Desperately Seeking Sleep

Hi C.,

I would read Marc Weisbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. He outlines many strategies and clearly explains the sleep pattern in detail, and why certain strategies backfire on us. It sounds like your sleeping in there is actually making her problem worse as she is not able to get continuous sleep. Working through a short period of crying it out is much more compassionate that repeated wakenings. Think how hard it is on you and then know that even though she might not show it as much during the day, that it puts a really bad strain on a little body and state of mind. You have to ask if it is good for her to continue having fractured sleep. It definitely affects learning and cognition when a baby/child has continuous sleep versus periodic wakeful periods. And, a rested mom is a much better mom to a child than one that is tired and a little edgy from not getting continuous sleep.

Goodness...move the crib into your bedroom! Best of luck. R.

Our 15 month old sleeps with us. We have two double beds pushed together and a loud fan for white noise. It works out quite well for all of us, and we all get a full night of sleep every night. Our baby still nurses now and then in the night as well, but merely stirs a bit and never wakes fully (or wakes anyone else up--I usually barely wake). Babies that age still get hungry at night.
Try reading the DR Sears nighttime Parenting book.
Babies really only need you this way for so short a time!
I'm sure a lot of people may tell you to let her cry it out, but I honestly don't think that those people have tried co-sleeping with a big bed AND white noise. It is so much easier and so much less disturbing than anything else we tried!

By all means, put her crib in your room!! Why are you torturing yourself like this? It sounds like she's a great sleeper and is just monitoring because you're her mom...that's normal and good and natural. It speaks to her sense of self-preservation, and she'll get to a point where she doesn't do it anymore, too.

Hi C.-

Don't know if this is feasible for you or not - what about having your three year old and your 11 month old go to sleep in the same room? It sounds like your little one just wants the reassurance that someone is there.

My daughter was an awful sleeper. Here are the various things we tried with her:

Keeping the tv/dvd player on low for background noise
Keeping a fan running - for white noise
white noise/sound machine
Keeping a light on in the room that gradually dims and eventually turns off.

Keeping a familiar repetitive noise on in the room seemed to help my daughter drift back to sleep .

Hope these suggestions help. If not invest in an air-mattress - the wood floor is really not great for your back!!!!

T. Y
SAHM to almost 4 (9yrs, 7yrs, 20 months and 30 weeks pregnant with baby #4

have you tried a picture of you? laminate a photo of you.. even try a nightlight if you don't have one.. that worked for my daughter.. she just needed to see where she was.. you can modify the cry it out method .. I did that.. I didn't let her get hysterical but I'd wait a bit before going it.. it did work even though I didn't do it by the book.

My son would wake up at least twice every night until he turned almost 2! At that time my daughter was born and I was ready to just accept the fact that I wouldn't get a decent night sleep for years to come. But then, something happened, we got him a softer mattress and converted his crib to a toddlers bed and voila!...he started sleeping through the night on his own. My daughter doesn't give me trouble at night. It's amazing what a difference I felt by just getting a good night sleep! I realize he’s too young for a toddlers bed but maybe changing the mattress and playing some soft background music will help.

It took my son eight years to sleep in his own bed, and my 6 year old daughter is on the same path. I figured it ws what my kids needed from me. When I complained about this one particular time, one of my professors(Master's in Counseling) said that in other countries and cultures, sleeping with your kids is normal and considered bonding. I have to say, my children are wel-adjusted, pretty independent and self-assured. Yet, they have cuddled up with me for years. I figure they won't be doing this when they are 16, so it'll work itself out! LOL I also grew to be okay with this when I read "The Full Catastrophe" by Jon Kabat- Zinn. Zinn described the same sleep expereinces I had; he grew to accept what his kids needed from him as well.
Whatever you can do to get sleep!

J.
www.jillsylvester.com

Have you tried taking the shirt that you wore all day and putting it in the crib with her, once you put down at 8pm. Sometimes the scent of you on the shirt is reassuring enough to them.

I did that with my daughter once I seperated her from her twin brother.( but I used his clothes)

Honestly, I don't know why we expect so much of our little babies. When my husband is away, I wake a few times every night. Because I am an adult I can remember that he'll be back and return to sleeping but having this expectation that our infants can do the same is a little much in my opinion.

I agree with the comments about trying co-sleeping and/or moving her crib into your room for a while. She won't want to be in there forever.

Someday you'll look back and miss the nights she wanted to cuddle with you all night. This period of time is SO short! Try to enjoy the good things. But, for heaven's sake, get *OFF* the hard wood floor!

I found a white noise machine helped my children sleep more soundly.
Good luck!

I'd say move the crib into your room next to your bed.
Good luck!

Been there - done that..... It's a long road you've chosen. My kids did eventually get there, but one of them was four before they slept through the night! Try to wean her off you and onto a "special" thing at night - blanket, safe toy, etc.... Also progressively move yourself back from the crib each night. You have an advantage because you are not touching or moving her at night. This is a good base to work from. Your own sleep deprivation may undermine this method. It's really, how much pain can you take?

Have you considered co-sleeping? Let her sleep in her crib until she wakes up the first time then bring her into your bed for the rest of the night. She'll know you're there just by smell and touch and may possibly not wake up as much. Also you will be able to sleep.

And before everyone freaks out and bad mouths co-sleeping I'll tell you we did it with all 3 of our kids. None of them have had sleep issues and the older ones sleep fine in their own beds now. Co-sleeping can be very safe. It's been done for centuries. It's a great way for working moms to continue to nurse and bond with their baby while also getting the rest they need. To learn more you can go to www.mothering.com.

Good luck.

There is a book called the Baby Whisperer that advocates a modified cry it out where whenever your baby cries you go in and sooth them and then leave, so they get the reinforcement that you are there for them and haven't abandoned them BUT they need to sleep in their beds alone. Get ready for a few rough nights (1st-60 times, 2nd 20 times, 3rd, less, etc) but it works. I used it when I weaned my son off his night feedings, teething may set you back but you really need to take care of you so you can take care of your kids with all cylinders firing.

Good Luck--Nat

I think these are all good ideas you received so far. I used the baby whisperer and loved it. But I had another idea to consider ~ maybe if put a video monitor in her room to show her where you were that would work. It is totally backwards but it may help the weaning process if you cannot stand the crying out method.

If you do choose to try the crying out method time her crying spurts. I used to do this and realized they lasted a lot less than my brain and heart perceived.

Good luck and remember it is a phase that will pass eventually.

Oh, I did that for a while with my then 18 month old daughter. No fun. I think you've gotten good advice on both sides of the "crying" debate. Any of them could work. Just really think about what you want to do and commit to it for a couple of weeks. In my opinion cry it out (the Ferber method, not just crying) is really hard for a few days but ultimately easier in the long run. Cosleeping or having her in your room is easier from the get-go, but I found much more frustrating in the long run. I know not everyone feels that way. Good luck, and remember that you have to give any method you choose a fair shot of a couple weeks, but if it doesn't work you can always try something else.