Deleted. - Orem,UT

I have 7 kiddos.

I LOVE love them all! I would lay my life down for ANY of them.

Period.

I do, however, 'like' them differently. And sometimes this has changed over time! lol

They are now 18 to 25. I LOVE the adults they have/are becoming. But the fact IS...as young adults, I 'click' more with some than others...and that has changed over the years as well...and the various 'phases' they have gone through.

I, personally think that any parent of more than one child is in denial if they have NOT found themselves in this position from time to time.

Just *MY* opinion!

Best!

Yes, I have a favorite. I love and appreciate different things in all of my 4 children, but there is one that is so similar to me in personality that I just get him - I understand him, we have the same sense of humor, etc.

I have three really close friends and they have all admitted to having a favorite also. (So you're not the only one ;-))

It really depends.....do you treat them this way? If so, son is probably independent because he feels like a third wheel. If not, then fine.
I have seen many relationships where it was OBVIOUS the mother had a favorite.
I have 4, and I tell them often they are different (different ages, stages, needs). So, I agree it's ok to treat them differently as long as no one is ostracized.

This question reminds me of something I read a long time ago. Details are fuzzy, but it went something like this....

A mom of multiple children would put each to bed. She would spend a few minutes alone with each child debriefing his/her day. At the end she would tell the child you are the smartest bc...., you are the kindest bc....., you are the most thoughtful..... Basically identifying that child's strengths. Then she would say " because of those things you are my favorite, but you can't tell the others bc it would hurt them and then we couldn't have these talks anymore".

Fast forward decades and all the children are planning her funeral. The first child stands up ready to take charge and tells the siblings, "mom never wanted you guys to know but she told me I was her favorite bc....."

And the next adult stands up and says, "no, she told me I was her favorite bc....." and the next and the next.....

The point is that all the children believed they were the mother's favorite growing up because she made the effort to value their strengths, and in that way helped them all to see their individuality as a strength, and taught them how to bring out the best in each other.

Please be very careful with this. Please never let them know this.

My husbands mother has always had a favorite. It is my husbands sister.
As an adult after years of him trying to ignore it,and his mother denying her preference, it came to a head.

Very long story.. And a final straw.. Anyway, my husband and his mom went to her therapist to talk about this.

The Therapist point blank asked her," do you really have a favorite?" She said "yes, all mothers favor their daughters over their sons."

The doctor told her "no, that is not necessarily true, but most of all , IF a parent has a favorite, they certainly should never let their children know.. "

For my husband it really did verify his suspensions, but most of all , it really, really hurt his feelings. He also has now begun to question a lot of what she says and what she has told him in the past.

He says he knows his ADHD had vexed her. She just wanted him "fixed" and to be "Normal".

It breaks my heart. He is the most amazing person. He is kind, he is a very hard worker, very honest. People adore him, he is successful. But to know his mother shows more interest and affection for his sister, is something that hurts all of us.

Our daughter is now an adult. She says she loves her grandmother, but she cannot understand how she could be so obvious in her affections and interest in my husbands sister. Our daughter says she had noticed this for a very long time.

You know, I usually read other people's responses before I post to make sure I understood the question, this time, I am not. What I am going to say may come across as mean and hurtful, but I feel it's the truth you need to hear.

From what I am reading, you want people to hug you and tell you it's all okay. I'm sorry, it's not. I have four boys. Each have unique personalities and traits that have me loving them in different ways.

The way read your post? You do not treat your son the way you treat your daughter. Your son KNOWS you love his sister more, of that I am sure, so why should he try and let you in and love you, when in reality, your love for him is not as good as it is for his sister. So he is independent and arms-length from you. Especially the sentence "I love my son to death, but he's such an independent kind of guy and my daughter is just my best buddy. I know this sounds deplorable...but while I can't imagine life without either of them...I feel like while it would crush me to the core if something ever happened to my son....I can't see myself even being able to go on living if I were to ever lose my daughter." Trust me. Your son KNOWS this. And the way that you treat him is reflective of that. It shows that you would be crushed if you lost him but would NOT want to go on living if you lost your daughter. I find that truly sad.

Where is your husband in all of this? Has HE bonded with his son?

you need to love your son unconditionally. When we moved to Georgia from California, our oldest son was hanging with the wrong crowd. Like your son, my oldest was fiercely independent from the get go. Tyler and I waited almost 10 years to have kids after we got married. Thank God we did.

