Does My Daughter Need to See a Therapist?

I would say talk to her pediatrician first...and see what he recommends...You can also try this site they might have answers for you.... http://www.a-mommys-world.com/chat.php

Have you spoken with her pediatrician? How long has she had these issues? I know our older daughter (5) is a perfectionist and seems to deal with general anxiety issues as well as OCD. We have always been in contact with her pediatrician about the issues she faces and together we've made progress.

Talk to the pediatrician. If her behavior is disturbing her quality of life, then maybe there are steps you can take to help her.

I would also try to pick up a book or two. I've been hearing a ton of great stuff about "Dare to Discipline" by James Dobson. I have heard so many things that I actually ordered it and his other one "Bringing Up Boys" yesterday. I think a lot of times, we lose sight of keeping control of our children. It's easy to do because they so easily cross the line when given any kind of freedom. I tend to let loose a little with my kindergartener, and the next thing I know, she starts back talking me. I think it's important that even during the times when the kids are being good, we still are just as strict with the rules that shape their personality like respect, tempers, and how they handle stress. Adults all handle stress differently, but with children, we actually have the power to form them into good stress handlers. Sometimes we just simply don't know how, and they end up picking up bad habits from us. Can you think of anything that maybe she sees at home or around other family and friends that is similar to the behavior she's portraying out of her frustration? I know my husband literally "grunts" when he gets mad, which drives me nuts, and I've noticed that my kids will do it too when they're mad. They learn from us, even when we're not paying attention. It wouldn't hurt to talk to a pediatrician, but before doing that, I would take an initiative myself so that atleast I knew I gave it a shot. I wouldn't want to automatically shift the control to my pediatrician or therapist. Sure, they know way more than we do in the area of psychology, but they can't compete with how well we know our own children. Use what you know about her and try to feed the parts of her that she responds to both positively and negatively. That's why I'm all about books. Sometimes I think it all just gets a little overwhelming. We know our kids well, but learning how to apply what we know can be really difficult.

A.,

My daughter, who just turned 5 last week, has been having increasing problems with lashing out (read: hitting, yelling, and throwing things) at her teachers. And she *loves* her teachers. The odd thing is, my daughter is a really good kid, but she's always had little behavioral problems ever since she was 15 months. Of course, at that age, we assumed it was a normal thing. And then at the next stage we again figured it was normal. Around age 4 she started to get better but within the last 6 months she's taken a turn for the worse -- that's when she started to take things out on her teachers. We thought this was so weird for her to call attention to herself when she was so shy.

There are a lot of things going on with her, way too involved to get into here. The one thing I do want to pass along is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting your daugher evaluated. Partly because of my daughter's age, and partly because I *knew* there was nothing wrong with my daughter (I was wrong), I put off getting her into a child psychologist. Now that I finally have, I often beat myself up about waiting so long.

I would HIGHLY recommend Dr. David Duncan. He has an office in the Naperville/Lisle area right across from the Buona Beef off of Ogden. I'd be happy to provide you his information (you won't find him easily by Googling). Just send me a private msg if you'd like it.

Good luck with your daughter.

Jen

Yes, you need to seek counseling for her. She can also get social work services in the school setting. You want to get to the bottom of this before the school starts to. If the school sees this behavior affecting her learning and the others around her they can request she be evaluated. If she is evaluated they could label her with an Emotional/Behavioral Disorder. I would prefer not the have a child labeled before some interventions are put into place. However, she may need some type of diagnosis for the school to begin modifications for her in the classroom. But hopefully some therapy and anger strategies can help get her over this hump. Also question the teacher and ask how she is responding to your daughter...they may not be a good match. It sounds like she needs someone with patience and a calm, supportive demeanor. Good luck with this!!

PS Also watch to see if anyone is putting unnecessary pressure on her. She sounds like she wants to always get it "right" which isn't always a realistic expectation.

