Dying with Dignity - What's Your Take?

Have you seen Time of Death on Showtime. It'd an extraordinary look at death. It's scary and sad and beautiful.

I agree - I don't believe this is suicide either.

I saw that last night. So touching.

I think every state should allow that as an option if there is a terminal illness. A person should be allowed to choose the option that is the least painful one. Every state should adopt that. Just my opinion.

If it were me, I would choose a death with dignity.

When pete was diagnosed with stage 3 esophageal cancer in January 2008, he wanted to go "balls to the wall" in spite of the fact the statistics did NOT look great. He endured chemo and radiation PRIOR to a sugery that was rated an 11 on a scale of 10.

I would like to think he had a happy just over 5 years with me before the cancer came back with a vengeance. I know *I* did. He ended up in the hospital for just over a month, in ICU before he died.

He wanted to keep fighting, and in fact, had endured a second round of chemo and radiation before the pneumonia and kidney failure ended his life. We were unable at the point when he was 'ready to die' to get him home...as he had wished. I am sad about that, but did the best I could to respect/support HIS wishes, and was there with him at the end.

One of my daughters has cardiac issues. No further surgical options are available for her...at this time. She will be turning 18 on monday, and I am 'applying' for guardianship as she is developmentally about 5. She is in congestive heart failure that is managed with meds at this time. She is happy, and has a full life.

With HER, I will do as I have done. I will play it by ear, and hope, with each passing day, that there may be other options that will emerge...OR...that this 'cup' will be taken out of my hands.

I try to keep in mind, that when she was born, the docs suggested we make her 'comfortable and let her go'. I could not make that choice for her. The journey has NOT been an easy one. But is IS a journey I would take with her again...as I would my journey with pete.

For myself, though...I would not.

I suppose that makes me a hypocrite, and a weak person.

It is, however, the truth.

I suppose each situation is different, but for ME, I would appreciate a final say in how I die.

**but then, I have always been one who enjoys having the 'final say' ***

lol

I read this article this morning. Breaks your heart especially since she is so young.

My opinion of things, like suicide have changed in the last couple of years as I have watched my mother battle frontal temperal dementia and alzheimers. There is no dignity in these diseases. The person I knew is no longer there. She is non-responsive. Breaks your heart. It is the wound that never scabs over. I don't want to say heal because I think you just learn to live with things as opposed to "heal". I ache for my father who has to watch the love of his life disappear right in front of you.

So, if I were diagnosed with these diseases, I would not want my family going through all of this. I would want to go out with as much dignity as possible and I truly believe that God would not punish me because I wanted to keep my family from going through this hell. I just can't believe that.

My husband and I chose to take our son home from the hospital on hospice. He had several severe brain abnormalities that would have only resulted in a life of pain and suffering for him with no quality to his life. By far this was the hardest decision of our life but I have come to realize there never was a good outcome in our situation. When the choice is between horrible and terrible what do you? This choice we were forced to make was not ever really about us though it was about our son and we made the best decision we could with the information we had. 13 years later I am still haunted by his passing.

I have not read the article yet but I do believe people should be allowed to die with dignity. I actually find cases such as Terri Shaivo and Jehi McMath quite disturbing although I try not to judge their family members too harshly.

Edit...I read the article. I hope I would have the courage that young W. has given her diagnosis. I agree with her $100%

If I am diagnosed with a a terminal illness, and have nothing to look forward to but pain management, I will take my own life while I have the ability to do so.
I have no desire to be bed-ridden on a morphine pump, wearing a diaper, having baby food spooned into my mouth.

I'm atheist, so I couldn't care less what any god says about taking my own life, or letting him/her/it decide when it's my time to go.

We euthanize pets with incurable illnesses and/or intractable pain, and call it a mercy. Why are we human beings not eligible for that same mercy?

I know you've responded so I hope you se this, this IS a slippery slope and I really wish we could address it rationally. I wholly support some one's choice to leave life with dignity. I am currently caring for my FIL and he cries frequently and says he wants to die. He is in what could be a long slide but he is cogent enough to know he is not rational all of the time and his dependency level horrifies him. It is just so very very sad.

