Do You Have a Favorite in Your Children?

I dont think it's really favortism but usually when you have more than one child one of them is just "easier" to like and enjoy. With my two sons the older one was the one that seemed to have more in common with me and the younger one had more in common with Dad, so subsequently we spent more time with the ones that liked hanging out with us individually yet loving them both equally.

It's that question I sometimes ask myself and shudder: If you had only a split second to save one child...which would it be?

I cant' answer it. I literally love all three in all different ways, the easy one for being sweet, the hellion for being crazy, the medium one for being quirky and a million other differences. It all averages out to exactly equal. If I could only save one from falling off a cliff, I'd probably jump so we could all go together.

I know what you mean. I would give my life for either of my kids but they just mean differently to me. Does that make sense? My 15 yr old is my baby. I had him at 17 and we have grown up together. He is special because he came at a different part of my life. My 4 yr old is my baby too but I was 28 when I had her and married. I am a sahm to her so I think we are closer at this age then my son and I were but I find myself worrying about him more than her? Idk but I have the best kids on earth :) although they are very different!

My favourite is whoever is asleep at the time.

I have favorite aspects of each. There are things in all 3 that just take my breath away and bring me ridiculous joy. They each fit a differant piece of the puzzle in our family.

it's not about a "favorite" it's about a personality trait that just tickles me.

I love each of my boys the same as I do my daughter....

I'm my dad's "favorite dark haired daughter" my sister is his "favorite light haired daughter"...our brother? well...he's the only boy so he's his favorite son...

but as to who is my favorite??!?!?!? Elayne is my favorite daughter - Greg is my favorite blue eyed boy and Nicky is my favorite black eyed boy!!! I love something different in each of them...Elayne is fiesty (hhhhmmm wonder where she got THAT from?) and Greg and Nick - well, they are my boys!!!

I wouldnt say that I prefer one of my children over the other, but I have noticed that If both of my kiddos ( I have boy/girl twins) are upset at the same time I tend to go to my son first, and my husband tends to go to our daughter first. In our house my daughter is daddys little girl, & my son is a mama's boy.

My parents had 10 kids and definitely had their favorites. But more often than not their favorite depending on what they were doing. I'm my dad's favorite for doing household repairs together and watching sports together, but he loves going out to eat with my one sister, and when he is sick, he wants another sister around for her humor. And yes, there is one sister that both my parents can't stand to be around. They love her, but she drives them and everyone else around her crazy. I always say that as parents we love our kids equally, just differently. I don't believe you can love your kids the same, since they are not the same kid.

Wow, I can honestly say I dont have a favorite. They are all amazing in different ways.
My daughters creativity and passion for things makes my heart sing. My son is very adventurous and opens my eyes to tons of things. He loves living and I love watching him.
The baby, well, shes just amazing, shes a baby!!
Now, I do tell the one with the best behavior for the day that they were great that day. And I think to myself "You were my favorite for today."

Honestly, I think if you have a favorite, you need to spend more time with the other one, because they all have so much to offer. I thank God for everyone of them everyday.

My parents didn't show favoritism, but I ALWAYS knew who my mother preferred. And, it wasn't me. She didn't make it obvious, and she loved us all...but I felt it. Please be careful with this way of thinking. YOU may think it's harmless, but your children are more perceiving then adults. They feel things differently then adults. What's funny (not haha funny, ironic funny) is that I was the easiest, most laid back child. My mom's "preference" was the little hellion. It still is!!

Honestly, I found your whole question sad...and none of your further explanations makes it seem right to me. Sorry. You should not EVER "prefer" a child over the other. "Prefer" is a nice word for, I'd rather be with, this child would be more fun, I want this child's attention more, I go to this child first, I think of this child first, I'd rather _______ with this child. Doesn't sound so great put that way. There is a difference, but not a big enough one to make it OK. You can say you don't have a favorite, but when you'd rather be doing things, or like things more about a different child...that's having a favorite.

I am trying to not be judgmental. But to you and your husband. Your children who are not your favorite, Do Know It! And.. It Does Hurt!

