Problems with First Grader Throwing Fits and Crying in School

I would work not only with her teacher, but the school conselor to find out what is wrong and help her.

Hi M. - that is SO hard. I'm sure your daughter is a talented and wonderful loving kid Teachers bat out phrases like "socially and behaviorally delayed" and they dont realize the impact it has on kids and on us moms to hear it!!

My oldest son is a TERRIFIC kid. He's loving, smart, active and talented too. But . . . when he's stressed out, he can be tantrumy, irritable, and easily over-stimulated by simple things - instead of 7, he acts like he's 4. When he's like that just sitting down to do his math-homework is a huge ordeal with yelling and complaining etc. On a normal day, he can do the very same kind of math in literally 4 minutes.

We ended up having him evaluated by a neuro-developmental practice after I happened upon a "self-test" at school. They assessed him as being "hyper-sensitive". That means that he has problems filtering out input and sensations and he can easily get into overload status, especially when he's frustrated or is dealing with a personality conflict. They said he would benefit from working with an OT but truthfully it was more than our budget could bear for too long. Instead, we followed their suggestions to put him on a "sensory diet" and cut out most TV and computer games (30 minutes a day), simplified his schedule, added in lots of vigorous exercise and taught him easy ways to weed out input. (for example, if he is working on 60 math facts, then he covers all but one line of problems with a piece of paper. Seeing the whole page overloads him, but he can handle one line.)

Perhaps talk to your pediatrician or school counselor about services or a practice where she could be evaluated and you can help her with the root of her problem rather than just having people label her. My son has benefitted immensely from being evaluated and following their recommendations.

Was she an early starter as far as the time of year she turned 5 to start kindergarten? Because if she was, I would strongly consider holding her back and letting her do 1st grade twice. If the work or the social environment is too much for her, it would give her an extra year to catch up and increase her confidence. Plus, if you can do it now, before kids are mean about those kids who are held back, it would be an easy transition for her.

My daughter struggles with anxiety. She is 9 now, and it is under control, but it was very confusing as we tried to understand why she would behave so badly sometimes, and be delightful in other situations. She did biofeedback starting at age 5 1/2 to learn how to calm her body down with great success. She also gets cranio-sacral massage therapy which reduces the stress in her body in a different (and for her, dramatically effective) way. A child that age doesn't have coping tools like an adult, but particularly a very smart child can have some adult-size feelings. She needs help learning how to deal with those. It is also very possible that the school environment is overloading her senses in some way. My daughter never did well in crowded or noisy places before we did the biofeedback and cranio-sacral massage. Now in 3rd grade, if she has a couple of meltdowns on the playground, the teachers call me and I book her a massage or get her to the biofeedback therapist for a quick stress test to check her anxiety levels. Her anxiety results in social difficulty; now that we know, it's not so scary for any of us to manage.

By all means, also have her tested for dyslexia. A diagnosis isn't an excuse not to achieve, but rather an explanation for why it takes her longer or she needs a different path to the same goal than the kids around her. If she is dyslexic but doesn't know it, she is very likely to think she is crazy or stupid based on watching the other kids in her class who do not struggle like she does. Understanding that her brain processes information differently can be a relief for all of you. If one way of learning to tie your shoes makes no sense, you try another way. If I run out of ways to explain something, I ask someone else who knows a lot more ways of explaining that thing to try. That's how I explain therapy of all sorts to my kids.

Good luck,
S.
SAHM of 3

I am a first grade teacher, and from a teacher's perspective, I am sure that the teacher feels just as helpless as you do! I know that I would appreciate blunt honesty from a parent; just tell the teacher that you are out of ideas but are open to any ideas she may have. Does she do this any other time, or just at school? If she had a "bad start" in kindergarten (i.e. difficulties with learning) then she may view school in an overall negative way. It will take time to change that! Also, what happens when she throws the fit? Is she removed from class, or picked up and taken home? If the end result is something that she wants, then she may continue to do it as a "means to an end" if that makes sense. I have seen many children at this age who are extremely smart academically or gifted in other areas that are "delayed" socially or behaviorally. Has the school counselor had any input or suggestions? What about her pediatrician? I am just trying to think of anyone who has seen her on a fairly regular basis that may have some ideas!

She sounds very stressed out. Can you maybe seek the advice of an educational psychologist? My pediatrician recommended one to us for our daughter and it made a world of difference. Stress does bad things to people. Kids don't have the tools to handle it like we do. She really needs to learn some coping skills and be given some "tools".

I would wonder too, what about school is scary to her? Does she know? It could be that something is going on that she doesn't understand, or that is keeping her very stressed out. I would want to get to the root of the problem, find out what is causing the stress and fear, and start resolving that asap. It can be like a mystery, though - I know.

Also, the school district should provide services to her if she is delayed. They are at no cost, as far as I know. I would discuss this with them and have her evaluated. They can help her catch up on whatever they think she is behind on (although her seeming behind might also be due to stress).

Good luck with all of it!

I've taught students who have been this way and it can be caused by various things! If she doesn't know how to make friends (which many kids don't) then she could be feeling left out. Can you have her invite a girl or two from class over for a playdate to see how they interact? Also if your school has a counselor she might benefit from "lunch bunch" social group? Also acting out different social events and having her role play helps. Is she feeling like she is not "as smart" (I dislike that term immensely) because she has to get extra help with reading? This makes some kids anxious of what their peers think and causes frustration. If she is a child who works well with structure (the same classroom routine every day) and her class isn't taught that way it could be causing her to act this way. Some kids don't know how to get attention and learn to get it by displaying this behavior. Can she have a rewards system in place at school? Or something similiar that she had consequences for both the good and negative behaviors? With patience and guidance she
might grow out of this stage! Just be honest with the teacher! If she/he has been teaching for a while they've probably encountered this and have suggestions. If they are new they should be able to talk to other staff members for suggestions-your child isn't the only one that has exhibited these behaviors! Working as a team will go a long way to helping your child. Hope this helps! Good luck!

M.,

We had similar issues with our daughter at that age. Although I resisted it initially, we found out through psycho/social/academic testing that there were some challenges that our daughter just didn't have the vocabulary for and teachers simply cannot determine. After the complete battery of tests, the diagnostician came to us and said: "The good news is your daughter is dyslexic. The bad news is she is smarter than both of you combined. Good luck!" Bottom line: I encourage you to get her tested (find a really good diagnostician) Keller schools may have a superior person handling that. If not, get it on your own. I promise it will be worth every penny whether it is a learning difference or another issue. Best of blessings to you all - D. M