My oldest felt that I loved him less, so it really didn't matter what he did. What a wake up call when Tyler and I were going to family counseling to figure out what went wrong. I didn't love him less, I felt that he didn't need me like his brothers. Boy was I wrong. Through counseling, I have gotten to know my son and he's not so independent. It was a brave face he was putting on to protect himself. Now? He KNOWS there is NOTHING I would not do for him, he wasn't sure before. But he KNOWS now. So when I tell you that your son KNOWS you don't love him like you do his sister...HE KNOWS and he is keeping you at arms length to spare him the hurt.

Get counseling. Get to know your son. Start doing things with your son. You are missing out on something special. Because I know if ANY of my boys died?? I would be flattened and probably die of a broken heart.

You answered your own question. You only want reassurance that it's okay to not love your son as much. It's not okay.

I was not my mom's favorite. Even though she never SAID those words I could tell by her actions that I was not.
Years later, when I was about 22, I found something she had written about how EASY it was for her to love my brother and how hard and difficult it was to love me.
It hurt me to the core.
Please, after you get the answers you are looking for, erase this question. You NEVER want you son to find this. It will just verify what he already knows.

It bothers me a lot, I have to admit, to see people here tell you that what you are feeling is okay. And your SWH even bothers me more. You didn't want your feelings to change when you came here. You just want people to tell you that it's okay.

I PROMISE YOU that your son knows how you feel. I've seen this first hand in family and it hurts not only the parent/child relationship, but also the sibling relationship. The mothers in both branches of the family would never admit that one child was the least favorite, but everyone knew. It was so obvious. One resented her husband and so the boy in the family who looked like and acted like Dad was the one who was her least favorite. This man (and yes, he's a man now) has known it ALL HIS LIFE. Everyone else knows it too.

You think you can just hide this? You're wrong. This little girl who you dote over and adore? She knows you like her more than her brother. She will either lord this over him as they get older, or she will resent you for making her feel guilty that you don't care as much for him. You can poo-poo what I say and think I'm just being bitchy, but I've seen this SO much and been the confidant for people on BOTH SIDES of growing up with this. It stinks. I'm telling you, it stinks for them. And the parents who do it? They believe that both kids should respect and love them no matter how they have felt all their lives about this. It's wrong, Mom. It's just wrong.

You can tell yourself til you're blue in the face that you love them the same, but you really don't, and you aren't trying as long as you tell yourself that this is okay. You need to read about boys - how they think, what they're made of. Try this one: Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood by William Pollack, Ph.D. Maybe it will help you see how much damage you can do by showing so much more love to your daughter. Spend one-on-one time with him. You need to learn to really communicate with him NOW while he will still talk to you. Try this book: How to Talk so Kids Will Listen...And Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber.

I hope you'll do the HARD thing here. Listen to the voice that tells you that what you're doing is NOT okay.

Thank God for the bravery and honesty of Laurie, Doris Day and Savannah's answers.

An acquaintance of mine lost her son last year in his sophomore year of college. Out of the blue he passed away. No drinking, no drugs - one of the best kids I have ever met. You NEVER know how you will feel about losing a child until it ACTUALLY happens to you (God forbid).

And you're deceiving yourself if you think your son doesn't feel the difference between him and his sister.

My mom has a favorite and it's always been very clear to me (though we are all the same gender). It hurts. When you feel that your mother finds something in you "lacking" - it's a real blow to your self-esteem. And of course my mom would proclaim that she treats all of us the same and loves us all equally.

If I were you I'd get some counseling on this issue.

I'm not trying to judge you - just saying that what you wrote here seems "off" to me and not healthy for your kids or you.

i don't think it's realistic to expect that we're going to feel about and react to our kids in EXACTLY the same way. they're different people- of course we have individual relationships with 'em.
the only worry i see is that you seem a bit overly dependent on your daughter. she's only 12- she should not be your 'best buddy.' you need an adult best buddy, and to let her find a 12 year old bestie so she can have an appropriate relationship with her mom. she's going to need to separate from you at some point. the independence that your son already demonstrates can be a great model for both of you. you don't want to cling to her until she drowns.
i don't think you're a bad mom at all, but i hope you can refocus yourself when you dive into the 'what would i do if i lost 'em' chasm. no good can come from swirling around there.
khairete
S.

You are analyzing this too much, honestly. It doesn't sound like you love one "more", it sounds like you love them "differently". And it sounds like you're basing your "favoritism" on the one most similar to you, which is a tad narcissistic.

