Do You Live Life with a Sense of Urgency? How?

Hi K., you sound depressed. I was in a marriage where I did not love the person and that is enough to send you into a downward spiral all by itself. I would really suggest going to your doctor and getting some anti-depressants then going to counseling so that you can get some help making some decisions. It's too much to do alone. Once you get depressed you can't really make decisions until you get out of that space. Bless you for wanting to stay with your husband for your children's sake. You are obviously a very caring person and a wonderful momma! At the same time, it may not be the best thing for all of you - or staying may be. Get some help to find out.

I've rarely lived my life with a sense of urgency. To me urgency goes along with stress and fear. Perhaps we just differ in what the word means. I do often live my life with a sense of peace and accomplishment and with joy. However, I'm easily depressed and then the joy goes out of life. It would be quite normal for you, in your situation, to be depressed. I've found that counseling and medication brings back the joy in living.

I also suggest that rarely does anyone have the physical and emotional energy to live everyday to the fullest. We all have down times to gather more energy. Perhaps you're expecting too much of yourself?

A sense of urgency is too stressful for me.
When I was a new mother I felt 'on' all the time with worry and trying to do everything.
Trying to be Super Mommy was going to give me a nervous break down.
6 months on Zoloft helped so much.
The hair on the back of my neck finally stopped standing on end all the time.
The house was a little messier but I wasn't snapping all the time and I was a nicer person once I relaxed a bit.
I made it a priority that I would try (not always succeed) to get 8 hours of sleep a day - I need it to function properly.
To a large degree, happiness is a choice, as long as you haven't got a biochemical imbalance that makes it impossible for you to feel happy.
I think you should have a check up and speak to your doctor about depression (and have your thyroid checked, too while you are at it).

I used to live with a sense of urgency because I had a mission to do. Once I did most of it life simmered down. You are doing your mission raising your children. Later on when they are older you can do the next portion of your mission (what God sent you here to do).
Everyday I get up happy thankful for my life. I am happy to be well housed, well fed, to have meaningful work and a family. Whatever you are grateful for remember it every day.
I call a friend or two every day and I speak to family members too. I write and so when I do that I feel fulfilled.
What is it you want to learn? There are evening classes and even ones during the day. Spark up your life enroll your kids in swim class and while they are there go work out for an hour.
Take a cooking class or one in yoga. Then practice what you are learning.
Once a week I invite someone or a couple for dinner. Guests without them where would the interesting conversation come from? How would our children learn to socialize.

I think you're getting a message from your gut regarding your marriage and you need to look more closely at that message. I'm in a similar situation and find it's difficult to just accept that I'm with someone I don't love anymore (I find myself saying, "Only 10 more years until my son graduates high school and goes to college." Craziness!). A couple of books that may help you are "How to Know If It's Time to Go" by Lawrence Birnbach and Beverly Hyman and "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay" by Mira Kirshenbaum. I think both give a pretty objective review -- neither pro divorce or pro marriage. My heart goes out to you -- I know just how you feel.

As a previous post mentioned, I think you're on the right path by simply admitting that you're struggling with these feelings. A few months ago I felt completely overwhelmed with my very full life (I work full time, have a active 3 and 5 year old, am married, and have an aging mom who's needing a bit more help and care) and it scared me a bit to feel so out-of-sorts. Nothing was "wrong" persay, I just felt an increasing amount of stress and was quite unhappy. I recognized that I needed to do something in order to get back to feeling like me again. I decided to seek some counseling with a marriage and family therapist and it's worked. It's helped me to have an hour a week to just vent and focus on me...not my kids, work, husband, or mom. Counseling isn't for everyone, but talking to a neutral, objective person might help you get some perspective. Nothing in my life's really changed, but I've gotten some strategies to help me cope, make choices, and focus my energy,,,and I feel like me again.

Good luck!

I definately get the feeling most days that I am constantly running but I always try to sit back especially at dinner and soak up some family time. Even if it is repetitive we discuss our days with our son and ask how his was. He likes hearing about our work, I feel like it is boring but, he likes it and it makes him smile if we use some energy in telling some of our day (how busy we were, how slow it was etc)
My day slows down when I get home. I try to let things go just a bit during the week so that I can take a moment to enjoy. Life is too short. I do have my bad days though and then I just have a glass of wine to help me get there. Life has it's ups and downs and you can't always look at everything all of the time with full graditude. Doesn't mean that you take things for granted all the time but, sometimes your glass is mid-way not empty, not full.
Have you tried counceling? You sound like your depressed. I am on the fence when I hear that your not in love with your husband but staying with him because of your children. Divorce, obviously from your post doesn't seem like an option but maybe, if you did ever love him you could just use some time trying to bring that back. If you didn't ever love him it is not really healthy for your children or you to live in a loveless relationship (IMO). Even if you feel like they can't tell your not in love, they do/will. That is pretty hard to cover up for anyone. I am sure you don't want to feel selfish and put your children through a difficult life but don't you think they deserve to see their parents happy in whatever way? You live life once. Do you think that it would feel horrible if your children ever found out that you stayed because of them. How upset would they feel?
To get back to your question...My husband and I try to take our son biking, to parks, bowling something every weekend. If we can't then we will find something fun to do at home. We pitched a tent in the backyard this past weekend and roasted marshmellows. It is all about slowing down I think, being in the moment. I am sorry if I gave advice on other subjects but I really do feel that you are coming across as depressed in your post. Take care.

K.-I think that the mere fact your are thinking this way puts you ahead of most. I just let each day happen, never really thinking about it. Only once in a while do I step back and examine things like you do. Its a good practice to be in though-but unfortunately one that most forget. I do worry that I will blink and be 80 and have regrets. When I think about that I do try to be in the moment more.