Too Many People in One Bed

I just wanted to say, that co-sleeping is not a bad thing. Only Americans have decided that it is a bad thing. So many other countries use co-sleeping as the way of life. My whole theory is, if everyone is getting sleep, then that is much healthier than anything else. My daughter sometimes sleeps with us and sometimes she sleeps in her own bed. She moved to her bed when she was ready.

Hi M.: It is a good thing, not a bad thing that your son sleeps with you. You responded to him and to the need for sleep; this is a very real and realistic thing to have done. Good for you! This nurtures him and allows you to sleep!! If you need to create more space and have him sleep alone, there are gentler ways to do it then to have him cry it out. I think that would just make the situation more difficult for all of you. If you are just worried it is not good for him, but it's working for you, keep on with it. Try to get some support through reading about attachment parenting, either online or in books. There are many people who sleep with their children and have found ways to do this successfully, then to help the child into their own bed (usually children will eventually want their own bed). For resources I can suggest Dr Sears, Jay Gordon, and again Attachment Parenting.
Take care.
C.

We don't have a big bedroom, but were cramped in a queen sized bed. I ended up buying a thick foam pad (smaller than a mattress but still about 5 feet long) and put it on my side of the bed. My daughter still comes into our room 3 out of 7 nights, and sleeps on the foam pad. Works for all of us.

We put another bed next to ours at the same height. Now we have more room than we need! With a fan on at night for white noise we all sleep peacefully. Who said co-sleeping was a bad habit anyhow? It's just another opinion in a world of opinions. You should read Dr Sears, he doesn't think it is a bad habit. Crying it out seems to me just neglect with a fancy title.

Please know that co-sleeping (bed-sharing in your case)is completely natural, healthy and nothing that you should feel guilty about! Contrary to what some might say, it DOES NOT form bad habits, benefits mom and baby and can actually help prevent SIDS. I come from a long line of bed-sharing parents and I can tell you from personal experience that it is absolutely the best option for breastfeeding, keeping a close attachment to your baby and getting enough sleep. I definitely would not do the cry-it out method at this point, that would just be cruel to your baby. Do your own research on the subject. Mothering Magazine(an amazing magazine) just had a few really great articles on co-sleeping, James Mckenna Ph.D. wrote a book called sleeping with your baby that is an excellent read. Also check out askdrsears.com for some amazing advice on just about anything. Just listen to your instincts on this one, everyone has their own opinions, if you and your baby are happy then why change? Good luck!

Why can't he stay in your bed? What I mean is, if you want him out, then fine, work on it - but there is no reason you can't continue to co-sleep if you want to.

That said, if you want him out of your bed, try the "No Cry Sleep Solution" - it works for any age sleepers and she specifically addresses this situation, and you don't have to torment your child (and yourself) with cry-it-out.

I can't help you on this, I don't think. We ended up getting a king. My 21-month-old sleeps with us and at some times, we find our 4-year-old has made her way in as well. I like that they feel safest with us and that they don't feel like they are on their own if they need us (which happens through the cry-it-out method). Unless it is truly affecting your sleep, I wouldn't worry about it.

Hee hee - I feel your pain. We had to move up from a queen size to a king size bed the first year 'cause our little guy was in with us so often. He stopped coming in when I weaned, though, at about 13-14 months. Now he only joins us when he's sick and wakes often during the night - we're too lazy to keep going to his room to comfort him. Happily, this has only happened 3 or 4 times in the past year and a half! If you've already weaned, try sitting with yours in his room with him in his bed, singing, patting, etc while he goes to sleep. Ours cried like crazy at first, but he was just mad that we weren't doing what he wanted us to. He wasn't alone, abandoned and neglected, he knew we were right there with him. (my husband and I did this together) If he wakes up at night, go to him, and repeat the singing and patting process. We'd agreed that if he cried for 15 minutes straight, we'd pick him up for 5, so he could calm down. This never happened in the middle of the night, though there were a number of times where my husband or I would go in and put a hand on him and reassure him that everything was ok. He always went back to sleep within 5 to 10 minutes. You may want to plan to spend a week of your vacation time on this, so you won't be all stressed about losing some sleep. You created the habit (I'm not criticizing, believe me, we did the same thing and I wouldn't do it differently with a second child - co-sleeping was a precious time in my life) so you owe it to your guy to help him break it with as little trauma as possible. Best wishes!
-L.

Hi M.,
Are you switching him to a crib or toddler bed? If I were you either way I would continue whatever normal schedule you follow for preping for bed as far as same time, if you read hm a story first or whatever. When you put him in his own room for the first few nights I would sit with him and rub his back for a few minutes. when you leave the room if he crys wait a few minutes. Go back in and rub his back snuggle him a bit hugs and kisses then back out. Keep doing that until he falls asleep. each day make the time span of you coming in further and further apart and I think you will see results. This is how a lot of other mothers I know did this and it was successful and eased them a little bit to comfort their little ones every so often because it is hard to hear the one you love the most sad and crying. Good luckk! I know how you feel about restless nights my 3 yr old (who is the size of a 5 yr old) climbs into our bed everynight in the middle of the night and it is a very tight squeeze and very uncomfortable at times. Hope this helps!
C.

My son slept with me until he was 10 and half months old. To get him aquainted with his bed we gave him a special stuffed animal and at first we would put him in his crib asleep, but of course he would wake up and we would go to him and soothe him. I slept in the room for a few nights. Then we would put him to bed awake and of course he would cry and we would let him cry for a little while and then go in and sing him to sleep, rub his back, etc. Every night it got easier. He got the picture. It was night night time and then he started to want to go to bed on his own. He loved his bed. So it isn't too late. You'll hear some crying, but we would go in, put him back down, rub his back, etc. We let him cry himself to sleep a couple of time but it didn't take long for him to fall asleep. If he was screaming we would go in and sooth him. We tried different approaches but it got better and after about a week and half or so he was sleeping like a champ. He won't like it at first, but you have to stay committed and let him know that everything is okay.

what we did was yo let our two fall asleep with us tehn movethem into thier own beds... then e got into a bedtime routine.. which included putting them in thier owns beds. the key to getthem to go to bed is to keep puttingthem backin thier own bed and SAY NOTHING as you do it.. ignore the tears ... as best you can .. and stick to your desired behaviour...

Hello M.. I don't think it is bad habit at all. Every where around the world except for US, sleep with their children. So you did the right thing that worked for you all. I'm a co-sleeping mother and working on getting my now 18 month in his own bed. I read the book "No Cry Sleep Solutions" there was some great helpful hints in there. Like I moved his crib into our room and I put him to sleep and than would put him in his crib until he wakes up and than he gets into bed with me - for right now and hopefully eventually he will sleep longer in his crib. It's not a quick fix becuase it does take some time - but it is a gentle way to do things. If he has been sleeping with you for the entire 13 months I strongly suggest not just letting him cry it out. I feel like you created this situation and that is all they know. Right now they feel secure with being with you and if you have them cry it out -it suggest other wise. You can do what you want becuase it is your child and you know what is best. But I feel you should do the gentle way. Good luck and hope this helps and if you need any help futher just let me know. Thanks.

Hi M.. You do not need to let him cry it out. If you want your own space back that's fine. Don't feel guilty about it. It will just take some time.

Sleep with your LO in his room. Start sleeping together, then move him into his crib and stay with him til he falls asleep. You might have to go back into his room a few times during the night when he wakes, but he'll catch on over time. Just stick with it. You might lose out on some sleep for the next few weeks though, so just be prepared for that!

Good luck!