You love them both. Your daughter is a girly girl like you. Your son is more different than you. He's a boy. I don't know why you are focusing so much on measuring "who you love more"? Sounds like you have been obsessed with this, and still are! Loving and treating children equally is a choice. Like anything else in life, you can focus your thoughts and words in any direction you choose.

I have a special momma's love for my son, no doubt. he "sparkles" in an otherworldly light to me as my only son. And my youngest daughter is super difficult, which I LOVE. Her intense and difficult nature smacks of "tortured future artist" and she's one of those kids people marvel at because she's strikingly gorgeous with crystal blue eyes, fair skin and dark hair, so she always gets comments on her looks followed up by, "Oh, and your other daughter is pretty too" so as not to seem rude. Of course I don't even like the comments on looks at all, because I don't like that to be a focus focus for kids. But people are always telling my third how gorgeous she is. And she and I naturally "click" with our weird personalities. So what about my poor oldest daughter? Who is the SWEETEST, kindest, most easy-natured child on the planet? Who tries so hard at everything she does? I LOVE HER BESTEST TOO! In a totally different way than the other two. I could never and would never try to ask myself who I love most. Because that's just wrong. I show no favoritism. And when I find myself naturally magnetizing myself to the ones who magically draw the most attention to themselves (which all three of them do at different times, including my oldest who gets the highest achievements in everything-and sometimes, they all act like stinkers and drive me nuts at different times), I consciously even the playing field in my MIND.

Just stop obsessing over this. Make a choice to tell yourself you love your son just as much as your daughter, then live it. Don't sit around waiting for lightning to strike your mind for you while repeating the mantra "I naturally click more with my girl, always have, always will, I don't know what to do, it's just how I feel, I'm waiting to change.."

Stop it.

Kristie,

Welcome to mamapedia!!

I have 3 kids. My daughter is grown and on her own...I have my favorite...they are each special...and each have different colored eyes...my daughter? Green. My oldest son? Blue...my youngest? Black...

Who is my favorite? I'm not gonna tell!! (Smiles)...I really do love them each differently as they each have different qualities that I love....

please don't feel like a horrible mom...unless you are withholding love from your son - which it does NOT sound like you are doing...are you more "angry" (for lack of better words?) that your son is so independent and that's why you feel the way you do? You were hoping he would "cling" to you like other boys? It's all good, mama!

I think it's so hard when a parent's personality is more like one child's than the other's. It's normal for children to bond more with the same sex parent, so it would make sense that your daughter would bond with you more and your son would bond with his father.

There are 2 things that concern me about your post. The first is that you've shared this with family members and I suspect it will get back to your son if it hasn't already. That's an incredibly tough thing for a kid to deal with especially as he comes into the stressful teen years, questioning himself and his place in the world. It's incredibly damaging to his psyche. My guess is that he's already picked up your feeling that he's somehow less in your eyes. You'd go to the mat for both kids, you'd be devastated if something happened to either one, but you could recover from his tragic death and not from hers?

The second red flag is that you say your daughter is your "best buddy." Kids whose parents try to be their friends always have significant issues because they stop seeing the parent as an authority figure. When your daughter rebels - and she will - you won't be able to be the authority figure she will need. She is not your buddy and she is not your friend. She is your child. She will never learn to be a full and responsible adult if her best friend in the world is her mother. You may be her closest confidante in many ways but she must have friends who are her peers. And it sounds like she will somehow know that she was your favorite, and that makes me wonder if she will be able to bond effectively with her own children. Will she favor one over the other(s)? Will she worry about being a good enough mother to the less-loved child? Will she be tormented by the guilt?

If you've been plagued by guilt for 12 years, and you think the feeling will just fade or that you can pray it away, I think it's time to face the fact that this bothers you and you could really benefit from some solid counseling to work through it. Don't say that your feelings won't change - you've never done anything to work on them, at least you don't say you've gotten professional help. If anything bothered me for 12 years, I'd do something about it.

Updated

I think it's so hard when a parent's personality is more like one child's than the other's. It's normal for children to bond more with the same sex parent, so it would make sense that your daughter would bond with you more and your son would bond with his father.

There are 2 things that concern me about your post. The first is that you've shared this with family members and I suspect it will get back to your son if it hasn't already. That's an incredibly tough thing for a kid to deal with especially as he comes into the stressful teen years, questioning himself and his place in the world. It's incredibly damaging to his psyche. My guess is that he's already picked up your feeling that he's somehow less in your eyes. You'd go to the mat for both kids, you'd be devastated if something happened to either one, but you could recover from his tragic death and not from hers?