It isn't going to hurt to get her evaluated! Better safe than sorry!

Mental health is still so taboo and such a mystery in western society/medicince, so it's better to be safe than sorry. Don't make a big deal out of it though or else (as is true with many many 7-year-old girls) she might see it as a chance for drama and to get "special" attention. Then it makes it hard to diferentiate between fact and fiction.

Does your daughter's school have a guidance counselor? If so, I would talk to him/her. You could also talk to your daughter's ped. I still suffer from social anxiety and it's no fun. I feel the same way as your daughter. It's something I've dealt with my whole life. I'm getting it under control now, but I wish I had had somebody to help me with it when I was younger. It wouldn't hurt for her to see some type of therapist. Good luck to you and your daughter.

Hi A.,
You are such a loving and attentive parent. I can see why you want to get on top of this right away. And it is imperative that you do.

You ultimately want your daughter to learn positive coping skills when she becomes frustrated with herself and others. She could definitely benefit from therapy. Her behavior clearly indicates that she feels completely out of control. With the way she is acting now around the teacher and her peers, they are definitely going to turn away from her and she is going to further isolate herself. This can lead to depression and low-self esteem which she may have to a certain degree already.

You could first talk to her teacher if you haven't done so already and get her perspective on things as she could offer a lot of valuable information on how your daughter is handling herself in class. I'm sure the therapist would benefit in knowing that information. Then I would make an appointment to speak with the therapist first by yourself and if there is anyone else involved in her care to give him/her some background on your perspective of things. The KEY element in all of this is finding a therapist who is GREAT with kids. This may take some time. Perhaps the school social worker would know of someone in private practice. Its possible if you discuss this with your child's doctor, it could be covered under your insurance. You would just need to get the proper referrals and so forth.
You know A., it could be just a few sessions where your daughter could learn some coping skills and they could role play and try some new approaches to some of her trouble areas. It certainly is worth pursuing but this is going to take some time and effort on your part too. You already sound like you are committed to helping her so that's great. Your daughter is so lucky that you are seeing the seriousness of this. Try to not feel as though you have done anything wrong as a parent or this is anyone's fault. When our children experience problems, its common to go through a grieving process like.. how did this happen to me and what did I do wrong as a parent?

We all go through stages in life where we need to talk to others for help and guidance. The help you give her now will help her throughout her life. We just need new and better ways to think about certain things and to learn more positive ways of handling our stress and frustration.. this makes life so much more enjoyable.
Good luck and keep in touch!

See if your school has a social worker. Talk to them and see if they feel you should get a full evaluation from a phycologist. Sometimes the social worker can meet with your daughter weekly and find out what is going on. Also, they can usually recommend someone in the area so they are pretty helpful.

Good Luck.

A.:
Unfortunately, depression and anxiety traits can be genetic. I understand your frustration and have a son who recently went through treatment and is doing wonderfully now. Our pediatrician did their best but it wasn't until I took him to the psychologist that we found his anxiety issues. The school immediately took steps and he got counseled once a week. We had to put a behavior plan in place and between the teachers, the counselors and the therapist, it was a tough road, but it helped. Yes, teachers do get frustrated with this type of behavior but you can't blame them, especially if it disrupts the entire class and happens consistently. Try talking with her and see if she can explain how she feels and why she is acting this way. A lot of times they don't understand it. My son was acting in the opposite way that he always did so this disturbed me a lot. Coping skills are necessary and the sooner you do something, the better all will be. It's hard to watch our children going through something that we don't understand as well. Your 5 year old may start to pick up on this as well and may mimic the behavior. I've seen it in our neighbor's kids where the oldest one had meltdowns and the other two younger ones started doing it as well. The mother was besides herself! Listen to your gut as you know your child better than anyone else does. Sometimes it's hard to admit that they might need professional help, even at this age. But for your sake and hers, talk to someone. There are many resources out there for us and our children. I truly do wish you the best and know that this shall pass.