Age Appropriate Godparents??

I dont want to be harsh, but the only help it seems necessary to give here is to remind you what it was like when you had your first child, and random family members were telling you that the decisions you made for your children were wrong. or snickering behind your back because they thought you were making ridiculous decisions. This isn't really your "problem" to be asking for help on, nor does it seem that you've been asked for advise or your opinion on the matter. It seems you just want to be "right". The best advise one can give you is to back off the couple. It's their decision. If they ask for advise, give it, other than that just support them. Thats all they really need right now. Love and support. Not opinions or judgements.
Also for the record, I believe in a Methodist church this is fine. The position of the church is not necessarily that the godparents take the kids if something happens, but gives these people spiritual responsibility for the child through their religious path.

We chose a teenager for our son's godfather (his cousin). We chose him because we believe he will be both a good spiritual role model and a good "life" role model. We drew up a will that designated my sister and her husband to take care of our son in case something happens to us. We did this because we felt that the spiritual/role model side of this role is so important and having someone that isn't too far removed from our son's age might help him feel more comfortable around this person and help them build a relationship. As it turns out, his cousin was totally honored to take on the role and has been very serious about it. We are so impressed--it actually ended up helping him become a better person...which will also help our son :)
Of course, it is the parent's decision and if they would like the godparents to take on the more traditional role of taking care of the child if something happens to them, then they would have to make the decision based on that...though it doesn't appear that is the case. I don't feel like their choice is at all ridiculous though...just make sure they have a will designating care-takers...

L.,
When I was 13 I became a godparent to my newborn cousin. He was baptised in a catholic church and I am Lutheran. Being a godparent means you are making a promise to be a spiritual advisor through their life. It is not a legal process to have these people become their guardian in the event both parents pass before the child is an adult. The only way to choose and make someone a legal guardian is for the parents to make a will.

When my cousin and I were 17 and 18, respectively, we became our baby cousin's godparents. We weren't preteens, but we were still young. Our church (Lutheran) allowed it, and I kind of feel like it gives us a special bond with our cousin now that she's a teenager. I think very few people still choose a godparent to become the parent in case the biological parents die. If that were the case, then siblings would be split up between families and that just doesn't make sense. In our church, it is a godparent's duty to pray for the godchild and to serve as a spiritual role model. And, in case something does happen to the parents, it is his or her role to make sure the godchild is brought up with a faith.

And, I'll be blunt - it's not your place to judge who they choose. It's not like they chose criminals to be their baby's godparents, they chose family friends. Just because they are young doesn't mean they won't appreciate the significance and won't be "good" godparents. I'd just let it go.

For what it's worth, Methodists don't have godparents.

I think it is great to have young godparents. The kids will feel closer to them and will probably feel comfortable asking their godparents questions/advice. It will definitely be allowed and I think you and your husband shold try and keep your thoughts to yourself. This is your brother-in-law and sil's decision and this is their baby's day. Have fun.

When I was 14 yrs old (I'm 29 yrs old now) I wanted to be my nephew's godmother, but my sister felt I was too young and chose our cousin (who was in her 20's at the time). Now we don't ever see my cousin, as her life spriraled out of control-she got into drugs-well that's another story. So you can imagine that she is a non-existent godmother in my nephew's life. I on the other hand would be an awesome godmother to my nephew-especially since I am older now and financially capable to care for my nephew if anything happened to his parents. Anyway, I think that these kids can grow up to be wonderful godparents. I would have been, although I'm lucky that I get to be a great aunt to my nephew, even if I wasn't chosen to be his godmother.

The rules of the Church we attend is that, at least one of the Godparents MUST be a "confirmed" adult in the Church. One typically enters the Church as an adult around 13 years old. The second Godparent would ideally be the same, but needs to be an adult and doesn't have to belong to the Church. I never asked about any age requirement, so I don't know. But we were instructed to select individuals that could help guide our children their throughout lives (whether we are alive or not), following the teachings of the Church. Kind of a "back-up" spiritual set of parents. I'm not sure how a 12 or 14 year old could possibly do that, but it seems that anything goes these days!

I am a baptismal coordinator at a Catholic church. The Magisterium will allow 12-14 year olds to be godparents, with the pastor's permission. We require only one Godparent. We require one practicing catholic, who has been confirmed, which eliminates many of the family members. Another Christian can be a witness, once there is a practicing Catholic. Are you active in the faith they practice? Godparents are only to guide the spiritual growth, so they are not the legal guardians. It sounds like you are angry with their decision, so I recommend you ask why you weren't considered. Churches require letters from the pastor vouching that the godparents practice their faith. They may have wanted to eliminate embarrassment.

