2 1/2 Yo Throwing Things

My Daughter use to throw too. what i did was get a box or clothes basket put it where she could see it but couldnt get to it. and when ever she threw a toy or miss used a toy she imediatly had to put the TOY in the time out box. where it stayed for the rest of the day. the next day we stated the day emptying all of the toys out of the time out box. her toy throwing days didnt last much longer. :)
FOOD, since she is an independent girl (like my daughter) tell her that if she cant be a big girl and handle feeding herself or using the big girl cup them mommy will have to feed her and give her a sippy cup. good luck!

I would have to say it sounds to me like an age appropriate (haha) reaction. My son did the same types of things and I was told it was due mostly to frustration at that age to not being able to have the control they want and to be able to fully communicate what they are feeling yet. It sounds like you are doing your best to stem the reactions and teach her more appropriate ways to respond. Keep up the good work, and yes, it will pass...eventually:)

It is a phase. My son is at the same place. They are testing their boundaries. It is really hard, but try and stand your ground. It really will pass. At least it did with my older 2! Good luck!

This may be normal but not exceptable behavior. I would very sternly tell her know and make her help clean up the mess. Also, if she throws her food then she is done she doesn't get any more until next meal. You have to show her she doesn't get anything by acting out. There was a time I was unable to take my daughter out to restaurants because she wouldn't listen. This to will pass but for now stay strong and don't give in to her bad behavior.

Dear K.,

Well, it just happens, 'they' do these things because they are young and don't know what else to do. Be sure that she is not tired out, and gets lots of play time, either with a friend or alone. Try to think ahead and take her clues to when she is getting tired very seriously. She will stop, but you have to help her not get into a position where it is possible to throw things. Be close both physically and psychologically (is that the right word). Be close always and know what is on her mind. There will come a time when you don't have to be so attentive, but it is important now.
C. N.

Well K. they don't call it terrible two's for nothing.... Yes she is looking for independence however this should not come from being defiant.

Hold her cup when she wants a drink. don't give it to her. Take that power away until she appreciates it.
Keep her snack and food (meals) where she can see it but it's out of reach so she has to ask for it.
" Your lunch is here when your hungry..there will not be another lunch..AND stick to it.. if she throws it don't keep replacing it and bringing it back to her and or refilling her cup.
Slow down Mom...and don't worry. You will prob only have to put her meals up a few day's she'll get the picture. Keep your words minimul to her and be matter of fact.
If she has to miss a meal it wont hurt her.
She is very smart and she's working you for attention.
Tootles

Hi K.,

It takes a lot of work to teach children how to be civilized. I would have to say that what you are seeing is pretty typical toddler behavior (testing limits, low frustration, "I want what I want!") but, believe me, it won't just fade away without some kind of clear and consistent action plan carried out by both you and your husband. If you've ever seen a bratty kid or teenager throwing a screaming fit in the mall or in front of guests, or have had a boss that flies off the handle when things don't go his/her way or is feeling the least bit frustrated and overwhelmed, then you know what I'm talking about. They were once toddlers who were not taught limits and how to handle frustration. Anyway, here are things that you and your husband need to talk about and consider:

WHAT'S THE REASON AND PAYOFF FOR HER BEHAVIOR: Most likely, your daughter is behaving this way because she wants something (a toy, a favorite snack or drink, your attention) and she's learned (or testing out the concept) that by using her voice and throwing things, adults react and give her what she wants. This may be true in 99% of the cases but you may want to consider the timing of when the fits occur. Is she tired and due for a nap, feeling overwhelmed, or angry about something?

CONSEQUENCE: If you figure out that she throwing things because she wants something, then absolutely do not give her what she wants. There should be no positive pay off for her fit ever. In addition to that, you may want to consider (a) putting her in the naughty corner for 2 minutes, (b) clean up the mess that she made -- with your help, and (c) appologize to mommy, daddy, whoever, for what she had done. Also, if she throws something that belongs to her like a toy or a book, you may want to implement a rule that the object she threw is also put in time out for a specified period of time (put it in a place that is out of her reach but where she can clearly see it).

