Make Me Believe This New Sibling Jealousy Is Normal..

This is normal.

It's also normal to lose your perspective when you're exhausted and stressed. :)

Good luck. I hope you get some more sleep soon.

My sil sprayed perfume in her newborn baby brother's eyes. She was old enough to know better too.

Dr. Sears has some great advice on sibling rivalry:
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/botherso...

Just some observations:
I have 2 kids. 4 years apart. I also used to do childcare, before my 2nd child was born.

1) Your eldest child was an only child for 3 years
2) 3 is naturally a hard age... developmentally, even if the child is an only child.
3) Your eldest child, now has a baby sister... and THREE daycare kids to toggle every darn day, both mentally and emotionally and physically.
Sure, you had those daycare kids before and your eldest should be used to them. Sure.
BUT.... now, her family life and her Mommy has changed- Mommy now has a baby.... and still has 3 daycare kids. So, as a whole.... your eldest child's construct of daily life, has totally changed. It has... become... compounded. And now your Eldest has FOUR... kids... to have to circumvent and she probably feels so alone....
Kids at 3 years old... do NOT think retrospectively nor in hindsight. They are all about the here and now.
They don't even have fully developed "deductive reasoning" yet.
Their emotions and their emotional spectrum, is not even fully developed yet. Nor do they have fully developed coping-skills mastered yet.
And, they are not mastered yet, about many things.
Sure... your 3 year old "should" know better. But... if a 3 year olds emotions... are not even understood by them, and if they don't even know how they feel every single second nor have the coping skills or verbal skills to self-manage their emotions... and if their impulse-control is not even fully developed yet because of their age... Then- the child will not, be able to, control their every single reaction to every single discomfort. Nor, problem solve it... on their own.

What a Toddler may know mentally, does not mean, they can do it. Because, their emotional and mental and physical development... is not all congruent nor at the same pace all in tandem of each other.

I have actually known, an older sibling like that.
She was by then about 7 years old. She was venting to me about everything/her siblings/her family/all the things her family 'expects' of her, just because of her age and being the default 'oldest' child.
But she hated it.
She had so many expectations upon her by her parents, and felt really not incorporated into the family. She felt, marginal. It was sad.
I told her "have you told your parents? Can't you tell them how you feel?" And she said No. They just expect her to be the oldest and really don't listen to her concerns. So she doesn't tell them anything.

Your child may be the oldest child. But she is not old. She is only 3 years old. And a 3 year old doesn't even know... what it means, to be an 'eldest' child, much less how all the expectations upon them, changes. Just because they now have a baby sibling.
3 is a very hard age. 4 is harder.

ANY child, even if they are self-assured, will at times get insecure or more clingy or needy or want only the attention of their Mommy. There is nothing wrong with that. It is age-stages.
And each child has their own capacity... for feelings and how they cope or manage that.
But... if a child is insecure and feels marginal.. then, that child needs more time... in adjusting and becoming... more secure... with her overall place in things. And you need to also talk with her.
I did that a TON... when I had my 2nd child. My daughter was 3 going on 4 when I had my 2nd child.
I spent... MORE time on my eldest, then. Because her world changed 360.
My eldest and my youngest.... get along well.
I spent so much time, during pregnancy and after pregnancy, with my Eldest... in order to help her adjust to an entirely different family routine.

Your 3 year old.... misses, You.
Her Mommy.

That to me, is one of the 'problems.'

It is hard for you.
But it is harder... for her.
She is only 3 and does not have the years of development that you have.
She just needs, you.

So sorry! I'm sure this is extra hard with daycare kids in your care, and being a new mommy.

Just look at it this way. How would you feel if your husband came home with a new wife and told you that she would share your life with him, and that you would just love her and she would love you. Can you imagine how bad it it would feel?

You're an adult and can understand that you have just as much love for her as you do for that new baby. And you can understand that the daycare kids aren't competing for her love. She is only 3 and she can't understand that getting dethroned isn't the end of her world.

So the short of it is, yes, it is normal. And children don't have sympathy or empathy without being taught to have it. It's all about them when they are this age. By taking care of another child in front of her, you are teaching her empathy, but it's a lesson that has to be taught over and over and over, and then more...

Hugs to you!
Dawn

Hi, Mommy:
This is life in the fast lane.
As you get stronger and get
more experience, life will be
manageable.
Keep up the good work.
D.