For my 10 year old daughter, I have my 3 nieces and nephew. Now they are 25,23,21,19. The church (Lutheran) had no questions or objections. If something would have happened 9 or 10 years ago when my nieces and nephew were 15,13,11, and 9 it was understood that my brother and sil would have stepped in. I still believe any one of them here now would make excellant role models for my kids. It all depends I think on the individual children in question.

Hi L. S
I've been invited to a lot of churches for the christening of babies and I never heard of this age being a god parent. I don't think this is allowed. Personally, I feel that god parents are suppose to be responsible husband and wife with a job to help with the child. If something happen to the parent they have no job or home to take the child in. I attend a Baptist Church and this is not allowed. I'm hoping the parents will think about this again.

It's up to the church, but usually they will allow the parents' choice. My husband and his brothers were Godparents to the 2 siblings his parents' adopted. He was 14 when his parents adopted his youngest brother and sister.

It is not legally binding that the godparents take on the children in the event that something happens to the parents. All parents should have some legal document included with their will detailing who will take the children. When my kids were baptized, the church gave us a sheet detailing that the role of the godparents was to ensure that the child was brought up in the chosen religion. The godparents were to be the religious sponsors of the child and parents should choose accordingly -- so if you're having your child baptized Methodist, you would choose a strongly Methodist person as opposed to a Buddhist or a Catholic or a Lutheran or whatever.

I do not know about a Methodist church but I know for Catholic they need to be older, like 16 and they also have to had made their confirmation too. I had my niece and nephew for my daughter they were 16 and 17 at the time
I would check with the chuch itself that is your best bet.

C.
AVON Rep

Don't know if Methodist rules are like Catholic where I know you have to be at least 16 yrs old to be a godparent or sponsor. The godparent's primary role is to support the child in their spiritual formation. They will allow younger children to be 'unofficial' sponsors.

When my sisters and I were born, we were the 5th, 6h and 7th children of my parents and they had pretty much run out of adults to serve as godparents. This was 40 years ago, by the way! My godparents are my cousin and a friend of the family, both were 14 at the time. Both were excellent god parents, coming to my confimation, keeping up with events in my life. Obviously, the parents of these godparents had a lot to do with that in the early years. I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure your brother and sister-in-law have given it some thought and will find out for sure if it's ok in their church. I think it's quite an honor for someone so young to be chosen, and can actually be a great opportunity for them to think more about their own faith.

Unless they are Catholic, I doubt the church has any rules. These days the godparent thing is really an honorary title and nothing more. I don't think that people actually intend for them to care for their children if something happens to them anymore. It's probably sentimental or something. It's a bit strange but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. My godfather hasn't spoken to me or anyone else in the family for over 10 years and my godmother lives in Germany-I met her once or twice!

Hi L.,

Each church has different ideas as to what the definition of a godparent is. We had a very lengthy discussion with our own pastor on this very subject because I wanted my niece (who is 13) to serve as a godparent. In our church, godparents are defined as those who will guide the child spiritually and watch over the child, not necessarily take over parenting responsibilities if something happens to the parents. We have named people in our will who would serve as guardians should something happen to us.

We both have several siblings and we chose a young adult from each side of the family to not hurt feelings. It is truly a matter of personal choice.

Hi, I actually read all the responses here because I was really curious about the answers. Although one of them was alittle harsh (she did warn you!), I do believe she was spot on!!!

And although my circumstances are different, there was still "discussion" about whom I was going to pick, and that just isn't right.... I say this because when I had my first child (I was so happy, etc.), and my hubby and I decided to pick my sister-in-law (who is very much into the religion, etc.) Well, guess what, my Sister Disowned me, and basically hasn't talked to me for the last 6 years of my child's life...

It is soooo ridiculous. So, because her feelings are hurt, she has basically missed out on 6 years of her niece's life.... Her choice, not mine. Oh, and by the way, I loved the Godparents so much that I picked them again for baby #2. Some people thought I was weird with that, well guess what, I think it was an AWESOME decision, and I am sooooo glad I did it!!!!

So, please, don't interject - you don't ever want to be in that situation.... Just support whatever everyone decides with a smile on your face.!!!

Best of luck to you.....

I know that the Catholic church does not permit Godparents that young except in really extreme circumstances, and there is information to that affect online so I'm sure the Methodist church has info. on selecting godparents online too. My mom was a godmother at 12 for an old lady who converted to Catholicism and had no other Catholic friends so they allowed it, and my 12 year old mother was a very good godmother. But it's generally not allowed.

Have you asked your in-laws if they checked with their church about these parents before they asked the godparents? In the Catholic church tehy allow "proxy godparents," and you can pick pretty much anyone to be those-- they're like honorary godparents to go with regular ones. Maybe their church allows that too so if they find out it's forbidden they can ask about it? That's what I did cuz I wanted a Jew to be a godparent and of course you have to be Catholic... so I got a Jewish proxy and 2 catholic godparents.