LAY A BIT OF GUILT ON HER: After she is out of the naughty corner but before she apologizes and cleans up her mess, explain to her why she was put in the naughty corner -- what rule she had broken -- and tell her that you feel sad when she behaves that way and, if the situation calls for it, that she could have hurt someone. Guilt is not a bad thing in all situations. If implemented constructively, it teaches us empathy and it can be used as an internal moral compass as we get older.

TEACH HER REPLACEMENT SKILLS: After she gets out of the naughty corner and makes amends for her behavior, do a little bit of role playing to teach her how to handle the situation better, whether it is turn taking, asking for something in her "big girl, calm happy voice," saying, "No, thank you," when she doesn't want something, or squeezing (hugging tightly) a stuffed animal or pushing the palms of her hands together when she is feeling frustrated or mad.

IF HER BEHAVIOR IS A RESULT OF HER BEING TIRED: Then it's really not fair not punish her but you can teach her to say, "I'm tired," and it would be good for you and your husband to learn recognize her non-verbal cues early on so that you won't be setting her up to have a meltdown.

CONSISTENCY IS KEY: Both you and your husband have to have the same rules and the same consequences each and every time. If you don't, you are sending the message to her that if she yells, screams and throws enough objects, she may eventually get what she wants. Believe me, she doesn't mind the noise and has infinitely more energy than you and your husband. She can go on forever and ever if she believes that there's a chance that she can get what she wants that way. You need to squash that hope.

Okay, I think that about covers everything. Good luck. I'm sure that once you have your discipline plan in place, it won't take long for your daughter to learn the rules.

L.

This is all totally normal. My daughter is 2 and tends to throw things as well.
They need help learning how to express their feelings verbally. Also they are learning that they are independent human beings and figuring out how to deal with this newfound independence.

With things like the milk incident... This may be a dumb question, but did you ask her if she wanted milk beforehand?
When she is throwing things that she doesn't want, is anyone asking her if she wants them, or just giving them to her?

If so, then I would say it is just part of this wonderful 2 y/o phase and yes it will pass, but you have to keep telling her it's not okay. If not, try asking her if she would like (whatever food or item) before giving it to her and you'll likely see an end to the throwing because she feels more in control of her world.

Yes, part of it is the age and the inability to handle frustration. But that doesn't mean that you should let even one throwing session go unaddressed. A hard and fast rule in our house has always been, "You throw it, you lose it." No exceptions. Try it and I'll bet within one week the throwing will decrease greatly if not stop altogether.

Good luck!!

My daughter went through a small issue with this but we stopped it early. She had to pick it up. She was not happy and she had to stay their until she picked it up and put it down nicely and apologized. Be firm, consistent, and remain calm with her knowing you will not relent.

Good luck

My son started throwing things when he was about 3 years old and it lasted about a year. I found that he did it when he was trying to communicate something he was wanting and I either didn't hear him or couldn't understand him, so he would get frustrated and throw something. I started paying close attention to him when he was eating and when I could tell he was getting irritated I would tell him to ask me for help. That solved everything!

Hi K.:
Your daughters behavior is natural for her age group. She is not being defiant,as much as she is attempting to show her independence.She is eager to please you at this age,and she wants to prove to you she is getting bigger.Unfortunately,she still gets frustrated at the fact she can't always communicate her feelings.(Thus the outbreaks.) We all have dragged our little ones to an eatery,and we'd be lying if we said we weren't living on the edge.Expecting them to sit quiet and well mannered for a waiter to bring a meal 30 minutes or longer,is asking alot. That would be like sitting them in a chair at home, and expecting they would just sit silent the entire time. Why do you think someone came up with the idea for cartoon/and color menus for kids? Because they are bored out of their minds! If your daughter threw her milk,it was because she was frustrated about something and couldn't explain.I'm not saying that you should except the behavior,but I think it important, that you realize that she isn't doing it simply to be an embarrassment to you.I think,that taking her to the side (calmly) (not yelling) and telling her, that you don't throw food.Then ask her what is bothering her?If you have to, Take her outside for a few minutes and let her stretch.calm her down a little.She only needs to feel you understand her frustration.Once she senses you want to help,she will be fine. You may want to work on some very basic words,so she can better communicate.This to will pass.She will stop,when shes able to talk better.I wish you and your darlin daughter the best