Increasingly over the last year, my husband will sit down and work on his computer or watch tv after dinner rather than help with any clean up, bathing kids, helping them get into bed. I've talked with him about it but he still doesn't help. He might agree to help in "just a minute" and then never step in. My older kids are having to help more than I think is appropriate. I know he is struggling with things at work right now, but he is acting as if he is just "done" with being a dad. Any thoughts??!! He is normally such a great team player!
If he used to help and now doesn't, somethings going on. Can you find a different time of the day, with no distractions, and talk with him about this? Without making any accusations, just concern for what's going on with him.
It might work better to have the kids ask their dad to help. With my husband, if I ask him something, he can find a reason to say no. If the kids ask, he always steps in and helps. He is also dealing with some major changes at work right now (as am I), but he melts when they ask to spend time with him.
1) Well what is he doing on the computer????
2) Is he using this time to deflate and de-stress from work? IF so, then give him a bit of time to do that. Unless you are needing it too.
3) My Husband is always on the computer too... BUT, in his case, it is because he is going to school and has online and on-campus classes and he has to be on the computer to do his work and criteria with the Professor. So, he is always on the computer... because he is working.
4) So your Husband.... is "struggling' with work right now. Okay.
But, that does not mean you fall off the face of the planet and disappear. Even if in the same house.
Or is he Depressed or something?
WHAT IF... the Mom/Wife did that???? She would be, called an Unfit Mother. It would simply, NOT be tolerated nor allowed. Right?
So...
He is STILL a part of the home.
He is STILL a Dad.
He is STILL living in the home.
He is STILL a Husband.
He is STILL, a part of the family.
He is not, exempt.
I finally had to sit my husband down about a year ago when he was working and say- "look I work all day I cant work all night too, I need you to help with the boys there is homework bath time and bedtime wars that I just cant fight alone" I admit it came out kind of snippy at the time but it did help.
Hi L., I agree with Sue W.
It sounds like he may be going through something...in any event, I would take to him about it when the kids are asleep. I would approach it in a non-confrontational manner....ask him if everything is ok. Does he need anything from you? That is, ask him first the questions you would want him to ask you....without expectation that he will...
Then think about his answers, and decide after a day or so, if you need the extra help still or if you want to give him his space and give him the benefit of hte doubt.
HTH, Jilly