Of course not. But, a friend of mine does. She has 4 kids and everyone knows who the favorite is, including the children. You may not think they pick up on it, but as they age, they will for sure. IF I had a favorite child, I would do my damnedest to make sure I get to know and appreciate the other child better and learn to love him/her equally. You said you spend more time with the least loved child to get to know them better, I wonder how that makes the favored child feel? I DO agree it is easier to build relationships with one child over the other simply because of personality differences and some children are infinitely more difficult than others, but to love them in varying point of degrees? H no.

I love all 3 of my daughters equally, but differently because they're different people. I equate it with having pebbles in a jar. Each jar has the same number of pebbles, but they're all different shapes and colours :)

As for a "favourite"? That changes. When my oldest offers to help me clean up after dinner, she's my fav. When my youngest smiles in her sleep while snuggled up with me, she's my fav. When my middle one wraps her whole body around me and says "I love you", she's my fav.....etc, etc.

I have one child, so this question is easy for me. However, I do know that my own mother told me that she would go through stages where she was closer to ( I won't say favored) me or my brother. I think it naturally happens. Their are so many stages , and sometimes we just click better with others.

I was always the favorite of my mom, though my mom worked hard not to show favoritism, and in fact may have spent less time with me when I was little, because she was busy putting out other fires with the other 4. But she told me, when I became an adult and it has always, always bothered me ever since. My sister had remarked (before my mom said anything to me) that I was the favorite, and it made me deeply uncomfortable and I know my sister didn't say it because she was happy about it or wanted to make me happy by telling me that....

While it is hard not to have a "favorite" please do your utmost to go above & beyond for the ones who are NOT your favorites... and never tell your children, now or as adults, that they are your favorite.

I only have one right now so she is obviously my favorite and can't imagine loving another as much as her but as my Mom always said "love multiplies - it never divides." With that being said, I'm one of 7 kids and my parents did a really good job of not picking favorites when we were younger. We make fun of the "favorite child" cliche because my Mom seems to have a favorite now. To be honest, I know that my Mom loves me and my sister is REALLY good at making whoever she's with feel awesome about themselves. She is very complimentary and fun. She and my Mom hate it when we all say she's Mom's favorite but I think they know it's true. I don't feel jealous at all. You have a best friend for a reason, you married your husband for a reason, it's only natural that one of your children will embody more qualities that you gravitate towards than the others. Just don't let the others know - for now. ;-)

Honestly, no.

Both my sons amaze me in different ways.

PS: Molly - that's funny that we said almost exactly the same thing . . . I did not see your post before I typed mine!

I think it really depends on what stage they are going through at a particular time. That being said, one of my sons has ALWAYS been a challenge. We love and appreciate his different personality. He's quite funny and smart even if he is loud and demonstrative. His nickname is Rooster after all! I feel that the first child that a mother has is so life changing, and you never get to experience that first, uninterrupted bonding with your other children. At least I didn't. With my first, we lay around for hours each day for his first 4 months nursing, playing, sleeping, loving. With my second, I had to put him in a contraption (sling, swing, floor, crib) so much more so that I could take care of my toddler.

I am a mother of 3. 2 boys (9 and 6) and a little girl (almost 8 months). I don't have a favorite. I love them for different reasons though, if that makes sense.
When I was growing up (I am one of 5 children) my parents always said there wasn't a favorite. They were lying. My brother was definetly their favorite. They showed that boy so much love and attention it was ridiculous. As an adult I can look back and see how much that hurt and make sure that I don't do the same thing to my kids.
I can understand there being certain characteristics about one child that you "click" with better. But I have found that I click with one boy about one thing and the other boy about another.
L.

My mom always did this "Okay everybody close your eyes really tight.(wait) Okay now if you know that you're my favorite, raise your hand (all six kids would raise their hands- I cheated and peaked) Okay if you raised your hand , put it down (wait) now open your eyes (we open our eyes) Now whoever raised their hand is right" <3