Having said that, he refuses to attempt suicide because if he does, his wife will not collect on his life insurance. While this may sound foolish, his life insurance is part of his assurance that she will have enough to live off of after he is gone. These issues are complicated and we - as an entire society - need to act like rational grown ups and talk about death.

WW,

I just read this story this morning, and it is really moving.

I do not believe that this is suicide. I think anyone in this type of situation should be afforded the opportunity to die with dignity.

There is absolutely no cure for her condition. All of the specialists have told her what the outcome is---a painful, agonizing death. With this horrible death sentence, I believe she has earned the right to enjoy the remaining days she has with her loved ones and choose when to move from this life in peace, surrounded by her loving family and friends, rather than simply wait to waste away to an excruciating end.

I am sorry about the loss of your mother and hope your dear memories have helped you through this past, difficult year.

ETA: My last living grandparent (my mother's mother) will be 103 in December. She was good up until about 97-98. After some falls, a broken pelvis, a broken hip, and hip surgery, her cognitive decline was rapid. Now, when I go home, I visit her her in a nursing home, see her wasting away, not knowing anyone, and mumbling or screaming, "I'm going to die!" Family members have walked in to find her inadvertently smearing waste on herself as she itches.

What a far cry from the energetic, hard-working, family-loving, caretaking W. she was. It is sad to see a loved on like that, and I know that my grandmother, if she could tell us, would not want to live like that. As it is now, she just has to sit and wait to die. It just kills my mother. And there are so many just like my grandmother who are suffering with no hope of ever improving. The only thing to do now is make sure they have every medical comfort available and pray they are released from this misery. I think it is humane in these TRULY, MEDICALLY DIAGNOSED, TERMINAL instances for people to have this option.

J. F.

I saw this article this morning, too. I feel the same way you do, Cheryl.

The God I love is a merciful God.

:)

Absolutely. I think my family members feel the same. The pain and cost do not seem worth it unless it's a matter of hanging on for a momentous occasion. It's not natural how people are being kept alive so long

I do not have *any* judgment for this young W.'s decision - only compassion.

If it were me, however, it would be a true spiritual question (at least as the facts were presented in the above situation). I'm not sure I'd want to stand before my Father in heaven and try to claim that I did not intentionally end my life before He said it was time. It seems like there is a fine line here.

I have no issues with pain management or not accepting any further life-extending treatments, if that is the person's wishes (I don't agree with withholding fluids if the person can physically drink and wants to drink water - to me that is cruel).

Again, I have no judgment of this W. or people who utilize Oregon's DWD laws. I'm just telling you how I would look at it personally.

PS: I don't think we ever know until we are in the situation ourselves. And if I ever am in the situation I pray that God will have mercy.

Cheryl,

What you all did for your mother last year was not only amazing, but it gave her everything she wanted. Her whole family was there to love her, support her, make her last days exactly what she wanted them to be. I don't think there is anything better in life than that.

I also think this story is similar. I would hope that if I got to the point in my life where there was no helping my situation, I would be afforded the same respect. I have not read the story yet, it seems so heartbreaking and I can't do that right now...but I will. And I applaud those who respect others enough to grant them their wishes. She is getting what she wants (from what I gather) and that's the best thing she could have right now.

Hugs!

I would definitely want to choose my own time and my own way. I don't believe it is suicide. I believe that when your time comes, God is calling you and all the "life-saving" procedures are interfering with what MY God wants.

As for a loved one, if it's what they want, then yes I believe I would support that person's choice. If it were illegal, I wouldn't help, but I would support it.

believe it or not, i'm right there with ya. my little mumsie fought hard for a year, then she was done. my brother and i had the privilege of caring for her during the hard last month. she was such a star.
self-will should include being able to make the choice of how to go out.
khairete
S.

