Divorced and My Oldest Son's Behavior

I think you need to get your son into therapy sooner rather than later. I know you want to try to fix this yourself, but you really don't want to wait until he has "hit low" before you do something about it. If you do it sooner, you will see results sooner and you can possibly keep him and your family (other kids) from dealing with some really devastating things.

My opinion, and I'm no expert, is that your son feels like he has no control over his life right now. With your divorce and engagement, as well as another baby, he is probably just overwhelmed and is acting out to get some form of attention. Kids that age don't know how to deal with all of their feelings of confusion, anger, etc. Do yourself a favor and get him into some sort of therapy so that he can work this out before it gets worse.

Best of luck!

my advice... I have four, 8 and 4 year old son, 6 yr old step son, and a newborn. therapy is a waste of money and time.

My advice, take the time you are spending on another man and focus it on your kids instead. You too need time to heal from a breaking marriage. Even a horrible marriage! It is still a change and a loss. You will regret jumping in so soon, and the kids will rebel. Please, do not make the same mistake I did and leap before you are ALL ready to. It just causes more problems. If he is serious about marrying you, he can wait and will value your children's psychological health over his own needs also.

Therapist are a pain at this age because kids will tell them whatever they want to hear, not what they need to talk about...

he might be acting out because you're getting married again and if you have a 1 year old, that means that the divorce and re-marriage is probably happening pretty close together so you haven't really given your children a chance to cope with all the changes and the oldest child's mind is probably reeling. that is not uncommon.

I think if you wait even a second longer to put your child into therapy, you are doing him a great mis-justice. He's been through a lot and he needs someone totally unbiased to talk to.

My son is 7 and when I had my daughter who is now 20mos he started acting out. Im not divorced but my husband is gone 6days out of the week. I hate therapy (personal opinion) I put my son in wrestling. He didnt have the energy to throw so many tantrums any more. And the attention he got from the coaches gave him something else to look forward to. I would suggest finding a sport or other outlet that he can use for letting out his frustrations. The relationship with his father and soon to be stepfather will always be changing he needs something constant.

My six year old son has been in therapy for over a year now and has made leaps and bounds of progress. I highly recommend it. His issues don't stem from divorce, they are internal (bipolar/adhd/odd), but therapy can give you some really good parenting tools to get a handle on problems at home fast. I also recommend the book "S.O.S. Help for Parents", the author's name is Clark. This is the first book our therapist gave us as homework and it transformed out household. Good luck!

Some churches have divorce programs special for children....DC4K (Divorce for Kids). It helps them to understand that it isn't their fault. I encourage you to find a church that has this program or a similiar one. Usually these programs only cost for materials. I'm glad you're trying to help him.

A.,

I think he is lashing out for some major attention. I am by no means a child psychologist, but I think maybe a good thing to do would be plan a trip to the movies, there is a new art shop for kids on Louetta, take him to the Woodlands Children Museum, plan something with just him. While you are out talk to him, ask him questions. He will feel important. I think with the divorce, your new fiancee, and your other two children he is feeling a bit left out. After you two have spent the day together, explain to him that if he can behave and quit lashing out that he will get more chances to do new and exciting adventures.

I know you said that you dont want to take him to a pschologist, but i do think ou should consider play therapy, it is very helpful, my son goes. I know you said that it isnt that bad yet but why wait for it to. I am not divorced but i saw this with my nephew, he started out doing small things like that too, and now it has gotten so much worse, i believe that had she taken him sooner instead of waiting so long he would be ok with the divorce, and her new "guy". Best of Luck. Not sure what area in tx you are but if you want the name and number of the one we go to i will be happy to give it to you.