Its become a running joke in our family

I adore both of them very much. Equal amounts of love for both (ALL, 100%, of my heart, for each one of them), just DIFFERENT connections. I love this about one boy, that about the other boy. It didn't really make sense too much, but I think of it like blood cells. Parental love is not removing slices of, say, a pizza pie and trying to share love with people....and then what is left if another baby comes along? In my mind, it's more like how a whole blood cell can replicate or duplicate and make other WHOLE blood cells. Nothing is missing from the original as the next is made. Each child has my "whole" heart. That's how I see it, at least.
I think maybe "favorite" is the wrong term? I don't know about your situation, but in our family, I think there are different things I connect more with in each child. I have more in common with my eldest son, but he looks just like his father. We get each other since we are so much alike. However, this also means he knows how to push my buttons. We have a more antagonistic relationship that we should (at least, we did when he was 3. This past year has been great though). I don't have too much in common with my youngest son: he has a personality very similar to my husband, but looks just like me. But I adore my husband and get along with him well. Same for my son: we aren't the same, but the personalities fit well. The boys are polar opposites but it is beautiful to see how much they adore each other.
I have noticed (and my husband and I have talked/laughed about this): we are usually on board with EVERYTHING. And now that the boys are getting older, we see big differences. I can't remember the circumstance (it was dumb, some sibling argument that came up over dinner), and for the first time ever, my husband and I didn't agree on how it would be handled. He wanted to take the 1 year old's side (because hubby was the baby of the family) and I totally understood and was going to take the 4 year old's side (because I was the eldest of the family and my brother was 4 years younger than me, and a PAIN). It was kinda funny to see how personal experiences and birthing order started coming into play. On the other hand, my husband seems to play and do more with the 4 year old (I suppose because he's older and can "do" more) and then I get a little defensive of the 1 year old and try to make it up to him by dropping everything to play and "do" with him. This is not to say that my husband has a favorite or doesn't love one as much as the other. It's just "Hey let's go ride bikes!" and then the door closes and the 1 year old who can't ride just stands at the closed door. That's why we have a firm routine where we have a "date" with the youngest, just the 2 of us to bond with him, and then we have a "date" with the eldest, just the 2 of us, to bond with him also. (Husband will take 4 year old and I have 1 year old, and then we switch another day and he'll take the 1 year old and I have the 4 year old.) We do that on top of every Saturday being family day where all 4 of us play together and try to do something special.

Hmm that is tough I wouldn’t say I FAVOR one over the other.
I feel closer to my oldest because I did everything for her during her first 3-4 years of life. Took her to school everyday and picked her up, taking her on errands, B-day parties etc..when my 2nd came around my hubby sat with her while I took the oldest to events. He never wanted to go of course.

Now I enjoy taking both girls separately places and love seeing how each is completely different. My oldest is very artsy, creative, at this age easier. My 2nd is super funny and quirky trying to make me laugh, very expressive and just comical…when I have both girls together they fight and feed off each other and really drains me. I try to spend more alone time with my youngest but it is harder because she is scared of sooo many things…movies, people in costumes, overhead speakers, trains, roller coaster ride, water…you name it. On the flip side my younger one is easier because she doesn’t throw as fierce temper tantrums, doesn’t beg for everything at the store and when I explain something to her she seems to get it and move on, where my older one wont. So take it as it may, readers may feel I favor but I don’t think I do and try very hard not too.

Out of two kids(so far) i know who it is, i think she would be surprised too as i show more attention to the other because of her age and needs.

I get what you are saying to, you love them the same but are clearly more inclined to one. There's is a difference. I think everybody has one. I know i was my mom's and i know my middle brother was my dad's. Although my oldest brother got more attention from my mom, and my father attended to me more.

My daughter is my favorite daughter and my son is my favorite son. I don't prefer one over the other however, the boy sure was more difficult than the girl. There were days that I didn't think he was going to see night fall!

My children are amazing people and I have been thrilled to watch them grow and mature. As most know, our son is in boot camp in Oklahoma. He joined the Army National Guard here in Texas. I have been in aw of his personal development since he left in June. I should have sent him to the Army a long time ago!!! He sent a letter to his sister without my reminding him for her birthday. It was a sweet letter that I didn't know my son could write. Our daughter is a senior in university and she is a hoot! She says I'm her best friend (now)! Sometimes she tells me too much and I have to remind her that I'm still the mom!

I love my kids and each one is my favorite. I will admit that I have more in common with my daughter than my son. I'm not a big fan of camping in a tent or paintball and yes I have done both because it was important to him! I like shopping and girlie movies and my daughter is a girlie girl!