Yes, I'm sure we all empathize and understand the choice that this W. is making.
However, it IS a slippery slope.
I offer a few ideas for discussion:
How sick is sick enough?
Terminal? There are people that linger for years with cancer.
Alzheimer's is a death sentence. It can take decades to claim life. But it does eventually. So....day of diagnosis is a terminal Dx, kwim?
LOTS of gray areas.
Insurance? Generally doesn't pay if there is suicide involved.
Cancer....would the patient be required to attempt chemo, radiation, etc?
And let's not forget those few miraculous recoveries we hear about.

That said, I do believe in death with dignity as well. But even "dignity" is a vague concept. Feeding ones self? Toileting? Bathing?
Assistance with all of those things can be required by a terminal patient.
I think the "dignity" line can be different for everyone too.
My BFFs mom was recently admitted to an Alzheimer's care facility. She's clean, fed, dressed well and has a beautiful room. But is wheeling a once- vibrant W. I to a day room with other people who don't know their own names and parked in front of a tv "dignified"? I wonder......

It's not a cut and dry thing. I watched my grandfather fade away from Alzheimer's. I watched a friend's struggle with cancer. I know of people who chose the only route they could without this kind of legal ability - to starve and refuse food or drink. What a way to have to go...It's just heartbreaking. Our friend was in hospice his last days, with the comfort of medication, knowing his time was not long. He decided he'd rather have quality of life over quantity.

DH and I have decided that if we are on life support and it is unlikely we will recover with any decent quality of life, then we should just let the other go. I don't want him to have to care for me like an infant or keep me in a coma. I would try to honor DH's wishes. I'm not sure I could. I hope never to be in the position to test that.

Yes and yes.
My brother in law died of a glioblastoma.
It was horrible every which way around.
In his case though, he was losing his ability to make decisions by the time they operated and discovered they could not remove all of it.
He was in total denial that he was gong to die.
When they did a further operation several months later to deal with a bowel obstruction they discovered the cancer had spread everywhere and there was nothing more they could do for him except make him comfortable.

Yes and yes. It's seems the most humane thing to do.

if i could no longer feed myself, dress myself, or (egads) go to the bathroom by myself, i damn sure wouldnt want my family to think they would be obligated to sell off everything and go millions of dollars in debt , just so i could be a damn vegetable in a hospital gown, "drugged to the gills, waiting to die"..no thank you..doctor says, you are terminal..fine, let me kiss my "babies" goodbye( my husband, my daughter and my younger sister)..give me the biggest pan of lasagna(with extra sauce) you can find( i am extremely allergic to tomatoes)., a bottle of v8 juice and let me freakin DIE. K. h

My FIL is near the end. He's doing more chemo,,but he doesn't have any more weight to lose. He already is totally exhausted.

A part of me wishes he'd stop fighting. I'm not sure how much more my MIL can handle. My FIL won't even allow for a diagnosis!

I'm all for people ending their own lives as they see fit. It's their life and body, it's their right.

Such a touching story! Yes I would want to die with dignity.

I'm thankful not to know what I would do. I honestly cannot imagine, and this is such a personal decision. I do believe that it should be legal. A person in this ase should be able to "register" for this, just so that no one else is can be held accountable in the death.

Even with other medical options, I think that it should be the patient's right when and how to stop. They should be able to determine when they've had enough, even if a cure is just around the corner. They shouldn't be forced to deal with everything possibly along the way if they simply do not want to.

This is a hard one. If there was really no way that there would be a cure and it was 100% that I was going to die soon (from an illness) then maybe. If I didn't have a family, then it would be easier to decide. Because I have kids, I would want to have as much possible time that I can get with them. So, I really don't know. I have been lucky so far that I have never lost anyone close to me.

I don't think of that as suicide either, however, for anything like that, there would need to be some line of reason. I mean, there a lot of people that have "terminal" illnesses and given just a few weeks to live. Yet they live for many years and I think that has a lot to do with the strength within, faith and belief in themselves. And there are many that are terminal yet somehow, one day, the disease is gone.
I would not want my family to watch me waste away, yet should this decision need to be made, I think I would prefer to get very sick first just in case I could make a complete turn around. There is always a what if: what if I wait just one more month, maybe it could be better.