Don't Know If I Can Be Away from My Kids for So Long.......

Hi K.,
I understand your worries, but you will have a fantastic time, your kids will have a fanstastic time, you and your husband will get a good dose of that precious Couple Time-- it'll all be good! As for 'what if something happens?' that's always a possibility, and if you start worrying about it, your life will come to a complete standstill-- something could happen to you and your husband any time you're in a room together!
So go, have a great time and relax!

We've only left our children like that twice, and they are now 5 and 7. My husband travels regularly for business (the kids are used to him being gone), and we finally decided to take advantage of it and combine a refreshing vacation for the two of us at the same time. And I had the same separation anxiety going on (just me, my husband was fine with it). So I'll tell you how it happened for us, and hopefully it will give you some encouragement.

On our first trip, I was gone about a week. Our kids were 3 and 4, and I had to try really hard not to show them how anxious I was to leave them. And after I got on the plane, I had this super strange feeling like part of me was missing since we spend all day, every day together, and then they weren't there. But after a day or so I was feeling better and really enjoying myself, and it did wonders to have some alone time with my husband. And it turned out that our kids were having a blast with Grandma and Grandpa, and didn't have any difficulty at all... Until the day I got home again, when all of a sudden they remembered that they missed me and were all over me (in a good way), and had fun telling me of all their adventures.

Our second trip was a week and a half, and our kids were 4 and 6. They were with Grandma and Grandpa again, but they happened to be in the middle of a move, so there were fewer fun activities for them to do. But I was more confident to leave and let them have their "adventure". Our 4-yr-old did absolutely fine, but our 6-yr-old this time cried a lot and made a lot of frustration for the grandparents because of missing me. I think it would have been better if there had been more structured, fun activities to help him keep busy, rather than basically being on his own while the grandparents were busy with moving households.

So my advice for you would be to make yourself go and enjoy the trip. Talk to your youngest about how he's going to have an "adventure" with the grandparents and you'll be so excited to hear about it when you come back. Don't show your anxiety, or they will pick up on it and become anxious too. And make sure the grandparents understand that they will need some structure and planned activities and outings to keep the children occupied (not just passing the time in front of the tv, for example). I don't mean going to the amusement park everyday, but things like the park, library, nature walks, storytimes at the bookstore, playing with cousins.... I'm certain it will all turn out worlds better than you fear. Best wishes!

K.,
Honestly, I would have the same feelings. I do admire you for being able to take this time with your husband. I would do anything to be able to take a 2 week vacation and have two healthy sets of Grandparents that were able to take on the task of the care of my 3 kids. You definately need to start thinking positively. You said that the grandparents watching them is not the ideal situation. I think you need to sit down and have a discussion with the grandparents to resolve whatever issues you may be having. Get it on the table, and resolve it before you leave, otherwise you will not enjoy yourself in the state of mind you are currently in. Do it for your husband. You may find that you are worried about nothing and that they really are capable care givers. The other positive thing you can do is to talk to your kids about what to expect on your travels so they can get excited for you as well. Tell them you will keep a journal and take pictures of all the new sites and adventures while you are away. Don't feel guilty! Get them excited about your travels and they may be more adventurous as adults. It will be a disservice to the children if they see that you are worried, stressed, or unsure about leaving them. I would turn this anxiety around before your children start feeling it too.

Go and have a wonderful time! You'll suffer more than they will! You can e-mail home photos and bring home presents, and it will be exciting for everyone (except maybe the grandparents! Bring them home a bottle of a local indian liquor!) You are a mom, but you are still you, so let youself enjoy being "you" for awhile!!!

One thing I will say which of course won't help your situation but, if you did not feel like that you would not be a great mom. We have a life of wonderful worries to look forward to!! Good luck and I know you will make the best decision and either way, your children will be fine!

K.,

You can do it!!!! You'll actually be amazed at how much you enjoy yourself while away. I thought the first time I left my children for an extended period I would die.....didn't happen. I actually needed the break. Don't get me wrong I did miss them but I was so well rested.......

If you think you just can't bear being without them or seeing their smiling faces.....get a couple of web cams and a couple of AIM (AOL Instasnt Messenger) Accounts. This way you can use the internet to call and see your children whenever you want. Best of all IT"S FREE!!!

My kids are away attending college and we use our web cams regularly to talk to each other simultaneously. No burning the cell phone minutes, no international long distance bills.

Go on get out have some fun and reconnect with your husband.

Have a safe and wonderful trip!!!!

Connie

Dear K.,
I have done it with my two kids several times. They really love being at grandmas' houses and for me and my husband these times became very special... They first time when we did it my daughter was not in Kindergarten yet and she had absolutely no problem with it. For me it was a bit strange when I took the car to run an errand and was amazed on how fast I was out of the garage.... No kids to strap into carseats. Prepare little gifts to be given to them to remind them about you, write them emails and send pictures of what you are doing in India, call them regularly and know what their plans are.
One way I always looked at it was also: If something very bad were to happen to me (a long hospital stay), they would be with other people from one day to the next. By them having had an hopefully pleasant experience before the event may be a bit less traumatic than if it were their first time away from home.
Beforehand I was nervous too but it really worked out great.
A little about me: I am a stay-at-home mother of two children (12 and 10 years old) with all our extended family living abroad.

Your children will be fine, and you will come back refreshed.

But, and I'm not trying to be morbid - just practical - make SURE that you have a Will made out before you go. It is vanishingly unlikely that something will happen to you while you are away, but if the unthinkable actually does happen, you don't want your children stuck in the court system while a judge decides their future.

Give them a few fun projects to do while at the Grandparents, and bring a few good books for yourself, in case you need a distraction. You will have a terrific time, and your kids will have a new appreciation of you when you return.