Energetic and Aggressive Toddler

It sounds like he is an active BOY. He needs physical things to do to use up his energy. I do recommend avoiding activities that set off the bad behavior or gradually getting him used to them. If he acts negatively, he should be removed from the situation completely until he learns to behave correctly.

Telling a child no and then letting that child go back into the atmosphere in which he/she acted incorrectly is not going to work. Good luck!

Make it a GREAT day!

S.

My now 9 yr. old was a lot like your little one. My Mom's nickname for him was "Mr. Exuberant" This last may we ended up having to go to counceling for something he had said to his teacher. It has been the best move of our parenting lives!!! turns out he has Aspergers and just needed some extra coaching on how to behave socially. Actually, most of the therapy has been with me and my son and learning how to take situations that make him go wild/destructive/etc. and show him how to make his brain choose a better option. Your little one could just be high energy, but I wish I would've looked into this when my boy was smaller. Life would've been much less stressful and frustrating! BTW, there has been no meds prescribed, just practicing better choices in a way that works for him. Try playing Simon Says and Red Light Green Light. These games are great for all kids, but even more important for those who need to think before they do something - make it fun, include the whole family!:)
If you are in Boise, Id. area and want to know more I'd love to talk! Sorry for the novel, its just been such a lifesaver for our family:)

A., your son sounds a lot like my nephew used to be at that age. He's 9 now, and still very energetic but knows how to focus the energy appropriately. My SIL used Love and Logic and continues to use a ticket system of reward/discipline. For example if he is misbehaving while at a family gathering, she will quietly tell him that when they get home he owes her a ticket "for X behavior". I know it's been a long road for her, especially with preschool and kindergarten teachers who were less than understanding at times, but he's a bright kid and wonderful with his younger cousins. I think it sounds like you're doing the right things, and don't really have any other advice to offer other than my observations with my nephew. Hang in there, and trust your mother's instincts over an evaluator who's met your son once or twice. You know what's best for him and you!

My advice having a similar problem as yours is that hyperactive children are the same as hyperactive dogs. They must have their energy released before they will behave. Tire your son out by running him in the park, kicking a ball, riding his trike. Go to places where there are very few other children around so he won't become overstimulated. After he is sufficiently exhausted take him to story time and see if his behavior is different.

My daughter - also 3 in October - is similar. I agree - it's all "normal" - whatever that is. Be careful not to get caught up in labels. I read an interesting book, not extremely practical, but makes you think and consider a new approach. It's called All Children Flourishing... and I wish I remembered the author, a friend has it on loan now. Hang in there.

I think it's great that you're thinking of having him tested. Boys with older brothers can sometimes be too physical with children their own age, and at this age it can be very hard to discern "normal" boy behavior from other things. Many of the behaviors our son exhibited fell well within the "normal boy behavior" category, but a few did not, and he turned out to have Sensory Processing Disorder, and the descriptions of typical symptoms included almost all of his "normal" and not-so-normal behaviors. You might want to read more about SPD, ADD, and other common issues to see if you feel one of them describes your son.

Best wishes!

Some kids are just higher maintenance. Two of my three were like that as toddlers (one of them still is at 8). The best bet is to avoid issues as much as possible. If he can't sit still at the library story time, don't worry about taking him (you're not a 'bad mom' for not going to story time!) Try to get him into more groups with older children, since he is fine with them. And watch him carefully when he's in situations where there could be problems and remove him from that situation at the first sign (before it becomes a problem).

As far as other parents, you're going to have to develop a thick skin. I've had other parents, teachers, and church kids' group leaders ask me about my son and/or give unsolicited advice. I've been told he might have everything from aspergers to a seizure disorder to ODD (and none of it by a doctor), and that I should be more strict ("I would never let my kids ... ") etc etc etc. I just decided, I know my son better than they do. And I know all the wonderful things about him to. Try to focus on the good things, and help him work through the challenges. You're taking steps to screen him for issues, and you said that people who know him have seen improvements, so you're going in the right direction. It may not be over quick and easy, you're going to have to be patient and work with him a lot. But you also know how wonderful he is and its worth dealing with the challenges to see his big smiles and hugs and kisses.

My three year old is the same way. He also has an older brother who can be quite bossy. I don't know if he is aggressive because I didn't spend much one on one time with him when he was little or what. He doesn't like the baby laughing at him or looking at him. He gets upset easily and starts telling people to die when he is upset with them. I've told him to use his words and tell people how he feels. I mostly had his older brother play with him and watch cartoons when he was little. I was feeling depressed and I also had to do a lot of work around the house, so it was just easier to tell him to go and play with his brother. I'm really worried about him. We are usually at home (it would be better for all of us if we got out more). My little guy loves to run around and play too. I would suggest trying to do more one-on-one things with him like I am trying to do. Read to him. Build Forts! Have Fun!

This sounds rather normal to me, in the "high-maintenance" area, but also normal. Some kids have massive amounts of energy.