The second red flag is that you say your daughter is your "best buddy." Kids whose parents try to be their friends always have significant issues because they stop seeing the parent as an authority figure. When your daughter rebels - and she will - you won't be able to be the authority figure she will need. She is not your buddy and she is not your friend. She is your child. She will never learn to be a full and responsible adult if her best friend in the world is her mother. You may be her closest confidante in many ways but she must have friends who are her peers. And it sounds like she will somehow know that she was your favorite, and that makes me wonder if she will be able to bond effectively with her own children. Will she favor one over the other(s)? Will she worry about being a good enough mother to the less-loved child? Will she be tormented by the guilt?

If you've been plagued by guilt for 12 years, and you think the feeling will just fade or that you can pray it away, I think it's time to face the fact that this bothers you and you could really benefit from some solid counseling to work through it. Don't say that your feelings won't change - you've never done anything to work on them, at least you don't say you've gotten professional help. If anything bothered me for 12 years, I'd do something about it.

The fact that you are asking the question here is telling. You know the situation better than anyone and you are probably treating the girl better.

Tread lightly, because as the old folk say, "You never know who will be the one wiping your behind when you get old."

I think you are overthinking this. Stop dwelling on it and work on getting to know your son better. And most importantly, stop confiding in your family your feelings about having a "favorite". If it somehow gets back to him, you will cause trauma that you will never be able to undo. I'd even figure out a way to ensure he NEVER sees this post.

You read Sophie's Choice and you picked, didn't you? Stop it!! You are not being graded on how well you love your children. Just focus on enjoying them both and stop over analyzing your relationships.

You have two different relationships going on here. I have four children and have four different relationships with them. You don't favor your daughter, you simply understand her better. You can feel more closely bonded with one child than another and, as you say, you love them equally. That is most important. You've got it right, you're just feeling guilty about something that is normal. It's ok. I give you permission to stop worrying about it.

If you think you need to talk about it more, find a nice understanding therapist for a while to talk to. It might help you feel better :)

I bond with all three of my kids differently, they all have different personalities and traits. I have different things in common with each of them. I cherish the time I get with any of them...I do not have a favorite. I can't imagine having a favorite child.

I did grow up with 4 siblings and one of them was obviously my mom's favorite- she does that with the grandkids too. It kills me. Kids aren't stupid - they know.

None of us truly knows how to love perfectly. We are all flawed. We can love each of our children equally and yet differently, each one of them are their own unique self and what means love or closeness for one may not to the other. Yet, of course certain things are obvious signs of love.

That said to love one child more than the other is simply not acceptable, human, yes, challenging situation, yes. You must know that you are talking about relationships here and how you're forming them and so it is for certain your son knows your feelings and it will forever shape him as a person. He knows you have more love to give to his sister and so he must feel not quite up to par, not deserving of the fuller love you could give him.

I'm going with Doris Day on this.

Well, there's still a chance your feelings will change. Long about the time your daughter hits 13 or 14, you may find your like your son better! LOL!

Acknowleding to yourself that you connect more with one child than another, or having a favorite I think is perfectly natural. Anyone who won't admit to that either has no children, only one child or is lying.

The problem is when you display that to your kids. If you son percieves that you treat his sister with greater favor than him it will impact him. On the other hand, if he's that independent he may not want the favor you may show to your daughter. My husband was the middle child of three. His father showed great favoritism to the oldest, his mom to the youngest. They even acknowledged, in my presence that the other children were their favorites and that my husband was the black sheep of the family!!!! Now decades later, my MIL is in a nursing home - her favorite child lives across the country and never comes to see her (I mean never - less than once a year) and the other favorite child has passed away - so the "black sheep" is the one who is there for her, taking care of her and visiting her twice a week!!!

Be cautious thought - you haven't hit the teen years yet! So strap yourself in - get ready for a bumpy ride. As your kids become teens don't be surprised if you begin to feel very differently about your kids. Your daughter, who is now adoringly close to you, may become a miserable, defiant teenage girl and your son, always independent, may become that steady force in your family that evens out the mood swings of a teenage girl.

My daughter, now a college freshman, is coming out of the miserable teen years. Let me tell you - 9th & 10th grade nearly put us, as a family, over the edge. There was frequent screaming bouts, rebellion and discipline. There was rarely a full week that went by without some outburst. Our teenage daughter was hanging out with a friend who was into all kinds of stuff you don't want your daughter involved in - so there was a fight every time we said no. Eventually things calmed down and she understood why we kept saying no. But during those years my son, three years younger, was this steady rock. When his sister would flip out and go into his room to complain to him, he actually calmed her down and defended our reasoning.