Well I only have two and one in the oven, but I definitely have one that is easier than the other simply bc one is really laid back and one is more of a live wire! They are both really spunky but the little one has mellow moments unlike his older brother. But I don't know that I prefer one over the other. Now my MIL has 5 and I think she prefers my hubby a bit, he is her only boy and also doesn't cause her any trouble and has been out of the house for many years! They used to be movie buddies etc before we got married, just always seemed they had a special relationship, not favoritism, just very complimentary personalities and I am a lot like my MIL, so there you go. I had some good friends and the grandma definitely preferred the oldest daughter. Everyone knew this and it seemed to cause no problems. They just had a special relationship but she doted on all her grand children, just something special with the first born. So I think it is normal, you can't help that some people's personality and yours just click better but it has nothing to do with the love you feel in your heart and how your care for and raise a child. Mine are still so little so I am just really enjoying discovering who they are and I still have one more to get to know from the very beginning. I have certainly had close friend groups where I prefer one person over another but loved them all, I just clicked with one more than the others. So it makes sense to me ;)

I think one of the many reasons why I'm afraid to have more than one is because I can't imagine loving another child as much I love my son. But I'm guessing that is a common thought among first time moms?

Having one child makes this easy.
But my husband says I like our boy more than him (my husband) sometimes.
Sometimes he's right (even though I always love them both), but our boy's not a teenager yet so I might have some challenging times ahead of me.

I'm the oldest and least liked by my parents. Leave it to me to be the "reason" why they got married. Honestly I can explain why they stayed together and had more of us.

My one set of grandparents favored me for two reasons.

1.) I look just like their beloved only son (my dad.)

2.) I spent more time with them than any other kid in the family.

I always let my son know he's my FAVORITE four year old (he's an only child-LOL)

I have an only so of course this question is easy for me...I actually tell him he is my favorite person. It is funny for me to read all of these responses....I think this is something that a lot of parents of multiple children feel but think it is something that they must never ever admit :-) My mother clearly favored my youngest brother (3 of us). It is obvious to everyone that has ever met all of us and multiple family members, friends etc have commented on how obvious it was. Most of the families I've encountered growing up had a similar situation. Some were more subtle about it than others. Funny story...I just moved here and I was at the playground with my son. He started playing with a brother/sister so I sat down on the bench and watched instead of playing with him as I normally do. I was talking to the grandparents of the children my son was playing with. The girl was 3 like my son and the boy was 6. The grandmother walked to the restroom and I commented to the grandfather that the 6 year old seemed like such a great kid and how normally a child that age would not play so nicely with a 3 year old. He went on about what a good kid he was and said that he is their favorite of their 5 grandchildren and the girl was their least favorite. He actually said they rank them and I was looking at #1 and #5. Right then, Grandma returns and hears his last comment, face turned bright red and she had this mortified look on her face. She hit him in the arm and said "You are never supposed to tell anyone this!" It was funny..because they were actually very nice people and they were loving and attentive to #5...just very honest.

I love this question. I grew up as the youngest until I was seven. Then one day in early 1990 my mom and dad informed us they were buying us a puppy......and that puppy would be my little sister....Needless to say.....I am still waiting on the dog they say we were getting.

Now fast forward to me having my own kids.....

I whisper the same thing in all of their ears when we are nuggling....I will say..''You know you are my favorite boy in the whole wide world''......I say it to all three...and I am hoping when they are older they dont compare notes and think I was lying...Because I am being honest when I tell them they are my favorite boys in the whole wide world.

Do I have a favorite....hecks no. But there are different things each of them bring to the table I find extremely endearing.

My oldest has the heart of Gold. He is so caring about everyone. No one is ever left behind with him.

My middle man.....Is all attitude. He wants what he gets. And is hilarious.

My youngest has a Sensory Disorder...Which makes him my toughest kiddo. I loose alot of sleep over this kiddo. Even though he works me to the bone keeping up with him...at the end of the day he just wants to be with me...he loves being brother to two awesome older brothers...but no one understands Zephyr quite like Mommy and he likes that.

My mom always had better connection with my older and younger sisters....I call them the 7-10 split.

