Daughter Having Issues at Kindergarten.

I think you've taken the right approach to getting you both in that class to deal with anger mgmt. Because from my chair, yes it does sound like she feels under pressure from you. Like you expect exemplary behavior and she doesn't know what that is.
It's okay to be a pastor's wife and all, but even in that position you have to realize you may be held to higher standards by other people, but in God's eyes you're still just as suseptible and vulnerable to very human issues. He made you that way to use you in a very touchy area you'd be blessed to help others with. Know what I mean? He'll use your human weakness to strengthen you and use it to help others effectively. You'll show others that even pastors' wives aren't perfect and have things to face just like everyone.

Good luck! You'll do this with flying colors I'm sure!

My son just turned four in October and will probably be attending Kindergarten next year. I am watching the children in his preschool class, and I can't imagine one of them being able to sit still through a day of pure classwork without wiggling about or getting upset at one point or another. The environment doesn't sound very warm at her school, or is that what Kindergarten is now? Our all of our childrens supposed to be little automatons at this young of an age, or they are given a pill? Please let me know, I am starting to worry. E.'s daughter's behavior didn't sound that out of whack to me (or maybe I'm out of touch). Either that, or I will have lots of problems with my little motor mouth.

Maybe I'm way off base, but does anyone else think this classroom situation sounds like a lot of pressure for a 5-year old? Not sure why her behavior's gotten worse recently but it sounds like immaturity may be one issue for her, though perhaps I'm oversimplifying. My daughter sent my granddaughter to kindergarten a year late (she just did preschool another year) because she had melt-downs, and she's now in 1st grade and has been doing great. Kindergarten was a good year for her. She has an early November birthday. She's very bright but just didn't seem quite mature enough for a more structured setting. Maybe there's something deeper going on here, though. You must be so frustrated at this point, E.! Having someone in the school system evaluate her might be worth a try but I do have to wonder if she's just not ready for this much stress. I'm not sure that not allowing her to attend the more fun specials is the answer. She may be a bit ADD so it takes her longer. Is it such a big deal if she doesn't finish her work with the rest of the class? It sounds to me like the teacher's a little harsh for a child like this, but that may just be me.

E.,
I noticed that al ot of posters mentioned possible ADHD. I just read a great book about that. This doctor talks about how there are different degrees of ADHD and much of it is genetic. He offers a healing program that is naturally based - many of his patients have been "recovered" from ADHD witout the use of medications. He talks about the root of ADHD and how it affects the different bodily systems (like the immune system, the gastro system, etc) which is why natural methods often help people suffering from these disorders. The book is called "Healing the New Childhood Epidemics: Autism, ADHD, Ashthma and Allergies" by Dr. Kenneth Bock. This healing method has helped my own nephew immensely. He is on the Autism spectrum but after being recovered through these methods, his diagnosis has been "downgraded" to Aspergers and most casual bystanders simply see him as a quirky child. It's been truly amazing to see the progress he's made. Best of luck!

E.,

I wonder if your daughter has ADHD. Her inability to focus might cause her to become extremely frustrated with her school work than she becomes very angry. A lot of parents don't believe in medication but if a child feels unsuccessful at school it destroys their self image and interfers with learning for life. I am a children's therapist, I would have her evaluated by your family doctor or a psychiatrist. It's worth a try, if it doesn't work you haven't lost anything. Good luck.

B.

I feel for you, but don't give up on her. I'm going to make this short and sweet. My son, who is now 12, has ADHD. We really noticed it when he entered kindergarten. I didn't want to face it, but his very wise teacher helped us through it. A lot of what your daughter is doing, sounds like the same things my son does. It will always be a struggle. Talk to your doctor and have her tested. I was against medication at first, but I soon realized that I was hindering my son's life without it. With it, he had a chance to be "normal". Good luck to you!

It sounds as though she may be feeling inferior to the other children. Have a talk with her and let her know that we are all special in different ways. God gives us each special talents and let her know that she does a lot of things really well that other kids may not. I really think you being there made things worse. My kids tend to act out when Mommy is around. It seems they are not a likely to act out for strangers. I wish you the best. :)

I have a child that had anger issues that began when school did. It took me until 3rd grade to get him help because it was sporadic and at home we could always handle it. Turned out anxiety was the route, and the anxieties were made worse by school. Sounds like an intense Kindergarten class. She may be feeling anxiety over any number of things. Unfortunately you can't just tell her there's nothing to worry about. Anxiety isn't like that. I'd get into a counseling situation together. Meanwhile, be firm and as calm as you can when she blows up. Try to vocalize for her what she might be feeling. "I can hear by your voice that you're upset. Are you upset that you aren't done with your paper?" "Can you take 3 deep breathes (do it with her) and do the next question?" I went to a counselor that has moved to Ann Arbor, but she was great. I also used a relaxation book that helped with sleep issues (His anxieties also manifested at night) but the book is written for teachers. If you want the name let me know. By the way, all the help I got him helped me as well. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree as they say! He's in 6th grade now and although his emotions are still intense, he's got a really good understanding of himself that gives him self-support.

