Have You Say What You Need to Say Before You Die?

Have you considered writing a journal? It could be something meant for your kids when you pass. Talk about all the things you love about them and what they have done to make you proud. My step mom kept a journal, not really meant for the kids but just kept one. She passed away suddenly almost 2yrs ago and I found her journal. In it she talks about her struggle to get pregnant and the joy she felt when she finally found out she was pregnant with my brother. After he was born she talks about how amazing he is. My brother is going to be 10 this month so I haven't let him read the journal but I did talk to him about how much mom loved him and how he made her dreams come true. So even though she's not her to tell him, I have proof that she feels this way and he can always look back at her words when he misses her.
If you just tell your kids, although it means a lot they can sometimes forget. So writing it down can give them the chance to read your words as much as they want and comfort them in a time of need.

Aww I'm sorry the dream put you in a funk, I completely understand the feeling! I had one the other night, long story short, that me and the 3 kids were on a bridge in the car and the bridge collapsed and I couldn't save them all... that's STILL with me :(

Every time my kids and I or my fiance and I part ways or go to bed, I ALWAYS say 'i love you' no matter WHAT... because you just never know! I try to have more patience with my kids and not be so short with them when my nerves are frazzled... what if something happened to ME?! Do I want them to remember the last thing I said as being 'You REALLY have to clean your room!!'... Oh I hate just thinking about it!

I hope other people do like I am right now, and take this question as a reminder not to sweat the small stuff, speak from your heart, and don't ever take family or friends for granted... appreciate every second you have with the ones you love!!

Several moms suggested journaling, which is a fabulous idea; however, I know many people that have many reasons why they hate to journal. An alternative would be to use a video camera and say all the things you want to say. This could be an ongoing process that you can use regularly anytime there is a special event that happens or you remember something from your childhood or you just want to apologize and explain why you were such a grouchy mom that day.

I would also suggest that you do use pen and paper to figure out what it is that you are truly afraid of about dying. What does it mean if you leave with "unfinished" business? What is your "unfinished" business? What are you "supposed" to accomplish before you die? What do you think others will think about you after you are gone? What do you fear the consequences will be if you don't get to say goodbye? What does death mean to you? etc.

Really becoming aware of your fearful thoughts can actually set you free from the fear. It allows you to question the rationality of the thoughts. It allows you to get clear about what you really may want to do and what you may just want to let go of. Awareness creates the space to actually make some choices about your beliefs.

Coming to terms with our mortality always feels big, but it's something all of us do at some point.
If you want to pass on info to your kids, get one of those 'Mother Remembers' journals and write things out so your kids can read your thoughts when they are older or after you are gone.

That is a rough dream! Hard to shake that kind of stuff, but I hope you feel less "squichy" as the day goes on. :)
I try not to be morbid and wouldn't let my kids know if I was thinking about death or whatever now (b/c they're too young yet) but I do try to take advantage of my time with them. We NEVER part ways (me, my husband, or my kids) without hugs and saying we love them, even when we're mad). We work to "never let the sun go down on our wrath" as a scripture says; even if it's late and we don't feel like working through it, we at least make ammends and remind ourselves that we love each other and that won't change, and we can discuss this at a better time with cooler heads in the next day or so.
We do have those mom / father journals (got a father one from Franklin Covey 4 years ago, got 2 grandma books (one for my mom, one for us to fill out as we have conversations with my mil who has alzheimers-we wanted to fill it out as much as possible before we "lost" her), and a mom book from of all places, the grocery store. When scrapbooking, I admit I am woefully behind on the boys' events, but I did make sure to do some of the more important notes/lessons type pages for them first, as I think of something. A special lesson that really meant a lot to me, or a story that I really want to make sure gets passed down, I made little ways to make pages for their scrapbooks for those kinds of things. It's not really a morbid thing (I'm not "worried" about dying) but more that I just don't want to forget things that I would really like to pass on, or just forget to tell them because "the time" is never right.
I think we ALL get busy with life though and forget to really chill out about the things that don't matter in the long run, and to enjoy the moment. Good reminder this morning.

