Did You Have Reservations About Having More Children?

Yes. I was completely ambivalent.
When I was pregnant with my second, I just wanted to be with my first all the more. When people asked me about my pregnancy, I ended up talking about my oldest son. Even after the baby was born (a beautiful little boy), I tried to give my first all the attention so he wouldn't feel left out.
Now, I couldn't imagine life without the two of them. They light up each other's days, and they feel incomplete without the other. I know it may not always be this way (I have 2 sisters... I understand!), but for now, I can't imagine having been ambivalent aobut my second.
And even as I write this, I am loving both my boys more than life itself, and I can't find a way to connect with the little girl I'm carrying. I have a feeling that it will work itself out, just like it did before. If nothing else, this little girl will have two doting brothers!

I never experienced the emotions you are going through. But I might have if I had known about the fibromyalgia when I was young. I now know I've suffered with it since my early to mid 20's. It started out with so many seemingly unrelated problems. Every year it was something new. I always thought I was healthy mostly but had these stupid irritating health issues that I could always deal with. I just had to change my diet, research more herbs, find ways to handle stress.

The problem with the fibro is that it gets worse every year. I still have some times of few flares. But the flares hit harder, come more often, and last longer the older I get. I run a daycare and am open 7/24. That probably doesn't help. I did that in my early years and now I have so much debt I can't change it. If I could go back and change my life, learn to live cheaper, not have as many kids, and plan for my middle years..... I don't know if I would have changed anything. Fibromyalgia wasn't heard of when I was in my 20's. At least, back then I hadn't heard of it and the doctors all thought it was bunk.

My girls and my grandkids might be responsible for some of the stress that triggers my flares. But they are also the lights of my life. I can't imagine a life without them and I want to beleive I would not have done anything differently. If I had stopped at 2 children, my daughter and grandson would not be here now. This little guy is my angel child. There's no way I want a life without him in it.

You have to decide if you will hate yourself 20 years from now if you are facing empty nest. What happens if your one child doesn't want kids? My stepsister died suddenly last year at only 31 years of age. She never had kids and my stepbrother doesn't want any. My stepmother would have no grandkids at all if she didn't think of my brothers kids as her grandchildren. She and I are not close. So she's never known my kids.

You do what is right for you! Do not worry about what other people will think or say - providing you are acting in ways that are not harming anyone else, then your life choices are no one's business but your own. That said, I do understand. We have a wonderful 3 year old little boy, he is the greatest blessing I have ever known-I thank God every day for the opportunity to be his mother. The facts are that delivering him was very frightening to me; after 11.5 hours of completely unproductive labor we were taken in to an emergency c-section. He weighed 10.3, lol, any questions about the delivery issues were answered the second the doctor saw him! I had very (and I mean very) high blood pressure after he was born (never had it when I was pregnant though), refused meds but was living in fear of something terrible happening to me - I suspected it was hormones and quit breast feeding after about 3 weeks of constant anxiety attacks and losing literally about 2 pounds a night. My blood pressure began to drop within 2 days and within another two weeks was back to almost normal - moral of that part pf the story = follow your own intuition! Long story short, I have a condition known as Acute Inflammatory Poly-Arthritis that began to show up in an unavoidable way about 2 months after our son was born, it was originally diagnosed as RA which I sought a second opinion (again, follow that intuition), but it does act like RA without the debilitation. It was likely aggravated by the hormonal activity of being pregnant (and like RA, pregnancy can actually suppress the disease activity until delivery and then the disease flares like crazy). We love our man, but I have to say that we had my husband snipped within about 2 months because we decided that, for us, for our family, we're stopping with our son. If we decide to expand later there are plenty of options and plenty of children that really need love and a family either through fostering or adopting. The same goes for you, if you choose to stop here for now, thank rest assured that there are lots of ways that you can extend your love out into the world aside from expanding your family. It was a very, very hard decision for me to make - my husband was all for not going through all of that again - but for me it was ore sentimental...but I am sure we made the right choice for us and for our little man. You do what is in your heart, deep beneath all of the things you think you should think, there you will find your answer.

I, too, struggled to get pregnant with my first child. It was a lot to cope with: dealing with infertility, genetic screening, etc. Finally after 6 months with a reproductive endocrinologist we were pregnant. After that process, I knew that this would be our only child and I am ok with that. This was a REALLY good decision for my husband and myself. We both come from families with 2 children, but there is a significant age gap (12 years) between the siblings. We feel like this was the right decision and we can devote all of our time and energy to this child whatever difficulties or successes he may encounter in life. I have also found other moms with only children to talk to and rely on. That has also been a big help to me.
Whatever decision you make - be happy. Only you know what is right for you!

I have an only. I always "thought" I would have more than O.. O. is enough for us and we decided to stop. I had 3 miscarriages before my son. Also my hubby & I are both a little Type A and we honestly feel we are content with O. child.
It's a personal decision everyone's gotta make for themselves. Wrong reasons to decide on another child include peer pressure, conformity, etc. Good luck whatever you decide!

I go back and forth on a daily basis. Today, I'm completely content with the 2 boys we have. But then are days where I want to have 4 kiddos.

One thing I wanted to mention. It sounds like your little girl was a tough baby, don't think that will automatically happen again. I mean, it may, but it may not!

Our first son was a tough baby too - reflux, milk/soy protein intolerance, and just an overall feisty little guy. Our second baby is such a butter ball. He is healthy as an ox and is the most content little baby!

Good luck with your decision. And I am sorry for your losses.

I always wanted 4 children. I stopped at 2. I had terrible pregnancies (ended up with number 1 in the NICU after premature delivery and was on bed rest with number 2 because of insanely high blood pressure) and two miscarriages. Given the health hazards of having more children I decided to get my tubes tied after daughter number 2. I was sad because I had always had it in my head that I would have 4 but my husband and I decided that it was best for us to stop. I am sure from time to time I will be sad when I think about not having more babies but in the end I know I made the right decision for my family. Good luck.