Hi,
I'm not so sure ADHD, easily frustrated, yes, but not
absolutely ADHD. I think she wasn't to happy with the on going prompting, would be my read. It does seem like a lot of pressure for K. She should not be missing special classes ever, for not finishing.She needs extra help not punishment. That is poor teaching if you ask me. I'm puzzled that you think she is having PMS, you're kddding right? It was hard for me to gauge your intent with that statement.The school should have a social worker she should be able to help you with programs counseling etc.
Hope that helps.
L.

I went through the non-focusing thing last year with my son. He is ultra-smart, but had trouble focusing at centers and where he had to sit with a group of kids and do work. His teacher assured me IT WAS NORMAL FOR HIS AGE and toward the end of the year he realized when he was getting into that behavior and removed himself and moved to another table to work alone!
It could very well be academic pressure.....the K curriculum is a brutal shock coming from preschool. I was astounded that he had homework every weekend and sometimes during the week as well (when he didn't get it done at school).
I would not rule out ADHD, but it could also be sleep deprivation, diet, and general anxiety. Better to have her checked out and work from there. But remember, some of this is normal adjustment....some kids take longer to adjust to the academics than others. Don't worry too much.

Ouch. I can feel your frustration. I work in a kindergarten class every day and see much of the same behavior. Breaking it down to it's simplest form, we need to know why the child is really angry. Getting them to talk in calm moments often reveals the issue. Had a child last week acting out. Later it turned out he was mad at his little brother for being mean to him. Sure wouldn't have figured that out by his behavior!

Try listening closely ~ not during school ~ but after for clues and get her to talk about it. And...you saw this coming, pray!

S.

HI E.
My first thought was food coloring might be a problem. Your update sounds good too. I use agave nectar and brown rice syrup for sweeteners, there both low glycemic index, so we never bounce off the walls after a cookie or 2.
Wishing you the best of luck. A. H

E., Those are tough things to be dealing with. We went thru some of that with our son. A friend helped me find certain nutritional supplements that helped a lot. I have a great CD about it. Would you like me to get it to you?
warmly,
M.

E., you may want to look at your diet, my daughter became very obnoxious over the last few weeks and my chiropractor recommended cutting back on suger. I explained that we restict her suger and candy intake and then remembered Hallowe'en! Just one piece of candy a day for a couple of weeks changed my daughter into a monster. You may want to try a book caled "You Are What You Eat" by Dr. Jillian McKeith. I am reading it at the moment and, although I don't think I will embrace her suggestions completely, there is a lot of food for thought including foods that help control PMS.

Good luck

Most of the time my 4 year old son will be worse when I'm in the class with him. They can sense our tension. He also has aggressive behaviors and lost a few playmates. He does much better when there is one friend instead of a room. I think he gets overwhelmed. I also get incredible PMS symptoms, they call it PMDD. I recently started a medicine called citalopram hydrobromide, google it. It helps with a host of things. I normally try to go as natural as possible, but sometimes it requires more than what I can find for myself. I don't know your kids, but mine get worse with the sugar, certain foods & definately can't have chocolate or soda with caffeine. He gets out of control. Some kids are more sensitive than others to those things. I would check other options before giving your child ritilin, it's like speed for adults & it does opposite for kids, it slows them down. It works for some, but it's not always the answer for all kids. Good luck, I understand how frustrating & embarrassing it can be to have your child act out. Ask the teacher if she's different when your not there. Sorry this is so long, if ya want to chat, I'm here.

Hi... Sorry your having to deal with this... kids with anger issues can be alot of work.
My son was diagnosed with an oppositional defiance disorder at 3yr old. I'm not sure if that is what is going on with your daughter.. and I don't have experience with ADHD.....
You might want to consider having her reviewed by the school psychologist and seeing if she would qualify for any programs through the school to help her with her issues.
My son was severe and moved to the emotionally impaired program... but your daughter may qualify for time with a social worker at the school and some additional help.

We have also found that if you see signs of her starting to melt down, take her in the hallway...

You might also want to consider reading a book called
"Out of Sync Child" ... Its about children with sensory integration disfunctions.... This might be something going on too. Just a thought...

Good luck!

E. ~
It's probably not what you want to hear, but she sounds alot like my son at that age....he was diagnosed with ADHD. I know, everyone will yell about this....but he went through testing and a physical, and everyone agreed. He was started on ritalin just before the start of school in 1st grade, increased by Christmas that year, then increased again a year later. He was also put in a class for emotionally impaired (what was nice was 5 kids/3 adults...and they went at the speed the child could handle). He stayed on that last dose all the way through high school, with no more increases. He was completely main-streamed at the beginning of 3rd grade. He just needed something to take the edge off so he could concentrate.
The school must provide any extras that the child needs...and they can help you with where to go for testing, as will your pediatrician.
It can't hurt to have her tested.
Good luck!
D.