So for years, when my son was crazy and hyper, struggling with learning disabilities, and my daughter breezed through elementary and middle school and loved to go shopping and to cook with me, and hang out with me I had a tough time feeling the same depth of adoration for him as I did for her. But as we went through the teen years and I saw his emotional maturity I began to no longer hold my daughter as my favorite.

Now my son is still home and in HS, my daughter is in college in another state - and I get to really enjoy my son's personality without the overhshadow of his sister.

Bottom line - life is strange, as moms we have lots of conflicting emotions as we love and raise our kids. The important thing is to never let our kids seem favoritism. Don't compare them to eachother, highlight their skills and love them.

Geez! I have 4 grandchildren and I love them all differently. I also love each one differently now as they're older than when they were babies. I love them differently because they are different children. I love them all just differently based on their personalities and needs.

That leads back to the definition of love. Love is more than feelings. I was closest to my first grandchild, a girl during her baby and first few years. We had a lot in common. She lived with me for a few months. Then came my grandson. I wasn'T so involved with him as a baby. He didn'T need me as much as my grandaughter. So our relationship was different. Now my granddaughter is 14 and my grandson 12. My relationship with each is now different. I feel closer to my grandson than my granddaughter.

I suggest we show our love differently for each child based on their needs and ours. That doesn'T mean we love each any less than the apparent "favored" one. Love is wanting the best for each child and accepting them as they are. It means providing food and shelter as well as emotional closeness. I suggset that you are loving both of your children in different ways. I also suggest that when parents say they love them equally they either in reality love them differently or they aren'the aware of the nuances in relationships. I suggest it's impossible to treat 2 children the same and yet we can love each one.

Later: as to feeling closer to one child than the other. That's so normal and OK. How close we feel is based on many things; not just love. You and your daughter share different things than you and your son. For example, my granddaughter and I were quite close until she became a teen. Now not so much but I still love her as much as I did when she was younger.

I suggest you feel closer to your daughter but you still love them both.

A friend told me once every parent has a favorite and if they say they don't, they lying. But she meant a favorite that fluctuates. For a few weeks, one child is being a pain in the neck while the other is all hugs and kisses and yeah - the second is easier to like. But then something changes and the first one reminds you how awesome they are are they're you're favorite again. Just small subtle changes in how you feel. I remember when our youngest was going thru such an incredibly cute phase just when our oldest was being annoying. My husband and I would whisper after bed how cute the youngest was and we just wanted to smother her with hugs and kisses. But it passed quickly. Right now I honestly don't have a favorite. In a week or two, maybe I will again for a day or two and then it'll switch again. But your focus on your daughter seems pretty extreme. My parents didn't have a blatant favorite but I was still competitive with my sister wanting to be their favorite. So if you really do have a favorite and it never switches back and forth or isn't short lived, I feel bad for him. I bet too that he knows. I get she's a girl and likely he'll chalk it up to that but work on bonding with him more. I know plenty of moms who say their son is their best little buddy. The fact you are so settled that you love your daughter more and it's ok so long as you continue to hide it just doesn't seem right. Parents can have different bonds bc of shared interests etc but it should be obvious it's just a shared interest bc the parent has xyz with the other child. I think you should work on this. Your post doesn't seem ok.

ETA: I just remembered a good friend's situation. Her mother favored her brother over her so much. My poor friend. But I'm sure she "loved" them the same...

I don't think it's horrible, but I don't think all parents have favorites (like another mom suggested). I have 3 boys and they're all my favorite.

You love them differently. We all do.

By definition you can't have two favorites. So maybe switching between them is better than your son never being your favorite. I have a hard time understanding that. I think when people say their favorite changes, they mean very short term. And it doesn't always hold. I can't think of the last time one of my was more of a favorite. Just when they were very young and perhaps one was in a certain stage that was particularly easy or hard. Maybe with 12 year olds that's so long ago you can't remember. But one of my children is very like me. It means I can understand her better than my husband but I so admire the differences in my other child it makes me love her like crazy and be so proud. So a child being like you so they're a favorite doesn't seem right. I celebrate the differences in my other child vs me. I can't believe you're criticizing some answers now when you admit how you feel is wrong. It's like you wanted people to tell you it's ok and it's not so now you're trying to make other moms even worse. Anyway, no two favorites. Really it should be no favorite at all.