I am always envious of those women who just KNEW they wanted more than one....I ALWAYS had reservations about having my second. My hubby wanted to try for another baby and I was only half interested. We'd had a rough previous year and some minor marriage issues and though we'd made it through with lots of love and work, I was worried that baby number two might undo all the hard work we'd just done. So far, we're ok, but I still sometimes worry it could happen.

We also tried VERY hard to get pregnant with our first and I think that it sometimes takes a toll on who you are as a couple. It also, in my opinion, changes the way you parent that child once you're finally blessed enough to get there. And it DOES change your views on having a 2nd. I can't explain it, but I know what you mean.

i totally know what you mean. i always thought i wanted 2 as well as did my husband but sometimes we wonder if we really want to go through the rough first year all over again. we love our baby so much that sometimes we're content with just him but then other days, we start talking about how great it would be to have a sibling for him...to "complete" our family. we've been going back and forth on this for some time now. i guess time will tell. just talk to ur husband about it, maybe your drs if you're worried about the fibromyalgia/anxiety issues and i'm sure you'll come to the right decision for both of you. best of luck,

We never had any health problems with our son, but i still have reservations about having more, simply just because of the usual risks involved. Its always in the back of my mind that my next child will have some complications or something and i dont know how i would handle all that. You are seriously amazing for going through what you went through..and i look up to you a lot! I also am terrified to have more because of how my first born will react to siblings... and will i give them equal attention and whatnot ( of course i wouldnt intentionally pay attention to one more than the other.. but you know what i mean). Motherhood is just exhausting. lol. I think i'll stick to one for now. But the joys are just way to great to not have more! Im really sorry for your loss and troubles. You are such a strong woman. Keep your chin up :)

Because of surgery I had when I was 24, my husband and I always knew we would have to adopt to have children. At age 38, we adopted a beautiful 7 day old baby girl. We had always thought to have two, but our daughter was the perfect baby, very easy. We could afford private Montessori schools for her, lessons, camps, etc. We were worried that a second child who came to us might be much more challenging. We would want to give a second child the same benefits as the first, but might not be able to afford it with two. So we stopped at one. I know our daughter would have liked to have a big brother, but she has lots of friends which are like family to her. When we vacation we sometimes let her bring a friend along as well. She'll be a junior in high school next year and is doing well.

I hope you're able to come to a peaceful decision on the future of your family. You'll make the decision that's right for you based upon all the important considerations you've listed.

I'd love another child. My husband isn't sure. My diagnosis with cancer a few years ago has drawn a very real line in the sand. Physically, I should be able to conceive. But, should I? What if it comes back? I'm only 18 months clean but just turned 35 with a 4 and 2 year old. I only have 1 treatment option remaining, a stem cell transplant. Unfortunately, I never thought I'd need the cord blood from my other children, so a nice bonus of having another child would be the opportunity to bank the cord blood (not a reason to have a child - I want to make that clear).

There's more room in my heart, but I work in a volatile industry that is literally crumbling, so job security is questionable, and we spent almost $20K on day care for 2 kids, let alone 3.

If you have any reservations, I'd caution you to listen to your gut. You can be happy with one child, many people are. I would not be, and I don't know if 2 is the right number for us.

Good luck!

Lots of interesting perspectives. I think whether you end up with more or less, it's always difficult because you have this vision of your life and it doesn't match. That happens in all arenas of life, and sometimes it feels like failure when it doesn't end up how you thought it would. I was going to be a young mom, have my kids at 23 and 25. I didn't like that my parents were older. I didn't get married til I was 30 so being a young mom didn't work out. I was so disappointed that I didn't achieve that goal. But I've seen that it really worked out for the best. Society is different now. I'm the same age my mom was when she had my sister and me, but that's average now, not older. Plus I'm MUCH more patient now than I would have been 10 years ago. God definitely has the timing down.

I was also set on having 2 kids. After our first was born I was surprised to discover I wanted 10! But for lots of reasons, that's not going to happen. But we are seriously considering having a third, maybe even a fourth. Bigger families are not the norm these days so sometimes people respond in a "Why would you want to do that?" kind of way, so that's tough, too. Especially my friends who've known me forever and knew I only wanted two.

I can totally understand how having fewer kids than you'd planned could emit those feelings of failure for not living up to your imagined life. But I bet your imagined life didn't include the struggles you've experienced either. My thoughts if I was in your situation would be to just go with the flow, and let God decide. Don't work at getting pregnant. No fertility treatments, etc. If you are meant to have another child, you will. If not, you won't. Not sure where your faith stands, but there's a definite feeling of relief knowing He's got your best interests at heart and won't give you more than you can handle. Best of luck to you and God bless!

Have you ever considered adoption?? We adopted a completely healthy infant (newborn), and she has remained healthy to this day (she's 3). If you want to expand your family, but your body isn't cooperating, give adoption some thought. I could not have produced, biologically, a more perfect child for me than my daughter!! Bonus: she even looks like me, and most people don't believe me when I tell them she's adopted.

I can also comment that having an only-child is great too! I was an only child until I was 15. My sister & I will have only children. There is nothing wrong with an only child. Frankly, if you look at the stats, onlies are some of the highest achievers in our country's history. If you have a good attitude about it, so will your daughter.

Bottom line, you need to decide on #2 or not. If it's a yes, consider adoption, if it's a no, enjoy your little girl to the fullest!!

You already know what a responsibility it is to have a child. Just make sure that you are SOLID on having another one before you do since you know you can't just "send them back". ;) You could always become a foster mom!!