Does She Not Want My Friendship?

Take her up on it.
Call her and ask her to go for a walk or to come over for iced tea or something.
What have you got to lose? Maybe she is incredibly shy...
LBC

I don't think this has anything to do with you. This lady is a little quirky and she's letting you know up front how it is. Maybe she doesn't like having anyone over. Maybe she doesn't like to be in other people's houses.

I wouldn't take it personally. Call her and have her come outside to talk - bring a few lawn chairs.

There might be some reason she doesn't want you to see her house. Maybe she's (or her DH) a hoarder? Maybe she had 15 cats and the house stinks? Maybe there's something going on in her life that makes her not want to let anyone get too close to her. Maybe she's just not very social. I guess it could be a lot of things, but I think you should try not to take it personally.
Blessings =0)

Based just on what she said, I don't think she doesn't want your friendship.
Sounds like she is saying "Tell me when you want to hang out, because otherwise I will forget!"

She is probably just a busy lady who is on the shy side. Maybe lacking a sense of humor.

I am terribly shy and am often perceived as a B_ because of it...

It's entirely possible that, in spite of the similarities between the two of you, that you are a more extroverted type, and she is more introverted. Extroverts tend to gain energy from contact with other people, introverts are quickly drained from the same contact, and need private time to recharge.

I'm an introvert, and especially as I get older, I find social situations just plain exhausting. It's not other people, it's just me. I desperately need lots of down-time and privacy.

Rather than telling this neighbor that you two "should" start visiting, it would have given her far more emotional leeway had you asked her if she'd like to get together on (a specific date) for (a specific activity). That would be much less overwhelming or intimidating for an introvert to face than a potential obligation of regular get-togethers on into the future.

Maybe she doesn't like inviting people over to her house.
She might like meeting you at yours or in some neutral place (coffee shop, place for lunch, etc).
Her idea of friendship might not be the same as yours, so try to find a way that will work for her without being too forward.

Sounds to me like she is just embarassed about her house. Maybe it isn't as nice as she wishes it was, or maybe her husband doesn't let her have people over. (Been through that one.)
Invite her to your place or to go out to lunch or something. I don't think it's you. I think she could use a friend and something about her house is making that tough for her.
Give her a chance if you can.
:)

Eh, I'm a little quirky myself .Not everyone gets my sense of humor.

Only way to find out is to try it. Call her up, give a specific date time and plan and see how it goes. If she blows you off you have your answer. But who knows, maybe you'll catch her on the right day and you'll hit it off!

:)

Everyone is different.

Me- I do not like, getting all 'friendly' with everyone and anyone I meet in common activities. It is nothing personal, it is just me. I don't like, once I am home, to have drop-in's or feel 'obligated' to be all social with my neighbors either. I like my privacy. I like, being at home... not having the feeling or anticipation that I 'must' visit with my neighbors out of obligation or expectations on their part. That is *stress*, to me.
Sure, they are nice and I like them. But I don't want to have, social obligations with my neighbors. Nor be 'friends' with them. Again, nothing personal. It is just me.
And I don't want to, start a 'routine' of having to do social calls, with them.
Even if we bump into each other in common activities.
I like to keep it, separate.

Then there are people I am friends with. Whether or not they are in common activities or not, or live by me or not. That is by my 'choice.' Nothing personal.

Wanting a friendship with someone, is your wish. The other person may have other wishes. It is not necessarily personal. Nor against you.

Everyone has their own pacing. Or proclivities about how involved they get in their social lives with other people.

I agree with Theresa C. I am this way. I am shy in the way of not calling people or stopping over at peoples homes... but I always welcome a phone call or a visit.

I would attempt a few phone calls and see how it goes and if she accepts your invitations for get togethers.

Good luck!

Didn't read other responses but have a suggestion based on me and my house. Sounds like she doesn't want to have you inside her house. My house is super cluttered to the point that I don't invite people who don't already know me well in. I talk with my neighbors outside. Don't go into their houses much either. I'd try calling her to come outside, as she suggested or invite her over to your house.

She might be saying that if you expect to catch her outside very often, you'll have a better chance at calling to get her to come outside. My sister is kind of like that. She's a homebody. Someone would have to call her to get her to come outside (or knock on the door).

