I don't usually put much weight on these and chuck them out as coincidences but I have witnessed it happening more than not.
To put things mildly, if my youngest was born first my other dd would not be here.
While my eldest cleans my youngest makes a mess and what does the older one do, she just picks up after her sis. When she started school at 3, her teacher pulled me aside to tell me that she has never met a 3 year old like my eldest. She was very focused. Now when my youngest started school at 3 (Mind you there were 2 teachers to 8 kids -Special Ed) I had to ask her teacher to give her a week to assimilate. My eldest eats her veggies(loves them), barely touches junk and ask to have some even when she could have taken without witness. My little ferret on the other hand can smell the oreos hidden in the laundry room ( we have now resorted to not buying them. LOL. My youngest has swam on toilets (she had mastered the squeeze and turn knobs), painted her walls and carpet with poop. Not to mention that it was on her hair too. We have two failed locks for our pantry she mastered those too. She climbs on top of the refrigerator, has gone out the front door, run into traffic, almost drowned twice...wow! didn't know the list was this extensive and I am not even done yet.
Although it is fun to see their differences, I do love their differences as well. There will be not much stories to tell if both were so well behaved. Now aren't you glad you are not me. =). I am sure her autism plays a role in there somewhere but still most of the second borns I know were more than a handful. I was one so I should know.
Thanks for all the stories. I had an excellent time reading them all. I can see the love through all of them. I can safely assume that I am not the only parent who celebrate even our most challenging little humans. I look at mine who beyond her diagnosis is also the master of mischief and mayhem and wonder what super powers she posses. Through all her shenanigans she has wrapped our entire family around her little finger. Sure I scream, sure I threaten and occasionally swat her little rump but what can I do when she smiles her sweetest smile and gives me her sweetest kisses. I can only curse my traitorous heart for without fail it turns into a puddle.
My mother always said if my brother (the youngest of 4) was born first he'd be an old child. It was the three very sweet easy happy baby girls that came before him that made my parents even consider trying again for a boy. And he is the devil. He's 19 and he makes it very difficult to love him. So if the situation were reversed and he came out first, I wouldn't be here. ;)
Actually, my oldest (of 3) was my most challenging baby/toddler. My mom marvels at the fact that I was brave enough to have 2 more! lol
I think it really depends on the individual child. My two sisters and I are all very different and were challenging in different ways, at different times. I was an easy child, but a monster once 13 hit. My middle sister has anxiety issues and, at 26, still needs to be 'coddled' in a lot of ways (luckily her hubby is up to the task!). My youngest sister is the most stubborn person I've ever known and has severe entitlement issues.
My girls are still pretty young (all under 4), but already I can see that they're very different from the others. Though for me, they're getting 'easier' as I go :o)
It's the differences that makes them great, IMO...but, I too, would only have 1 child if my 2nd was born first, so true!
My 2nd son was colicky and crabby. As he got older he was demanding and impatient. Now at 5 he is stubborn and very tempermental....but we love him very much and can not imagine life without him!
With my kids, the personalities were definitely different but the thing that has stood out the most is that #2 is more prone to sickness and injuries...by age 2 he had already had stitches on his face, been on fire (fingers in touching a burn log, that was horrible) and had *phnamonia! And it has continued on to this day, if we get sick, he gets it but WAY worse...poor baby!
*Sorry, I can never spell that word and am lame and haven't een able to figure out the spell check on the Mac!
I can't speak for other mothers but when my first born let out her first cry when she was born, it was a such a soft sounding cry. I thought to myself, "This one will be gentle." And she is a gentle child (yes, although at 11 she has her tantrums), she is very reserved in social situations (not shy, just cautious) and well, just gentle in nature. Then my second daughter let out her first cry it sounded like, "I'M HERE, YOU BETTER WATCH OUT!" Even my husband commented while we were still in the hospital, "I think we are going to have to watch out for this one." My second daughter is strong willed, strongly opinionated, EXTREMELY stubborn, aggressive. And she's 8 years old. She has her tender moments when she comes up to me and hugs on me like I'm her favorite person in the world but her personality clashes with just about everyone in our household. I can't say that if my second were my first that she'd be my last because I knew I wanted 3 children....and I'm pregnant with my 4th. With that said, each child has their unique personality and I'm not sure it has anything to do with order of birth but it certainly keeps us all busy....and on our toes.
