My 19 month is at the point where she likes to be testy. She wants what she wants when she wants it and won't take no for an answer. She screams and has very little words to communicate with. She likes to throw her food on the floor, does not sleep through the night anymore. I am very stress out because I feel I did something wrong, what do I do?
All I have to say is wait until she's actually 2, or 3 years of age! Talk about testy! It only gets worse!
You didn't do anything wrong. She sounds like a normal 19 month old.
Toddlerhood is a time of expressing independence and testing limits. As the parent, our job is to allow expression and independence while setting limits and enforcing them.
One important thing to do is to reinforce/praise the good behavior. When she eats her vegetables, tell her you're proud. When she listens to you, say thank you.
At the same time, when she throws a temper tantrum for not getting her way, don't give in!
We set rules/limits with our son early on and we stick to them. If he doesn't eat his dinner, he doesn't get dessert. And yes, even on special days (birthdays, Christmas, etc) and sick days, the rule sticks. If he doesn't listen, he gets a time out - yes, even in public!
Not everyone agrees, but we also have "spankable offenses".
Only you can determine what rules are right for your family, and then what consequences are for breaking those rules.
Teaching my children how to use a few simple signs before they learn to say the words has helped us tremendously. Things like "more, finished, please, eat, drink, etc. can help your toddler be able communicate and not get quite as frustrated. I would also say that it is not too early to start time-out. 1 min. per year of life - so 1 1/2 min. for your little darling. It will help her learn that the behavior is unexceptable and give you both a moment to calm down. Just make sure you give a warning, make sure she stays there (in a designated spot) for her allotted time, and clearly communicate what the offence was. By the way, this can be a very stressful time for any mom especially if the little tike is strong-willed. Just keep being consistant, even if it seems like you have done it a million times. It will pay off in the long run. You havent done anything wrong. You are right, now is the time to start some loving discipline.
I've talked to my husband a lot about this because I am the main discipline that my children get. I AM THE MOTHER> with that - I CHOOSE MY BATTLES>
Yes, she is young, but, with my kids it was very much the way that Erika C. described. If they went against something that I said, then I followed through with what I said. It was to be consistent. As far as not sleeping through the night, it has to be just like when you let her cry it out as a baby. Go in, tell her to go back to sleep and leave. Don't amuse her. After 3 nights of your agony, it will pass. My friends and I have realized that 3 nights is the magic number! Good luck and remember who the mommy is!!
I had a VERY difficult baby (MUCH harder, angrier, spirited, diligent at protesting- than her older two sibs) who is now super super good and happy (but still way smart and devious, but very well self controlled) at 19 months old. This is a key discipline age to prevent terrible two's. Effective discipline will stop the food throwing and tantrums even in super tough kids.
Rewarding food throwing with a nice toy to throw, or sparing her a consequence by removing the food, will not get the message across that she has done something that is totally not allowed. Let her throw things when she is NOT at the table. Give a consequence if she throws at the table. You'll be amazed how fast it works. She'll be beaming and proud for the praise she gets for not throwing in no time.
She needs to eat more during the day if she is waking at night. After a few days of increased calories, she'll be back to sleeping all night.
Beware of the non discipline books if you really want the behavior to change-but they're great if you want to manage yourself and your own perspective instead.
If you set firm limits now, you can sit back and allow much more freedom later. If you're willing to be firm:
www.backtobasicsdiscipline.com.
She is wanting to gain independence and communicate, yet doesn't quite know how.
Also, it is normal for her age to start to night wake as she hits new milestones.
Here is some great expert advice here from Dr. Sears on helping a child learn to communicate and shaping those behaviors:
She is just getting into the "terrible twos" a little early, that's all. It's totally normal. My favorite book on this subject is "Making the Terrible Twos Terrific" by John Rosemond. He explains why toddlers act this way, and how you can best handle it as a parent.
Now would be a great time to read the Happiest Baby on the Block by H. Karp, he explains what your daughter is going thru from her point of view and helps you deal with it. stage by stage. Start modeling using words, if she acts mad or sad say "you're MAD! you want ____" or "you're SAD, you dont want Daddy to go" she wont be able to use these words for a while but now is the time to teach her how to express her feelings and that it's OK to Have these feelings, it's just not OK to scream, hit, throw food, etc If she throws her food take it away and give her a soft ball to throw. If she screams say what it is you think she's screaming about using two year old words and voice but then, after expressing her feelings for her start whispering to try to encourage her to quiet down,
You're not doing anything wrong she is a 13 month old!
Decide on your boundaries and establish them with 100% consistency. It's only fair for her that she understand what you mean (not in words, but in actions). If you say, "If you throw your food, you are all done," then when she throws her food, calmly lift her out of her high chair, say, 'You threw your food; you are all done,' wash her face and hands, and put her in her play room to play. If she fusses at you, then put her in her crib and say, "When you are a happy girl, you can come play again." Close her bedroom door. Don't go in until it is quiet. Then, with a smile, go in with arms outstretched, and ask, "Are you a happy girl?" If she nods or is happy, then pick her up, and play with her. Don't talk about the food.
After playing for a while, say what a good girl she is. Then remind her, "Happy girl plays. Fussy girl goes to her crib." and keep playing. You are 'frontloading' - reminding her when you are not in the situation. When it is snack time, say cheerfully,"Snack time. Remember, happy girl eats her food. Fussy girl - all done with food."
Depending on how strong willed she is, it will take longer. But the key is being clear and 100% consistent. I really like James Stenson's writings on parenting, like "Compass". His work, "Successful Fathers" (only $2.95) is also great - really clear and simple - there is so much less for dads!
It's totally normal at this age. (and wait until about 3!!!!). The most important thing is to remember she's frustrated too - lack of words or just wanting to do more than she can... so keep calm and be consistent. Have set rules and consequences for certain behaviors (ie hitting, throwing food...) and stick to them consistently. I also really like using positive reinforcement not just negative discipline... works wonders with strong willed kids (my 5 year old)! Love and Logic books are great!
