Does Anyone Else Fear Dying Young?

I had some strange 'premonitions' like this shortly after I had my son (3 months old). It may be hormones or some underlying form of post-partum depression... But- I would think it's very normal... :)

There is a wonderful lady at ChildrensBehaviorHelp.com who can help you, contact her thro that website.
best, k

Hi, C.. I used to have these premonitions, too. In fact, I used to be absolutely sure I would not live past 30. I imagined my death by getting hit by a car, and I visualized my funeral, etc. I visualized my then-boyfriend and the kids I thought we would have. LOL he and I broke up, fortunately, and never had any kids, which ruined that part of the "vision." And then I was quite surprised when I hit 31, then 32. Now I'm 51.

You may have some underlying depression and not realize it. I was severely, chronically depressed when I was having those thoughts of an early death. I actually have chronic illnesses which may shorten my life, but they did not cause me to die at the time or in the manner that I visualized.

It's not a good thing to be dwelling on this issue for a long time. If I were you, I would #1 get a checkup by a doctor, just to make sure your body isn't trying to tell you something unconsciously, and then, if there was basically nothing wrong, I would try getting some counseling to find out why I was dwelling on death when my life seemed to be going OK otherwise.

It is a very positive thing that this problem has caused you to cherish every day more, but the constant anxiety and sadness which you don't have a chance to let out is not going to be good as an emotional undercurrent for your kids or for you. Please get some medical advice and some counseling so that you can really shine.

I will say a prayer right now for you to heal from this problem. ( :

Peace,
Syl

Has anything else been going on in your life lately? A loss in the family or close friends? Loss of a long time pet? Change in jobs? Moved? Lost touch with a longtime friend?
All sorts of things can have us living out our anxieties through our dreams...

You might also consider checking in with your doctor to rule out any post-partum depression issues... it doesn't only happen in the immediate weeks following delivery...

I don't think it strange from the perspective of a mother who is responsible for precious lives. 'What if..." goes through our heads 24/7.
It will make you all feel good to save the photos and video tapes, journals and that must have box of "I love you Mom" cards and drawings and take them out on occasion.
I do this for my grown children when they come to visit; and they all start to laugh "Oh, no, not the box!"
then I re-tell stories, we read the cards...and laugh and laugh. We even tell stories of our past pets, the funny and the sad.
Lots of hugs and "I Love You's" go a long way and create happy and healthy memories of "the best Mom"...

Also, do some research on yoga classes, relaxation techniques, etc. Constant stress and anxiety can cause premature illness. So, take a deep breath and go hug your kids.

I just fear I'll die before I get to raise my children. My goal is to live long enough to see them do well in life. I always fear I have cancer and don't know it. I've tried to take steps already to say, OK - this child would go live with this person or that and be OKAY in life if I did die. I'm in the process now of having my son adopted by my husband so that if I did die, he wouldn't have to go live with his father because that would run my kid into a life of nothing and drugs. All you can do is focus on what would happen if you were to die - not that you're going to. Make videos of you and your kids - stuff for them to have. Think ahead in a positive way.

Are you taking allergy medicine, specifically Singulair?

C.,

My mom (who is 64) has told me from the time I was in high school (20 years ago) that if anything should happen to her there are letters in her jewelry box. I know that there is one to my Dad, and to each of her 3 children. I don't know if she has updated them, changed them, etc. But it was her way of being at peace with this same idea. I've done the same for my husband and my 3 year old.

I don't know if you and your husband have made plans for a possible early death but if not, I would really recommend it. Sit down, talk about guardianship and then get a lawyer, and draw up a will and state your intentions. Make sure that you have adequate life insurance. (I'm a financial planner and if you need help figuring out how much you need, I would be happy to work with you on that - just message me directly.) I know many SAHMs who don't think that they need to be insured, but what would Dad do if you weren't there...you need LIFE insurance!

Look at your finances and make sure that you are making decisions that either you or your husband could live with if something were to happen to you.

Believe it or not, I had some of these thoughts after Anna Nicole Smith (maybe because she died just down the street from my house!). We have a will, found potential guardians who would love my son and raise him well, have named a trustee to take care of the money if both my husband and I should pass at the same time, and reviewed our insurance policies to be sure that either one of us would be financially secure. Not rich, and not millionares, but would be secure and able to raise our son.

As the bible says, we know not the time nor the place. So try to live as fully as possible. I just had a breast cancer scare - benign, thank God, and it made us review everything. We decided that everything is as well prepared as can be.

Hugs, C.

