My husband's first friend in H.S. and his wife just lost their 5 y/o boy suddenly in a freak situation. It has been the hardest thing for all of us to deal with, and I can't EVEN imagine what it must be like for our friends (the parents of the child). They still have one son who is 3 y/o. Our kids were not as close as we are to the parents since they live a bit far, but my daughter is old enough to know who he was and ask where he is when we get together next. Do I tell her what happened or do I wait until the situation arises? I suggest to all of you to go hug and kiss your kids an extra time today. I know I will.
I would definately NOT wait until you are getting ready to see the other family again. It will not give her time to process anything, and she may have a harder time dealing with it if she learns of his death right before a visit.
Hi R.. HEre is my advice. I would tell your child now rather than wait for the meeting to come about. I think it will make it harder on you emotionally if you wait. I will say a prayer for the friends and family of the child
R.: I would be upfront and explain what happened. My father passed away two years ago and my son was 5 yrs old and my daughter was 3. We explained that grandpa had died and went to heaven and made it very simple. We even took pictures with the kids standing by the casket. It may sound morbid but I wanted them to remember their grandpa. I hope and pray that it will go smoothly for you and your family.
S. A.
This is always difficult. I don't know what your religous preferences are, but telling your child that her friend is in a very safe place and is okay is important. Death is very hard for little ones to comprehend, but it's important they know that it's a part of life too. My girls are comforted by knowing that their grandparents are no longer sick and suffering, that death was a release from that. Your situation is different, but I think you get my drift, but do tell her. Good luck and our prayers go out to you and the childs family.
Definitely tell her the truth, but in a way she will understand. I remember when I was about 4 & our next door neighbor's son was accidentally killed by a gun ricochet...my parents tried to sugarcoat it telling me he was electrocuted. To this day, they don't remember telling me that, but I do (I'm in my mid-30s). It's unfortunate that death is a part of life, especially when a child is involved, but knowing will help her navigate the world.
How sad! I would definately tell her somehow. Better for her to get her questions in now, then say something in front of the parents that may upset them again.
Oh, R.. What a horrible loss. I'm so sorry to hear about it. I can't even imagine how your friends must feel.
I think you have to be honest about it and tell your daughter. I have a slightly different take on it that some of the other posters. From what I've read, young children really don't understand odds - it's not especially comforting for them to hear that something almost never happens, because until they are a little older it doesn't make sense to them. I also would never tell a child that some kid died because he made a wrong choice! I think that would be much more upsetting and scary for the long term, because all children make wrong choices. At least, I know it would have terrified me as a child. Children tend to be people who indulge in magical thinking and already believe their actions have a lot more import than they really do.
If you can check out a copy of the Sesame Street book about Mr. Hooper from your library, I think it is a good way to bring up the topic and the book has a guide for parents for talking about death (in the back). They talk about the misunderstandings children commonly have about death and how to avoid accidentally giving them misinformation. Also, there are some online resources. I bookmarked this when I had to talk to my preschooler about a death: http://www.cc.nih.gov/ccc/patient_education/pepubs/childe...
Best wishes and condolences.
I would tell your daughter the truth. When my daughter was 6 a friend of hers from school died suddenly. They never found out why she died so I feel it made it a little harder to explain. The child did not die from an accident or illness. Treat it like you would if it was an adult who died. One of the hardest thing for my daughter was that her girl scout troop was always doing something in memory of the child planting a tree, planting flowers, collecting money for the family etc. and in her classroom her desk was set up to honor her. We talked about how she was in heaven now jumping rope with her grandfather. Also we answered any questions she had as honestly as we could. My daughter is now 16 and we still talk about her friend at those special milestones and she will always be in our hearts.
Hi R.,
This is one of the hardest situations to be in. My daughter is now 7, but when she was 5 years old one of her classmates died in a horrible accident. We had to tell her since they played together weekly. We told her that her friend had died in a horrible accident. He did not make the right choice or follow the rules, and it in end no one was able to help him. We also told her that litte kids do not usually die, this was very unusual. I am not sure how your friend's child passed, but our friend made a bad choice that led to his death. We also discussed always staying by adults when and where it was not safe for kids. She was completly freaked out and talked about her friend and death for a long time. I am glad we told her the truth. Just make sure your child feels very safe and that he is not going to die. Feel free to email back, it sounds like we went though a very simuliar situation.
Hi R.,
I am actually contacting you because of the information you put down about yourself. I am interested in learning Pole Dancing. Where do you teach?? When does the next class start? And how much is it?
Thank you
S. T.
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yes you need to explain what had happen..i just lost my son--16 years old he was shot.and children need to know whats going on in this crazy world..