On the bright side: If the church does allow a 12 and 14 year old set of godparents, don't worry about it; young people are often much more sincere and genuinely religious than adults, and who knows; maybe they'll grow up to be the best godparents possible and have a better bond with the baby because they're closer in age!

My brother's Godparents were 15 & 16 when he was born (my uncle and a cousin). They were then and continue to be excellent Godparents 33 years later!

As a religion teacher, I've seen many brothers and sisters chosen for Confirmation (we ask the kids to have their sponsors be at least 16). As for Baptism, I believe if the church is OK with it, then that's what counts.

Personally, I'd rather have young teenagers who share our faith, values and beliefs rather than older people who were chosen just because they're the "right" age.

I know it's hard to watch people you care about make decisions you don't agree with, but as stated from others, it is THEIR choice.

I grew up in a Catholic church and the rule was that the god parent had to complete confirmation. I became a godmother at 14. The godpareent is responsible to filling in for the parent in a religious sense, not necessarily taking over a total parent. Otherwise, all my children would have teh asme godparents.

I think that the church allows older children to be Godparents. I was a Godparent around that age also and the church had no problem with it. We were also at a Lutheran church so I am not sure if Methodist is different or not.

We had our kids baptized in July. God parents do not take their Godchildren in the event something happens to the parents. Godparents are second in command when it comes to encouraging and teaching about God and their religion. If something should happen and the parents fail in their duties to teach and guide them then it is the Godparents responsibility to step up. There is no "legal" ties to the Godchild/Godparent relationship in the event the parents pass. As told to us by our Pastor...that is what a will is for. I hope this helps.

As others have pointed out, a Godparent is chosen to help guide your child in spirituality and growth in his/her relationship with God, there is no legal implication. This should take place during the child's life, with or without parents living. When one writes a will, one must choose a legal guardian for minors in the event of death. Many churches do not recognize Godparents in any fashion. Hope this helps. T.

L., personallly, I'd let their church make that call and let others stay out of the decision. Whether you agree or not, the kids are not your child's god parents. In short, I don't think it's your decision to make or even to get involved. Good luck.
S.

When my daughter was born 14 yrs ago, we had to make the same decision. My Brother and cousin were only teenagers, but out of all of our huge family they were the best role models and were strong in our faith. They have their own families now, and they are still the best choice!
It sounds like you are a little hurt by their choice, that maybe you should be the Godparents. When it comes down to it you are still (as their family) their childs role models to teach them what it means to be a family of faith. You're going to love that niece/nephew regardless, and in another couple of years maybe they will see that you are the best choice for their second child.
So yes...it is fine with the church to have younger godparents, and no...God forbid if anything should happen they are not responsible for taking care of the child, just to continue teaching him/her your religon.
Don't be to hurt, It is a tough decision, but it is not the end. You could still be the favorite Aunt either way. Take care..Best Wishes to you and your family.

My Godmother is a raging alcholic, she wasn't back when my parents chose her. I am close to my Godfather, but he did not guide me spritually in life at all, he's a very good man, but does not go to church. So, I believe it is a personal choice. We moved out here to Illinois a couple years ago, we knew nobody here, we have no family here. We met a family, and started going to their church and we chose them as our son's GodFamily. Our family did not agree with the choice, but my sister is my oldest son GodMother, and my husbands brother is his GodFather, neither go to church or are hardly spirtual so it was more of a "make them feel good choice, rather than choosing someone who will guide them on their spirtual journey. We believe we made the best decision, the second time.

I'm Catholic and I was told that godparents are supposed to make sure that a child is brought up in religion. The idea that the godparents are supposed to be the legal guardians of their godchildren is no longer true. Parents can pick whomever they are close to at the time of the child's birth. I can say I would not want the godparents I picked to be parents of my children. Actually out of the 4 godparents I choose, I am only still close to 1 of them.

"I realize that it is not legally binding but the church's view is that it is a responsibility for the godparents to take over in the event that something happens to the parents."

Take over in what way? Godparents are there to help facilitate the religious education of the child. If something happens to the parents such that someone else has to assume guardianship of the child, that will be determined by the parents' will or a judge if they do not have a will. (And they should make sure they have a will now that a child is on the way.) Obviously, minor children are not going to be able to assume responsibilty for the child if something happens to the parents.

"We think that it is pretty ridiculous that this is the choice they have made but we know that it is not our choice."

I agree. It isn't your choice. :o) You're not the parents. All that is required here is that the role of the "godparent" is explained to these two kids, which based on their age, should be a simple matter.

"I'm just wondering if this will even be allowed."

Call up a Methodist church and ask to talk to the pastor.