Be it family, friend, husband, whatever?
In my instance, it happens to be a friendship. I invite her over for dinners. She never returns the favors. Maybe her house is small or messy. I send her birthday greetings. She doesn't give two hoots when my birthday is. I wish her child a happy day on her special day. She doesn't care when my daughter's birthday is. I say "hello" and "goodbye" to her child and we know each other well, so I will give her a hug and so will my daughter. She will brush mine off and say goodbye to her, only if my daughter says bye first. She does call me periodically, like a clock almost, every 3 or 4 months, just to say hello and see how things are. We never get together without the kids but when we do, I feel like she doesn't care about my little girl at all.
Am I keeping score? No, I call it evaluating my relationships and every so often, I take stock of all my relationships. I might think that I need to be kinder to someone or do something extra nice for a friend that helped me, or question a relationship when I sometimes don't feel very valued.
wow. i'm not that nice to my husband, and i was going to say i feel i do all the work in THAT relationship. i am sorry, but that is not a friendship. i would gradually lessen the invites and "friendly" actions. unless you just want to be on the working end of a one-sided friendship. i think it is a good idea to re-evaluate this one.
ooopppsss... why are u friends with her i ask? is it coz u dont have any other friends ? do the following right away
1. stop calling her, stop wishing her on birthdays and all, stop paying attention to her kid...immediately
2. keep ur distance and u wll see how soon she will start following u around.. i did this with my sister in law and results were just awesome.
3. get busy wth ur life.. go to story time wid ur daughter, join exercise classes, in short stay busy with ur life and see how quickly she will see how much u DONT need her:)
Oh gosh, does parenting count?
What if it is parenting a teen?
LOL
I used to feel this way about my sister - I felt that all I ever did was give and that she was never there for me. Turns out, that was okay - for the past year and a half it has been "my turn". I think all she has done has been there for me. (it has been a really hard year for me). So I think, if we are lucky, it balances out. Sometimes we give more than we get, sometimes we take more. When I evaluate my relationships - and we all do it - I try to keep that in mind.
If you friend calls you regularly to see how things are - then she does care about you. She may just have a hard time relating to other kids, she may just want to focus on adult things when you all get together and sees the kids (including hers) as incidentals to the adult time. Try talking to her about it. She may not realize that she appears to brush your child off when you all are together.
Good Luck
Some advice I was given years ago. Only have people in your life that are beneficial. Not that you benefit from financially or literally, but the actual friendship is healthy for you and them.
Having girlfriends can be rough, trust me I know..I have two friends that I hold dear and they both live out of state, but we talk often..We are so much alike in so many ways and can tell them anything at all. I treasure them as they do me...Everyone else that I know here, I pretty much see once in a while when I need to get the hell away from my kids and husband, but don't talk to them much other than that..Works for me..I wouldn't take her too seriously, and if you stress more than you enjoy her, then lose her...If you do decide to still hang out with her, I wouldn't waste the energy being mad just because she isn't like you, your wasting your time, people are who they are...Don't ya sometimes wish you could clone yourself? I hear ya on only getting together for the kids to play, I don't have any of those by choice, no thanks!!! My kids are still at that age where they can play with whoever is at the park at any given time, that way I don't have to deal with anyone in particulars drama, for now anyway...I know I won't get away with that much longer but am enjoying it while it lasts, lol..Choose who you consider "close" wisely, as their won't be too many..:) Just the curse of being female I guess..
I have to agree with some of the other responses....I don't think she is a friend to you! Sometimes we have to step back and give people "breathing room"....Stop calling her & wishing her happy birthday....take some time away from her and see what happens.
Sometimes we force "friendships" because we feel like it's the right thing to do but we end up hurting ourselves. I've had a lot of these types of "friendships" and realized that it was just a one sided relationship and had to take a break and walk away.
You also don't want your daughter's feeling's to be hurt which will eventually happen.
It's good to evaluate our relationships at times. Step back & refocus your time and energy on the relationships that matter the most :)
I always thought friendship was a two-way street: you did things for each other. When one does all the calling and the other responds infrequently it is not a friendship.
My son had a friend that he really liked. He would call and call and the other would not call back. The friend made an agreement to have him spend time with him and that his mom would bring him back. We drove to his home and he stayed the time agreed up and then It turned out that I had to go get my son and bring him home "something came up" and they couldn't bring him back. I had to take off time to go get him and bring him home. Once we got home I explained to him the rule on friendship about a two-way street. It hurt him a lot but he did see the error of his ways.
So it might be time to put this relationship out on the curb and move on. It is nice that she does call every 4 or 5 months but that is not what you are looking for. Find new friends and hobbies that don't include her and when she does call you will have a whole new list of things to say that don't include what she is/is not doing.
Life is too short ot hold on to things that don't pan out in our life. Friends are for seasons and this season has ended but no one told you.
Have a happy holiday season.
The other S.
PS I have had several where I felt like I did all the work. In fact I have one now I think about but won't call because the ball is in her court and she hasn't called back. I have moved on to other things in life.
Yes, I've had (past tense), a friend like that. You're a giver; she's a taker. I ended the friendship by not contacting her anymore. A relationship is a two way street. I think it's time that you moved on and devoted your energies to someone who will value & appreciate you. Life is too short to surround yourself with negative people.
I've read it's healthy to look at your friendships every so often a do some house cleaning. Perhaps it's time to move her to acquantance status, since that is where she seems to feel the relationship stands. I did this a few years ago with a 'good friend' and do not regret this at all.
Doesn't sound like much of a friend to me...
Have you talked to her about this? She may not realize how she is acting. She cares enough to call you and make some effort to keep you in her life. Be assertive!
Hi E.,
There are all types of friendships and relationships. Just like the layers of an onion: some people one keep's close and some are more at a distance. I admire your balance in evaluating your relationships. That is healthy. I am trying in my life to say "This is this person. I accept them the way they are. They cannot change. I can only change how I behave toward them etc..."
Thus, I would just decide how much time and energy you want to devote to a relationship that seems not to consider you a close friend. Does that make sense. You have a choice about the nature of the relationship, as does the other person.
I hope this helps a bit.
Jilly
we have friends.....who are "users". They only call when they need something, they only call when they want us to donate to their financial woes - whether it be theirs or their adult kids.
We keep our distance, & almost never initiate the contact. We do have a few mutual needs/likes which is "why" we keep the line open. It's certainly a very unusual relationship....
I guess I don't see the big deal here...
You may initiate more, but she actively participates & does get in contact with you periodically. Some people are just not huge into other people's kids, some are embarrassed of their homes, or don't like to entertain, or may be too broke to entertain. Some get busy or stressed, or life sucks & they're not good at communicating with friends. I don't see where she's using or taking advantage of you, or mistreating you. I do see 2 people with different levels of neediness & expectations.
It seems like you are analyzing everything she does (or doesn't) do & making it out to be more than it probably is. Maybe you are looking for reasons to end the friendship, and these are the best you could come up with. IMO, it sounds like you both might be better of without each other, as it sounds you both have very ideas of what a friendship is. I know I wouldn't appreciate a friend keeping tabs & having expectations of me, personally, and you aren't happy with how she's handling the friendship. At the end of the day, you have to do what feels right to you.
