Divorce Suggestion

If he hasn't taken care of you since you were 18, and you lost all your gold - what else is there to say? It may be time to think divorce.

I agree with you concerning divorce. Your husband is not a responsible, loving person. You are very young. I suggest staying at your mother's until you can learn a trade or get some college under your belt. You are going to need to be able to take care of your kids by yourself eventually. Reach out to scial services to see what kind of benefits they can offer you until you can get yourself settled down financially. You are fortunate to have your mother. Best of luck to you. I'm sure there is someone special out there for you to meet and marry someday!

What does your future hold?

If you get divorced.. you will be doing everything 100%. Even if he helps a little now, that extra help will be gone. You become both the mom and dad. You have to pay for all bills with out any help. You can't depend on child support. Some of the problems you are having now, may be gone or may not leave.. but for sure a whole new set of problems will begin. Atleast for a few years if not forever. There becomes scheduling conflicts, visitation headaches, not having your children with you for days at a time. There may be some more sadness than there is right now... but then again there may be more freedom to be yourself, more happiness in your life. You and kids might be better off on your own doing all of the above. You are the only one that can answer that.

Now if you stay married, you know what you are dealing with. Is there a way for some or all of the things that is making you unhappy to change? Is there any hope things can get better? If so then it will take hard work on both of your ends. Marriage isn't always easy, it takes hard work and change on both ends.

If you both are willing to work and fight for those then staying will be your answer.. if not then you need to make a decision on what way to go. Right now communication needs to be your first step with your husband.

If you don't have trust in your husband, then you are really in a spot.

I agree that counseling is an important resource, and there are many free or sliding scale options. A local clergy person, or your town's Family & Children's Service department will be able to provide this or make a referral. If your husband will go with you, great, because you need to learn to be apart (if that's the choice) and to co-parent. He has financial obligations to his children, and it doesn't matter whether he wants to or not. You don't say what your husband's problem is - perhaps he is irresponsible or very young/immature, or perhaps he has a problem such as addiction or mental illness. There are resources for him if he will take advantage of them. But it sounds like you are responsible for your children. You sound determined to take care of them, which is great. You are showing maturity and an understanding that having children is a life-long commitment.

I'm not sure about your concerns for education. Obviously preschool costs money, but there are scholarships available and often a program through the public schools that is low-cost or based on ability to pay. Once kindergarten comes along, public education is free. IT's a long time until they are ready for college, and a great deal can be done in the interim to save money and get financial aid.

You can get some job counseling through your state or other agencies and perhaps get some education if that's what's needed to get a job and build some income.

First off, get some counseling so that you can help to focus on your immediate needs and get your understandable anxiety under control. Once you have a clear understanding of your obstacles and strategies to handle them, you will be able to have greater focus and less stress. You will have WORK, certainly, but it's easier to address the hurdles in life once you have the skills and confidence you need.

You also need good advice - legal advice - regarding your husband. You can get legal advice through your local or county Legal Aid society. Your counselor should be able to refer you. You need to get protection for your children, and some financial advice.

You may need to

I am sorry you are in such a hard spot! You have three young children and that is hard and stressful for anyone - especially a young mom with little support from your husband and a small income.

Raising children is hard. Toddlers are hard. Money problems are hard. Working on relationships are hard. All of these things are stressors in and off themselves and you have all of them together, and you are 23! When I was your age, I had all I could do to take care of myself.

Is there any hope for your husband? I assume that he is young as well, and, although has not made the sacrifices you have, has made some? Does he take some responsibility? Could you go to counseling to see if there is anything to work with?

If there is no hope of working things out and working together - at least if you are divorced, the courts will force him to give you some money. However, that also means that he can get married to someone else and get your babies a step mom, whom you may or may not like and your husband can make all kinds of parenting decisions which you will have little control over.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Welcome to Mamapedia!
Interesting first question.

I'm sorry you're going through this.
Have you guys tried to make your marriage work?
What about counseling?
What about YOU getting counseling if he won't go with you?

IF you are sure, then you probably should file for divorce (I am reading this as you & kids are with YOUR mom, and he is elsewhere, right?).

Get an attorney.
He will have to pay child support.

Good luck!

im really sorry your going thru this but it seems like your doing ur best for your kids and if you are really doing it on your own anyways I would continue and just sever ties..
Go get some additional education and find a good paying job.. call the state and county for any assistance (do this til u can get on ur feet) and also try to see if they have any subsidized housing.
Good Luck!