I have 2 daughters with Down syndrome and they are as different as day and night. My first is similar to yours and is is very helpful especially as she matures, she is 11 now. My second is my wild child and rarely ever stops moving. Her walking is a slow run and when asked to walk she stomps her feet, takes 3 normal steps and then is back at it. She like your youngest has everyone wrapped right around her little fingers. She is 8 and I am hoping and praying she settles a little. She is great though and wouldn't trade her for anything!! Have fun with yours and good luck.
My brother has a boy who sounds much like your second (they haven't had him diagnosed with anything though - he is a "spirited child). They so far just have him... sometimes they talk about a second, but worry that 1) they will have two like the first or 2) they might favor the second if it comes as an easier child. So far, they seem happy with one.
J.
Sounds like you have quite an interesting time.
But, no, 2nd children aren't always more to handle. My first was the busy one. My second is a dream. I often think the other way: that if I'd had my 2nd first, would I have been able to handle the other one with no practice?
My mother has always said that if my youngest sister had been their first, she would have also been their last!
I think it is more than just the order but more the personality, but the first one personality seem to be more controlled because all they had to mimick were adults (us parents). When the second came around, then they mimicked another sibling, parents were not that focused on one child, and they get to be themselves. Chips don't really fall far from the block as the old saying goes, but I heard someone mention that all our children have a good and bad gene in them from their parents, just that one or the other is more excessive. So if as a child you were stubborn, it's not that your nice child doesn't have a streak of stubborness, but it is more dormant whereas the other child probably got a full dose of that negative gene....and I think some part of that might be true, but its good that no two people or alike or we would be so bored of each other :-))
My kids are a good mix...so while one is better one way the other is better the other way.
My oldest is very shy and reserved and a huge rules follower. So while she won't jump into new situations on her own or talk to many people she doesn't know. She does follow rules perfectly. It makes her a great student and it was easy to discipline her when she was a baby. Oh and you know that age where they don't want to sit in shopping carts she was aces, because even though we would let her walk, she would never run away because she was too afraid to go anywhere without mom or dad. However, she is my drama princess and tends to have complete meltdowns when things don't go her way. (Although she is getting better) Oh and she never slept in her crib, no matter what we tried she wouldn't. And even to this day, she needs someone in bed with her. (Luckily for us, now its her sister)
Her younger sister on the other hand, went in her crib no problems. She was/is one of the kids that gets over things quickly. Which worked out perfect being that her older sister always seems to tear things out of her hands that "she can't play with" This daughter has always moved on quickly and rarely lets anything upset her. On the other hand, it takes quite a bit to discipline her. And she seems to get into more things than I ever remember my oldest getting into things. However, she is friendly, outgoing and can be the center of attention in her absolute cuteness.
I wouldn't change a thing about either and am so happy they both are different in their both ways. Someone asked me one time which was easier to raise and I said, they are equal because they both have their faults but both have really wonderful individuality about them.
Well if my 2nd was first I would have only 1 child not 3! My oldest is just like your oldest. My middle one is a maniac. We are not sure how but at 18mos he climbed onto the kitchen counter(no drawers to pull out) in the amount of time it took my husband to go from living room to kitchen like 5 secounds, on time he got the sugar out of the pantry and was sitting on the floor eating it by the handful with a big smile on his face ..he was a pinball for a while and then fell asleep standing up..he bossed everyone in preschool around the other kids would ask him what they could play..lol he flipped onto the couch and put his foot through a window....I could go on for days..I wonder what my baby will be like......what do they say aobut the 3rd one?
I think we as parents often expect our kids to be the same, and they just aren't. My oldest is the naughty one, second is very laid back. We have to learn to acclimate to what they'll do next and not be shocked that they are different. I've had a very hard time relating to my oldest, she is just like her dad as a kid, and totally opposite of me. I'm learning...but not quite there yet. Its a constant journey.