Stress could be bringing this on. A change in lifestyle. Etc... The old saying is if you dream of death that means there is going to be a new baby coming into the family. If you dream of birth that usually means someone is going to dye. A lot of specialists believe you dream the opposite of what is going to happen. I honestly wouldn't stress over it. Anyone of us could go at any time. But dreams or no dreams you should always cherish your family and friends and let you know you love them. I have had a lot of weird dreams but have learned over the years to not take them seriously. I would go crazy if I did. The last few weeks I have been spending time with my brother and his wife in my dreams. Going places, doing things, laughing, shopping and much more. My brother has been gone a year ago this last May. My sister in law passed away three years ago this last Oct.. I just think that missing them is bringing on the dreams. Normally at this time of year my brother would be down here with me for a few weeks. Enjoy life and don't stress over dreams.

C.,
Let me tell you that when you dream it is on a much deeper sub-conscientious level, your brain functions differently when you are a sleep. First of all dreaming of your death DOES NOT mean your physical death, it means the end of something in your life. Now that can vary as wide as the ocean is deep. OK, for example if some one looses their job after being in it for a while then they experience a physical loss of stability, income, maybe even friendships. If someone gets robbed of somthing, that too is a form of loss, loss of security, safety, the item etc.

As you now have 4 children and your youngest is just 7 months old it is perfectly natural to be scared for the future of your children. Seriously though, video all the events you want, that is always a good idea, get life insurance also, financial matters upon death are always extra stress on the surviving family/spouse. Do what ever you can to reassure yourself that your children/spouse WILL be able to survive after you are gone in 60 or 70 years from now.

I used to be afraid of dying in my 20's for very different reasons, now as I am a Christian and 48, I do not fear death, some days I expect it, but God is not done with me yet so here I am.

If you are the worrying kind naturally, and I was too, make a plan, make a will, tell your babies that you love them every day, try not to have too many regrets.

Kind regards
M. F

By now you can guess that its somewhat normal. However, it does depend on the degree to which it is happening. If you find yourself obsessing about it, the you probably have some stress issues and a behavioral psychologist could help you learn some basic skills for redirecting the stress and helping you figure out why you are having anxiety and how to get a handle on it. Good luck.

Hi. I remember feeling really worried about leaving my precious kids and thinking about dying, too. All I can tell you is this. One day you will go. It is inevitable. Walk in gratitude and be certain your children understand that you are way more than your physical self. That you are connected forever and ever, this lifetime and always. Then, STOP THE INSANITY AND FOCUS ON LIVING!!! You are here now. Be here. Focus on life, love, happiness, joy, gratitude, etc. Don't allow yourself to think of future events. Stay present, right here, right now with your children. Find a way to pull your thoughts into the now. When you die, you will have time to think about your funeral. You deserve to live now.

Good luck.

If you need a person who can take away emotional blockages from your system, call me and I will refer someone to you.

S.
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I don't know why I don't anymore, but for a long time I worried that I wouldn't wake up one day. I worried that my husband would go off to work while me and the kids were still sleeping, and my kids would wake up and I wouldn't. So morbid and scary to think about!! Ick!!!

You know what you ought to do? Make sure that you video tape the kids a lot with you talking in the background and make sure your husband or someone else holds the camera a lot so you are in it sometimes, too. This will be cherished by your kids no matter how old, and hopefully you will watch it together with your grandkids.... Also, keep a journal of your feelings (the happy ones!!) and write it as if you are addressing your children. It can be theraputic and you can all look back on it and read it together when they are older. I wrote little cute stories from when my kids were younger and I regret not doing that more often because it's so much fun to read about now.

If your stress gets to a point where it effects your health or your ability to function, see a doctor. Otherwise, I think it's normal for some moms to think about not being around for their kids one day.

I had very similar thoughts sometime after my now 20 month old was born. I found myself thinking a lot about what would happen with my kids, how would they be raised, was there enough insurance, etc. I even thought about/planned for just being in the hospital for some reason and found myself pumping and storing extra breastmilk for fear my baby wouldn't be able to nurse if I was in ICU or had passed! I also was writing them letters and saving them on the computer. I ordered a couple books online about writing your children letters of love. We also made an appt with an attorney and finalized our will, selected a guardian in the event we both passed at once, reviewed and updated our insurance and had many conversations about how the kids would be cared for,would my husband stay home with them, would they still homeschool, would whoever raised them raise them in faith, etc. After a lot of paper arrangements were settled, I still had thoughts/worries for a while, but a huge load had been removed. We had done all we could in prep for the unplanned.

I think it's best to talk to others, write letters,take pics and video and make/finish any plans that you still have incomplete....this way you may get some relief that some things are in place should something happen to Mommy,Daddy or both...

One thing is great....you will be spending LOTS of great days with them and saving lots of great memories, in their minds and other ways. Best wishes and may God bless you.

