My husband and I are really struggling with this one and could use any and all ideas. My 10 month old is doing behaviors that are developmentally appropriate, such as biting down when teething, throwing toys, grabbing at the cat, making raspberries, etc. The problem is that we have taught our 2 year old (23 months) that these behaviors are not ok and he gets scolded and has consequences (taking items away, etc.) if needed when he does them, esp. the biting. He has limited language, so talking to him about the differences between them (he is older, blah, blah) is pointless...he doesn't get it. He of course imitates the negative behavior and not only gets scolded, but also looks to us to scold the baby...which we have been doing sometimes in a fake way. This feels wrong because the baby is just doing things natural for his age. Does anyone have any thoughts on how we can deal/ seem fair about the behaviors/ our situation?? Thanks so much in advance!!
At least tell the 10 month old "NO" in a very firm tone and put him down if you're holding him and he bites or something. Your two year old should easily be able to see that the 10 month old DOES get in trouble for inappropriate behavior. I would still tell the 2 year old that the baby doesn't understand things as well as he does. He may "get" more than you think!
I think that by thinking about these things, it shows you are a great parent. =) I have an 11 month old who is very "spirited"... =) and we have been firmly telling her "no" for months now. She too started biting down but I only tell her "no" when it is at inappropriate times (ie) nursing, trying to bite another child b/c they're taking her toy away. She completely understands and acts like the world has just fallen a part b/c she's been told no, but that's okay. They HAVE to learn and parents are the best teachers. As for the 2 yr old, I think you should keep explaining to him the difference between him and the baby. He may not be able to fully understand what you're saying, but he'll catch on. They understand a lot more than we give them credit for. It's unfair sometimes, but kids need to understand that there are different expectations and rules depending on age and circumstances. It's just a part of life and that may start very early! It sounds like you're doing a great job though! Keep up the good work!
10 months old is plenty old enough to be taught what "no" means. a firm "no" and redirection is perfect at this age. i don't think that biting or grabbing the cat is ever ok. your 2 year old should understand that the baby isn't big enough to get time outs. but your 2 year old should be hearing you tell the baby "no" as well.
I'd actually start scolding the baby for biting and grabbing the cat at this age. Just a stern "no" should do. He won't always listen, but he'll start to get it soon. As for the 2 year old, I would just say "you're 2 and you know better." Good luck - I've had 2 kids those ages at the same time and it's difficult at times.
I think you're doing a great job. Just keep being patient and teaching them both and he'll get the right idea. Consistency is the key, even if it doesn't seem to help at first, he'll understand eventually. Good luck and congratulations on you precious children!
I would think your 2 year old does understand "No biting. No pulling on the cat, no throwing toys".
Give him options, "we only bite food, when we are eating". The cat does not like to have her tail pulled." " Pulling the tail hurts the cat, soft and gentle touches only." "We only throw balls when we are outside outside." "Toys are for playing, not for throwing."
He also needs to start being put in time out. 2 minutes.
Teach both of them, "soft and gentle touches", but expect the 2 year old to model this behavior.
2 things that work amazingly well with my litttle son and he remembers it well. One is to whisper to him. That gets his attention more than raising one's voice. Two is to say to him please, will you not do that. Make it more of a question than an order. My son will sometimes whisper things to me - he has you see discovered a whole variation on communicating and it is a thrill. (and a joy for me too).