My whole life I heard....It's not that I dont love...I just dont like you.....This stings still to this day...but I also deserved it when she would say it to me...I was a nasty preteen and teen.

All this being said I hope my kids know when they are older I literally put the same amount of blood sweat and tears into each of them.....And no matter what I love them regardless of what life brings for them and us.

Yeah I get it and I do have prefernces. I hate to admit it but my husband and I both prefer our youngest. He is helpful, funny, easy-going, and always happy. He is just well like by everyone really, I guess it is his nature. By contrast My oldest is short-tempered (always has been) and pretty uptight if things aren't just so (always has been) It's just his nature. Then there is my daughter, who is what I call my in-justice seeker (something is always NOT FAIR!) And getting her to help is about as easy as plucking out your eyelashes, sigh. With that being said however, I have good and bad days with all of them and if you were to ask me who was my "favorite" that day, it would likely be different everyday. I am sure that they will all give me a personal version of hell when they become teens :)

I do get your question.

And I prefer my son. (But then, he's my only at the moment - one on the way... lol)

But after reading Amy J.'s response, I immediately think of the scene in Schindler's List, where the concentration camp guard forces the mother to choose one of her children to keep with her, or he'll take both of them. THAT makes me want to die. I can't imagine that choice. I know that is taking your lighthearted question to a darker place, but really, that's what it boils down to. And in the end, I think I'm with Amy. Take us all. (Of course, in the movie, and I'm painfully sure that in the real holocaust where undoubtedly things like that happened, that wasn't an option. Impossible to even think about.)

I tend to find myself light up depending on the situation. For example: at bedtime, I adore snuggling with my older right before lights out but first thing in the morning, I am so excited to see my younger one's smile when she sees me.

I have a 19 yr old son and a 4 yr old daughter. I can honestly say they are both truly my favorite!

My son is my favorite in that he was young when I was younger and had more energy. He was smart, active, ALL boy and he was my "little rocker" and loved watching music shows with me. He was my only child for 15 years, he played alone very well but was also the first one to get other involved in a game.

My daughter is also my favorite in that I am older and can appreciate being a mom more, I am more experienced now, she is very bright, outgoing, high energy, and both girlie girl and wild child all in one and she is my "reader" so she loves to read and be read to (very unlike my son). She is a social butterfly.

It is amazing how different they are and yet alike in many ways as well. I am a different person today then I was when my son was that age.

With my children, whichever one I have alone at the time is my favorite. I really seem to get along with them better when no one else is there to interfere.

In my sibling group, my poor baby sister was the least favorite. She was such a demanding baby that she just naturally became the "problem" child. Sadly it has seriously affected her whole life to be viewed through that lense by her parents. Because of that I try very hard to appreciate each one for their own brand of sweetness. It's working out because I can't really call out a favorite. That being said, I definitely know where you are coming from. We can just click more with one over the others.

I'm not sure about Favorite all around. I have a 3 y/o and an almost 1y/o.
If you asked my husband, he would probably say our 3y/o is his favorite right now, and that is only because he can communicate better than the baby. *duh*
I'm #4 of five kids. when I was pregnant with my 2nd I had a lot of talks about multiple children with my mom. She always said she never had a favorite kid. Or one she liked more than the other. But she would tell us who was easier to deal with. Who was the sweetest, the most trouble etc. Never once said anything about her loving one more than the other.
I was worried that I wouldn't be able to love 2 kids. It didn't seem possible for me to love someone else as much as I loved my son. Now I totally understand how it works.
I love my son for his personality and brains. He is such a smart kid.
My lil girl, although still so little, is a spit fire. She is going to be trouble. So little but SO full of personality. If she doesn't like something her brother is doing, she will yell at him. Its hysterical.
the funny thing is how much they seem to take after me and their daddy.
My son is usually a very social kid, but he also likes to play alone a lot. That is exactly how me and my husband are/were. We could play for hours, alone in a room, and be totally content.

We have one and only, and he is our favorite. Before he was born, however, among the crop of my friend's children, we had a decided favorite. Hubs and I both favored a certain little boy, and even told his parents as much. Little B has been usurped by our DS.

Meanwhile, it tickles us to hear other childless/childfree friends tell us that our boy is their favorite baby.