C., Pretty Much everyday as of late as I can relate to you.

I have been having panic attacks almost everyday for the last 3 weeks, its' to the point where it actually is causing "real" medical condtions, high blood pressure.
I can go 3 years without one, then have them like this for extended periods of time. This is without a doubt the longest stretch ever and its scaring me to death!

C., we need to stop thinking about dying and get busy living, try to live each day like its your last. Every moment spent thinking about dying, is taking away from you living!

God Bless and Don't worry, statistically, you are probably going to live until your 84.

But if it will make you happy, write a letter, telling them what you really want them to know, and hide it in a drawer and forget about it, focus on the now, not what may be. if you need insurance or something to ease your fears of what if, you should definately get some, especially if your husband might have trouble, providing for them alone.
I would definately, go see a doctor, sounds like you may be going through some PPD as the other user suggested.

Dear C.,
I had a similar thought soon after having my son. Here's what I learned. I learned that I watch way too much TV, Tv shows are focusing on a lot of morbid topics because they get better ratings. So do yourself a favor and stop watching those aweful shows. YES you are doing the right thing even if you start taking pictures late. I was so depressed I didnt take many pictures that first few weeks. My baby changed into a whle new child in those few weeks and I have no proof now. But I will not dwell. I will start anywhere. So I made a nice album for his first year and I am working on his second. I have made sure to tell him the story in the album. There are plenty of pictures of ME in there in the event that I really do have to leave him early. Children are suposed to be left behind when we die. We are not dying early, we are all going to be OK. But the fact that you would take moretime to play and to hug them is a great blessing. I wasnt good at making videos, but when my son is old enough to play with the camera I will let him learn it and tape everything. I am satisfied with a camera and a scrapbook. I feel like I am telling him the story of his life.. for later. I imagine that one day he will be far away in college and he will miss me as much as I miss him, and I will read these scrapbooks to keep me company and remind me of all our years together. Then when I am old and gone... He will have those memories of us together to share with his wife and kids... and so on. Scrap books are awesome. Get STARTED... start right where you are you dont have to go back in time and make a mess. Just go. I have the second year almost finished and I am so pleased that I got almost evey holiday in there, and his milestones. ( And make a will just in case).

I used to worry that I would die. Now I worry more about my child dying. I'm not sure what I can add to these ideas, but a nice tradition might be to write a letter to each child on their birthday. I personally haven't done this, but it seems like a good idea and fairly manageable to do. I do keep a journal about my son's life (I'm not very dedicated though), but with four kids, this would be hard to keep up.

C.,

My first question what is the level of your faith, or shall I say your relationship with God like?

Also I think it's ok to think about death in a way - but what you focus on grows. So I would encourage to live and focus on living and your kids. My mom died when I was 8 and it changed me forever.

I am happy that you are cherishing them more and more.

I am here if you need a listening ear.

A.
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please mention this to your doctor....it is one of the signs of depression. How have you been sleeping? I mean, I'm sure you're exhausted with all those kids....but if you find that you wake up at 3AM and can't get back to sleep, and are preoccupied with thoughts of death, your brain might be having a chemical imbalance such as depression. Please have it checked out.

No, you're normal. I do it too, think about dying and my health alot...It's just that we have so much more to live for now, so we think "ok, what's going to go wrong now"....

Maybe these dreams are about the death of your old self as you are immersed in parenting. Many of us make so many sacrifices for our kids we forget who we are and what we like to do that feeds our soul (in addition to parenting). What I am saying is it could be symbolic. But either way, cherish every moment as you currently are because we never do know when we'll go.

i think we all go through that when we have young children. we're scared for them and how sad they will be. i also worry about what if something happened to me in my sleep. my poor children what would they do if daddy isn't home. how scared they will be/feel.

I never thought I would live to be 30, not to mention have a child (I am now 41, with a child who will be 3 next month).

Maybe you need to see the Dr. just to make sure you are OK. I had a dream about 10 yr ago that I had lung cancer & would only live 6 months. I did get checked by the Dr. at my Mother's urging when I told her. everything was fine.

Could also be your subconcious (sp) telling you to cherish every moment, or telling you someone close to you has died (maybe you don't have confirmation yet).

Still take the videos, cherish every moment & enjoy life.

Every Mom worries about this at some point because we are responsible for our little treasures... If however this thought is invading in your daily life- then I would seek some help. Any thoughts that you feel you cannot control or are taking away from daily pleasures can/should be addressed by a Dr. You can try your primary &/or either a psychologist or psychiatrist. You could have some PPD, depression or an anxiety issue... NONE of these are a choice or your "fault". Chances are really good that you spend all of your waking time with your children & know there is no better replacement :)