If I were you, I would choose to believe she is a little quirky and to not take it personal. I don't know if she really means it personal or not, but I think when you don't know, it's better to assume she's not meaning anything by it. I've been in similar situations where someone will say something, and I'm not sure how to take it. Then I put myself in their place and imagine what I would have meant if I said that...and NEVER do I want anyone to think I wouldn't be their friend. so...I come with that approach. I don't know if that helps! I'd keep trying for a friendship:-)

she's not saying she doesn't want to be friends, shes simply telling you she doesn't hang out in her front yard, so you probably can't just yell over to her because she's never outside, she's telling you to call first and see if she can visit. so if you have her number, call her and take her up on her offer. good luck.

Maybe a response from the other side?

I will stop and talk to one of my neighbors when she's out. She's asked me to come in for tea or coffee and I have on occasion. If I don't have time she has made comments about I don't have time for her and how busy I am. *Usually when I see her, I am trying to walk my 2 big dogs since I'm going to be gone for a while! ;)
But just because I don't have a 'job' I'm busy. Well, I am a Wellness Educator, but make my own hours. I do a lot of volunteering at my daughter's school and a local charity. My daughter will be a junior in high school and is a competitive softball player/pitcher so we are gone a lot for games. So when I"m home, I usually am catching up on many things.

She moved here from Europe several years ago and has never adjusted to the US. Anytime I do sit with her, all she talks about is how different it is here. How much her husband works. How horrible the neighbors are around her. How bad her 2 sons are. And how busy I am and don't have time to spend with her. Her 2 sons are not involved in anything outside of school. She does not volunteer or work. I'm sorry she's lonely and depressed about her life but I can only do so much. And when I have politely suggested she look at the glass 1/2 full (husband has a steady job, roof over their heads, their health) I'm told I don't understand what she's been through.

I am in NO WAY suggesting that you are that neighbor!! Please don't take it that way. I'm just trying to point out that you can't understand what is going on in her life, and maybe you don't want to know. And I kinda chuckled when I read your question thinking I bet that's what my neighbor says about me. You can't be friends with everyone.

Some peoples social skills are not that great. I dont think it has anything to do with you. Some people, even people Im friends with want nothing to do with their neighbors, they just want their privacy.
It doesnt sound like she doesnt want to be friends with you, shes just being honest, you will have to call her if you want to do something. Try it once and she what she does.
It doesnt sound like your personalities are similar, or she would be more outgoing.
I have neighbors that we hang out with quite often. I am very fond of the wife, but strangely, we just dont click. I mean, I love her, dont get me wrong, but I could never see her being one of my best friends, we are just too different. And thats ok too.

.

I honestly do not believe that she meant it to mean that she doesn't want to be friends with you. However, she doesn't sound like she likes to be very social. My husband is that way. He likes plenty of people, he has people he always talks to at work and at church. But if any of those people try to get him to do something outside of their normal instances (they have before) he basically will respond the way this woman has to you.
His reasoning behind it is, he has been hurt by a lot of friends in the past that he had gotten close to...and basically doesn't want to set himself up for a disappoitment again.

This lady has built up a wall and sounds like if you want to be her friend, you are going to have to really work at it. Might be her way of testing you out a bit. I wouldn't take it personally, you never know what people have gone through in the past with relationships so she just maybe very cautious as to who she "lets in.

Personally I dont know that I would want to be friends with somebody like that.
Is she nice when you talk to her at church, or kind of cold? Maybe she is just a homebody. Some people dont like to go outside of their comfort zones. Invite her over for a drink sometime, and see if you can get to know her a little better. If she turns you down for that, I would probably back off. I dont think it is anything you personally have done to her.

When you really start going past surface cordiality and begin to get to know any person, you find out all sorts of unusual things, don't you?

If you feel adventurous, call her one day and say, "You told me to call you and tell you to come outside. Would you like to come out now? I'd like to bring a tiny picnic lunch that we could share." Be prepared for a yes or a no. If she says yes, plan to stay with her only a short time.

However she behaves, you can be friendly to her anyhow. Hang loose. You don't know what burdens she carries inside her, and you may just turn out to be the right kind of friend for her.

Could be a lot of things.
She could be a hoarder.
She could be crazy.
She could have 200 cats.
She could be O. of those "extreme boundary" types.

