Divorce: Advice on How to Cope?

Sorry to hear about the divorce :( Keep your chin up honey! Everything happens for a reason. I've never been divorced (never been married), but I do have 2 children who's dad has visitation. The first couple of weekends they weren't around, I cried my eyes out. But you know what? It's true that time heals everything. Now, I look forward to the weekends when the girls will be away (that probably sounds awful to some people, but it doesn't mean I don't miss and love my babies)... Honestly, people PAY BABYSITTERS big bucks for that kind of time away! So I've learned to accept it in a positive way, and I hope you do too. I will say this though... if your son comes home all excited about 'what he did at dad's'... honey, it goes both ways. Don't let your feelings get hurt if he has a great time over there... he's driving your (ex) husband absolutely crazy with stories from the time he spends with you too, I promise :) Be happy that your child is having a good time over there, instead of screaming and crying when it's his time at his fathers. It's hard, very hard... but look at the positives. It will help you overcome this sense of loss. You are NOT losing your son... welcome the time alone to focus on the second most important thing in your life, YOU (your son being the first most important thing), and get YOU back. After being with someone for a while, you earn a sense of two parts being a whole... you'll have to learn to be yourself again. Take care of yourself, and everything else will fall into place. BEST WISHES! You can do this, keep your chin up :)

Have you done your custody agreement yet?? Maybe he won't get as much time with him as you think.

My girlfriend's husband gets every other weekend and dinner of Thurs nights. With your son being so young I doubt the court will make him do 1/2 weeks between your houses?? But I don't know that for sure.

I do know that some fathers loose interest after the initial 'fight' is over and don't follow thru as much as they should. My girlfriend is experiencing this now. Does he have children from his first marriage?? How is he w/ them?? Does he do a 50/50 split?

Please update us with what happens and best of luck to you and your little one.

Just try to remember that your child needs his time with his daddy just as badly as he needs it with you...and hopefully your soon to be EX is a great daddy...and absolutely try to look at your time away from your son as a time to do something for yourself, a time to recharge your Mommy batteries, so to speak.

Best wishes to you and yours and big hugs!

Definitely consider a Divorce Recovery group at a local church. Their methods and tools are highly informative and they usually provide babysitting while taking the course. The courses are non-denominational, so no need to be Christian if held at a Christian church, or Catholic if sponsored by a Catholic church. They focus is very educational and well worth you time...mainly so you don't repeat this type of relationship again...

Good luck Honey!!

take daddys visitation time and use it to your advantage. keep yourself busy. I did marial arts and dance class. use it for your me time. and keep youself very busy. that is when you go to the store. that is when you clean your house go on dates etc. or simply just go have coffee or just lock yourself in you house and go through the necessary emotions to heal. dont answer the phone or door just lock yourself up and read a book undisturbed. clean your house get rid of broken toys or whatever you do for me time.keep yourself busy enough you dont get lonely.or you will go through a major depression. good luck and sorry to hear the news.

Get some therapy for yourself from an actual therapist. Most medical plans cover this now due to laws being passed that says they can't limit your access to mental health professionals. Take care of you first so you can help your son get through this with as little trauma as possible. If you take care of it now, you will be able to get on with your life much faster than if you let it fester.

T.

Hi Momma-
Today seems to be the day for tough questions and momma's that need loads of love and support.
I think you should find a counselor for yourself and a divorced parent's support group. It is horrible to be without your baby, but I don't know what else you can do other than fight for full custody and only allow dad visits. However, this may not be the best thing for your baby. I am so sorry you have to deal with this.
My best advice (as small as it seems right now) is to find a counselor. You literally need grief counseling. The loss of a marriage, even if it was time, and the loss of time with your son. It breaks your heart.
I hope you find a good counselor and that your heart lifts a little bit. You need support from family, friends, and other parents. Don't sit at home alone when your baby is not there. Surround yourself with those who love you and support you and with the things you like to do.
Luck and prayers
-E. M

MLB, I know you have been on the site before with concern for yourself and your situation. Know that since the child is both of yours then it is only fair that he has him part of the time. Hopefully your will be able to work things out with ground rules that you can both agree on -- sice you can't force him into anything one sided. I know from being the child of parents that divorced parents and then seeing it with other family members that - all to often the step parent does not see or understnd the pain and confusion of a child when parents remarry so I hope that you will find a way to help your child with that when either of you choose to remarry. Use the time apart wisely and get the things done that you might not do with the baby at home. This will help you not sit and dwell on it the entire time. Since you knew what he was like when you dated and while married then you will know how he will be as a parent.
I was raised by a father with a mother who chose not to be in our lives. This is the case often these days. Hopefullly you will be able to be friendly with who ever he dates and brings into your child's life just as he must with you. Remember that his 1st wife had to share her child as well and must have had many of the same feelings. I wish oyu all good luck as divorce is never easy and takes a lot of greiving to get past.

Hello ML B. I am 31 and currently going through a divorce with a 18 month old son. I would love to talk more with you about my experiences so far. We have been seperated since July 1. If you would like to send me a private message we can talk then.