to be able to work with children or the elderly.
If it's still classified as a contagious disease you might be able to get an injunction to cease his visits until he has medical proof he is not ill anymore.
He's not going to get sole custody. The judge may review and go for 50/50 split, but with his schedule its unlikely.
Document all of the other stuff as you may want to restrict his current visitation if you believe he is inappropriate with her.
My understanding is that a judge will not take a child out of the home especailly away from the mother unless they are unfit. Now they could order joint custody. But more than likly with his record they wont. But document everything. Every conversation with him. Don't leave anything out.
My ex did the same thing, but wasn't successful.
He WAS, however, successful at getting his child support lowered even more than it already was. I worked so I didn't count on his support anyway.
I think it's pretty typical for non-custodial parents to try this in court when the issue at hand is really child support. I also think that the fact he is a traveling salesman might not be conducive to any type of a 50/50 custody arrangement if he's not in town enough to keep your daughter on her regular schedule with school, etc.
Even though the two of you have worked things out between yourselves when it comes to his schedule, you should ALWAYS keep a calendar of dates and times he picks her up and brings her home. Do it EVERY SINGLE TIME! It's valid as evidence in court.
I'm glad you have an attorney.
Best wishes.
Dear J., I have been in your shoes. If you have a good attorney, you should have nothing to worry about. He cannot be trusted. 2nd DWI? No way a judge is giving him custody. Don't give him any more than what the order says he gets. Does he drive your daughter? If he does I would add a breathalyzer test before he can have visitation. Play hardball with this guy, he is not going to do anything he says and he can jeopardize your daughter in sooo many levels! Protect your daughter! Your attorney should be implying to his attorney that you are going to go for supervised visitation now that he has TB he didn't disclose and the alcohol related problems, and I'm sure many other reasons you can find out. Do NOT give him anything by agreement. Let him fight to get any extra days of visitation. If he doesn't bring her when he is supposed to, call the police. Follow the Order. I know this is very stressful for you, but you are doing the right thing. Hang in there, do not lose your cool, be perfect, and enforce the Order. Best wishes and God bless.