I was SPOILED with my first 2 kids. My 3rd (and LAST) is a nightmare! I love him with all of my heart but I've NEVER encountered a more difficult child (and I've worked with kids my entire life, even before I had my own). I think there's a reason the tough one's come last... of course, you don't realize they're the last until you get such an adorable little bundle of evil (like I have), then you say ENOUGH!! NO MORE BABIES!! My first 2 kiddos waited until they were at LEAST preK age for their first ER visits... 3 years old for my now 5 year old (ate excedrine migraine) and 7 years old (this was recent) for stitches in her head... my 1 year old went at 9 months because the little 'angel' ate a fish hook. Brilliant. He's a menace ;)
I think we get easy babies the first go around so we continue having more... but for me? No. More. Babies. I'll smooch on my friends babies... then give them back, and be happy doing so :)
I've got the reverse going on, so for me, #2 has been a dream! LOL!
My oldest is Satan. That's actually how I describe him to people. He's such a loving little guy with a HUGE personality. He's a ton of fun, but a ton of trouble, too, and you really need to pay attention to what he's up do. The list of stuff he's destroyed is off the charts, and on more than one occasion, he's taken off on his own (I thank God everyday that no harm has come to him).
My DD? Angel. I put her somewhere, and she just sits and watches the drama unfold.
So I was already prepped for another round of evil when I had my 2nd, and I've been pleasantly suprised!
My first is more gregarious. He was a hellion until I managed to reign him in. My second is totally the opposite. Would I change either one of them... nope... although there were days that I wanted to run away!
LBC
My Mom always said "you are busy 24 hours a day with one how could you be any busier with 2?"
I have an Autistic granddaughter and your #2's behavior sounds familar. Luckily we are in Wisconsin and have the best Autism programs in the US and many other countries. First and foremost get her diet under control, NO YOGURT OR MSG, both cause violent and uncontrolable behavior in Autistic children. Start doing some online research, Autism Speaks is a great organization for info. There is an Autisim Diet also online it's tough to follow but helps a lot. Read Research and Read some more -- you are your child's advocate BE HEARD.
Take comfort in the fact that both Bill Gates and Donald Trump have Aspbergers and are successful, well educated men.
Ken Leaman..Birth order. Read it. There is some truth to it.
You have a special needs #2 child. I think there is no comparing the two. My #2 daughter was and still is (at 29) very easy going, sensible, focused, did well in school and literally never gave me any trouble in her teens...not so with #1 and # 3. All kids are different and there are similarities in where each falls in the family line up, but I think you have some special circumstances with yours that might not have anything thing to do with being the 2nd child. Sounds like she she has some impulsive behavior that needs to be addressed for her own safety. Special needs kids are just that...they are special in their own way. Rally with her strengths and help her with her needs.
well... you just described my #4!! Even #5 is an easy child. If I would have had #4 first... Im sure I would only have 1 child instead of 5!! He had any and all types of locks mastered by the age of 2. At 18mo his favorite place was on top of the fridge! One time my hubby called me at work and told me that he got the window opened and was out of the roof.. he was 2 1/2. Well that caused for gates on every window.
Well.. my other boys were great! Loved veggies and fruit over sweets. Bearly ever had to even raise my voice, listened so good. I have never had to lock anything up. Now my oldest is 14. Hates pretty much all food. He is such a picky eater its hard to even make supper at night that I think he will eat even one thing off his plate. He has an attitude that could reach the top of the tallest mountain! a mouth that well I don't even think there is enough duct tape in the world to keep quiet. #2 he is still my sweety, the other kids label him the perfect one. He hasn't changed much growing up. #3 is starting to test his limits.. its not getting him far, but he is trying. Well you read about #4. Thankfully #5 is only 2! lol but she can have her drama queen moments! It all part of who the children are and how they change through the years. Your right its amazing ( not sure fun but for sure head shaking) when sitting back looking at how unique they all are.
Just remember, some day your going to look back at all of this and hopefully laugh and who knows maybe miss these days a little. Thats what Im hoping anyways! :)
