Emptying Nest

Hi J.,

I have a grown son that is married with two children of his own. I absolutely LOVE being a grandmother. You have so much to look forward to!

It sounds like your life if is full of other interests that will keep you occupied and filled with a sense of purpose even after your last child leaves the 'nest'. I too, am concerned about how life will change, but as a grown 'child' myself, I know that I keep up with my parents, and they are a part of my life. They get to enjoy their kids, in addition to new hobbies and interests. I may adopt a new pet when my move away!! You should share some of your raw recipes with us!!

Hi J.,
I have sent 4 beautiful young adults on their way. Sadly, my marriage broke up with the last one leaving (not the children's fault, just an unfaithful husband). It was a long marriage (35 years) so I found myself with no children and no husband. Thank goodness for my little part-time job. It was my saving grace. Well, that and my passion for gardening. The children will still come and go. In fact, my 3rd child has moved back in with me with her new son after her relationship broke up. I am more blessed now than ever. God always watches out for you. he knows what you need and what you can handle.
Enjoy your new hobby!
Cathy

I understand! We have to stay busy. My youngest is 14 and her wings are beginning to sprout. It's what we've raised them to do. I am very proud, but also feel my "empty-nest" coming on.
Perhaps my new business is becoming my new addition to our family! All the best to you.

I have 4 children, all grown, moved away and with children of their own. We had always been extremely close and involved in the kids lives as they were growing. I just knew that I would die when they all moved out because my life revolved around them. But it didn't happen that way. I started looking at it differently. I started thinking I could finally do all the things I wanted to do when they were younger and didn't have the chance to. I have a full life again that doesn't revolved around the children (or the grands). The kids still call me everyday just to check in and talk. We also try to get together the 1st Sunday of every month with everyone bringing something for the dinner and we play games and enjoy each other as a family.

Sounds like you where I wish I was already ahaha.

I'm having the same problem now we have a 20 yr old now living on his own and a 12 yr old now trying my patients and his independence. It is hard to home school and try to give them the space they want and need. Although he is very socialized in various church, club, co-op and different class activities we are just together most of the time. I find it hard to find time with my husband alone. Don't know if any of this helps other than to let you know your not on your own we all have our difficulties when it comes to teens.

Very wise advice from Vida E. I agree completely. Our two sons are both out of the nest for several years now, married and having children of their own. They are military and live out of town but we are always in touch...phone, e-mail and visiting when we can.

At first, you feel their absence acutely but you must not sit around and dwell on it. My husband and I love our freedom now and want to do some traveling, etc. What we did, was when our first son left for the Marine Corps, we found a beautiful piece of lake property and built a lake house. We have enjoyed this lifestyle immensely as a getaway/weekend place now for 8 years. It kept us busy and gave us a change of scenery when we wanted/needed it. Or course, we still missed him but we kind of made our lake place our hobby with lots of house guests over the years and the boys and their families coming whenever they could. We have just sold the lake house but are now building another that is more grandchild friendly. :)

Of course, I know lots of people cannot go out and build a lake house but the idea is the same for any hobby or avocation. Find something you and your husband love to do and get busy doing it. Stay close to the kids in the ways that you can and enjoy seeing then when you can but don't waste time being wistful for the way it was. It won't be that way again. It will be better! :) Good luck!

Yes, I have 4 adult children. When the baby finally goes off to college you have more time for you and to follow your own dreams. Grandchildren are nice but it is the time for you. Although I will babysit on occasion, I do not make a habit of it. I stay very busy with my own life and allow them to have their adult life. It works better this way and we are close. My children all stay in touch at least weekly and are always here if something is amiss. They deserve this time for themselves too.

My oldest son who will be 21 in a couple months, was always my "baby" that is until he found his wife. He was always so dependent upon me, way more than my other two kids (14 & 9) and we never thought he would leave home. Much to our surprise, he took his girlfriend, went to a preacher in Gainesville and got married!! No, she's not pregnant, and she is only 19, but "there in love" haha. I'm very happy for them both, but it took me a long time to get over the fact my son ran off and did this without as much as a phone call. How did I find out? We were at my other sons Homecoming football game and I got a call my married son had something to show me - when we get home, he has a wedding band on and she is holding the marraige license. It still hurts, but I find happiness in the fact that they both have excellent careers, have bought their first home, and seem to be happy as can be, so I support them and have told my other two kids, don't ever run off and get married.

I read your profile and I do not have any empty nesting experience yet but I read this very interesting website on raw food. Thought you might like to view... (I am not affiliated in any way).
www.rawfoodadvantage.com
Be Blessed

J. I am just beginning motherhood with a 3 year old and don't know anything about empty nesting but I can tell you that I was the oldest of three and that my mother had a hard time letting me spread my wings. She cried when I moved out on my own and so did I for a month. My family is extremely close and so when I finished college and got married I decided to find my own place. Now it has been 5 years and things are great. As Vida said we keep in touch luckily I only live 20 minutes away and talk on the phone daily. Enjoy the things that you put aside for rearing your children and enjoy having not only a child but hopefully a best friend.

J., I am the mother of one daughter, 25. When she left home to move out on her own I had a really hard time adjusting. It took me several months to not want to wait up at night to hear her come in. The not talking to her everyday was difficult also. She is merrily going on with her life and I was still connected. Then my husband and I discovered that we could theoretically walk around the house naked if we wanted to *smile* and that things were where WE left them, food was still in the fridge, cars no longer blocked ours and that we had the house to ourselves. We rediscovered the "us" in our marriage. She has been moved out for about 3 1/2 years and my hubby retired a year ago. We have gotten used to being a couple. He has his hobbies, I have mine and we have renovated her old room into a guest room. Now she is calling us and asking where we are and why we aren't home! She still lives in the same town, but we see her every couple of weeks.
And all those years of telling her to clean up her room must have done something, she keeps a spotless house, lol.

Go have fun, rediscover you, but mourning them leaving is normal and this too shall pass. Deb

Hey J., :)

If you don't work outside the home you could always try to get a part time job working with kids in a after school type program. Also, I'm sure there are women in your area that could use help in some way or another. I'm currently working to get a local support group to help women facing surgery, recovering from surgery or going for cancer treatments. There are all kinds of needs in our communities, so maybe you could get busy helping others to help you out with your Empty nest emotions.

I have a 23 yr old daughter that moved up North 17 months ago and I have a 12 year old son. I already know when my son is grown that'll be MY TIME FOR ME, because right now I'm focused on him. I WANT him to stay in the area though, so if he moves far away too that would be tough. I would DEFINATELY find ways to KEEP BUSY.

Best Wishes to you.