Estate Settlement --- arg...and Not the Cool Pirate Kind. Need Perspective.

Death always makes small matters huge.

I know that this doesn't seem small, but take a step back and contemplate this: You FIL was under no obligation to leave you anything. You were blessed with his life, and blessed with him raising his son that you are now married to. Possibly, your children were blessed with a grandfather who loved them. And now you are blessed with his leaving you a piece of what he earned throughout his life. Instead of fuming over the inconvenience of an ill timed payout, put your energies where they belong, grieving a life lost and being grateful for what you receive.

Why should an early payout of your BIL's portion affect your taxes? Are you sure about this? Can't you just wait to receive your portion at a time that is convenient for you?

If there is no way for your BIL to take his portion without it affecting your taxes, then the obvious solution is for your husband to talk to his brother. "Brother, is there a way we can work this so that it's beneficial to us both? Because this is really going to affect our taxes negatively."

If your BIL refuses to discuss this and possibly compromise, then I guess you have to graciously let it go and be happy that you are getting what sounds like a sizable amount of money. I mean, you'll still be ahead, right?

well, he can ask all he wants, but if the executor says he has to wait for it all to be settled, then he's whistling in the wind, right?

do you know if she's planning on accommodating his request? if not, you are getting upset for naught.

it's really hard to set one's feelings aside in this sort of situation. when i was younger i always rolled my eyes at families who get ripped apart by estate issues, but after experiencing the emotional tsunamis (not even financially related at all) that followed a recent loss, now i think i get it.

i'm not sure why you'll be impacted negatively. surely the taxes owed will just come out of your portion, so you can't really be in a WORSE place, right?

i'd talk to both the executor and your tax attorney (or pay for a consultation if you don't have one) and get the facts. and then get thee to your own tried-and-true method of detaching.

super-hard when you're this knotted up, i do understand, hon. but you can't unknot until you have the facts, and once you have the facts, you can start, one by one, to unkink the knots.

you can't fix your BIL, but you can take care of your DH emotionally, and put the estate situation into a 'financial concerns' box and take the heat out of it.

not perfectly. not all the time.

but you can do it.
khairete
S.

I would suggest you immediately seek out tax advice from a professional who deals in estate planning. Perhaps there is a way these funds can be paid into some sort of a trust so that you can avoid some of the tax implications you might otherwise face. Maybe you've already done that, I don't know, but I would certainly look into that as a first step.

As for being a positive for your husband, that can be tough. Try not to think of this situation as something you have any control over (or them either, the in-laws I mean). Just view it as a set back you must weather together with your husband, and address it that way. Separate this from the people involved as much as you mentally can. There is no other way to do it.

If only this was happening to me! But let me try to offer advice...Can you do anything about the fact that your husband did not give permission and have it stopped? Sounds like you are FORCED to receive money NOW even if it's to your detriment? Is that true? If there is no way to control it, then you HAVE to let it go, and be grateful for what you have, even though it will be less than it should have been after taxes and such. There is no other choice. It's OK to be mad first though.

I have witnessed an ugly situation with inheritance and it turned me off to inheritance entirely. My feeling is that the fortunate thing was knowing the person. Anything that happens to come your way after the person's passing is nice, but isn't expected.

My suggestion for anything like this, no matter how well people get along, is to have legal counsel involved. That is the only way things can be wrapped up legally and fairly for everyone.

When the fighting occurs and it is sad when you see the true colors of some people... the lawyer and a mediator can be of great value.

I get that you are emotionally wrapped up in it and there is concern that your family won't be treated fairly. You have to step away from the emotions and let the legal counsel manage it with the executor.

As for tax implications and more, I would also seek out someone who specializes in taxes for times like this.

You made spend a few hundred dollars for legal and tax counsel but that money could certainly offset any tax implications if you have the right person representing you.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Best wishes.

I also think you should seek out legal advice.

There are so many loopholes, and no one (but you) has your interests first.

Unless you are well versed in these matters, I would get an attorney to protect your rights. It may cost a few hundred to a few thousand, but it may be money well spent if this is the type of communication that is going to occur in the future.

I'm guessing that the estate also has an attorney? Talk to them about referrals for advice on how you can mitigate tax implications. And if you are having a hard time dealing with the stress and emotions of dealing with the estate, it wouldn't hurt to ask the attorney for a referral to a family therapist. Even one visit to talk things through, with someone who has lots of experience working with this type of family stress, might help you with some coping skills. It is SO hard dealing with all the fall out of a death in the family, it is totally reasonable to ask for some outside help.

Well taxes are paid by the estate, not you, so I am not sure why you have your knickers in a twist in the first place.

No really folks, the taxes are paid 100% out of the estate! There is no choice in this matter. The exemptions, which I think is around 5 million this year goes to the estate, not all the people who inherit. There are no tax implication via inheritance to the people inheriting the money. I honestly believe it is greed that causes this disconnect but I am cynical like that. I have seen too many people really not care about anything but getting their piece of someone else's money to look at the math. :(