Everyone who is on here regularly is most likely rolling their eyes read my response. If you know my story and situation bare with me. I am still learning from my past two weeks. I have been battling an eating disorder, had surgery and I am recovery from both...When I woke up in tears in the recovery room, I knew it was for one reason only and I kept repeating it to myself. He kept me here, he kept me home for my babies. Then this fluid of emotion came rushing over me. I remember talking with someone while i was out and I am convinced god was with me(if it was god I cant remember the bodily features and what not, I just know there was someone with me). He sat with me while i was knocked out and explained to me he was using me to shake my hubby. He knew that I would be ok with it. My hubby is the bill maher to my life. He doesnt see religion as something we need. He sees it as something we all cling too. Those are my words not his. I am safe to put words in his mouth because it is an open discussion. I have the understanding doesnt like to be preached to. He knows not to use the lords name in vein in front of me. Anyways so I was so emotional when I woke up. My mom had been questioning her own mortality once she saw me so sick. We had been praying together and I was scared shitless to leave her. The first thing i could think of to tell her was that she need not worry about her time here. She was doing a great job and she had plenty of time. She didnt look at me when I told her this like a rambling idiot. It is like she too had had this happen to her before and she sat and she listened to me go on about the things I was recalling from being out. She encourage me to talk to cory about why god told me he was doing this in our lives right now. I was scared to do this because I didnt want to sound like i was blowing the preachers horn at him. As he has slip ups and the lords name will come out in anger i decided to bite the bullet. I never try and preach to him so i was going to make my move. God kept urging me to do so. After we talked cory looked at me and said you know what I can see this. The fact that he sat and nodded his way through our discussion and then told me he was not discounting what happened It was like my job was done. I said what he needed to know. I believe on every level that Yes, I have been extremely sick. Yes I should own it to some degree. I have also been able to turn a very fast corner with this so I can honestly say, although maybe driving my destructive cruise ship I am not the captain. My hubby got it. Now i know he is still a work in the mold. I told him if god needed to use me to get through to him I would have surgery or whatever illness it took. I am merely his tool.

My point is. write it down, sit them down send it to them. Tell them. let them know how much you love them. If anyone looks at you nuts, look at them and say sorry it may be morbid but my love ones need to know where my heart lies. This again is going to sound morbid, we live in a world of unsettling times. I am not saying have your burial things set out, have your heart set out. If you woke up this morning feeling you need to hold everyone a little tighter today do not be ashamed. That is why they are here. For you to wrap them up in your arms and love them. I am sure you have days you dont want to be touch or show feelings or you are having a bad day and need to be alone...so have days where you are head over heels for them. you dont have to make a big show just make sure you can get to each of you lovies by phone or in person and just let them know.

Dreams can give you hell. I had a dream probably twenty years ago. My mom and I were walking and some thugs came up ffrom behind us and that was it. To this day I can remember everything in my dream.I saw my mom taken from me. I was scared outta my mind when I woke up and have never had a dream that intense again. My mom and I have not always seen eye to eye. I was her trouble as a kid. I was the one that found every button you could push or break and did it. I look back now and I am so thankful my mom hung in there with me.

You are under alot of stress it sounds like, with your mom going into the hospital. You maybe internalizing it and your brain is over doing its thing when you sleep. I dont know how dreams work. I know when I am stressed out my dreams seem to move a bit more quick and in vivid color. You never remember the great dreams once you wake and the bad ones stick to you like glue.

Hugs to you!! dont be ashamed to tell the ones you love whats in your heart. I dont know your religious stand point, so if this is not you sorry..you are given each day as a gift. cherish them as if they are your last. You cant regret showing too much love you can regret not being able to tell them how you feel once you have lost the motion to speak! I hope your dreams get better from here!!

It is natural and normal to have dreams that threaten the things we value the most. It is your subconscious telling what what you already know. That you love your girls more than life itself, which is as it should be.

I think it means you're the best Mom ever!

:)

(and yeah, now is the time to keep telling them how much you treasure them, not when there's a giant rock falling on your head!)

Here's something I learned long ago from a speaker: When you part from someone you love, be sure always to say "I love you" to them. None of us really knows what will happen in the next five minutes, and if, for some reason, they never hear you speak again, your last words will have been, "I love you."

Another thing to remember is to keep short accounts with everyone you can. Don't hold on to bitterness or anger, because you may not have a chance to get those things resolved. That's good for everyone, every day.

That said, when I have really nasty dreams like that I know I'm exhausted. ("Squichy" is a great word!)

Maybe a positive thing to do (besides getting some rest) is to get yourself a blank journal and begin to write in it - anything you would like your children to know. If you live to be ninety it'll be quite a book! Include as much about your family as you can - eventually they will want to know family history in detail. :^)