I would start small.
Do you think she might like to take a walk in the evening? Call and ask her to go with you. Then you go--either way.
Call to drop something off--plate of brownies, some sun tea, whatever. See how she reacts when you say you're going to bring it over...

It's hard to say without being there.

Either she's not very social or is not into being friends with neighbors.

Or, you should've worded it differently & said "Would you like to grab a coffee sometime?" Sometimes people are leery to allow people into their home or vice versa if they don't know them that well. I am kind of like that, but I am very social outside of my home. It's always best to start a friendship on neutral ground, IMO.

She is probably not looking for anything other than a public "at church friend" I know people like that, you think hey here is an opportunity you try to take it but it is rejected. It happens and I would keep it as it is.

I like Jubee's idea. Try it and see how she acts. Can't hurt!

Maybe she's a hoarder? :)

It's so hard to say. She could have been hurt by people in the past. She may feel insecure about how clean her house is. She may not want to be friends with anyone. She may have trust issues or have been robbed by "friends" in the past.

I can tell you that I don't like to get too close to people. It's nothing personal. The few people that I ever tried to get close to have been rude, self serving, and hurtful towards me. I also have a business in my home and don't want to be seen as ignoring my daycare kids and sitting around entertaining. I think relationships need to be nurtured and take time to grow and it's just about impossible to find someone else that has the same kind of ideas about how to do that. I can't do the traditional shopping and movie kind of thing. I prefer email and phone. I think that a lot of people just want a very surface level thing. They enjoy the high and bye kind of relationship that you get for a few minutes on Sunday or meeting at the mailbox.

It's probably all of her strength to be social in the neighborhood and at church. I am the same way. I'm a hermit, but I'm very friendly when I'm out and about seeing neighborhood people at the regular spots, but I freeze up if someone says, "we should hang out sometime." Truth is, I feel totally overwhelmed already with three kids, taking care of everything at home with hubby working, and lots of things I never get around to like my own painting and writing.

Even before I had a family, I hardly ever made time to "hang out" because I had so much "to do". While someone else might need social time to hang out, I need time to, paint, read, write, sleep, do yoga, almost anything BUT hang out. :-0 I do have very old friends I talk to on the phone and email and one or two locally I will force myself to get together with, but it's HARD to start a new friendship for me. My neighbor just invited me over to a neighborhood gathering later in the week. Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! sigh. I guess I might force myself because I know I have need to be friendly.
So anyway.

I'm sure she really likes you and just can't go there. But these other ideas about hoarding are interesting! Try asking her to your house, but she may just be a hermit. It's definitely not you. Actually, telling you "to call her to come out" is a far cry from "I'm always too busy". So do it! Call her and have her come out :)

I don't think you should take it so personally. Outside of church you don't really know her and she might have been thinking you meant on Sundays after church. I only say that because I have friends that go to church and once they get home afterwards, they are done for the day. They don't go out or have company over. They stay in, watch a movie with the family, take a nap.
She may just be the type of person who doesn't really socialize much. That's not a reflection on you.
I had a neighbor for 8 years who was perfectly nice if we saw each other outside or whatever, she would drop things off on my porch from time to time and my son took things that we baked at holiday time. She never once stepped foot in my house or vice versa. I had a very different relationship with my other neighbors, but she just wasn't one for getting close to people.
It didn't make her a bad person or mean that I wasn't likeable. She was just kind of funny that way.
Maybe your neighbor meant what she said by once she's in she stays in and if you want to visit with her, call her. If she's not the kind of person to take the initiative, try it.
If she's just not the type that warms up to people, you don't have to feel that it has anything to do with you.

Best wishes.

That sounds like fear to me. What kind of neighborhood do you live in? Is it a dangerous neighborhood? Or it could be that her hubby restricts her activities. He may be the type that won't allow her to have friends.

She may be a hoarder or just one of those people who don't like company. I know I have friends who are total non social beings. I will say just invite her to any activities you have going on, perhaps a cookout in the cooler part of the evenings. Invite her to come over for an afternoon tea with some interesting herbal teas and light snacks. Maybe invite another few ladies from church too, that way she might feel more comfortable.

Just because she seemed distant doesn't mean you have to stop being friendly. She may also be terribly shy.