Well it hasn't bothered you for 12 years for no reason...

I was hesitant to answer this because I have no personal experience with this one. Not as a mom (to 3 kids, mixed gender) or as a child (of 6 children, same gender).

But then I read the responses and I think it is pretty clear that for the people who have experienced this from the child perspective (or are close to someone who has), this is not a good thing.

And then I wondered if the responses would be any different if you were talking about 2 children of the same gender, and I think they would. If you had two daughters or two sons, one of whom you clicked with, liked,loved,favored whatever, I think you would be getting a lot less support here.

I do think you maybe need to make more of an effort to spend time with your son so you can build that affinity that seems to be more effortless with your daughter. I agree with some of the posters who hinted that his "independence" may actually be a response to what he senses from you, that you just don't feel as naturally close to him and assume you probably never will. He may pull away because he doesn't want to risk rejection.

My sisters and I all agree about whether our parents had a favorite. We all agree that our dad does, but that we each secretly think it's ourself (kind of like Elayne's story). We agree that our mom has no favorite- although when pushed she will say it's her oldest. But none of us ever *feel* that so we don't really believe her when she says it. I think there is a point to this... that when it comes to parenting, actions go a long way, a really long way. Who knows what my parents truly feel in their hearts about each one of us? All we know is how they make US feel, and they each have their way of making us feel valued and loved, but not more or less so than any of our sisters.

Since you spend so much brain energy reflecting on your preference and wondering if it's "okay" that you feel this way, I think you might as well shift that mental energy into ensuring that you make each of them feel equally special and loved and "favored", despite what might be your undeniable secret feelings about who is more special to you. Put your worries into actions.

IMO, here's the difference between you liking and getting along better with one child and favoring that child over the other - if you liked a child but did not treat her like a princess and punish her brother when you overlooked the same behavior from her, then you're a fine mom. I know a few families where one child was treated vastly better than another and I think that is so wrong - not just for the ignored child, but for the spoiled one, too. One family the son knew his mom never wanted a son, and it made his sister feel badly when he was excluded. Not when they were smaller, but when she was older and aware that their mother treated her brother poorly. And another family had 2 sons...the one that was favored had a really hard time in life because everything was done for him. He never learned how to make his own way.

So do this - find something about each of your children that you love, praise them and support them and know that if something happened, and you had to go on, you would. Regardless of which child it was. Parent to who they are and who they become. Make sure tat Mr. Independent knows you are there for him and try to meet him where he is. And know it is OK to have different relationships with different people. There are things about each of the kids I love and things about each of them that drive me crazy. I'm sure you have things like that about your twins.

I also agree that you may find your feelings changing if your sweet girl turns into a door slamming banshee when she's 15 and your son stays evenly keeled. My stepson was infinitely better as a teenager. I was so grateful. We needed that balance. Everybody brings his or her own thing to the table.

So many better responses than mine, so I'm deleting it. Good point from NYMetromom that your daughter hasn't hit the teens yet...

I think you are already on the right track to process your feelings on here. Trying to bury these feelings and rationalize this will only do harm. I agree that you obviously love your kids, just differently. What's important to do is to find ways to show your son how much he is valued.

My daughter is on a softball team so we spend tons of time with all of the other families. We can identify the favorite child in every single family (even in the family that has twins), so I think every parent has a favorite, or maybe not even favorite, just a child they relate easily to.

I do worry that as other posters have said, most of us adults can say who they think was the favorite in their family growing up. That's good and bad- that means it's common and normal, but also something to watch for.

Find the unique qualities of your son and make sure to point them out to him. Also, I wanted to point out that as they get older, things may change. I have one daughter so don't worry too much about a favorite! But I used to be sad that she had more of her dad's personality than mine. But as she got older I realized that it was so fun to see and appreciate how she was different than me, and also it makes us butt heads a lot less! She has more conflict with her dad because they are so alike, where her and I get along great because of the differences. So allow room for that as they get older, you understand your daughter better, but have much more to learn from your son.

But mostly, take it easy on yourself. You're doing just fine, and as long as your kids know how much you love them, you succeeded!

K., feeling like you have a closer relationship with one child does not mean that you favor her. It is normal. I have a closer relationship with one of my kids. It doesn't mean that if the house was burning down, I'd rescue that child and leave the other to die. I don't think that you can work on your feelings, they are what they are, and you do not need to have the exact same relationship with each child. You may feel this more strongly because your children are twins, but they are still both individuals and have their own needs. Don't parent your son based on what your daughter needs from mom